Towhee languished in the days following Caracal's informative visit. She considered visiting Emberwood, though something held her back. She assumed her son had let them know she was here, yet none of them came to visit.
@Ruenna didn't come either. It made her feel a little forgotten, not that she blamed any of them. None of them needed her to lead or mother them anymore. She wasn't sure what else she could offer them.
She'd had it in her head that she would be a mentor here, yet despite her efforts, she didn't feel very connected. Towhee mulled this after she finished a patrol of the spine and found herself standing on its southern edge, peering across the distant river to the mountains along the horizon. She took a breath and made a split second decision, sending up a cursory howl to let anyone in earshot know she was leaving the territory and would return shortly.
Some amount of time later, she found her way to the foot of the Sunspire Mountains range, then followed her nose to the edge of a canyon. This must be Mereo. She pondered calling for Rue or even
@Germanicus by name, though her recently low spirits prohibited it. Instead, Towhee howled for anyone who could spare her a few minutes' time.
Ruenna had been sorely disappointed to hear that she'd missed Towhee the last time she visited the area, and she was not about to miss her again. She limped her way toward Towhee's call, fighting through the pain with grim determination. The cold had a way of exacerbating her back pain, and the low temperatures of this week had been particularly torturous.
It was probably time to ask
@Aquene or even
@Qiao for medical intervention. She just hated the idea of taxing their small store of medical supplies, which needed to go to the soldiers first.
Ruenna attempted to mask her winces as she approached Towhee, smiling despite the pain. Her tail waved merrily.
"Hey, Towhee!" Ruenna barked. If she could have, she would have skipped over to her friend, she was so happy to see her.
"How's it going in Moonglow?" Rue genuinely wanted to know, but her good friend would likely discern an additional piece of that question that was just a little bit teasing. When Germanicus had informed her of Towhee's whereabouts, Rue could have been knocked over with a feather. Who would have ever thought that Towhee would be the one to join Kukutux's pack, and Ruenna would be the one in a leadership position in a military outpost?
Seeing Rue's familiar figure hobbling toward her had an immediate and profound effect on Towhee's spirits. Maybe Rue couldn't manage a skip, but she sure as hell could. She closed the space between them, pausing for only an instant before gingerly throwing her forelegs around the woman's neck. Towhee embraced Ruenna for a solid thirty seconds before releasing her and backing up half a yard so they could actually communicate.
Because they'd enjoyed a close kinship for so many years, Towhee didn't hesitate to confess, -"I don't think I fit in there. It's nothing they did,"- she was hasty to add, -"and nothing I did either, for that matter. I'm grateful that they took me in but... I don't know. Anyway, tell me all about Mereo!"-
The hug was not expected, but it was very much welcome. Ruenna hummed in contentment, wagging her tail furiously. "I'm so glad to see you," she voiced. Even though Towhee couldn't see the words she was speaking, Ruenna was certain that she would feel them, somehow.
Ruenna tilted her head in concern when Towhee mentioned not fitting in, although Towhee did rush to clarify her statement.
"Well.. I admire you for even trying with Moonglow," Ruenna told her, "I know it's pretty far out of your comfort zone." Ruenna wasn't sure you could find two more different wolves than Towhee and Kukutux. She wanted to know more about Towhee's decision to join with Moonglow-- namely why. The only thing that Ruenna could think of was maybe Towhee had met a man there.
But Towhee wanted to know about Mereo, so Ruenna obliged her.
"Mereo is really.. different from anything I've ever tried to do before. It feels more like a project than a pack, and an experimental one at that. ..I think it's going well, but I really don't have a bar to measure against." Ruenna gestured over her shoulder, waving Towhee into the canyon. "You want to have a look?" She had no desire to keep an old friend standing out in the cold.
The words "project" and "experimental" really piqued Towhee's curiosity. Before she could press Rue for more details, her old friend invited her to come see the canyon for herself. She hesitated, old instincts welling up inside her. Did she really want to enter another pack's territory, especially one that looked especially difficult to escape? But this was Ruenna, of course, so Towhee quickly unlocked her limbs with a nod and a smile, gesturing for her friend to lead the way.
