whenever possible, satsu sat with
@Crowfeather and tended to him. she did not speak a word; taking whatever slate gave to her for his treatment, or stepping aside - but not out of the alcove - while he was tended.
germanicus was there also, often; seeing him brought their last conversation to mind and chilled the ascendant, furthering her silence.
his leg had been set and his wounds plastered with all manner of things. sometimes he mumbled in his sleep, which all but broke her heart.
Crowfeather stirred, eyelids fluttering until he was gazing into a hazy light and the familiar shape of-
S- Satsu,
the dark wolf croaked quietly. All the pain in the world could not have concealed his smile from the young woman. For a moment, the dark figure forgot himself and attempted to stir to move toward her. The familiar features of the woman looked so saddened, so pensive, that he wondered what had happened to cause such a disturbance.
Wh-
the words were difficult for him to get out. The dark wolf’s tongue felt thick and heavy in his mouth, unable to form words that had once been so easy. Wh-What doing here?
Crowfeather finally coughed out, wincing at the feeling in his neck and shoulders.
he roused, speaking her name.
at first satsu thought he was still dreaming.
he struggled to move and she snapped her gaze towards him, moving swiftly, although the look on her face was cold, and as soon as she was able satsu made him lay down.
what doing here?
he sounded like he was missing some teeth.
still, she couldn't speak. couldn't look at him for long.
tension coiled in her neck and shoulders, flexed the muscles down her spine. she moved silently to gather something from beside his bed - a large leaf wrapped around a plucked bird.
if he could talk, he could eat.
She did not speak to him.
Crowfeather gazed at her, slipping quickly from confusion to fear.
Ssatsu,
he lisped sharply, the woman’s name whistled into the air through the gaps in his teeth. She had her back to him and was preparing something, but the shadow felt as though she had intentionally shielded herself away from his eyes. The very idea burned him, flushing his cheeks and filling him with frustration, with bewilderment.
What doing?
Crowfeather asked her, voice rising slightly. It was difficult to talk. His tongue felt thick and challenging to maneuver in his mouth. The spaces where his teeth had been made easy escape holes for the muscle and he struggled to keep it contained. Absentmindedly, he drew the tongue along his muzzle and felt the indentation of wounds there. Wuh… wuh happen? Ssatsu?
the boy pressed, his tone shifting audibly as he became incensed by a myriad of feelings. they were not limited sensations by any means. satsu felt them too, had been feeling them; her own cacophony that she kept tightly controlled.
it was why she could not look at him.
but crowfeather moved again, spoke again. he sounded as if he begged for something of her—and her chosen reticence wasn't helping. a sigh permeates the air.
she takes the food and places it closer to him.
i am only worried for you.
which was a half-truth.
she looked to the frail bird and indicated with a sway that it was for him to eat, and that she would be there to watch.
Why was he laying down while she fretted over supplies, over food for him? Crowfeather felt the creep of shame rise and overcome the confusion. The chill in the air made his skin feel thin and his bones felt as though they protruded from his dark figure.
Satsu’s sigh struck him, like a piercing fang. It was an exasperated noise, a tired one that filled the air around them and swelled inside of his dark chest. The shadow found himself, only in that moment, aware that he might have been in trouble instead of a welcome guest. A nervous waver of his tail brushed against his torn ankle – it had been re-set back to its place.
Bewildered as he was, Crowfeather was still capable of showing his privilege. The princeling lifted his chin upward, feeling his flesh tighten around his throat. There was another wound there.
Who hurt?
me-
The food remained ignored. He would not give it his attention, no matter how his belly ached. There were more important matters at hand.
seeing him in this state was almost too much. satsu thought about how much easier it was to be here while he slept, and felt the guilt of the moment acutely. he couldn't move well, he couldn't even speak! and his memory; germanicus had made it clear to her when she'd wanted to come and tend to him, that he had woken and he had forgotten himself.
now he plagued her with questions she could not answer.
i do not know,
the queen ascendant answered, her voice meek, her spirit withdrawn. there were many ways to end up like this, she reasoned — the obvious answer, the truth, was too hard for satsu to explain. please, crowfeather, eat. you must get better.
a hitch in her voice.
all the power in the world could not stop satsu from feeling useless here and now; if only she could demand the pain be gone, command his body be fixed, and be truly god-like, as was promised by pharaoh. she pushes at the bird in its bundle and frowns over it.
please.
The dark wolf lowered his head in shame and plucked at the bird she had left for him.
The way that Satsu spoke made Crowfeather feel as though he had done something horribly wrong. The burning sensation that he felt beneath his flesh was unbearable, but he clenched his teeth and pulled softly at the meat of the bird until he had taken a bite of it, and then another.
When Crowfeather had finished all he could manage, he nudged the bird toward her and averted his eyes. Satsu was different from the girl he had remembered in the forest. She was colder, sharper, more severe than she had been in the wood. There was a tiredness in the way that she spoke to him. The dark wolf did not understand how they had arrived at this point, but he could not help but feel it was his fault.
M’sorry,
the shadow whispered, lowering his head to his paws and turning from her. For what, he did not know.
you do not know what you are sorry for.
satsu countered, too swift, too biting in her tone, before sighing softly.
she tidied up the remains of the bird. there was much meat left, but she did not know what to do with it. one of the fellahin could take the rest for all she cared; put aside, out of sight.
it was hard to be here. he was ignorant to what had happened, clearly enough, and satsu had no heart; she could not explain the circumstances of his injuries without letting her emotions take hold. better to be cold, she thought.
rest, now. we have a healer tending to you, her name is slate, do heed her. the others, the fellahin, will bring you any -- any food, any drink,
her voice felt tight, her mouth dry.
i need you to get better, karasu.
No, Crowfeather did not know why he was sorry, only that her tone suggested that he should be and that he was causing her a great deal of discomfort by acting the way he had.
It weighed a great deal on his chest, thinking that he might have behaved in a dishonest way. It hurt him to think that he had done anything to make Satsu upset, or that he might have been the reason her voice had grown cold and curt. Crowfeather did not understand anything that had happened since he had woken up in the caverns of Akashingo. He knew only that the familiar presence of Germanicus had been the only thing that had held him together.
Karasu-no…hane,
Crowfeather repeated in a whisper. It had been the name she had given him when they had talked in the woods.
Tears stung his eyes, and he tucked his muzzle away from her. He did not want her to see him cry like a child.
as he turned away, carrying with him the name that had been a gift, he wept softly.
satsu was thankful for this. he would not see the sheen across her own eyes, the pinch of her features.
it seemed a suitable time to distance herself; there were other matters to tend to beside crowfeather's injuries, and he had a dearth of assistance around him, so she took this moment to withdraw.
the boy could be left with his feelings while the queen ascendant swallowed her own.
Satsu said nothing to him.
Though he could not place why, her silence stung. Crowfeather felt his chest heave softly when she had slipped from his resting place. He closed his eyes tightly and wished that Germanicus would appear, would speak rationally and not without kindness, and could chase away the strife that the shadow felt.
As he drifted back to fitful sleep, the dark wolf dreamed of a fox that hunted through the forest, and Crowfeather was its prey.