Wolf RPG

Reyes was alone, for now. He had journeyed back to Brecheliant's claim for a rest and then quietly, after some time there, slipped away. 

He roamed the hillside for a while. The snow had melted in many places and become sheets of ice, and while a new fall was on the horizon, it had not come yet. The clouds were clear above him.

Reyes took a moment to mark just off the path, and then moved on.

It was so weird being back at Redhawk Caldera. It was odd for Eljay, too. He'd only chosen this place because Teya had suggested it. Suggested a place they knew. It was true, though. Both he and Reyes knew this place, knew more about the patterns of the herds and the hunting of it. They needed a place like that. Teya was right, and still it had hurt more than Eljay'd thought to leave behind the Fen. His home.

This place was like an old coat that no longer fit. Eljay knew he'd grow into it, but not right now. When he noticed Reyes, Eljay went out of his way to catch up with him. Reyes! he called after the other, hoping to find some similar experience, there. After all, Reyes' experience in the Caldera were not all positive, either. Maybe he felt the same.

Reyes! A familiar voice called, and the presence of another wolf made Reyes spin, even bristle somewhat in surprise.

He half expected it to be Towhee or Phox, or someone else once loyal to this place. Someone that would shit all over his plans to take it for Brecheliant.

Instead it was only Eljay. Reyes' hackles smoothed when he recognized the man, and he murmured, hey, but didn't know what else to do except make room for the auspex beside him, and keep moving.

Reyes looked unpleasantly surprised as he heard the caretaker's voice, but Eljay took it in stride. He was probably just a bit on edge because of the move. A part of Eljay understood this, too; he, too, was a little flustered at being here again. It took some time to get used to it. However hard it had been to leave Redhawk Caldera, Eljay had realised during his time with Brecheliant that the Fen had been more of a home to him than Towhee's Caldera. A place where he had found family, and self-confidence that he didn't know he had through being entrusted to lead his new family from the shambles that Ibis' death had left it in.

When he saw it was Eljay, Reyes seemed to calm. He fell in stride besides Reyes and smiled at the other man. How are you holding up? he asked, hoping to get a grasp on how the move had impacted Reyes.

They walked together for a bit before Eljay did what Eljay always did: try to mend things.

He could most likely see that Reyes was more affected than usual. Or that he'd been taking more time away from the rest of the pack after the move had completed; that itself wasn't so unnatural, as he wasn't popular or social, but it was bordering on drastic these days.

I'm... He breathed in deeply as he spoke, and then held that breath, searching for an answer to satisfy the auspex. His mind wandered and when he let out that breath it was heavy, his jaw tightening against any real answer.

I don't know. He managed after, kicking a stick out of the path and unable to meet the man's eye. Its weird, being back here. Scowling down at the dirt now. I guess.

He was here, but his family wasn't. He'd gotten what he'd wanted - his home back, the right to exist where his children were born - but it wasn't right. His children were gone and like Towhee wanted, they likely would never come back. They'd never, in any lifetime, choose him.

At first it seemed as though Reyes was going to give the answer that he thought Eljay might want to hear. Something starting with 'I'm', which usually would result in '.. fine', '.. alright', or something similar. Then he paused, though, and Eljay trimmed his gaze ahead, allowing Reyes to take his time to process his thoughts. There was no rush.

When Reyes said 'I don't know', Eljay glanced at him briefly, but pushed his gaze back to their surroundings when he saw that Reyes was avoiding eye contact. He mirrored a lot of Eljay's initial thoughts and feelings about being back at the Caldera, there. Eljay admitted, I get that. It's weird for me, too. For another moment he was silent, but then, after what seemed to be a moment of hesitation, the Auspex elaborated. I don't know if I ever told you, or if anyone else told you what happened, but I didn't leave the Caldera in a very good place. I just felt pressured all the time, and everything going on... It was just too much. When I left eventually, I didn't even tell anyone about it. He sighed as he thought back to collapsing into Maia's arms and being asked to be brought to Brecheliant to live with her instead. He wasn't proud of it, wished he'd owned up to leaving, but he also knew that it had been one of the best decisions in his life. And he knew Towhee might've convinced (or guilt tripped) him into staying if he had decided to tell them. He had not been strong enough, then.

Eljay looked out into the Caldera's landscape as he added: I didn't realise how bad it had been for me, how mismatched Towhee and I were really, until I found a new family at Brecheliant. I guess I never really realised when I lived in her pack that no matter how hard I'd try, well... Nothing I could do would ever really, truly impress Towhee. Maybe it was unfair towards Towhee to think of it this way, but Eljay'd always felt like he wasn't good enough for her. When she had trained him after the battle at Blackfeather Woods — trying to get him to be something he was decidedly not. Towhee had come to appreciate him as a healer over time, he knew that, but he felt that even that appreciation had swiftly turned into being taken for granted, and being expected to excel again, more, in other areas. He'd never felt good enough, for her.

Maybe his personal story wouldn't be of much use to Reyes, but Eljay hoped it could be used to forge a better bond between himself and Reyes, and maybe help him open up a bit about his own experiences, too.

Reyes hadn't meant to invite an actual conversation, but once Eljay got on a roll he didn't stop the man. The more he listened the more alike they seemed to be when it came to Towhee or the Redhawks. That surprised him immensely.

Nothing impresses her, he would respond, huffing softly. Nothing is good enough for her.

Y'know why she kicked me out right? And here a pointed look shot towards Eljay, brows raised expectantly. Even if he did know Reyes would go on to explain: She thought I tried to kill my son. Even after I tried to explain myself and apologize - to her, to him, none of it mattered. I was out.

He felt the insult of it still, as if it were a fresh wound. After that there was nothing I could do. I think... I think even when we were together, I wasn't enough. She was just waiting for an excuse. It was what she did — use people until they were spent.

They were alike in that way. It was equally justifiable that Reyes loathed Towhee so much because he had loved her so much; and seeing parts of himself reflected back, that made it easy to hate her after-the-fact.

Whatever. They're gone now, and we're here. It'll be weird. Shaking his head lightly, Reyes resumed his patrol. He kept pace with Eljay in case there was anything else he wanted to say, in a rare social mood.

Eljay nodded when Reyes said that nothing impressed Towhee. The caretaker had often felt the same way. Of course, their relations to Towhee were vastly different. Eljay'd helped raise Towhee, and had been serving under her in her pack for a long time. Reyes had been her partner. Eljay could only try to imagine how much more difficult it had to be to be Towhee's partner than her relative; partners should be on equal ground. Eljay had a feeling that Towhee couldn't accept that. Not unless her partner was as fierce and unforgiving as she was, perhaps, in precisely the right ways.

Eljay did not, in fact, know exactly the details of why Reyes'd been kicked out of Redhawk Caldera. He always figured it was simply because Reyes and Towhee broke off their relations, and either she didn't want him in the Caldera anymore, or he decided it was time to leave. He was shocked to hear that Towhee actually kicked him out because she thought he tried to kill one of their children.

After Reyes finished speaking, Eljay nodded. Yeah. It'll be weird for a little while. But good, too, he hoped. They could reclaim this caldera and make it their own home again, without fear of being reprimanded for not doing good enough. Quite out of the blue, Eljay said: I'm glad you're here, Reyes. He looked away, a little awkwardly so. Eljay wasn't really sure how to say this sort of stuff, so he decided to just go out and say it. Reyes made Teya happy, and it somehow did Eljay good to know that he'd given a home to someone else who had failed to live up to Towhee's expectations.