"I want to hear more about this experimental project pack... and your relationship with Germanicus. I heard you guys got hitched and might even be planning a family. I'm thrilled for you, Rue," Towhee said, her words genuine. She ignored the envy that sprang up within her, an insidious voice in her head reminding her that she'd already had her run.
Ruenna wasn't sure how much Germanicus had told Towhee about Mereo, but it seemed like she knew quite a bit about their married life. "Oh.. yes," Ruenna confirmed, glad that they were walking so that she could better conceal her rather silly, shy smile. "I haven't had many, um, years in which pups would have been possible..." Ruenna hadn't ever gone into heat under Towhee's leadership. She hadn't under Liri's leadership either.
"..But I think this year will be different." Ruenna could already tell her heat was coming. She had more energy, snapping and buzzing inside of her during her waking moments. Her sleeping moments were spent huddled tightly against Germanicus, as if they were magnetized.
Really, both of Towhee's questions were wrapped up in one another. "Mereo was originally a military outpost, and Germanicus was solely focused on training up soldiers. I suggested adding civilian ranks to fill supportive roles, and now I oversee these wolves." Mereo was a place for career development and employment first, which was very different from the familial packs Ruenna had previously known. Ruenna limped a few paces in contemplative silence. "Between Germanicus and I.. our working relationship was established first, and it's the foundation of our marriage. Our personal relationship is still developing.." Ruenna's shy smile returned. "But it's going very well." There was a flicker of mirth in Ruenna's eyes that would make it clear that Ruenna was pleased with Germanicus and optimistic about their future.
Changing the subject, Ruenna asked, "Would you tell me about Moonglow, and how you came to be with them? I've been so curious..." Ruenna would have been on Towhee's doorstep with her questions the moment she heard she was invited, if it wasn't for the pain that plagued her and restricted her travel.
Towhee's face softened when Ruenna spoke about her hopeful litter. It was strange to think she would've once denied—perhaps even had denied, not that she could actually remember—permission for Rue to breed under her rule. It made her think of how she would now have to seek permission if she changed her mind about another litter. She had nothing against Kukutux, but the entire premise put such a bad taste in her mouth. Now that she was on the flip side of the equation, it made her resent her past self in a strange way. It was an instinctual drive, of course, but still...
She concentrated on her friend's lips as she regaled her about Mereo. Had Rue told her about this? Had Germanicus? Why did they need to train up soldiers? She didn't get a chance to ask before Rue shifted gears, speaking to her marriage to Germanicus. Towhee couldn't help but laugh, thinking of Meerkat's idyllic romance versus Ruenna's approach, which suited Towhee's tastes much more. A good partnership was more important to her than silly romance too. Even with Reyes, she had never been what anyone might call romantic.
Rue turned the spotlight back to her momentarily. "I don't know," she said, thinking. "I was wandering and came across this big caribou hunt up north. Moonglow had temporarily settled right by Duskfire Glacier. Some dude whose name I forget took me to meet Kukutux and I don't know," Towhee repeated. "We got along okay and I needed someplace to crash. Meerkat was nearby. But then we moved back to the pack's actual territory. I've been trying to find my place, maybe even as their second hunter, but I just don't feel like it's clicking? And then Caracal visited me not long ago—he and Killer are still traveling together—and told me Bronco and Fennec are starting a pack on the other side of the mountains. Fig's with them, apparently." Her stomach tightened. "I just feel like if I tried to join them, or Meerkat—who's landed a guy in Sapphique, by the way, and since moved there—or here, even, I'd just be..." Towhee searched for a word, then finished, "intruding." Or, in other words, unwanted.
Towhee had a lot to say, and very little of it was reflective of what was actually going on in Moonglow. Ruenna's features softened sympathetically as Towhee delivered updates on all of her children, who had moved on to bigger things and no longer needed their mother. Towhee was struggling to feel relevant now that leadership and motherhood were behind her, and Ruenna could absolutely identify with that feeling. She had struggled with similar feelings around her own disability, searching for a role she could fill to be productive now that she could no longer scout.
