Wolf RPG

Wraen hated to admit it, but Towhee had been right. She had overestimated her ability to travel far and long, let alone under trying conditions. Though feeling way better than weeks earlier, she did not have the same stamina for distances that in the past had not asked much of effort from her at all. Even few hours at a decent trot were sometimes so tiring for, even when she kept up a bright smile and braved on, until she was forced to stop, lie down and rest. 

There were better days too, when her heart beat at a regular, steady rhythm and she did not run out of breath that easily. On those she chattered cheerfully with either Maia or Arcturus, joked around and acted silly and childishly. But to all this seemingly genuinely happy parade, there were moments, when fear flickered in her eyes, as if she was trying hard to run away from something ominous that was lurking in the shadows.

During the last two or three days that it took them to reach The Sentinels, Wraen had been very quiet and withdrawn. She knew that she could not hide her weakness from others, but at the same time she did not wish them to pity her or to point out about it. So it was better to stay silent and trudge on. It was difficult for her to make those last miles and, when they finally did, she found the first suitable spot to lie down and with a mumbled "G'Night!" she had fallen in a stupor-like sleep.

She awoke several hours later, not knowing, what time it was, but aware of a thunderstorm in the making. There were dark gray and purple clouds building up in the distance, the air felt charged, the wind blew and in the distance she saw the first flash of lightening. Wraen raised herself to a sit and watched in awe.

arcturus had found a spot not so far from wraen the night they set camp. he had noticed a change in his friend, and a few times had been tempted to ask maia if she knew what was going on -- but it was difficult to have much of any privacy in a trio, and he was left with just his thoughts to contend with.

a storm rolling into the area woke him, for a new turbulence came on the wind and it ripped past him at a ghoulish shriek. they had yet to explore the sentinels, having come upon it at nightfall -- but already arcturus was certain this place was full of something he could only describe as negative energy.

he glanced to where wraen had laid to sleep, and found her watching the storm as well. how long had she been up, watching? he rose stiffly (surprised too, that he was stiff) and padded over to her, lying several feet away and facing the same direction. for a while he said nothing at all, just savoring the bite of briny wind on his cheeks, and the way sometimes, the world would briefly be illuminated in impossible white fire.

"Times like these make you believe in gods, doesn't it?" Wraen told Arcturus, when she saw him raise and move closer to, where she had settled down. "A long, long time ago it's said there was a great war fought between the new gods of Olympus and the old gods called Titans. Then the whole world had gone in turmoil - earthquakes, rockslides, mountains breaking, large waves from the ocean washing everything away. And thunderstorms. If we are lucky, we may witness this now too," she sighed and lied down and tucked her paws underneath her body. 

"Not the actual war, of course," she clarified after a moment of silence. "And I think that there were some northern beliefs that during such storms the god of thunder is chasing the evil spirits, witches and demons and striking them with his thunderbolts. They tend to hide in trees and that's, why it is not good to hide beneath them during the storms. But I believe..." she looked up at the charred stump of Sequoia and the cover of bushes that she had huddled underneath. "... I have a feeling that we will be safe. Were storms different in the mountains?" she asked. "I recall that, when I lived in Sunspire, it was very windy."

arcturus flattened an ear as wind rippled past his scruff, raking down his spine in icy claws. he looked above; the heavens were impossibly dark and blustery, with deeply scowling clouds and their white-flares of snakish tendrils snarling in deep booms. to arcturus, it did not look like the battle of the gods -- it looked like the belly of some primordial beast.

evil spirits or no, the nakedness of the sky during this time was different than that seen on the spire. on the mountain unless one was at the summit, ones periphery could often be limited. how many times had he thought he was scraping the throat of the world, closer to the clouds than any eagle? it was difficult to articulate that wild feeling of singleness with the storm.

"it's different, but the same." he offered vaguely, his gaze tracing the jumping line of a jolt of pinkish lightning. "very windy, but i dont feel as vulnerable there as i do now." being out in the open like this made arcturus feel naked. "so, i hope we'll be safe from the earthquakes, rockslides, and evil spirits."

"We are far from mountains, therefore any Stone Giant tossing rocks around won't reach us here," Wraen replied, thinking about those large beasts, sparring with each other. Especially during thunderstorms - they said it was to drown out the noise they made - and the storyteller had always wondered, what could those big guys be afraid of.

"Earthquakes were different - from what I recall. You could feel the little tremors under your paws way before the actual quakes happened. Though - sadly - such knowledge comes only after you have experienced the worst," she sighed, fell silent for a moment and then having recalled something Arthur had said, turned to him and asked. "How does it feel to be vulnerable?"

arcturus lacked the imagination to think of what these stone giants might look like -- it made him think of avalanches. wraen's reply did not put him much at ease, though he supposed an avalanche would have a far way to travel before ever coming here.

another glance to the flickering sky, where a tongue of lightning forked like a snake's across an endlessly dark night. between sky and earth, there was a magnificent force at show -- but arcturus fretted. "i hate it." the male replied openly, a baldness in his tone that suggested he was unafraid of such honesty. "it makes me feel incredibly small."

"Ain't we all small in the bigger scheme of things?" Wraen replied with a question, watching another spectacular show of lightning far off in the ocean. The wind grew stronger and the roar of waves raging at shores louder. Funnily enough, she did not feel afraid or even cautious. Curious and contemplative as if she was an art critic standing before yet another grand painting, pondering over the meaning behind the colourful scene.

"As I grow older, I have become a lot less romantic and a lot more realistic, cynical even," she went on, looking back at Arthur. "It's hard to accept that on the whole you are nothing but a speck of dust and most things that you firmly believe in as a child or a young adult are neither set in stone, nor relevant. They exist in our heads, but does not mean they are true in the world," she said. 

