Wolf RPG

She was restless today; she needed to get away from the glacier. Meerkat didn't feel particularly social, so rather than escape into the crowds currently gathered around her homeland, she slipped west. She crossed the nearby moraine and paused to look around before deciding she would visit Nova Peak to the north.

But even as she turned and began trotting in that direction, another thought hit her. She paused right outside the grotto at the mountain's foot, turning to squint westward again. She owed @Njord a visit, didn't she? Despite how high-strung she felt lately, a visit to Sapphique seemed like a properly bonnie idea to her.

Meerkat lifted a paw off the ground in preparation to head that way when the fur on the back of her neck prickled. Certain she felt eyes on her back, she snapped her head over her shoulder and squeaked out a surprised, "@Sialuk?"

She had done her best to remain silent as she followed Meerkat. Not because the raindrop did not want to talk to her village-sister, but because it was a good time to practice such a skill. If she was caught—which she soon was—there was no danger in being found.

Meerkat! I use you to practice sneaking skill, she said, a grin on her normally downcast features. Where do your paws take you? Sialuk asked. The Redhawk was moving away from the glacier, and Sialuk wondered of the destination.

A breath whooshed out of her as Sialuk offered an amiable greeting, then asked where she was headed. Although she felt a wholly uncharacteristic twinge of annoyance at being followed, Meerkat could not stay upset with Sialuk beyond a second or two. It wasn't her friend's fault that she'd made herself an easy target, nor that Meerkat's mood was mysteriously mercurial lately.

"I was going to Sapphique to see a friend," she replied, turning to more properly face the white she-wolf. She found herself admitting, "That's not what I was doing out here originally, though. I just needed to get away for a bit." Meerkat paused, eyes resting contemplatively on Sialuk's pale features. "I didn't want to bring down the room the other day... but things have been a little rough lately."

Sialuk's face was thick with concern when Meerkat explained her mood. The raindrop did not know Sapphique, but to hear that "things have been rough" for her village sister was worrisome. What makes rough for you? she asked. Perhaps there was some way Sialuk could help, even if it were only by listening.

Sialuk likely knew all about the illness sweeping through the herds, as well as the tragedy that had struck the glacier's leadership. But that wasn't what she was asking about. Meerkat took the keywords "for you" to heart and decided to unburden herself to another young woman who might understand her plights.

"I liked this guy a lot," she began, "and I didn't think he liked me back. But he said he could like me back, if he let himself." Even as she said the words, Meerkat felt a ripple of distaste, some embarrassment too. "We had another discussion the other day and he started talking about having children with me. It was exciting at first, until I realized he skipped right over the whole courting and romance part entirely."

She paused there to breathe for a moment, eyes searching Sialuk's face, seeking a kindred spirit or validation of some kind. "I want to fall in love and get married, then have kids, you know? But," Meerkat continued, eyes falling away with a bitter sigh, "none of that seemed to compute with him."

Sialuk's mouth twisted when Meerkat explained her trouble. She thought briefly of Kigipigak. And while the situation was not an exact mirror, Sialuk did feel echoes of her own life in the story.

Hunters are not often wise, Sialuk said. I have dreamt of an ugi for myself since I was a child, and yet no hunter I have met has come close to being worthy. Foxfur, perhaps, but Sialuk had scarcely seen him in the past months. Whether that was her fault or his... well, she did not know. If he had wanted her, would he not court her? And Kigipigak, he had said that he would not fight for her, which was his custom to do so if he had wanted her.

Sialuk related her own troubles with finding a worthy man. Worthy… Meerkat murmured, fighting a sigh. Is it so much to ask? For a man to show us how much we mean to him? At least, she assumed that was part of the issue for Sialuk too.

Meerkat lapsed into pensive silence for a beat, then shared, I knew he couldn’t give me what I needed, so I told him we didn’t belong together. And I know that was the right thing. I don’t want to spend my life wondering if my husband even really loves me.

The whole thing made her cringe, in hindsight. She should’ve ended things the first time Issorartuyok told her he’d never looked at her as wife material, then explained he could come to like her that way, if he tried. Thinking about it now made Meerkat let out a noise of disgusted despair.

Sialuk nodded, her heart in agreement with her village sister. A husband should make it known, she said. Sialuk did not wish to wonder the same of her own husband when she had one. But would that day come? Was she worthy of a husband? Perhaps Meerkat had these feelings, too.

