At six weeks she was quickly becoming a massive being the behold. She felt as though she could simply roll away if she lied down in just the right way. Although she was quickly becoming more and more excited by the prospect of having even more children, Lie was also extremely worried. She counted the number of pups residing in the territory everyday. So far there were six, and yet there were still two litter waiting to be born. She was starting to convince herself that they wouldn’t be able to feed them all, even with summer just starting.
The anxiety of such a thought drove her to pacing, which is where she could be found now. A worn path being made outside of @Kavik ’s den. She wasn’t sure where her family was, but she knew one of them could happen upon her at any moment. Lie knew she needed to stop, lest she worried her eldest children or her mate(s?). But she couldn’t help it. An anxious yawn pulled her jaws apart as she continued to walk back and forth, back and forth….
He had actually been looking for Rosalie, a hare held between his jaws that he had caught for her while out on his patrol. He picked up her scent and followed it back to the den where he found her worriedly pacing outside the entrance. He moved over to her at once, concern on his face as he placed the rabbit on the ground at his feet. Rosalie?
he said gently. What's wrong?
He moved to stand in front of her, forcing her to stop walking if she hadn't already. Surely all this worrying wasn't good for the pups growing inside her.
On and average day one could say that his scent eased the craziest storms and tamed the adventuring dragon. But on this day, the stray outlier, she dreaded his very presence. She had just returned from speaking with Dawn. Two more litters, TWO. That could be anywhere from 3-6 pups…oh gosh they couldn’t survive. There was no way. Suddenly she felt faint. The nearing noon temperatures rushing to her head.
Suddenly he was in her space. And she physically bumped against him, violently forcing her steps. Baffled she fell slightly, landing rather rough on her haunches. Shaking her head Lie questioned, “Kavik?” As if this wasn’t his den, and really none of them had to be here except him.
He rushed forward when she fell. I'm sorry, Rosalie,
he said as he came to her side. Are you okay?
He searched her face, confused more than ever about what was going on inside her head. He touched his nose to her cheek. What's going on?
he asked. Why are you out here pacing when you should be resting?
Worrying was his job right now, not hers, and he wanted to usher her back into the den and settle her back down.
Still somewhat fuzzy, Lie blinked a few times. “I’m fine.” She mumbled, allowing him to guide her inside. Perhaps she was out their to long.
“I…” Her chest filled with righteous anger and the fire that only he and Alessia had ever learned to temper unleashed against the man. The small woman forcing her heals into the ground, stopping suddenly. “I am NOT fine.” She realized that she had been trying to appease him. Since when was she ever an appeaser. Never! SHE WAS PREGNANT, and she deserved to have a temper tantrum. “I AM PREGNANT. WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE!?” For reasons unknown a tear came to her eye and a sob shock her frame.
He was relieved when she let him bring her back into the den, but then she was suddenly yelling at him. He blinked a few times, unsure at first what had even happened. Already having dealt with one pregnant woman this season, he knew better than to interrupt her tantrum. But then she was sobbing, and he couldn't handle seeing her like that. Hey,
he murmured as he touched her cheek again. Don't cry, Rosalie,
he said softly. It will all be okay; I'll make sure of it.
He didn't actually know that things would be okay. In fact, he was terrified that they wouldn't be okay at all, but he wouldn't tell her that. He didn't want her to worry about that shit right now, although he wasn't sure he could stop her.
He came closer and that was NOT what she wanted. Nudging him roughly, but gently considering she could only wobble around. “You don’t know that! Especially after accepting yet another!” Her fury was strong.
“How could you?” Once again the anger dissipated, and she heaved her chest between sobs. Obviously tiring herself out. The woman hadn’t been sleeping well, and her energy was quick to leave her. She felt something wrong, knew it in her heart. “Oh Kavik I’m so worried.” She deflated so stiffly, tears freely flowing.
She pushed him away, and her anger was like flames against his skin; it flowed through him and mixed with his own fears and guilt. He knew accepting the mother to be into the pack put more strain on them, but what should he have done? It didn't help matters that he was forced to turn away another pregnant wolf in need shortly after accepting Dawn and Aditya into the pack. He knew both decisions could make him unpopular, but he had done his best when faced with a hard choice. He wished none of it touched her, but it seemed he didn't have choice there either.
Her tearful admission killed him, and even though she had rejected his affection just a moment ago, he moved forward to embrace her if she would allow. I know you are; I am too, but I promise you that I'm doing everything in my power to ready us for this,
he said quietly as he tried to soothe her.
