when she woke this time, no dreams possessed her.
the vague light entering satsu's chambers was too much. as her eyes cracked open they shut promptly and with a groan, she rolled upon her bedding, bundling in to a ball.
@Tamar,
the girl summoned, her voice burrowing in to her thin tail and not carrying far.
tamaaar!
as she raised her head the queasy expression on her face was a telltale sign that something was wrong. satsu groaned and hid her face again, wrapping her forelimbs over her pounding head.
pharaoh had said this might happen.
aside from the nap she had shivered through in the corridor outside pharaoh's chamber, tamar once more had not slept. satsu's voice rang through her tired skull but she came at once.
tamar noted the sickness upon the other's face and drew closer to the bed. "your highness." with her she had a soaked pelt around a small amount of water; she lay it close. "please drink. it will help."
the servant entered, bringing something with her.
as the water was offered satsu looked at it, then at tamar, as if she might say something to her, but she did not. her face tilted towards the water and she began to drink. there was a sour flavor in her mouth and a stomach-churning bitterness along her gums, which the water diffused.
she drank only a little before sinking in to her furs.
my head hurts,
murmured the ascendant, as if tamar was to blame.
satsu pushed the water away and rolled to her side, draping one limb emphatically across her face.
"last night you went late to dine with pharaoh. do you remember?" tamar asked softly. she brought her golden body around to block the sparse light of the morning, her muzzle still wet from the skin.
she expected fully to be shoved away, but sought to anoint the queen's shoulders and forehead around the outstretched limb. the cool touch might be more grounding. "shall i call for the physician?"
the woman was quiet.
she thought she recalled the sound of laughter; the taste of salted meat with its rough texture; the look on ramesses' face as he licked his lips; those dark eyes, too.
no,
satsu answered of the second question, lifting her forearm to shoot tamar a look,
i do not need him.
i do not want him to see me this way.
besides, for all satsu knew, crowfeather had gone.
not my queen.
tamar pressed her nose upon satsu and the chill relaxed her.
mm, i had too much. come here,
muzzily reaching for the servant now, pulling her down among the furs.
satsu rested crescent-shaped upon her bed while tamar was there with her, lacking her usual spite.
whatever tamar had expected it was not this.
she had only a moment's resistance until she was surrounded by the body-warmth of the royal figure. satsu smelled of herself and the flowers that clung in the air of akashingo. the maidservant felt also, as she lay there rather stiffly, that the aroma of the pharaoh still clung to this bed. this despite the fact that he had not been here at all.
tamar fidgeted. "your highness," she whispered, seizing upon this uncommon moment. "are you excited to be married to pharaoh?" her voice was hardly over a whisper.
it was fortunate that tamar spoke so softly. had she been more gregarious a creature satsu would have lashed out most definitely, and instead she lay curled against her now, eyes closed, listening and sulking.
what a question to ask now, while satsu nursed a hangover.
satsu hummed to herself, nosing against tamar's fur as if they were close friends, sisters from girlhood, which was as far from the truth as anything could be.
i don't know,
she finally responded.
i won't know until it is done.
he was the antithesis of what her father would have wanted; the question from the previous night came to her suddenly, whether sadasane would be proud of her or not. no; he would not think of her at all, and would see ramesses as a fool.
not a warrior at all, a boy of hedonism.
i am happy he is mine, that i was free to choose.
although she wasn't sure if that was the truth either. had she chosen ramesses, or had ramesses merely noticed another pretty thing to collect, and manipulated his way to obtaining it - her?
it is only business - she remembered saying so to crowfeather, once.
she thought it was a good sort of answer.
the way that the queen seemed to wish the embrace settled the maidservant. if she could provide even a moment's respite in this way then she would. it occurred to her that while pharaoh was constantly encircled by an entourage of lust, satsu enjoyed no such attentions.
perhaps she was lonely.
tamar did not agree that pharaoh belonged to anyone. but then again he had only wanted to marry satsu. she would be his wife. the others would remain as they were. gingerly she slid her arm beneath satsu and settled closer, turning her watercolor eyes on the striking face of the royal woman.
