Wolf RPG

In a matter of days, Towhee's life had gone from almost boringly routine to utterly upended. First, @Wraen had nearly died, thrusting her into the sovereignty under the worst possible circumstances. Then, Meerkat had not only sucker punched her, she'd then ripped out her beating and bloody heart (metaphorically speaking). It had all happened so fast, to use a tired cliché. In a word, she was reeling.

She had mustered up some semblance of diplomacy for the kid's sendoff earlier, though she had crumpled at the last minute, soaking the girl's scruff with her tears. Towhee hadn't cared that @Bronco was forced to witness her emotional display. She had just barely stopped herself from begging Meerkat to reconsider, stay with her a while longer, but what good would that do? At best, it would've delayed the inevitable. At worst, it could have soured their beautiful mother/daughter relationship. Towhee couldn't bear that thought, so she'd let her go, at great personal expense.

Hours later, she wandered the copse in a daze. Her face was crusted and matted, though she'd run out of tears. Looking a hot mess, she arrived at the rendezvous site, only to find it empty and quiet. Her shattered heart sank and she hiccuped a half-sob before suddenly noticing Primrose napping beneath a bush. Mechanically, she walked over to him. All his older siblings had gone, yet he was serene in his youthful naïveté.

Without a word, she lowered herself beside the slumbering boy, staring into his peaceful face. She wanted to latch onto him, cling, maybe pretend he was a younger Meerkat. Instead, Towhee eventually scooted backward, leaving him to his sleep, and wandered back into the copse at large.

Towhee had not showed to the "farewell party" of Meerkat and Bronco, neither could Wraen find her anywhere else after she had left the scene. Confused and distressed more than she was angry. From what she had gathered, the kids left on their own accord with the blessing of their parents. But - why? How? As she made her slow progress through the forest, her heart racing even after this little exertion, she tried to wrap her mind around the news. And could make no sense to it. 

And eventually she caught sight of the Sovereign and caught up with her, nudging her shoulder to get her attention. "Towhee, what the hell?" she asked out of breath and finally sitting down to rest a bit, hoping that Towhee would not run off. She would not be able to catch her a second time. "Since when is Moonspear our best friend? Since when we trade children away to them? Why?"

Something touched her shoulder and Towhee flinched, gaze swinging dully to Wraen's face. She was so surprised to see her, she simply gaped a moment, the glaze slowly vanishing from her eyes. She very nearly smiled, so damn happy to see Wraen looking so much better, but then it dawned on her that the other woman was yelling at her.

The accusations hit her chest like barbs, punching more holes in her already Swiss cheese heart. Tears began to blur her vision, so apparently the well hadn't run dry. For an instant, she jerked her face away, as if she couldn't bear to read Wraen's lips. But then she sucked in a noisy breath and slowly turned her watery gaze to the former Sovereign.

-"You think I traded my child?"- she croaked. She was going for indignant but her voice broke and she landed closer to wailing miserably. -"I thought you didn't question my judgment in the matter,"- she added, sounding utterly broken.

Wraen - in fact - had not been yelling. If anyone has ever sprinted after a bus, missed it and collapsed on the bench half dead, grasping their side, I wonder, what the lung capacity must be to be able to raise one's voice. If it had not been obvious on the first glance, then the former sovereign was struggling to steady her breath and ignore the painful pounding feeling in her chest. Focus on Towhee more, less on the fact that she felt like lying down. 

"Towhee, but it's Meerkat's own words - sister-pack and allies," she repeated and paused, panting and dipped her muzzle. "I don't question your judgement - I want to understand why? Of all the places Meerkat and Bronco could go to train and learn, why there? Are you oblivious of, what it is like to live there? It is one thing that Hydra is your friend, but to live there? Ask Arcturus for the firsthand experience, if you do not believe me," she said.

Maybe the sight of an utterly wrecked Towhee softened Wraen or perhaps she was still ailing more than the swarthy she-wolf realized. She felt a pang of concern for the Honoree, current conflict aside. She had the wherewithal to motion for Wraen to at least take a seat so she wouldn't collapse or something.

Mustering what precious little energy she had left, Towhee began by saying, -"Oh."- And that was it, for a moment. Meerkat must have mentioned the freshly struck alliance somewhere along the way. As for the rest of Wraen's questions, Towhee didn't have some perfect explanation.

-"Meerkat and Hydra hit it off, hence she inadvertently masterminded the idea of an alliance."- And the two of them (Towhee and Hydra) simply... hadn't refuted it. -"I don't share your reservations about Moonspear. But do you think I wanted this? Do you really believe I wanted to allow it? No,"- Towhee said sharply, then felt her grip slipping as she repeated, -"no, no, no...!"-

"Towhee the whole point of Firebirds is that you do not make such decisions on your own, even if you are a Sovereign, even if you are the best friend of someone else," Wraen felt incredulous. "That's, why there is a council to hear everyone out, there are other pack members to take their opinion in consideration. That is the very cornerstone of Firebirds!" she said. 