Towhee's explanation filled in a lot of gaps for Ruenna, which she appreciated. She had visited Moonglow herself several moons ago, but she had found the territory abandoned. It was good to hear that nothing unfortunate had befallen Kukutux and her followers.
Towhee finished speaking, and Ruenna stopped in her tracks. "Intruding..? Towhee, nothing could be further from the truth." There was a time a few moons ago when she thought that she had offered Towhee advice for the final time, but clearly some things would never change. "If things aren't clicking in Moonglow, I'm betting it's because you're not a Second Hunter--" Towhee wasn't a hunter at heart; she was a fighter. "--You're a Master Warrior and Guardian." Ruenna continued, "I know you've said you're done raising up kids, but what about raising up soldiers?" Germanicus conducted all of the training himself right now. Would he be open to the idea of having some help in this?
"It's just a thought," Ruenna relented with a shrug, realizing the pressure inherent in her question. She didn't expect Towhee to jump ship from Moonglow based on a single conversation, but Rue would do her best to dispel any thought that Towhee could intrude here in Mereo. Ruenna had already thought up a few very specific ways that Towhee could be uniquely useful here, with her particular skillset.
She swallowed thickly, feeling a little bit ashamed for reasons she couldn't quite pinpoint. She dismissed the feeling, in any case. Towhee could tell Ruenna just about anything without being judged, she knew. Perhaps her friend could help her navigate these peculiar emotions, this influx of low self-esteem.
And Rue did just that, without much preamble. Towhee's lips twitched at the unhesitating offer, shooting her friend a look that could express what it meant to her as she floundered to find her place in a world where she had begun to feel like some sort of has-been.
"To be fair, 'hunter' is kind of a misnomer with the role," Towhee injected with a quiet huff. "But I can't disagree with you there. It does sound right up my alley... but why, exactly, are you guys training up soldiers?"
Idly, she wondered what Rue would say if she told her she might've changed her mind about having more kids. It seemed completely pointless to bring it up, though. Towhee went back and forth with it herself and, anyway, she didn't have any prospects. Of course, she could do what she'd done prior to Reyes—that was, screw anything with four legs and a pickle—but now she either needed to get permission for that or quite likely find herself justifiably booted.
Towhee just shook her head lightly at herself, eyes focused on Rue's lips as she awaited more information on Mereo's mission statement.
Towhee actually sounded tempted, and so Ruenna was increasingly hopeful.
"Mereo is an outpost for Akashingo," she explained. "..And the most immediate threat would be the Saints. They attacked Akashingo, and a life was lost. Crowfeather was also injured severely, and he is still recovering in Akashingo. Akashingo's leadership saw a need for a stronger military presence to protect the area, and Germanicus volunteered to spearhead the project." Towhee would likely recall their previous conversation about the closeness that Crowfeather and Germanicus shared, and so it would be clear why this mission was personal for Germanicus.
"Also.. I think that this is sort of just Germanicus's.. calling in life. He was training Crowfeather as his student before everything with Akashingo went down. To me, this seems like the same thing on a bigger scale." Although Germanicus guarded much of his inner thought, Ruenna was a perceptive woman. Mereo was not just about revenge, or justice, or protection to Germanicus. It was fulfilling some additional drive within him-- Ruenna could see this, even if Germanicus himself could not.
The first few words out of Rue's mouth were a little disappointing. She supposed she didn't actually know a whole lot about Akashingo, certainly less than her friend here. And Ruenna didn't seem to mind being a representative of their outpost. Towhee's lips pursed as she mulled this, along with everything else the Matrona had to say about Mereo and its leader, her very own husband.
"Remind me about the Saints?" was Towhee's next question. Evidently they were a big enough threat that two standalone packs seemed necessary. If she came to live here, would she be signing up for some sort of legitimate war effort? If so, how did she feel about that?
She wasn't entirely sure—it would take more information, as well as time, to suss out her thoughts—but one thing Towhee could tell already was that she would certainly find a sense of purpose should she come to Mereo.
Ruenna nodded. Her gaze cast upward, tracing the rim of the canyon as she called to mind the details.