What if I am not worthy of husband? came her voice, softer and weaker this time.

Naturally, her first instinct was to scoff at Sialuk’s question. She was a fine young woman, fair in feature, with the sweetest disposition. She was talented too. Any man would be lucky to have her. She was a total catch.

But Meerkat could absolutely relate. We shouldn’t let the men in our lives make us question our self-worth, she said quietly, although I know exactly what you mean. And how you feel. For what it’s worth, I think any guy would be super lucky to lock you down, Ms Fierce.

Sialuk knew this, deep down, but that did not make it so in her mind. What was true and what she felt, she had found, were often two different things. Still, it felt good to hear it from somebody else. Especially from Meerkat. There was a tiny little flame that sparked there, one that both confused and delighted Sialuk. The delight was peculiar, considering the raindrop's condition over the past several months. She could not place it, though she thought it was similar to something she had felt before.

Sometimes truth and heart speak two different songs, she said listlessly.

Meerkat pondered Sialuk’s statement in silence. Her encouraging words did not seem to uplift her friend the way she hoped. She peered a little more closely at that familiar, pale face, remembering how Sialuk had evaded her personal questions the other day. She wondered, what else was troubling her?

Is something the matter? Aside from men being disappointing, I mean. You can talk to me, if you want. Meerkat hoped she would. Maybe focusing on helping someone else with their problems would make her dwell on her own a bit less.

Sialuk considered. There was no reason she could not share with her village sister her troubles. She had shared this knowledge with anaa, and Meerkat was family in her eyes.

For many months, there has been a shadow on my spirit. The admission was easier this time. Different from when she had told anaa. Meerkat was closer to her in age, and Sialuk did not feel the same sense of pressure as she did when she spoke to Kukutux.

Although she understood the words, Meerkat didn’t really comprehend what Sialuk was saying. She understood sadness, especially in the wake of some event or another, but she had never heard it lasting quite so long or having no known cause.

What do you mean, when you say ‘a shadow’? Could you describe it to me? Meerkat asked gently. Did something happen?

Putting words to feeling was like trying to swim upstream.

Feeling like being trapped in snow ulaq, no exit. Sometimes see light, but not for long. It felt as though she had been stuck there for so long, it was difficult to remember when it had started. Do not think anything strange happen to cause it. Shadow come long after strange storm. But she had been distracted in those first few months. Her focus had been on Moonglow and getting it to a place of sustainability.

The metaphor was effective. Meerkat frowned. It deepened when Sialuk said nothing in particular had caused it. It sounded like her friend could use her counseling more than anyone else in her life ever had, and here she was, at a loss.

I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way, Sialuk. She wondered if finding a suitable mate might dispel it, though surely Sialuk’s happiness didn’t depend on finding a man. At least, hopefully not. Maybe… do you have any particular goals, other than finding an ugi? I’m just wondering if having something to focus on, and work toward, might help get you out from under this shadow…

Sialuk held the question in her mind, then in her heart, searching for some answer that would not come. It is a question for bones, she decided. It is a good question for asking. She did so much want an ugi just as her mother had sun man, but was there more to her future than that? She suspected the bones would be able to answer better than she could.

It is always joy to talk with you, Meerkat. You make sun shine brighter. Sialuk smiled, happy that Meerkat was here, even if it was only a temporary visit.

Bones? Meerkat thought, wondering if she should know what this meant. Something niggled at her, yet she couldn’t really recall any context. She was afraid to ask, lest she cause Sialuk further upset.

You definitely don’t have to come up with any answers right here, right now, but yeah, I hope that reflecting on it helps bring you some clarity… and light, Meerkat said, thinking again of the shadowy metaphor. I just wish I could be more helpful, she added modestly in the face of her friend’s flattery.

Hey, will you be okay? If I go on ahead to Sapphique? she asked gently, sensing this exchange reaching its natural conclusion. I can catch up with you later, after I return to the glacier, she offered. There’s the feast too. Maybe it would lift Sialuk’s spirits. If not, they could always steal away for another chat.

I will, Sialuk said, pressing her cheek to Meerkat's shoulder. Their friendship was special to the raindrop, and she treasured it as much as her relationship with anaa.