"women are not often free to make their own choices," she said quietly, avoiding a direct look into the other's gaze.
the ascendant's mind had wandered from her betrothed as she had thought of crowfeather. how different he had been in their last communion, how wounded she had felt. that her only friend outside of the steppe disparaged her, did not want to remain with her in this safe place that she had built, made her ache.
tamar's comment caught satsu by surprise because of how intently she was thinking to herself, and it brought to mind the conversation about whether or not the girl was happy with her choices. it felt as though much had happened following nyra's attack against akashingo, and yet nothing had really changed either.
the servant's tone was almost shy, wanting to speak but being cautious.
if you were given the choice, would you marry him?
curiosity, and the servant, were easier to focus on than her own hurt.
tamar began to shake her head at once and then paused.
she did not want to seem as though she was lying. "pharaoh is — he has a pretty face. but he would not be faithful to me. i want a man who only sees me, my queen."
tamar did not want a man at all, but she said the words to illustrate their emptiness. men roamed. at least as queen, satsu would be able to have some sort of control over him.
she felt as though the question was a trap to see if she desired pharaoh. silently she waited for her superior's answer, wondering if it would kindle anger.
unlike most of the population of akashingo, of the coyote beasts that pharaoh kept around and the servants that attended to her, satsu could not think of a single person that she fancied in such a way.
she thought of ramesses' face as tamar spoke pleasantly of it, finding nothing offensive about her phrasing, and certainly nothing that rankled her spirit. she considered the man to be good looking too, but it was his own knowledge of himself that put her off further consideration.
that and his willingness to share himself, to indulge.
i do not mind his wandering eye,
she remarks, and this is truth. but... he speaks to me of heirs. i must wonder if he has some already, somewhere. and if they might come calling at akashingo in the future.
it wasn't so strange a thought, as easy as pharaoh was when carousing with his collection.
i do not like that he... carries on, with jawahir. or with others.
her head ached in pulses now, lessening as she lay there. her eyes had opened to slivers enough to see the sandstone of tamar's cloak.
but i do not think i can change him. i do not think i have that right.
tamar had not expected to become satsu's counsel.
she listened until the queen had finished speaking. it was easy to believe that their pharaoh had already been prolific. tamar did not have a proper response for what it was she felt the other asked.
"i am the last daughter of my father's third wife." it was the entire reason the desert girl found herself here now. she had not grown upon knowing the patriarch of her small clan. he had never visited tamar with a fatherly air, only one of frustration and impatience.
she had been tolerated until the night the traders came. abalone, they had called it. tamar had watched her father's face lighten. for three pieces of the sea-coin she had been sent with them.
"his first wife knew that the sons she did not bear would take away her power. she told him it was her right to control his lesser wives. his concubines. it was she who chose when he would be visited. it was she who chose who might conceive." tamar breathed. "you cannot change a man like pharaoh. but you do not have to suffer."
what tamar shared with her gave satsu reason to think back, imagine her own father, her own mother, and consider that many there were more pieces to her family than she knew. she had never questioned her father before; never considered that perhaps there was more to the bloodline than herself, her sister, and her twin brothers.
the way that the maiden spoke of her home, those that came before her own mother, gave rise to some ideas within satsu. these she kept to herself; so much thinking and idle conversation was beginning to wear upon her aching brain.
a hesitation came after tamar's words.
then, motioning for the girl to move away from her suddenly, satsu declared, i am hungry, go, find me something. a mild thing, or some grass, to settle my stomach.
she really did not have the appetite, but no longer wanted the woman around her.
satsu did not speak.
but when she did again it was to dismiss tamar. the girl gingerly unfolded herself from the warm pelts upon the queen's bed and slipped to the cooler floor. "yes, highness."
she knew what she could bring. the oddity of the morning stayed with tamar as she left the chamber. and once outside of it, once beyond satsu's demands for a time, the maidservant walked with a lighter step than she had since arriving in akashingo.