Wolf RPG

Autumn had well and truly hit the Teekon Wilds on this rather cloudy day. The leaves were falling off the nearby trees as the morning fog engulfed the landscape. The temperature had also taken a hit and made FitzDutiful highly glad that he had managed to dig out his den beneath a log before the ground became firmer.

As he poked his head out of the den, that afternoon, the wind picked up and made him shudder with its warning of a cold night. Bracing himself, he made his way up to ground level before heading towards a food cache. Satisfied that there was enough there he nibbled on a few berries before moving onwards towards the centre of the pack land.

It was surprisingly pleasant when the sun broke through the clouds, a reminder that this was a good time of year. Finding a place that the sun hit almost 90 percent of the time, FitzDutiful settled down to watch the leaves fall as autumn rain.

Rounding a corner, Fox spotted a pack-mate that she honestly hadn't spoken with. What a terrible, terrible Alpha she was. But, hey! There was always time to remedy the situation, and she figured it wouldn't hurt to get to know the latest (and greatest?) members of the plateau. Besides, she had nothing in particular planned for the day, and she had left Peregrine to his own devices. She imagined he would spend the day with Lasher or his remaining daughter.

In any case, she focused herself on the present, and pranced up to the new(ish) recruit. “Ahoy!” she greeted, doing her best to make a good first impression. “I don’t believe we’ve formally met. I’m Fox Redleaf-DiSarinno, Peregrine's lady.” She considered tacking on "Alpha of Blacktail Deer Plateau," but it felt too long-winded. Even this introduction was more than she usually gave. But she was trying out this whole super-friendly thing that she'd seen Finley do on occasion.

A startled "ahoy" awoke him from his daydream stupor as a female introducing herself as Perry's girl came prancing towards him. A brief moment elapsed until he realised by the way she was holding herself that she was the female alpha of the pack. The only leader (other than the newly appointed beta male) that he hadn't met.

"It's a pleasure to meet you! he responded with a cheer of his own as he hastily drew his ears back and arched his back slightly to indicate he was submitting to her rank rather than just sitting there. Respect, dutiful.

"I'm FitzDutiful," he carried on for way of conversation, "can I be of service to you?" For all he knew the alpha had been seeking someone out for a specific task. It might be more than just a casual greeting and it paid to assume so. After all, the high ranking wolf just had to say no to carry on a conversation as normal.

FitzDutiful. What a strange name. Then again, Fox's whole family was named after other animals, so perhaps she didn't really have room to judge. He was cheerful, maybe even gleeful, and Fox wagged her tail to silently mirror his sentiments. Now that she'd gotten a closer look at him, she took a moment to drink in his appearance with her dull grey eyes. He was a mixture of greys and browns, built like a tank and with golden-colored eyes. Fitz seemed young, though Fox had always been a poor judge of age unless it was painfully obvious.

“Of service?” she asked, wondering exactly what kind of services he was planning on performing. Then again, perhaps she could use this to her advantage. He was, as far as she was concerned, a neutral party. And she'd been thinking hard on several things as of late. “Maybe you can lend your ears.” While Fox rarely took the advice of others to heart, she was more open to hearing them out these days. Perhaps she could get his opinion on what had happened with Lasher without diving too much into the details.

Fox wondered whether FitzDutiful could lend his ears and (trying his hardest not to seem too eager) he dutifully nodded while saying "Of course," calmly.

Was it really possible that the alphas had heard he wanted to become a counsellor? So far the only person he had expressly said that too was Osprey, but she was Perry's sister. And Fox was Perry's mate. So it made perfect sense that she would know about his plans and ideas for the future. Feeling very proud, FitzDuitiful was successfully hiding all the raging emotions for, on the exterior, he was presenting himself as just a neutral, helpful party. As much as he desperately wanted to be recognised for something in this pack he had a suspicion that a Counsellor would never appear too eager for troubles. In fact, why would any wolf wish misfortune or troubles upon another?

Settling in comfortably for what length of time this might be, FitzDutiful waited patiently for Fox to begin.

