Wolf RPG

She stood at the edge of the caldera's crystalline lake, tipped her nose back, and howled for @Teya, @Maia, and @Eljay, her closest confidantes here, beyond her younger brother.

It wasn't something she could hold back any longer. She had made a decision, and she needed them to be the first to know. Lilitu paced along the show, ears tipped back, listening to the echo of her cry over the slopes.

A call so loud and so bold, she thought even the heavens could hear it.

And Mama. . .do you hear me? Do you see me?

The matter of Jawahir's question to Lilitu had been on Eljay's mind a lot lately (up until Maia's heat came around the corner, anyway). So much so that he had made a trip to Akashingo himself. It was the first time that Eljay'd ever left the territory to be diplomatic. He rarely left at all, usually. Akashingo was an interesting place, but he couldn't help but wonder if it was really suited for someone from Brecheliant. The culture was very different. And what if she didn't like it? He wasn't so sure that they'd allow her to walk out of there after a break-up and rejoin Brecheliant without some bad blood. It made Eljay nervous, but in the end he realised that it wasn't his decision at all. It was Lilitu's alone.

When she called it wasn't hard for him to imagine what she might be calling for. The matter'd drifted to the back of his mind ever since Maia's heat started, but now it was back in full swing with a shock. With a nervous twist in his gut Eljay nudged @Maia, inviting her to walk with him since the call was for them both and he did not want to be far apart from her for very long right now. He made his way to the gathering. Once there, he smiled at Lilitu. It was clear that he was nervous from the way the corners of his mouth drifted up — he was easy to read, as always — but he waited politely to hear what she had to share with them all.

Maia followed, remaining close to Eljay as she did. She only had some of the context for this situation, and was admittedly a little distracted. It was a bit of an in opportune time for a meeting, and she kept a slight nervous distance from the rest.

Luckily both Teya and Eljay were there to take point. Maia did wait to hear what Lilitu wanted to say, affectionate curiosity clear. Despite her current state, she cared deeply about her niece, and something was obviously in the works.

She was surrounded by her most beloved, most cherished wolves alive. She greeted them with gentle nudges and murmurs in turn, smiling broadly, drawing them into her orbit. And when they all had arrived. . .

My mother once told me she was rescued by a prince, Lilitu said. That prince was my father. And so, I was born. Now—how can I deny a prince, part of one of our allies?

She fell silent for a moment, swallowing, then continued. I think. . .I want to go, she whispered. I want to try, at least. And Teya said she'd bring me back, if things went wrong, she added, with a thankful look toward the woman.

But maybe they won't. Maybe this is my destiny.

Lilitu breathed deep, and looked to her leadership, head canted in question. What do you think?

Lilitu didn't waste time, getting right down to business after exchanging brief greetings with everyone. She shared that she thought she should go. Eljay couldn't help but wonder if she'd even met the man she was going to marry, if that was what guided her decision. It seemed wrong to choose without knowing what exactly you chose for. Their allies at Akashingo had been hospitable enough towards him, but everything was covered by a thin, pink veil that Eljay found it hard to look past. Of course they'd retrieve Lilitu if things didn't work out, but what if Akashingo wouldn't accept such a turn of events..?

Perhaps he shouldn't look too far into the future. Eljay nodded, though the worry never left his face. It's up to you, of course, Lilitu. You're always welcome to return here, for a visit or forever. Did you... Have you met the man..? He looked at her with a look, almost sternness, but also worry — Ibis wasn't here to guide Lilitu's steps, and somebody had to look over her like her parents would have. She was young, and Eljay knew that sometimes that made you made foolish decisions without enough thought.

If the three of them, Maia had the least context to draw from. On one hand her thoughts were similar to Eljay. She was surprised that Lilitu would jump straight to talk of marriage, but on the other - it was romantic, wasn't it? A bit like one of her stories, where fated or chosen love tended to grow with just as much magnitude as the ones found by chance. She wanted a family, and if this was how she felt she wanted to find it, Maia couldn't judge her. She likely would have done the same back when she'd worried that no one would ever come to love her back.

