im greedy
forwarded to december 1st
Miriam was slowly adjusting back to life, however she still was but a skeleton of her formal self. The best she was doing was setting out more, occasionally would she lay outside her den, basking into the sun, but now as the snow started to fall and it grew colder by the days, she could no longer enjoy that simple life much longer.
She didn't eat much, sometimes it would go down, sometimes it would come up, or rather the maiden simply moon-graced wolf felt empty, she didn't feel the hunger or the need, just spent her days drying away inside the den; alone. Her daughter remained in Mal's den, and occasionally would she be visited but Caerus, but besides a few visitors, Miriam slept alone in the cold.
She had a comfort when
@Jackalope came into, and she realized desperately it had been so long since she had the familial touch of any. Days spent into the den but crying alone, she sought for any warmth, but did not know how to achieve that desire.
She was cold and lonely.
It wasn't necessarily his 'style' to dote on anyone, or to be mindful of the needs and wants of other wolves. So after having paid a visit to Miriam once, and seeing how feeble she was, he figured she probably wasn't his problem. She definitely wasn't his responsibility, either- he'd stopped by with food simply out of obligation. Pack wolves were supposed to take care of one another, though empathy wasn't his forté. He didn't pass by her way again for several days, and hardly gave her a second thought in the time being.
But he was in the area, and he could smell that she'd at least been out on her feet somewhat recently, so he decided to at least check in and see if she was still alive, or still wasting away slowly. If she wasn't improving, he knew that winter would only make things worse so it was worth his time to visit at least so he might gauge her wellbeing- and fetch Aibreann if necessary.
So he approached her den cautiously, lowering his head as he neared, and he uttered a soft bark, perking his ears to see if he got a reply.
There wasn't too many who visited Miriam, so when she heard the soft sound of another barking, her silver head gingerly peaked out in a curiosity, perhaps thinking it was Caerus, or hopefully so, her daughter
@Liliana. Though upon a surprise it was the man who helped her recently, and someone she embarrassingly so was longing for, simply because he was the only out of all of Neverwinter wolves, to provide any comfort of sorts.
Seeing him instantly brought a warm smile as she softly answered,
"Hello there."
He felt frustrated with himself for having decided to be kind enough to pay Miriam a visit as soon as she caught sight of him and smiled. It was far too rare a thing for a woman to look upon him and offer him such a genuine, kind smile. The only one who ever seemed to do so was
@Aibreann who was basically a saint, in his opinion, and the only reason he was in her good graces was because they were related and she likely hoped to eventually force him to be a puppysitter for her and however many other children she wanted to have.
Typical Blackthorn, he thought. Not him.
So he looked Miriam up and down as he approached, but not with the same unabashed, misogynistic look that he'd normally appraise a woman with. He cleared his throat and nodded in greeting, and managed a brusque reply.
"You don't look as bad as you did last time I seen you," He commented with a grim huff.
"I am.. Healing." Her mindset was not all the way well, but she knew not to try again. There was still guilt and desire that held firm and the wanting to escape, abandon it all just as her daughter thought at times. Miriam had the idea if she could not escape as she so wanted, she could not only release the mind, but the body as well, and finally feel.. Refreshed.
However the desire of wanting to touch the Summerlands was not met as she wanted, instead was brought to face consequences of her actions, even moreso with more scorn and judgement to those who knew. Sickly, as others saw it, but she does not know if everyone knows the truths on the matter.
It felt.. Shameful, to say the least.
And throughout all of this, her Goddess said nothing once more. She prayed and simply wished to settle upon the dame's side, but no more signs or thoughts.. Saying that perhaps, she needs to find her own way in life. It was hard, without a guidance.
"Sit with me?" Within all that silence only very few talked to her so, a true isolation for the maiden. She desired such company and smiled so softly at the man, in a way of begging so.
He stared at her for a moment, trying to keep his features from softening, and likely ended up looking like he'd smelled something foul in the process of keeping a kindly smile from his features. He sniffed, the air squealing a bit as it passed through his broken nose, and nodded once. Well, she didn't look like she was dying anymore, and he couldn't help but amuse himself with the thought that he'd potentially had something to do with that. Not that he'd say as much, or that he wanted anyone to acknowledge that he'd basically been a hero.
When she requested that he sit with her he oggled her for a moment as though she'd sprouted another head. He'd basically saved her life and now she was asking him to do more for her? He'd helped her voluntarily before- and that was more than what he generally did. For him to go out of his way to help another wolf was a huge inconvenience for him, and he often begrudged others when they actually had the gall to ask him to do something. So he had to tell himself that this was his idea, and that he wanted to do it. He didn't move toward her, but gazed off into the distance, with an aloof air. He shuddered. "S'getting colder." He stated with a firm nod. There, now he had a reason to go and sit next to her. He wanted to steal her warmth.
So he stiffly paced to her side and plonked his hindquarters down next to hers without an ounce of grace, and yawned as he slouched, and then slid to the ground, curling one forepaw against his chest. He leaned against her side, shuffling in so that he could get comfortable and smacked his lips as he purposefully gazed off intot he distance, content to share the space so long as he could more or less ignore the fact that he was being a good samaritan.
"It is.. " The snow was coming and the days continued growing colder and colder, the last winter Miriam remembered was spent back at the Orchid, where her Amma was and the Mothers as well. A visit to them all, before bidding them farewell once more and continuing on her adventures. She thought back on the naivety she held, and knew why her dearest Amma was so worried why she was setting out, but the maiden trusted the Goddess to protect her soul, and the Horned God to always shield her from the dangers; but sadly, time and time again did she fall into those traps of the darkness.
Time and time again, did she call out for the Goddess, for no answer to come. Though she still prayed and hope, and only a small miracles came, and heartbreak continued on. She could feel her chest tighten thinking about her daughter, how much she tried to get away- is this what her son did? Instead of saying goodbye he whisked himself away.. She hoped not.
But so far Miriam was proven to be an unworthy parent.
The only salvation of this cold rain was but warmth given from others. She could not seek anyone, and she did not either. All was but a stranger with minor conversation, and only two seemed to truly care for her so. Her mind was fogged by any other thoughts, and only hoped that Caerus, and Jackalope truly did so. When the blackthorn man leaned against her, she embraced his warmth and settled deeply onto him. A smile, rising to her face.. But dropping all the same.
"Do you.. Want kids?" she asked.
He was content to more or less ignore her, as he wasn't exactly keen on getting her too attached to him. But when she started up a conversation he set his teeth together, realizing that he'd been stupid to think that any woman would want his company and not also expect conversation. The wolves of Neverweinter were far too kind to him- he had a long list of several wolves who would have done anything to get him to shut up at one point in his life.
The question she asked caused him to flinch and send an excruciatingly incredulous look in her direction, and when he relaxed a bit, he shuffled himself perhaps an inch further away from her. He was definitely the sort who read too far into those kinds of questions. "Fuck no." He said. "I hate kids."
He'd settle into silence then, content to enjoy her company and share warmth with her and would nod off into slumber before the conversation could pick back up again.