She had been stretching her own legs when the warrior came into view. She knew nothing of her, only that she too had been brought to Kaistleoki to be tended for similar injuries. She had heard that she went by Orlaith, though that was all she remembered, yet Ira had not spoken to the woman on her own to discover these truths for herself.
Ira watched as she stomped through the forest, a rage consuming her for reasons unknown. She knew the look, she had been there before, but that was a long time ago. Eventually, she'd chuff hoping to catch her eye before approaching. Maybe others would be frightened by her demeanor, but it was one Ira had braced for her whole life. There was nothing for her to fear. What troubles you?
"Everything," Orlaith snapped, "what am I supposed to do if I can't remember what i'm supposed to do. Who I am?" She knew she should not take her anger off of the Count, but at the same time she had trouble controlling her feelings. There were quite a few the resurfaced during the day, and she didn't know where to pinpoint them exactly.
It was like whoever she was previously was in control. In confusion, letting all her anger out, and lashing like a rabid animal.
"Who am I?" Yet, she did not find anyone that could answer. Everyone here was someone she did not know- the wolf was just somesort of pick-up. No one to claim her, and thus can't even claim herself.
The woman was quick to snap, though Ira did not flinch. Instead, she waited for her to finish and perhaps calm down. The Count had never been a huge chatterbox, most conversations involved some form of work, but that aside she could understand. Her own experience was by far different from a lost memory, but she too had felt lost before. If you do not know why not become someone you'd like to be?
There was no easy solution when no one knew of their mystery patient. If she had a family or friends surely they'd want to know she was ok and reunite, but until anyone was established all that could be changed was the future. You can't change what you do not know, so why fret over it? It would be more efficient to put your efforts into what you want to do now. That's something that you can actually change.
"It's hard when all I feel are what I previously felt. Everything I see seems to flash with unknown anger, like I can't even control who I am now." Anything that felt vaguely familiar flashed the fire wolf with various of emotions. She always felt anger too, even if there wasn't something. She couldn't explain this anger, it was directed at no one except for herself- she couldn't tell if it was her current flame running within Orlaith's chest, or part of the past.
"I just want to know who I am, and why I feel everything- why am I so angry? Did someone make me this angry?" She wanted to blame everything except for herself. The fustrations of not knowing who she was, or the purpose she had was a mixture of her past, and present anger. Orlaith couldn't tell anymore.
"Or is this.. Just me?"
The Count hummed under her breath, it was certainly a puzzling situation. She was no healer, nor a counselor. Whatever comfort the woman sought Ira was at a loss as to what she could offer. I suppose one step at a time then. Change comes with time.
Even she slowly moved away from the ideals she held when she was younger. Some of the things she has done would never even be considered had she been a few years younger.
Some questions will never be answered, frustrating as that is to hear...I see no harm in exploring what draws out those strong emotions, but it might be wise to take those triggers as a warning and learn to adjust instead.
A life of anger is hard to live, she would know...
Orlaith silently listened, her ears dropped a bit in thought. The Counts words made sense, there was a time where she may never know who she was. It was true thought, she needed to learn how to harness and adjust them so- the wolf hated this anger she felt all the time. It wasn't the current her, it simply felt like a past she did not know. It fueld her so, and mixed the past and current into a ball of fire.
"Do you think... Anyone misses me? Remembers me?" Orlaith asked in a rather soft voice, "what if I was someone bad? No one is looking for me, because I wasn't good." But this was also a fear. She was angered on not knowing who she was once, but she was also terrified if who she was.. Wasn't someone of the best origins. Her anger, was it from being a horrible entertainer? Or did she just, got wronged somehow.
It's hard to say,
Ira could fill her head with fantasies and false promises, but she was a realist and Orlaith was no pup. The truth was better-digested upfront, some wolves are just alone.
Golden eyes flicked back to the other as she spoke of potential dark actions, though she could only find herself shaking her head. Those who commit misdeeds do so from the core. If you were wicked then your true colors would have already shown. It's sad to think, but perhaps you were just a traveler, that or wronged and sought your own path? That would explain the absence of others...though when you were brought to Kaistleoki there was another? Perhaps you should speak to them?
"I hope i'm alone, rather then have someone worry." She couldn't help but regret, if someone happened to miss her so. There wasn't anyone she felt that she longed for, or a place to remember, just.. Pure anger. She hoped that this feeling Orlaith had, was just something of a past flame. Though she longed to know what its meaning is.
"Perhaps.. I'm greatful for Kaistleoki for taking me in, but I want to know who I am- who I was." The her she once was, was no longer here, but she needed to know. Any burdens of what she once did needed to be remedied, and maybe find if she knew anyone, or someone.
could probably wrap this one up?
The Count's lip quirked at the simple statement. She could understand why Orlaith said it, yet it was still a sad thought. Even she, someone reclusive with little she held close had someone who would care should she disappear. Well, I'm not one to stop others on personal voyages. To some extent, we all need one every now and then. You do not need to be bound to Kaistleoki.
After all, she wouldn't force anyone to stay in the pack, nor did she have the power to do so. If Orlaith wished to continue on after her treatment Ira would let her.
"I'm indebted- I don't have plans to leave." Orlaith in particular didn't feel she had a longing for anywhere. An urge to wander to certain places perhaps, but not a desire to return to a 'home.' She was satisfied to make Kaistleoki that sort of place, but even then, the flaming wolf had a desire to fill in that gap.
"Thank you."