Maia didn't interject but waited for her to answer Eljay with an understanding smile. It was hard to hear she'd be leaving them, potentially, even just for a while. It was lucky that the other two were there to ask questions and distract from that, or hormones might have made it hard to get past it on her own.

The reactions were somewhat different. She chalked it up to culture, perhaps, or personality. Teya seemed more than willing to let her go, albeit with the caveat of alliance. Eljay seemed less certain, and Maya. . .well, Maya didn't speak at all.

She felt a ball of anxiety rise up her throat all of a sudden, and swallowed it down to continue.

Well, no, she remarked. I haven't met any of them, except for Jawahir. But I. . . Lilitu dipped her head, a little frustrated that the words wouldn't come to match her feelings.

A brief exhale through her nose, then she continued, looking at the trio. I want to be useful, she said firmly. If this helps our alliance, then all the better. And. . .I—I'm kind of bored, she continued, and looked abashed at the confession. Not that—I mean, I love you all. So much. But I've been traveling so often, and staying in one place. . .

But then, wouldn't she be tied down more in a marriage?

Oh, crud.

What would you do, Maya? she asked, directing her question toward the one wolf who hadn't chimed in.

Lilitu said she had not met with the man himself yet, which worried Eljay, but he said nothing of it. It was Lilitu's decision, after all, not his own. When she said she wanted to be useful, help their alliance, he cut in quickly to say, You shouldn't do this for us, Lilitu, only if it's what you really want. He knew too well the risks of trying to do what you thought was good for others. In the end, it was her life, and she should do what felt right for her, not for Brecheliant. Eljay'd never been one for alliances very much; he preferred to stick close to his pack. Brecheliant should be a place for that. They'd driven away Wraen to start Brecheliant once because of an alliance that didn't sit well with her, and so Eljay thought it was only right to think more of his own wolves than his alliances.

Lilitu then revealed that she was bored, which also worried Eljay a little. If she was bored here, what guarantees did she have to not be bored out there? It seemed the wrong reasons for him. Again, he didn't say anything, because he didn't feel like he should try to convince Lilitu to do one or the other thing. Instead, he simply said, Whatever you choose, it should be because it feels right for you. Disregard whatever it might bring or take from Brecheliant. In Eljay's opinion, it'd rob Brecheliant of more than it would give, but he left his statement neutral, because in the end, his opinion didn't matter very much here.

Lilitu asked Maia's opinion, and along with everyone else's, Eljay's eyes focused on his mate as well, waiting for her thoughts on it all.

They were all looking at her, Maia realized, and she swallowed. Eljay had said most of what she felt, and what else should she say?

If she was honest, it sounded like an awful idea. Maia didn't like the thought of her leaving to live with strangers, let alone marrying one, and hated that she thought she had to leave just because she was bored. Or just to find someone. Couldn't she search for happiness here, or closer to home?

I'll be sad to see you go, she said, looking down. But if that's really what you want... She wouldn't. She had never left her family, not even for the chance at love. Not even for Eljay.

I would at least meet them first. But traveling has always been enough for me. I've never needed to leave completely to find more. Her feelings were a tidge hurt by the admission, but she tried not to let it show. The last thing she wanted to do was guilt Lilitu into staying. If you do, that's okay. It isn't, but it has to be. She stopped talking, shutting her muzzle before she said something she would regret or that would mess this up.

It was at that moment that Lilitu realized how reliant she was on peer pressure. While Teya had encouraged, she now fell silent, and Eljay and Maia leapt into opposition. What was worse was the look on both of their faces, and she began to wilt, slowly—

Not in shyness, per se. Spite? No. Something more simple, emotionless, like a pair of fingers extinguishing a flame.

