Satsu had slipped outside the palace, thinking herself free of her guard for a time. When nobody was watching she let herself feel the sickness she had been hiding. One of the fast-running birds hurried out of the path; the smell of its feathers brought a new nausea to the queen, and after she threw up, she hastily buried the results beneath the sand. Now she sought something to cleanse her palate, so that she could hold this secret close for a while longer.
belen followed, breathless. "your majesty," the girl gasped out, taking draughts of air as she bobbed her head in some semblance of a bow. "the jodai has been found dead. along the river. a cat." belen's eyes were large. "pharaoh sent me to find you. you should not be without an escort."
suddenly belen-
the jodai--?
sabah!
the news surprised her more than the fellahin's arrival and briefly satsu forgot her own ills.
the queen hurried after her.
when? how?!
"not found. ah — there was a cat. i do not know when it happened. please come inside, your highness," belen rushed out, standing aside so they could take the path downward below the mesa. without a guardian for the queen, akashingo felt more vulnerable. but belen could not help the sensation of importance which beat in her breast. "i will keep close for the time being."
She would have made a quip, had the mood been lighter.
Keep me close? How close.
Perhaps she is alright. Luring the cat away from us -- protecting Akashingo,
Sabah had been a fine Jodai, chosen for a reason.
Instead the queen hurried alongside Belen and ducked in to the palace, following the corridor and turning immediately towards the alcoves, passing each. Stunned by the news; expecting somehow to see Arsenio within, to call him forth and demand protection.
Stupid.
Satsu was out of breath; it tasted fetid, she needed water.
belen nodded. she had not known sabah well, but any loss to the mesa was a loss to all of them. "come to the wellspring, lady," she urged. kasmut had taught her many things, and one of the others that jawahir had instructed was to remain submissive in satsu's presence. submissive. inviting. "allow me to bathe you. to distract you."
The girl pressed her luck. There was a softness to Satsu where Belen was concerned, but in that moment it was absent. The jodai was dead - and she was ordered to bathe?
Her jaw muscles flexed as she bit back her own response. Satsu refused the offer with a turn, and as she moved beyond, spoke differently: We must appoint a new jodai, see to it that the mazoi do not go seeking revenge. You know them by now; are any of such temperament?
Perhaps they did not yet know. Or they were neither inclined to care or - at worst - injured in the attack of the cougar as well. Satsu fluttered about trying to make up her mind.
Are others missing?
Her heart hurt to think of Sabah's last moments.
all at once belen realized she had said the wrong thing. while satsu spoke again, her mind was ticking back over the words. she reacted late and with a splay of her soft ears. "sakai would be my choice. and no. only — sabah." belen caught her breath and held it. "i think that we should choose temporary rooms, my queen, if only for some nights."
It made sense that she would need to relocate. The loss of the jodai would put them all at risk; especially so the queen mother, as her due date grew nearer. Satsu thought immediately to seek Ramesses and hide with him. She wanted to keep her condition secret though - even from her husband - for as long as possible, and was conflicted.
Alright.
She hurried to agree with the girl. Motioning for Belen to take the lead, as she was distracted by the weight of the loss, thoughts of the future, and the mild panic of everything combined.
she led the queen around two winding paths. the set of rooms were smaller and without rich furnishings. but she would bring what she could for the royal lady. to belen's untrained eye, satsu seemed different but in a way that was not easily ascertained. "while we are here, i could tell you a story. or — perhaps a game," belen said hopefully. "to take your mind off it all."
the queen took to her new room immediately. it was conjoined; two small rooms yes, but with a segment between. perhaps later she would ask for something to cover that second entry - then a guard could stay nearby, or belen herself. she did not do so immediately.
the jodai is dead.
yes, ah... a story,
satsu murmurs as she finds a wide spot upon the floor to perch, and welcomes the girl closer with a beckon, patting a spot near her.
where... did you come from, belen?
this was a true curiosity to satsu; though she had other things to worry about right now, perhaps this question would prompt a distraction.