She wanted nothing more in that instance than to be curled amongst her most favorite of beings, Alessia and Kavik. With their children snuggled nearby. Oh how she wished to feel safe and loved. But the security escaped her, and she cried harder. The dread filling the pit of her stomach rocked violently, standing on wobbly legs, she hurried outside the den.
Losing her lunch in a bush near the entrance, Lie was toughly exhausted. “I have a very bad feeling Kavik. I lie awake at night fretting, my stomach quakes at the thought of food.” She was deathly, and felt so alone. Alessia was focused on the youngsters, as they were becoming a bit much for her to handle on her own. And Kavik was always patrolling. Her meeting with Dawn today had been so eye opening to the loneliness she felt sleeping alone within their whelping den.
He followed her outside, solemnly watching as she deposited the contents of her stomach near the den entrance. When she spoke again, his chest tightened painfully; how could he have missed that she was so miserable? He had been such a workaholic lately, that he hadn't been tending to the mother of his second litter appropriately. He had made sure she was properly fed, but he hadn't been there for her enough, that much was obvious. I'm sorry, Rosalie,
he offered first. I've been gone too much, and that changes now. Tell me what you need from me.
Gently nudging her shoulder, he then added: Come on, let's go back inside so you can lie down.
Once again she lead back inside. No longer having the energy to draw on her anger. “I don’t know if I can go this Kavik.” The insecurities she had revealed to Dawn now stuck close at hand and preyed on her. “I was never meant for this.” She wasn’t as strong as Alessia, should couldn’t bring children into the world.
“What are we going to do Kavik?” She needed a cleaver plan from her friend, one of the only people she felt she could solely rely on. The once again found shade within the mud walls of the den. She settled near the back hollow, a shiver running her spin despite the sweltering temperatures.
She voiced her fears as they moved back inside the den. He followed her to where she settled and seeing that she was shivering, he settled against her, making sure to face her so they could keep talking. We'll do whatever we have to do,
he answered. And, you can do this,
he added, touching his nose to her cheek gently. You're strong, and I've already seen firsthand that you're a great mother.
He ran his nose soothingly through her fur as he spoke, hoping to calm her enough that she might eventually get some sleep. This was too much for her to worry about on her own, and he wanted to make sure she knew she could lean on him as much as she needed to.
Lie couldn’t help but lean back against the man. “I already feel so attached, what if something happens. I don’t know if I could survive it.” Images of the babes she had buried when Alessia gave birth, flashed against the lids of her eyes. oh god. Alessia had kept fighting after her children had died, Rosalie honestly wasn’t sure she could do it.
“I don’t need anymore children” She spoke softly, and new the absurdity of her comment, seeing as there was nothing she could do about the coming storm. “I like the ones I have. I don’t need anymore.” A sigh released, heavy and warm.
We'll survive whatever happens,
he said first. You'll have me and Alessia to help you through it,
he soothed, continuing his gentle movements through her fur. He was, honestly, terrified himself, and he would be just as devastated if anything happened to any of his youngest children, but she needed him to be strong right now, so he pushed his own fears away for now.
He gave her a sad smile in response to her next words. I don't think we really have a choice at this point,
he answered, returning his nose to her fur to nuzzle her neck. Things were already set in motion, and there was nothing they could do to change it. Even if there was, he wouldn't allow it. It wasn't the children's fault things were so uncertain right now. He would figure it out, though; he had to.
wrap up?
She had no words for him. Although he tried to reassure her, there was still doubt in her mind that a single conversation could do nothing about. The nerves of a mother were hard to dissuade and unfortunately for Rosalie, there were so many things to worry about.
They DIDN’T have a choice anymore, and that was what scared her most. She was a wild spirit at heart, and now, now she was gonna be responsible for keeping MORE children alive. The fact that she was carrying them herself made it scarier. She was more on edge than when Alessia had been pregnant, and she wondered how her lover had done it. How she had moved past her fears.
“No. No we don’t.” Although she tried to add a smile to her tone, it fell flat. Dropping her head to the ground, overlapping one of Kavik’s large paws, she silent asked for him to stay with her. If only for a few minutes.
Her silent request was easily fulfilled, and he rested his head across her shoulders, a heavy sigh moving from his chest as he settled. He would stay as long as she needed him to. Truthfully, being able to do something to help, even it was just being here, made him feel more in control of things. Plus, he wanted her to rest, and she seemed to be calming down now even if she did still seem scared and sad. Soon, the pups would be here, and things would be fine. He would make sure of it.