he followed @Ibis to her forest, which ended up not being so far away after all. whether it was closer or not to elysium, he didn't know. he had no sense for where he was or where he could be. he wondered whether they even missed him, so far away in the willows. had they noticed he was gone?
cam pushed thoughts of elysium aside, focusing on the sights around him in the moment. these woods looked much different from his home, made up of dark green, spiny-looking trees. there were green needle-things underpaw, too; he lowered his muzzle to sniff at them, ears cupping curiously at the aromatic scent. definitely different from the droopy willows.
the smells overall were different, too; the edge of the forest had an odor stronger in many different ways than elysium, and surely less warm. it made him a little nervous, and he shifted his paws, looking up at ibis with wary green eyes. who lives here with you?
he asked, voice soft and vacillating between curiosity and trepidation.
They didn't go too fast. There were hours of daylight left as it was summer, and before midday had a chance to bake them to a crisp, they arrived to the cool shadows of the forest. Ibis didn't know where to start when it came to Cam; she wanted to make sure he was warm and fed, and she also wanted to find
@Okeanos or
@Mal because they'd know more about the packs in the area - or so she hoped. Mal would, at any rate, have some idea of the dangers they could avoid while hunting down Cam's home.
Who lives here with you?
asked the petite shadow at her side.
My brother Okeanos, he looks like a bear but he's very sweet. And the forest belongs to our friend Mal, he's.. Sort of silver,
Ibis didn't know how to describe what the boy looked like without sounding like an idiot, kind of like how she'd initially described him as
covered in clouds to Tristan.
Bigger than me - but everyone is bigger than me,
the girl glanced around, then down at Cam,
you'll probably grow up to be bigger than me too!
said brother bear is nearby already, having slowly come to the realization that, for the time being, mal isn't going to chase him off. he can actually stay and help with mal's pack plans. the idea makes him feel nervous and a little guilty, but warm, too, a warmth that starts in his toes and goes up through his whole body. there's even a chance that maybe one day they can be friends.
he hears ibis nearby and starts towards her -- he'd meant to check in with her about their situation sooner, to see how she felt about staying. he plans to, but it's unfair to assume she'll just be okay with that, right? but the notion is knocked from his head when he finds her in conversation with a small child, curiousity getting the better of him. "hey," okeanos calls softly as he comes into view, looking over the boy. he'd known about lily's children, but had never met them, and doesn't make the connection; instead he looks from him to his sister, head tilting. "where'd you come from?"
oh-kee-ah-nos, cam mouthed, eyes widening. that was an even more spectacular name than he'd ever heard. man, had his parents hated him or what? but then she spoke of mal and his lips twisted into a smile. mal. nice and short and bland. he already felt a kinship with this mal and they hadn't even met, yet.
before he could open his mouth to ask another question (he had about a million rattling around in his head) a wolf appeared, looking like a bear—so this must be oh-kee-ah-nos. he gazed up at the bigger wolf, the words not sinking in for a moment while he took in this new arrival. oh-kee-ah-nos looked awfully familiar, too. . .though not so much as ibis, who he swore he'd seen before. . .
eh. . .'leesum,
he tried, attempting the name he'd heard mummy and others say before. lotsa big trees, but not like these,
he added, lifting his nose to stare at the boughs above their heads. dunno where it is. . .i got lost.
hopefully they could help him out, but even if not, he was too fascinated by all this novelty to care much.
Before much could be said, Okeanos arrived and Ibis felt a weight lift from her shoulders. It hadn't occurred to her until she had been escorting the boy back to the forest, but, she really had no idea what she was doing. Having her brother there helped immediately, and she sighed, smiling to him as he approached. Ibis also wondered where the boy had come from but had been too fixated on getting him somewhere safe, so she hadn't asked; when Okeanos did, she looked to Cam expectantly.
His answer was like a gut-punch; even the childish drawl could not hide the familiar name of Elysium from her ears. Big trees, he'd said? There was no other place like the willows — did that mean Cam was one of their siblings? Why was he out here instead of safe within the confines of the willow forest? It was Ibis' turn to go quiet as thoughts ricocheted in her head; but she looked to Okeanos with her eyes wide, expressive, nostalgic - then concerned.
Elysium,
she said as calmly as she could, and her gaze trailed across the petite boy. And your mother - what is her name?
Was it Seabreeze? Olive? Or perhaps -- Lily, right?
The thought struck her just as suddenly as the previous realization but this time Ibis felt certain she knew. He looked so much like Lily - why did it take this long to connect those dots? If she was right, Lily would be worried sick for her little one!
returning ibis' smile with a friendly bump of his nose against his cheek, okeanos watches the boy, waiting for his answer. and then it comes -- elysium, however babyishly mangled -- and his eyes widen in alarm. he'd met his younger siblings, and none of them had been pitch like this little one, which left sunny's litter and lily's litter, neither of which he was too familiar with.
ibis has cottoned on too, bless her. she guesses lily -- and looking at the boy, it's likely a fair guess, for he could be a small lily, sans the color of his eyes. not that it's impossible sunny has a black furred child, but... glancing at ibis, he gently adds, "i'm from elyisum, too -- and so is ibis, here. we're olive and seabreeze's children." hopefully the boy will feel more at ease this way -- and it'll be easy enough to take him home, of course, though he doesn't feel ready to go back yet...
and your mother?
cam swallowed, the little spark of joy he felt upon hearing the pack name pronounced correctly gone.
what is her name?
don't say it don't say it don't say it don't say it don't—
lily, right?
his face tightened like a fist, eyes losing their verdant glow. he swiped a tongue across his jowls, feeling tears well up. he could say yes, but that would make it real, wouldn't it? talking about it would make it real, and he wanted to pretend like none of it was real. like this was all a strange, overlong dream.
but he couldn't just stand here, either.
yes.
his voice was flat, the emotion crushed under affected apathy. but she's sleeping. daddy told me she's never gonna wake up—
sob— and i don't know why—
cam crumpled, lowering himself to the ground, nose buried in the dirt and rocks and strange-smelling needles. it was better down here, he thought. it was okay to cry down here, where no one would see him. he let the little saltine drops fall from his face, darkening the earth where they landed.