"Arcturus left, because Hydra almost killed her own sibling. Hell, Towhee, she and her sisters mauled one of your own for no good reason," she tried to reason. "She considers people, who leave, traitors. She forced her own sister out of the pack just because she was different, just because she did not fit that high-standard of Moonspear's. Is that, what you want Meerkat to learn? Is that, how you wish Bronco to "toughen up"?" Wraen asked, voice trembling, close to tears. 

"It is not about my own reservations, it is about the side of Hydra that you have never seen for yourself," she finished, close to tears for the battle that she had already lost. The one place that had felt like safe haven and home for so long, suddenly felt foreign to her.

Wraen didn't give her a chance to say anything for a few moments, launching into a soliloquy. Towhee honestly tried to keep up but with the tears and all, she didn't do a good job. She didn't know what Wraen hoped to accomplish here, aside from making her feel worse about a situation she couldn't really control. As Wraen had told her once, "Meerkat does not belong to you either, Towhee. She is her own person."

Too tired to sign, Towhee mumbled, "I didn't want any of this, regardless of my own feelings toward Hydra. And my council did okay it." That was a difficult pill to swallow, though Towhee had resolved she wouldn't let it pit her against her brother and sister-in-law. They just had an easier time acknowledging the fact with which Towhee struggled most: none of them could or should try to control their kids. Good parents supported their children's dreams.

"It's not about kids, Towhee. I have no say on, where you "okay" Meerkat or Niamh Bronco. For all I know, I have no say in anything. They are not mine. But allies, sister-packs - how do you imagine that would work long-term?" Wraen asked and for the first time she realized, how fiercely she did not wish to be allied with Moonspear in any way. To owe them something. To do a favour of any kind. To be forced into friendship. And it was not all - she realized that her dislike was also rooted in the fact that Charon had chased after Maia too. The bastard had been dead for a year and still the fact that her sister and best friend in the world had swooned for the arrogant king, rubbed her the wrong way.

"My past qualms aside - how do you think Arcturus will feel about this? He just left them, severed all ties in hopes for something better. What about him?" she said. "Sister-packs..." she shook her head in disbelief and utter disappointment.

Wraen was relentless, harping on her specifically about the alliance. Maybe she should've put more thought into that, spoken up at the time and discussed it with the others later. But what was done was done and... honestly, what had corporeally changed, except that now Meerkat and Bronco had felt spurred to go there? If anything, Towhee had shot herself in the foot and she was paying the price for that. She could've pointed that out to Wraen but she was nearing exhaustion and it didn't seem like it would matter anyway.

Why should she care what Arcturus thought? Towhee said nothing to that, just shaking her head. "We didn't even discuss terms or anything, what an alliance actually means," she said, sniffling and swiping at her leaky nose. "If you, Phox and Niamh want to discuss them, I'll go back and speak with her," she said, forgetting about Eljay. Meerkat had said she'd visit but Towhee also knew she would be darkening Moonspear's doorstep much more nowadays.

"But we are bound to them now," Wraen concluded sadly, feeling keenly the loss of independence. Towhee was mourning the loss of her daughter, the former Sovereign saw the bigger picture of, what this seemingly small move meant to her and the pack as a whole. Meerkat was Towhee's liability. So was Bronco to Niamh. And she prayed there would never come a day, where the weapon in Hydra's hands that had gone their voluntarily, would be used against them. She could hear in her ears that mantra of Charon and his daughter - you are indebted to us, you owe us, you are a traitor for leaving - and hated it. 

"It does not matter anymore, Towhee, what we say or discuss now. It's already done," she said and wished that she could find that better part of herself now and be there for the mourning Sovereign. To comfort her, to say the right things, to tell that everything would be alright. But all she could think of was the youthful faces of Bronco and Meerkat and that as of this day the children she had known were dead. You could not go and stay in Moonspear and remain unchanged. There was only one right and truth there and that was Hydra's. You either went with her or... 

She looked at Towhee's face for a while, her gaze thoughtful and then Wraen let out a deep sigh, raised to her feet and without another word walked away, her tail and head hung low. There was much to think about.

Perhaps another day, Towhee might've joked something like, Not with that attitude! It mattered and they could still discuss it. But she didn't possess any more energy to argue with Wraen. She didn't want to be having this conversation any longer. Fortunately, the former Sovereign seemed to share the sentiment, as she soon walked away without another word.

Towhee watched her go, still feeling a spark of gladness to see her up and moving around despite everything. She would never forgot the way she'd looked following the swarm. She'd looked dead. Towhee had the presence of mind to be grateful that she was alive and well enough to come around and rebuke her.