when germanicus returned to akashingo, it was without fanfare.
letting
@Sihaya go where he would, the eagle sought
@Crowfeather at once. he was dripping from a cold rain and paused at the door to shake it away.
once there, he paused, unsure of what he might find.
the eagle cleared his throat and entered what had once been his chambers, streaked with long days of travel. the yellow eyes looked for the shadow's own.
The soldier’s absence had been felt deeply by the shadow. He did not like feeling that he had been left behind. He liked even less that he felt he was a stranger in Akashingo. Crowfeather had been there before, but his memories of the place had been stolen from him. In his sleep, he had managed to recover only fractions. It had not been enough for him to understand.
Germanicus’ voice drew the dark wolf up, alert. The boy’s eyes searched the den and landed on the greyed figure of the older man, dripping from the rain, weary in every inch of his being. Crowfeather softened, his tail thumped against the ground. The shadow gritted his teeth against the tears that pricked his eyes. He cursed himself internally, begging that he take control of the feelings that spun within him.
Germanicuss,
he whistled the man’s name in a croaking voice.
germanicus was aware that ears listened in akashingo
but crowfeather's voice drew him at once to the bedside. he saw the wounds healing. he smelled the plants that slate had used. his eyes searched the depths of the shadow's own.
"there was no war. she is gone. run off. ursus follows her."
it was not what he wanted to say. it was only what he knew how to say.
the eagle crept closer, lowering himself to his haunches. in this small distance he could take crowfeather's own scent, beneath the medicinal wafting.
his eyes welled with an anguish that he showed quite rarely. the soldier cleared his throat.
The man spoke of his ventures, saying that there hadn’t been a war, only a fleeing monster and those who followed her. Crowfeather nodded his head solemnly at the thought. He knew that he did not understand the importance of it, only that it had returned Germanicus to him. Nothing else mattered, or so he thought.
The eagle’s wet figure moved closer and settled into the room, near the shadow. Crowfeather inched toward him with a wince. His slender muzzle reached out tentatively, sniffing at the man’s figure with great care. The dark wolf prodded with his nose and then drew his gaze up to meet the man’s. He was so grateful that Germanicus had returned. He did not know what he could say, how he could convey this without seeming like a child who had grown homesick.
You are not injured? You- You’re safe?
he asked shakily. The lantern glow of his eyes was fixed on the older man’s features. He looked as though he had aged, like the months had drawn life from him. Crowfeather wished he knew why.
"uninjured. safe."
when crowfeather reached to him, germanicus felt warmth extending through the aspects of his body gone so cold.
the shadow would live. slate and the queen had assured it. the eagle was in their debt.
not a word of this would he say to crowfeather.
"can you remember?" his voice was hushed in the semi-darkness of the moonlit room. the cool of the breeze overhead whistled. germanicus stiffened with a chill, throat feathering a grunt.
Relief met the silvered man’s words. The dark wolf lowered his head with a breath of a sigh and nodded, grateful that the soldier had returned, eager to know when they could move on from that strange place.
Moonlight glittered from Germanicus’ damp coat. Crowfeather thought that he would have liked to see the rain, if it wasn’t too cold. He would have liked to venture from the quiet of the caverns and into open air, to free himself of the prison where he had been left to heal. The dark wolf wished only that he could offer a single glance to the eagle and they two would journey on, over the eastern mountains to whatever destination Germanicus had in mind.
I remember piecesss,
he answered nervously. Ssmall conversssationss. I do not know- I do not know if they were real. I do not know what sssome of them mean.
Crowfeather placed his chin to his paws and sighed. His eyes did not leave Germanicus. He felt it had been so long since he had rested his gaze on the older man’s weathered features. It was a sip of the purest spring water after days of trekking through endless sun.
When can we leave?
the sound of air hissing between the shadow's teeth hurt the eagle's heart.
he never should have forbidden crowfeather from leaving. that had been the moment, had it not?
but he could not even ask. the young traveller was not present with him in a way that he understood.
"you must get better, crowfeather," germanicus murmured. "you must — heal."
learn to walk. learn to live with pain.
he suddenly loathed himself.
"i thought of your face while i was in the mountains."
the words slipped beneath the rein and into their reality.
The soldier was softer when he spoke, softer than Crowfeather could remember him being. The dark wolf nodded his head at the response, unsurprised. It was silly to have asked, he knew. The ankle that had been broken still pained him. It took a considerable effort just to move himself around the cavern, trying to work the muscles in his lean frame to keep them from diminishing.
How long do you think? Before we can go?
he asked instead, hoping that he would put it in Germanicus’ mind that he did not wish to remain there, no matter who he had to tend to his wellbeing. Crowfeather was still dedicated to their original plan of traveling east.
When the eagle spoke again, of his time in the mountains, the shadow was silenced.
A smile lingered on his lips. His eyes searched the older man’s features hungrily. Crowfeather wished to tell Germanicus that there was not a single moment in his absence that the injured yearling had not pictured him, seen his expressions, imagined the summerlight yellow of his eyes. I think of you all the time, he forced himself to swallow the words.
Were- Were they good thoughts?
he whispered instead.