I— Lilitu began, but clamped her jaws shut. She couldn't get their eyes, their words, out of her face. She was devastated, and angry—she felt the emotions tumbling down and she looked down and gritted her teeth and

Fine.

Her head shot up, jaw clenched. No, you're right, she said, and her voice was cautiously void of feeling. It would— Yeah. You are my family, and if you don't think it's best. . .

She'd never encountered such opposition, and it was flooring her. 

She didn't do well being contradicted.

It was showing in spades.

Even though he'd tried to only encourage her to make her own decisions, it seemed as though the confidence that Lilitu had had on her decision dissipated easily. It's up to you, Lilitu. None of us will think badly of you for whatever you choose. He spoke confidently, a rare thing for Eljay to do when he spoke in the name of others; but he knew Teya and Maia well enough to know that they wouldn't think badly of Lilitu for choosing her own path. Just because they'd be sad if she left, it didn't mean they thought it best that she stay.

Eljay frowned, not sure how to fix this situation, but thankfully Teya stepped in with words of encouragement, telling her to think on it for a bit. Eljay nodded his head to all of what Teya said. He agreed with every single word, and he knew he couldn't have said it any better himself. Teya's right — we'll be here, and you can take however much time you'd like on making the decision. Eljay smiled softly at Lilitu, hoping that he could encourage her to think what she really wanted. He knew making decisions could be difficult; he'd faced choices in his own life that had not been easy. In his experience, though, whenever the decision was finally made, it was always a relief.

Her words had the opposite effect from what she had intended. Maia felt as if she'd been struck as Lilitu spoke, closing herself off. She looked down, ashamed, and let both Teya and Eljay speak as damage control. Damage she'd done, of course, her and her stupid big mouth.

What we would do doesn't matter. She agreed quietly, failing to look up. She still felt a bit like she was stuck on the verge of tears, but had no good reason for it. Lilitu was an adult. Of course she'd want to branch off. Why did it hurt so much to hear it? We just want you to be happy.

She was simply echoing at this point. Subdued herself, Maia fell silent, regretting her honesty right now. She should have said something else. Maybe not lied, but... what would she have wanted to hear, back then? She wasn't even sure anymore.

She'd made up her mind under duress.

I will stay, Lilitu said, jaw clenched slightly. She gave the three of them a tremulous smile, though it didn't meet her eyes. You all have done so much for me. . .how could I leave? And anyway, you've given me a lot to think about.

She gave them a brief chuff of dismissal, and turned, walking slowly. Listening to their pawsteps behind her.

Once she was sure they had all dispersed, and she was alone, she broke down.

She sank down upon the earth and sobbed, shoulders shaking.

She didn't know what to do.

Eljay wished he could salvage the situation. He could tell that Lilitu didn't feel comfortable enough sharing everything, or perhaps she simply didn't know what she was feeling and therefore had trouble expressing it. He frowned and looked between the wolves gathered, but he felt there was little more he could do. Lilitu decided she would stay eventually, and Eljay could not help but wonder if that was really the answer of her heart. It seemed she was lost, and maybe she just needed some more time to think it over.

After Lilitu left Teya suggested that she could talk to her later. Thank you, Teya, said Eljay with a soft smile. With Maia's current state of being, it was better if it was Teya. Eljay nosed Maia's cheek as he noticed she looked a little downtrodden, trying to cheer her up her a careful smile of his own.

Maia too was silently helpless as Lilitu left, and she looked gratefully at Teya when she said that she would check on her. As much as Maia cared and wanted to make sure that she was fine, there was no way that would be a good idea. She knew that for a number of reasons.

She was still upset and worried, but leaned into Eljay's touch and tried to let it cheer her up. It worked in part, but as she allowed him to lead them away, she knew it would take a while before she'd forgotten this. Season or no season, she and Eljay would likely have a bit to talk about, and neither were so gung-ho as to get back in the spirit of things today.