"Simple example - if I got struck by lightening here, it would probably seem unfair to me, but that would be just an opinion. On the bigger scale of things... one charcoaled and vaporized wolf here would not mean much, because there are hundreds running around still," she laughed humourlessly at this and shook her head. "Once you realize your own vulnerability, Arthur, you become stronger in a way. A lot of things that might have made you afraid stop being such."

Sure, they were all small — and sure, on a cosmic scale they were but a speck of grain against an endless cosmos — but Arcturus did not like to think of Wraen’s impact as minuscule.

He’d changed, too. He’d gotten more pragmatic as the years wore him down. Less romantic in some ways. Colder, certainly. But what was life without hardship?

It went without saying Arcturus very much was against Wraen being struck by lightning, or having any harm befall her. He glanced skyward where daggers of light speared purple clouds, the low and loud song of thunder crackling overhead. There may be others, but they aren’t you. Maia and I would find your death anything but a small and insignificant event. As for vulnerability — Arcturus would always hate it. Fight against it, even.

"Well, but, when you two pass - who will care?" Wraen countered and did not expect an answer to this question. Truth to be told, she did not enjoy prospects of dying. Well, maybe she was not opposed to the process, because then you were still alive, but afterwards? Turning into dust, into nothingness? What if there was no afterlife, no rebirth. You just closed your eyes one day a-a-a-and that was it? It was unfair that the wealth of knowledge and experience one would accumulate during life would just evaporate like nothing at all. 

"A wise man one said though that you should not pity the dead. Pity the living instead and above all those, who live without love," Wraen cited, what was actually a quote from a J.K.Rowling and a favourite of the Narrator's. "What do you fear the most, Arthur?" she moved on to the next very personal question. Because she was curious and because it was an exercise for Arcturus to rack his brain a little.

arcturus' mouth hung open in response, but he didn't have an answer. his jaw closed with a reluctant click.

he didn't fear the dead, and didn't think he feared death (he liked to believe he would accept his end peacefully and gracefully), but that didn't mean he didn't fear losing others to death. he shifted uncomfortably under the question, unable to phrase it gracefully or peacefully either.

"i suppose it's losing what i have." you, mostly. other than wraen, arcturus didn't have a pot to piss in -- and he didn't necessarily have her, either. "what about you? does our great and wise sovereign-leader fear anything?"

"Fear itself," Wraen replied simply. She had been familiar with the concept of "being afraid of fear", but it had taken a few years, experience and some maturing to fully understand, what it entailed. Now she believed that she was entitled to pass on this bit of knowledge to someone else. If Arcturus intended to be a great man one day, and good one too, she wanted to pour this knowledge in him early.

"It distorts the reality, the facts," she added. "It makes people do horrible things to other people," she went on. "Say, here are you afraid of losing, what you have - but, while afraid and worried, do you have time to enjoy these things, people... anything? Because the present moment is the only one that truly matters. Past cannot be changed and future cannot be predicted or influenced. Fear is pointless," Wraen mused.

"Yet it is the ingrained in our very being. It is a part of, who we are and what drives us," not for the first time during their friendship, Wraen was glad that Arthur was a good listener and survived through her lengthy philosophical rambles. Not one yawn, not even the most miniscule expression would betray her stoic friend that he might have lost interest.

fear itself.

arcturus ruminated over this answer, pouring over the more philosophical bent of wraen's answer. she was right, in a way -- for fear had a way of detracting from the good in a situation. if he was so afraid of losing her, he would never truly enjoy the present. every day was a gift, whether or not he knew it -- their days together were certainly numbered. if he spent every waking moment fretting over the what-ifs, he would never know the peace of simply being alongside wraen.

deep thoughts. existential, troubling thoughts. arcturus did not open this door often, and he found himself mentally ready to slam its creeping hinges shut almost immediately. it prompted thoughts of mortal fear and creeping, existential dread -- neither of which he was capable of addressing wholly.

"fear might not be totally pointless. it's is how we survive," arcturus commented dryly. "if the doe did not live in fear, she would not know to graze in fields while the wolves sleep. her little fawns would not know to remain perfectly still while predators were near. fear keeps us alert. it keeps us awake, and alive." it was necessary, even if it was warped.

"That's a very valid argument. Then I will change from pointless to... you should not let fear take control of your life," Wraen truly enjoyed that Arcturus had grown to be not just a passive listener, but expressed his opinion in such a way that both learned from the discussion they were having.

"Speaking of which..." the rainfall had turned into a heavy downpour and while the natural umbrella of the tree branches was just enough not to let them become drenched, the ground was not as cooperative. Large puddles were forming around them and Wraen did not look forward to get a cold, from sleeping in the water. 

"I think that we should wake Maia and find a better hiding place," she suggested, thus for the time being their philosophical discussion had come to an end, in order to be continued at a different time, place and under more suitable weather conditions.

for most of arcturus' life he had been a passive listener, passive observer, passive this or that -- it was only with wraen that his true nature often showed through. in part, because she had cultivated a sense of stewardship and comfort within arcturus -- and in part because wraen had never tried to stop him from growing.

he trusted her implicitly. his life -- his worth -- everything -- was tied into wraen.

the male, once beta, once mountaineer, now displaced wanderer -- let loose a sigh. fear should not take control of ones' life, but how many times had he seen that transpire?

he smiled in acceptance -- agreement even -- while their philosophical chat had come to an end, arcturus always came out of them feeling better about himself and his place in the world.

wordless, he followed after wraen for better shelter.