"yes."
there was more unsaid. he wanted to turn his face away before crowfeather saw the tension of his jawline and saw the words behind his mouth.
germanicus sighed into the close, medicinal air of the little room.
"i think you must mend until spring. i think — perhaps we will not know until spring."
his voice ached. his heart ached. he had seen such grievous injuries before. that crowfeather breathed and spoke and lived now was a tribute to slate's skill.
"pharaoh has — suggested that i claim the canyon where the saints once lived. as an outpost."
the yellowgold eyes slid to the shadow's face.
The dark wolf could not help but to lower his muzzle into his paws and hold it there, trying to conceal the expression that had taken over his face. The man’s response warmed him, filled him with sprites that danced and sung, but he did not want to reveal as much. Crowfeather only wanted the warmth in his cheeks to subside and leave him to converse with the man.
Germanicus surprised him with his next words.
That they would need to wait until spring, and then that the Pharaoh had suggested Germanicus should claim the canyon where the Saints had been. Crowfeather gaped slightly, his eyes wide upon the older man’s face. Why would the Pharaoh wish to send the soldier anywhere? As if that were not confusing enough, the seer could not understand why the eagle would listen.
You told him that you have other planss, yess? To go eassst?
Crowfeather studied him closely.
You ssaid you did not wissh to lead.
germanicus felt himself tense.
"he knows i will leave when you are well."
in this much he had dedicated himself.
"i found you at the base of a cliff. crumpled. bleeding. the saints struck you, and i —"
why did crowfeather make him falter as nothing else did? he could not bear to meet the asking eyes. he was afraid to see pleading there.
"they cannot be allowed to come back. i do not want to lead. but i will adapt. and you — you will be safe."
he swallowed.
"the canyon is a three days' march. it is not so far. when the heavy storms come, i will stay in akashingo."
with you.
he inhaled. he cleared his throat. he finally looked at crowfeather. "when you are healed, i will go east with you." nothing in this had changed. he must only be sure that he could truly ensure the shadow's safety.
the eagle felt suddenly what it must be. he had failed as a man.
My apologies for having been slower… I found out my pet is ill, and it’s taken quite a bit of my time and mental fortitude. I will probably be a bit slower for a little while but my writing with you is still a priority.
The information that Germanicus offered left Crowfeather feeling troubled. The dark wolf did not understand why he had ventured to the Saints without the soldier at his side. He could imagine leaving Germanicus even upon command, let alone of his own free will. None of the fragmented conversation pieces he could recall explained it, either.
It did not settle well with the shadow.
You could not sstay here? He will only let you go to the canyon?
the yearling asked in a tentative voice. He was angry at how uncertain he sounded. Crowfeather only wished to clarify. If Germanicus could remain at the mesa while he continued to heal, would that be unacceptable to the Pharaoh? What had they done to become so indebted to this mysterious man?
Crowfeather sighed. The light in his eyes had dimmed as he sunk and contemplated the information he had been given.
Germanicuss, I feel I sshould apologize, but-
I do not know why.
The dark wolf shook his snout.
I did ssomething bad? Now you musst make up for my misstake?
<333 we can fade this one after another round if u like!
germanicus shook his head. "do not apologize. you did nothing wrong."
a sigh.
"i may stay in akashingo as long as i like. but i do not want to be here. i wish only to know that you are growing well. i must do something, crowfeather. i feel that my nerves become more frayed with each moment i remain."
he looked to the shadow now. "i must work. it is my lot. when you are ready, i will bring you to see what i have made."
and then after — but the eagle was not certain of this now.
Germanicus spoke more than Crowfeather had anticipated he would.
The dark wolf nodded his head, eyes trained furtively on the man’s face as he spoke. Akashingo was not a place for him. He needed to be elsewhere, to be busying himself with work. It was not a sentiment that struck true with the young wolf. He had only ever run away from the things that had plagued him. Germanicus did not seem the type.
It is okay, Germanicus,
the dark wolf spoke after several minutes.
He didn’t want the silver eagle to feel as though he was obligated to remain in Akashingo. It had been Crowfeather who had gone and injured himself. It had been the yearling who had halted their course of action and planted them upon the mesa, underneath the ruling of the Pharaoh. Why should Germanicus be made to suffer?
I do not want you to be somewhere you are unhappy.
I only wish to go with you, wherever it is you may wander.
A pause.
I cannot wait to see what you make...
:
germanicus smiled, though it did not reach his eyes.
"you will help me to build it."
on a whim he reached to tuck the edge of the bedfurs more comfortably around the shadow. it was indulgent. he allowed himself the barest pleasure of crowfeather's nearness.
"i will leave you here. i know the queen will visit you later as well. please rest."
the yellow eyes requested it.
Crowfeather felt his heart soar at the very thought.
How could he help Germanicus? The man was mighty all on his own. Though he did not believe that there was much he could do to offer the stalwart figure, Crowfeather still nodded his head fervently at what had been said. Anything he could do, he would.
Thank you, Germanicus,
the shadow breathed and lowered his head to rest. The darkness of the cavern and the resting place overcame him. Before long, sleep carried him away to a world of dreams.