She had been hopeful for a moment, but that all broke apart so fast — splintering and dissolving, swept away by a gust of inconsolable emotion as Cam tried to explain; his sobs grew to be a gale and all of a sudden Ibis was sweeping close to him, down in the dirt, holding him close before -- before it could -- process --- asleep?
—never going to wake up—
Lily?
And I don't know why —
No, no, not Lily.
Ibis had never lost anyone; she'd never fathomed the permanence of it. It struck her through the heart, but there wasn't an ache - there was a numbing, a frigidity, an absence. Shock, sickening, appalling, empty shock. All that Ibis could do was hold Cam close, let him cry
-- and in the back of her mind wonder,
why her?
ibis' hollowed expression matches the drop in his stomach. lily -- no, not lily, who was always so kind. when? how? okeanos hasn't been gone that long -- oh, he shouldn't have left at all, should he have? "oh," he says softly, pressing himself against ibis, an extra support should she need it, "oh, dear." anxiety gnaws at him -- if something happened to lily, are his moms safe, too? are things okay? he can't -- he can't demand the boy tell him, but he does lean down, blanketing the boy with his large body against ibis, to murmur "she might not wake up again, but she's still with you, it's okay." rather helplessly he looks up to ibis, wondering if she's thinking the same things as him, or too raw in her own grief to worry about elysium.
for some reason, being cuddled and pitied like this was even worse than the grief; he grew heated with embarrassment, curling further and further into himself, wishing he could simply vanish. he had no way of intuiting that ibis and okeanos were grieving, themselves—all he could sense was the pity, and he despised it. he just wanted to be alone.
no she's not,
cam said in response to okeanos, voice muffled against the dirt but with a tone that was clearly frosted over. she's in 'leesum. she's under the ground. i'm never gonna see her again.
unless you went and dug her up, said a small voice in his head, but daddy had told him not to. he'd started to paw at the earth, and daddy had told him not to.
sentiment, shmentiment. cam didn't care about any of it. pretty words and sad faces didn't bring his mummy back; it seemed like nothing ever would. he just wanted to put it behind him, or better yet, turn back time, to a moment where she hadn't decided to just go to sleep forever and leave. now, that. . .that was an idea he could get behind.
he didn't want to think about this at all anymore, and in a voice clogged with tears, he muttered, the words from before finally registering in his mind: did you say olive and seebee?
Okeanos came to stand alongside her. Much like Cam felt pressured by the two teens cuddling up to him, Ibis suddenly felt claustrophobic and stepped back, letting her brother do most of the comforting while she tried to put order to her thoughts - duct tape across the cleave in her heart, as if that would help.
She didn't know what to say to make it better, much as she'd failed in speaking with Mal when he'd brought up the blood, gore, and death of his experiences. It occurred to Ibis slowly, painfully, that she was not equipped for any of this. That she'd been sheltered too much for too long, or something.
Much as Ibis wanted to be present for the boy, she couldn't be. The thought of a world without Lily hurt, and it would be terrible of her to even try to compare how she felt to how Cam was feeling; wrong of her to try and fix it, it wasn't her place. Then he spoke - shifting the topic back to olive and seabee?
The girl swallowed her thoughts, blinked away a sheen of tears as quickly as she could while Cam was looking to Okeanos, and murmured, yes, um — Yes, they're our mothers. We were born in Elysium too.
okeanos is sensitive enough to pull back a little when ibis moves away, realizing rather suddenly he's crowding them both. his attempts at comfort are easily rebuked by the boy--okeanos opens his mouth to protest, trying to summon the easy assurance of olive on such matters, and closes it, thinking better of it. he is in way over his head here.
ibis confirms what okeanos already said. hesitantly, okeanos asks, voice low and slow, "do you know if olive and seebee... um. do you know.. what happened, dear?"
he let himself relax a fraction, glad that these two were kin to the women he found so warm and fascinating. it all made sense. ibis and okeanos had that same sort of quiet comfort; he felt at home again, even though he was quite far away. at the young man's query, cam shook his head slowly, confusion coming over him once more.
sad. sleeping forever. mummy and. . .and, erm, small man. a-ariel,
he tried, stumbling over the name. he wrinkled his nose, remembering all too well the iron tang that had assailed him upon arriving at the scene. red and sticky,
he muttered, disgusted.
cam rose slowly to his paws, extracting himself from any embrace that may still remain. 'm tired,
the boy mumbled, not bothering to stifle a yawn. wanna sleep.
he began to wander away from the siblings, headed further into the forest and expecting them to shepherd him along—but at this point, he'd rather be alone.
It was a lot to take in. Ibis felt her heart breaking over and over again, thinking about the last time she'd seen Lily - heard her voice, even. She couldn't recall. And the explanation from the boy made her ears ring; red and sticky — Ariel. Ariel? Did she know an Ariel? Her eyes glistened at the very thought of blood, and she extricated herself further from the situation, feeling the pounding in her head as she refused to let herself cry openly before the child.
With a strain to her voice she murmurs, Sleep, yes, sleep.. Okee, find him somewhere.. um, some -- somewhere safe?
Swallowing her emotions like molasses, turning away before she feels the first spilling of warm wetness from her eyes. She should be better at controlling herself and being an adult, but -- ohhh, Lily.
She leaves her brother to handle Cam, fleeing with a few hasty strides through the trees.