what a boring topic. belen resisted the urge to roll her eyes. the queen must be distracted. and so the girl would spin a yarn instead of talking about neizan or zaira. "i came from a very odd place, great one. the trees had red bark. and the ground was green always, never covered with snow. my mother was a priestess. and my father was a nobleman who had his own wife." belen grinned, hoping to coax some of the stress from satsu's face. "i grew up with seven sisters and we were sent in seven different directions."
it was boring. that was what satsu needed now; something to bore her. something to keep her mind off of the terrible death of her friend and the curse that seemingly bled from the sands.
the girl did not seem pleased to be sharing but satsu cared little about that. she'd want what she'd want, and belen would provide like any good servant.
seven sisters. satsu did not look upon that comment with much scrutiny. seven sisters was a lot; and yet here she was, little belen, without any of them. she was not broken up by their absence. her mother, a priestess, and her father -- not here.
do you miss them?
the queen watched the servant girl's face as if it were new to her. she put aside the knowledge of every contour of that face and body now, studying her soul with those blue eyes seeking something profound to lift the weight that she felt.
the queen was staring so hard at her that belen thought she might lose her breath. "ah — yes. well, not all of them. my oldest sister was very mean to me. i am sure rosita is glad that i am gone." she shrugged, trying to put more passionate gestures into her story. "i miss my mother the most. she always sang very softly. and she always knew what i wanted to eat before i knew it." all of a sudden belen was not lying. she was describing zaira, and trailed away in shock and pain. the girl scrambled to recover. "shall i tell you about rosita? or perhaps carmen?" belen mused aloud.
the girl spoke of sisters. of a mother. a pang of regret flooded satsu as she was reminded of what she had lost between her fallen han and these wilds; things not thought of in a lifetime, people she chose to forget.
a father. her brothers. your mother,
she all but gasped, feeling somehow weak. she paced a few steps and then sank to her haunches, feeling relief as the weight slipped from her paws.
my mother used to... sing me songs. tell me stories. i always thought they were silly. i used to tell her to stop; roll my eyes, refuse to listen.
is that the kind of mother satsu would become? she had no stories she could tell. she had no songs memorized, not really. bits and pieces scattered through her memory.
satsu sighed. she shook her head and tried to ignore the discomfort in her belly.
when the queen sat so did belen, close but not pervading the royal space around satsu. she listened, glassblue eyes filling with a strange and wan longing. or maybe it was not so strange. "do you miss her?" the girl blurted, ears folding for a moment. "i mean —" but there was no way to save it. she only hoped that the queen would not be angry with her pushiness. "at times i miss mine. but — not always. i like it here."
She is silent.
Thinking of her mother, Satsu wanted to feel sorrow. The loss of her brothers had been hard on her - and the loss of her father. To not dance with her mother was a sad thought, but it also felt distant. The losses were many, far-off things.
Sometimes, I am surprised by thoughts of her.
She smiles despite the sentiment of her words.
We did not get along well. I was always very boyish, which she found greatly disappointing; she was always very traditional too, and her lessons were hard. She would be very surprised to find me now a queen.
Of course these were thoughts Satsu believed wholly, but they were not the pure truth. They were colored by her own experiences. If there was love between the mother and daughter it had died long ago.
I think if she were to meet Ramesses, she would be appalled.
Laughter, then - pouring out of Satsu in a bray she could not hold back. He is so different from the men of my home. From my father.
the queen showed a depth now that belen had not expected. like all the rest of the servants, the girl knew and sensed that there was more behind the deep blue eyes than the practiced aloofness that satsu usually showed. the royal's laughter sparked her own; she chuckled and found camaraderie in the queen, more than she had thought possible. "my own father would be surprised to see what i am now! maybe that is what we are meant to do: to shock. to awe." she dipped her head, hoping her words were not too brazen. but her eyes shone with interest. "you are a different wolf than she was. do you think you will carry her traditions forward?"