KEKS
@Indra !! Finally up to a present-dated thread woohoo
What felt like years had passed since he was last at the coast. It was near the ocean that Kendra had perished, her body kept by the Drageda wolves rather than being released to him. A part of him wanted to know what they’d done with her, if she’d been buried where her plants could grow in her place, but a larger part of him didn’t want to know—or rather, couldn’t handle knowing. But it was hard not to think about her as he smelled the salt of the ocean carried in on the wind, and wonder what life could have been like for the both of them, had things been different. Would they still be friends? He liked to think that they would be, no matter what would have happened.
Too bad he was never given the chance to test that theory.
Shaking his head, Alexander pushed onward, stopping only after he felt the grass fade away. In its place came sand, which reformed itself to match the curvature of his paws with each step that he took, and then climbed over some of his toes after he came to a stop. He’d reached the end of the land, having gone as far west as what was possible for him, but there was nothing to show for it. There were no scents to be found and tracked, no faces to see—just the ocean before him and the sand beneath him.
indra too cursed the monotony of the ocean -- there was nothing here for her besides sand and salt and wind. she missed the firmness of the grass; sand had a way of weaseling out from under you and encumbering your stride. she missed the fresh waters, how clean and crisp they felt on the tongue -- while the ocean was laced bitterly with salt.
and mostly she missed cover: she felt so vulnerable here on the beach, where one could see wolves from miles away -- as long as the earth did not curve from your vision. one such wolf was walking down the beach like her, and indra fixed him with a scowling gaze as he moved.
for a while it seemed he was not getting much closer. maybe it was a trick of the sand, the curve of the beach, or the wind -- but then, as he gradually appeared more and more distinct, indra realized he knew that shade.
her first instinct was her mind was playing tricks -- what was that asshole doing out here? her lips firmed and she felt her tail (a nubbin, really) flag -- if he was here to demand laurel back, they would have harsh words. he had never been interested in laurel, but now that laurel was gone, he was going to come marching right back into their life? hell no.
they had walked through hellfire and worse to get out of bearclaw, to leave the hollow -- indra was not going to see their incomplete life shoveled back to where it was like they were two miserable pegs in an equally miserable square hole. bracing herself against the wind, indra cut towards xan -- her expression grim as she assumed the worse in him.
The ocean winds were harsh against his face, wholly unaccustomed to the salt that travelled with them. He closed his eyes aginst an incoming breeze, relieving himself of some irritation, but something was different when he opened them again: a form. There was another on the shore with him, and they seemed to he coming straight for him. Alexander did not cease his own movements but steeled his expression instead, ears alert and head held high; if some asshole intended to bother him, he would ensure that it’d be the last time they ever did so. He approached ready for a fight but, as they grew closer to one another, features of the other wolf become more visible—and he realised that he knew her.
Alexander’s legs froze for a brief moment, stiffening as if death had claimed him. If Indra was there, did that mean...? Shaking his head, he continued towards her, jogging this time to reach her sooner. And as she reached speaking distance, he asked, “Indra? Are you okay?” because the social cues of others that weren’t of vicious origins still tended to fly right over his head the first time. He suspected she was angry—and why wouldn’t she be?—but refused to acknowledged it, believing that his good intentions were reason enough to forget his past crimes.
indra's stalk turned into a menacing prowl as xan too turned, his posture mirroring her own. how could he? she wanted to snarl, to rip into him -- but then she caught the flicker of surprise in his gaze, and the way in which he halted.
he hadn't recognized her.
they had lived together for how long, and he hadn't recognized her. the redleaf felt a cold rage gurgle in her gut; how many times had she wanted to tell him he had ruined her life, corrupted laurel's -- that he hadn't cared for their offspring, or even cared at all how hard they had struggled just to stay alive?
her throat constricted. while she had willingly left xan behind two months before, she had trusted to never see his face again.
and here it was, haunting -- the ghost that would not quit. her fur bristled, and the harsh bite of her amber gaze was without warmth as it coolly settled on her old alpha.
she was so tired, so exhausted from running. from searching. from trying to piece together the ever unraveling, ever-fraying thread of their patchwork lives. "what do you want, xan?" her tone was despondent, tired even -- and no ounce of joy remained.
Whilst she was on the prowl, Alexander held his ground with his usual, self-righteous stance composed of a head held high and a tail fanning his backside—only there was something missing this time, minute enough to remain unnamed but still so great as to cause a noticeable difference.
Perhaps this Xan was not quite the same Xan.
When she spoke, his ears twitched before gradually folding back against his crown. She did not sound the same as before, her tone almost hopeless, it seemed. What had happened to her? Had she unleashed her rage on him, he would have understood—expected it, even—and yet she hadn’t. Rather, she came across as exhausted and lacked acid in her words. In a different life, he might have acted on his observations but, in this one, he forced himself to focus on his reasoning for being there; Indra was important to him in some ways, as she was once a friend, but her role in his life just wasn’t the same as the one he was after.
“I want Laurel,” he eventually answered her with. “I believe her now.” Which didn’t make the situation even the slightest bit better but he hoped it meant something.
her composure was cold at best as she awaited xan's explanation. no sooner had it left his lips did she flare outward in indignation, every tuft of fur on end. he wanted laurel now? now?
what about when laurel had stayed by him, devout when she should have left a long time ago and never looked back? she hadn't been good enough for him then, when she was trying to hold together pieces of a frayed pack for the sake of her children, and now that she had finally renounced xan and moved on, he wanted her back?
indra's mahogany eyes flashed with derision. she wanted to spit into his face, shriek, tell him he had hurt her sister immeasurably and how dare he come crawling back just as she finally found her stride? this man, indifferent to the plight he had caused not just with laurel but all of them - reigi, the apaata babies, indra - he wanted laurel back?