"So the Saints.. they were kind of the big bad guys around here for a while. They were led by Nyra and Kyraneth." In particular, Nyra was sort of the boogeyman around here-- she was the one responsible for the attack at Akashingo, after all. Ruenna had actually met Nyra once, and she didn't really understand the hype. Sure, she was big and scarred-up, but when Ruenna met her the impression she got was that Nyra was just a worried mom.
"The Saints were really good at starting fights and making enemies, and bad at letting things go. Eventually-- I guess they made enemies of the wrong people--" Rue was fuzzy on this part-- "The Saints fell, and they abandoned their territory. No one knows where they are now. The concern is that they are regrouping somewhere, licking their wounds and gathering support for another attack."
If Towhee listened carefully, she would likely pick up on the fact that while some considered the Saints to be a concern, Ruenna did not. Or rather.. there was a more pressing concern on her mind, but Towhee would not hear it unless she agreed to join Mereo. Ruenna was not used to concealing her thoughts from Towhee, and she was irked by having to guard her tongue with such a close friend. It was a reminder of how much she missed her friend, and how much she wanted her here.
Only when Rue spared a glance at their surroundings did Towhee do the same. She almost missed her reply, though she was an old hand at this balancing act. Her eyes fixed back on Rue's lips just in time to pick up the names of the "bad guys." She may or may not have made a noise, though she motioned for her friend to finish.
"I helped Kukutux chase Nyra out of Moonglow myself," she shared. "Do you remember Rye? Apparently, she attacked him once." Towhee's jaw tightened. "And then she went and fucked around behind Kukutux's back, so she was banished. I don't know where she went after that. It was less than a month ago. I want to say she's a dumb bitch, but she also struck me as a narcissist and a maniac, which makes her one hell of a wildcard."
The Redhawk fell into a pensive silence for a few moments, taking the reprieve in conversation as another opportunity to actually look at the place. It made her a little claustrophobic, though she couldn't deny that it was a well-fortified place to tuck a barracks. Could she see herself living here, down inside the rockery rather than up on top of it? Could she derive a happier existence in Mereo than Moonglow?
"How about I take some time to think about it. You talk to Germanicus and I'll talk to Kukutux. Whatever I decide, I'll visit again in a few days. You can finish the grand tour then, if appropriate." She smiled faintly, catching Rue's eye. "Honestly, it has a lot less to do with the where and the why. It's more about the who. It would be nice to be back with someone who's family."
Much to Ruenna's surprise, Towhee was able to report on Nyra's recent whereabouts. Never in a million years would Ruenna have thought that Nyra could lay low and assimilate into a pack like Moonglow, given all that she had heard about the woman.
Towhee shared her personal assessment of Nyra, which was on par with what everyone else seemed to think. "That's the general consensus," Ruenna confirmed.
Towhee asked for time to think, which was expected. She mentioned that her connection with Ruenna was probably the biggest deciding factor, and Ruenna smiled. Towhee's words earned her a nudge of affection. "I could definitely use some more family around here, too." Towhee had no idea how much she was needed. Ruenna imagined that the addition of someone like Towhee could go a long way towards easing the tension between the soldiers and civilians, and she would also help Mereo bridge the gap from a pack that was strictly military to one that had room for familial relationships.
Speaking of family...
"Hey-- I'm really glad that all the kids are doing so well. Who would have thought..?" Ruenna trailed off, shaking her head with a smile. Oddly enough, it sounded like the end of Redhawk Caldera had been the swift kick from the nest that they had been needing to really fly. "I love the thought of Caracal and Killer off together, having adventures and discovering the world.." Ruenna could have gone on gushing (Caracal had been a particular favorite), but Towhee seemed like she was trying to get going.
"Well anyway.. I'll see you when you get back," Ruenna agreed to Towhee's plan. They hadn't gotten to see much of the canyon-- Ruenna was a very slow mover, unfortunately. Germanicus would be a better tour guide for Towhee when she returned. He would be able to take her up to the patrol paths that snaked up the walls of the canyon and along the rim, which Ruenna imagined she would enjoy much more.
Ruenna would walk Towhee out and then part from her after a quick hug. She was glad to know it would only be a few days before they saw each other again.