He obliged, and Fox pondered for a moment on what she should ask of him. There were various aspects of her life that plagued her, even if she rarely spoke of them. Lasher, of course, was a particular conundrum. But there was also the nagging sensation that the plateau was not her home. Those two things felt particularly personal, though, and not news that she wished to spread around the pack, even if Fitz promised to keep it to himself. But there was one thing, something she had failed to deal with (at least on an emotional level) after leaving the creek, and it was not something she would even talk to Peregrine about.

Fox bit her lip, hesitated, and finally sat down to explain. "Before, when I was living with another pack, I was kinda really into this guy. I thought we were going to grow old together, have children, that kind of thing. But before any of that could come to fruition, he got sick and died. I don't... It still makes me sad," she confessed. Fox did not like being a sad creature, and every time she thought of Haunter, that was the only emotion that came to her.

Duty listened carefully and his heart ached for her. He had never lost a loved one in that way and he never wished to. He didn't rush into anything letting a comfortable silence arrive and provide respect to her feelings. Duty really believed that everything you felt was important, even if it seemed stupid or immature to feel a certain way. Feelings weren't controlled, they could only be accepted.

"I don't believe a death will ever go away from your feelings. Whether it's expected or sudden. There will always be a hole in your life where they wolf used to fit, a place where your wishes and dreams with that wolf still live on." FizDutiful paused a moment. He wasn't sure that anything he had to say would bring any comfort at all but all he could do was inform Fox of the things he truly believed in.

"Each day can be a little bit easier. You don't forget, but you can learn to live with it. That's not to say that a tiny event, sight, or sound doesn't tear it anew for a while. But in time it will get easier. Imagine it a bit like a wound, it takes time for the bleeding to stop, time for it to scab over, time for new flesh to grow over the hole and time for you be able to lick and it and not tear it again." Duty smiled softly, he had never experienced the feelings first hand but he could imagine them and boy did those imagined feelings hurt.

"Can I ask how long ago it was?"

Fox listened, finding that it was easy to sit through somebody talking if she was actually interested in what they had to say. Fitz might prove a rather useful asset to the plateau, and she was glad her mate had made him one of the pack. His words were kind, even if what it boiled down to was that she would always feel a little bit sad. That didn't seem like it was the way things were supposed to be, but there was little she could do about it, according to Fitz, except to press on.

When he asked how long it had been, she had to take a moment to think. "A couple of months, at least." She'd never encountered a wound that had taken that long to heal, but perhaps these invisible ones took longer. "Sometimes I wake up, and I think that Perry is him," she said idly. More than once she had rolled over in a half-awake state and started to say Haunter's name, rather than Peregrine's. Haunter's name was even more fitting in death than it had been in life, she thought grimly.

Fox explained that sometimes she awoke thinking that Perry was Haunter and Fitz remembered an incident from his childhood that was very similar. "I think that happens as a form of coming to terms with change. It's not quite the same situation, but I remember when my step-mother took me in from my birth mother it took a long, long time to stop thinking that she was my birth mother when I woke up. It was almost like my mind had to remember each morning everything that had happened because my sleeping self forgot."

Thinking back over all the advice he had given Fox today, and it really did just come down to waiting it out. "I'm really sorry that I can't be any more help other than suggesting that time will be the only healer. If you ever want to talk about anything, though, to help you process... I'll be here. With a smile he looked over at his alpha and watched her for a few moments. It was a very difficult situation and FitzDutiful probably wasn't alone in hoping it never happened to him. He wished he could take the pain away but to do that would be to forget the guy she had loved and that wasn't, necessarily, the best idea.

Fitz apologized, but Fox only shrugged her shoulders. It was not his fault for Haunter's death, nor was it necessarily his responsibility to make everything peaches and rainbows again. Still, she was thankful for his ears and his words. Although she often came across as harsh and uncaring, Fox truly did want the best for her pack. After all, they would be her support group when winter hit and when her children were born. It was not in her interest to upset them.

“Thanks, Fitz.” Fox stepped forward and gave him a gentle bump on the shoulder with her nose. “I’m gonna go grab some grub, but I’ll see you around.” He had given her plenty to think about, and Fox knew that having some time and space to herself was necessary. Little did she know they would soon be heading off in an entirely different direction.