"your timing is off." her words were scathing, but held back - for she lacked the energy to speak the accosting words her mind had summoned moments before. she earnestly doubted xan was a changed man, and if indra had her way, she would never tell laurel she had seen him today.
To expect to be greeted by joyous words was a fool’s dream, he knew, but knowing that made her response sting not a hair less. A part of him wanted to strike out at her, demand to know of Laurel’s whereabouts and that she eats her own words, but he knew he lacked any right to do so. Indra, as much as he was loath to admit it, had a point: his time was off by a long shot. Months should not have been allowed to go by with him stewing over the misfortunes of his life, not when he was far from the only one to feel so. “I know,” was all he could manage to say, tongue-tied and grasping for some footing. How would he achieve that which he travelled there to do when even he was no longer sure of himself. Should he have come, or would life had been better for all of them if he’d just stayed away? Ah, but for him, life would have begun to fade, he was certain.
“I know I waited too long,” he started again. “I know I should have believed her the first time she said anything. I shouldn’t have tried to convince myself that she was confused or lying—I know that now.” Had he changed? Perhaps not—Alexander was still just as foolish as he’d always been, confused and lacking any true self-confidence, despite the guise he wore. Only now he was ready to change, to grow, but not alone. “Can you just take me to her?” he asked, wholly undemanding; he was not able to demand anything of her, after all. He could only ask and hope.
at first indra's face turned away -- and then, after some time with her gaze fixed on a nebulous thing in the distance, she pulled the full bite of her mahogany eyes on the apaata. there was nothing but hurt simmering in her dark gaze; how could he be cruel?
she looked from her left eye and then turned her slim muzzle, as if turning her cheek to regard him anew. he wanted laurel, but did he ever think of what laurel wanted?
of what laurel needed to be happy?
and how did xan fit into that picture, if he even did at all?
at last she crumbled. "laurel is with me. we are traveling, looking for lucas. we found wyatt and piper. they are safe." not that you care, she bit back, her gaze temporarily flaring with fire. "i cannot stop you from seeking her out yourself. i however, make no promises to you."
What hurt filled her gaze was unrecognised; he’d worn the same stare for so long before yet he failed to develop the ability to view it on the face of another. Something wasn’t quite right, though, he could tell that much—but he assumed it to be anger and only that, any deeper emotions unseen by the daft boy’s eyes.
Alexander waited, his muzzle closed and expression pleading—pleading or sulking, it was a terrible mix of the two, much like a child whose parent was taking far too long to hand over a new toy. But, eventually, he got what he wanted, to an extent, and then some. News of his children was shared, too, which brought forward a feeling of relief; knowing at least some of them were safe was something that he hadn’t even realised he’d wanted to know until it was told to him, which made matters all the more confusing within his skull. “I’m happy they’re safe,” he admitted, the words fuzzy and foreign on his tongue. Alexander caring for someone other than himself? Unheard of—that he cared was a shocking revelation, even for him. Perhaps, eventually, he would find the nerve to seek them out.
“Where is she right now?” he asked next. If he could seek her out on his own, he would—although, he wondered if that would be a good idea, if Indra would really point him in the right direction? Either way, answer or not, he found that he very well may have to just follow after the fiery woman until, eventually, she led him back to her sister.
xan was unreadable as always. indra's gaze searched him, as if in disbelief -- she even managed to edge in a quiet scoff, but no cutting words imparted from her curled lips.
truth be told, indra did not want xan back into their life -- back into laurel's. they had finally left him behind and moved on, after they had given him everything -- her stomach clenched to think of the two reunited, and laurel undergoing the same slow heartbreak as before.
she may have been her sister's keeper, but she could not control laurel -- and it seemed wrong of her to turn away xan or keep his attempts from laurel's knowledge. "she is by the cape." indra conceded, looking away with a dark scowl. "looking for lucas."
i type this for u as a cat uses my legs as sCRATCHIN' POST OW
She sought their son, whose missing form had, perhaps, triggered the wave of fleeing children. It was to be expected, a mother seeking her son; he assumed as much, anyways, though his own experience contradicted the belief. Either way, he nodded, accepting the information—but then soon realised that he had no idea where the cape was, or even, really, where he currently was.
“Where’s that at? Can you take me there?” he asked after a brief pause, eyes trained on the back of her head. As oblivious as he was, Alexander could not tell that the information was given unwillingly, or even that he was unwanted there. Naively, he believed that she was truly there to assist, despite his past acts.
u have reached the pinnacle of ur station, and served ur purpose that god put u on this earth for
indra chuffed inwardly, feeling far more uncharitable than her demeanor might have indicated. even then, she hardly looked forthcoming as she measured xan a moment, as if to say
do you really need me to hold your hand for this?
for a long while it might have seemed she was considering saying no, but at length she shrugged her bony shoulders and sighed.
"fine." it was not something she conceded easily, and she hadn't wanted to be the one to bring xan to laurel -- especially since she knew it would awaken emotions in her sister that she had fought quite hard to bury.
on a dime, indra turned and strolled away towards the cape -- assuming xan would be quite quick to follow.
The fine that followed his request wasn’t expected, in all honesty, but appreciated nevertheless. He struggled for a moment as he tried to figure out if he’d heard correctly, his brain working frantically to process just the single word. But once it connected within his head his legs began to move, following closely after her, nagged by the worry of losing her.
<3
they made a quiet pair, indra leading with a scowl. eventually they came near the band’s encampment, wherein indra turned upon xan and announced she was leaving to hunt. she wanted to give laurel her privacy with xan, and frankly, was too wrapped up in her own thoughts to be charitable towards any attempt of redemption on xan’s behalf.