After his time away was done, Ashlar slipped back into the Rise with a somewhat chagrined demeanor.  Once he had some distance, he realized the complications he had introduced by being so swept up with Chacal.  And yet the bard still glowed with the memory of everything that had taken place.  He felt light and conflicted at the same time.  What came next?

If they noticed he was gone, they would ask, and Ashlar knew he would not lie.  He did not feel any shame for how he felt about her but he was ashamed that it distracted him from his promise here.  He had to see his promise to Avicus through.  But that did not mean he couldn't think of the siren, and visit the cliffs as soon (and often) as he was able.

ooc; Hope it's okay I pop in here!

If no one in the Rise or earth had noticed that Ashlar was gone, Ratio had noticed. He had sought him for a while as his scent had faded. He'd grown anxious, though it had not distracted him from his duties. Aside from his patrol, he had kept a lookout for the man's return. His distress was not obvious - or he worked very hard to make it so, at least. In the end, he wondered deeply and often about Ashlar but he had not hunted him down like a bloodhound. He would not be possessive over something that was not his, regardless of how his heart felt wounded at his disappearance. 

Then, he was no longer gone.

When the scent came to him, Ratio aborted his current task and followed it. He tracked it through the Rise until he came upon the earthy man and a feeling of relief washed over him at the sight of him. It was almost staggering, though he kept his footing. His tail gave a wag, even two, before he rumbled with warmth and relief - "You're back."

When Ashlar spotted Ratio, his demeanor almost immediately shifted. He'd been expecting to find Avicus first, but instead, he had the unexpected surprise of the friend who, despite knowing him the shortest time, he might be closest to. Their emotional connection had been fast to form.

He lifted his head and his eyes lit up as he bounded the rest of the way to close the distance between them. Ratio!! Ashlar's tail was waving enthusiastically behind him as he went, immediately, for a hug. Yeah! I was scouting, and then I met a friend. Her pack is in the cliffs by the sea. One day he would really need to meet them too, and let them know that the Rise was here and friendly! He hadn't wanted to take the time to finish his original task when he was already gone so unexpectedly long.

He was pleased to be greeted so warmly and this time did not hesitate to return the hug. The heat of the younger male made his heart lighter and he felt peaceful after his many days of ceaseless worry. When he pulled back, his eyes were soft with affection that he could not hide, not now. Even more his desire to do so dwindled. 

He was scouting? Ratio felt a bit foolish. That made perfect sense, though he had been gone longer than Ratio would have imagined. He did not balk at the mention of a friend, even female, though he did perk up. "Oh? Her pack?" A seaside group. Ratio was partial to the sea. "Did you leave good first impression?" he teased lightly, knowing well that Ashlar was the least likely of them to ruin potential allyships.

For the second time in half as many weeks, Ashlar's heart was pounding when he caught the way Ratio looked at him. He didn't think he'd seen that much care on any one's face, directed at him, and it made him regret making the man worry. He knew they were friends, but he hadn't considered that if his absence was noticed, it would be taken to mean something might have happened. He looked down, suddenly ashamed. But Ratio did not seem willing to hold the carelessness against him. He was too good for that.

He wanted to know how it had gone. Ashlar didn't think to mind telling, but he did have a moment of pause. There were some things that were private and rude to go into detail about, and this is one of those things he knew could fall into that. For her sake if not for his. Still - Ashlar wanted to share it with someone. Ratio seemed the natural choice. He was (naively) the last wolf Ashlar expected to be upset with him over it.

I didn't meet her pack. I stayed with her, and something... happened. I didn't know it was like that. He glowed remembering it. Her name is Chacal. She had to go home, and I had to come back here. I just couldn't leave right away. He hoped that this explained it. He hadn't wanted to make them worry, and it wasn't Chacal's fault. He just couldn't do it, not when it felt like she'd needed him most in those moments.

Eyes bright with pleasure at seeing the man, soft with the hum in his heart. He was swiftly choosing to deny his hesitance. He thought when he saw Ashlar again, after Avicus' time had passed, the feeling would be less intense. He thought that he would feel more in control, perhaps even regretful. He was none of those things. The way Ashlar looked back at him, the way the man hugged him...Ratio wanted to hold him. 

Not now. Not yet. But maybe not never. 

Something...happened? Ratio tilted his head, a softly confused expression on his features. He didn't know it was like that? To what was he referring? Clearly, it was nothing bad - the man was glowing. Ratio thought that glow might have been for him and it made his tone quiet and soft. "What do you mean? What happened?"

Ashlar didn't know what to tell him about it. There weren't really words, and as he thought back through the feelings and what had passed between him and Chacal these last few days, he was distracted. More and more he found himself aware of Ratio's closeness. And more and more, Ashlar began to imagine a similar thing for them. Once that idea started, he couldn't seem to shake it from his thoughts.

The bard was suddenly very warm. He looked down, but he didn't withdraw. In fact, he did the opposite, deciding suddenly that he would show rather than explain. His curiosity overcame every reason not to.

We danced, like this. He drew in closer, then turned carefully and pressed his side against Ratio's with surprising firmness. As their fur met a shiver of anticipation traveled the length of Ashlar's spine.

And then we... he trailed off quietly, but searched Ratio for something similar to what he'd seen in Chacal. It didn't matter what role he would play - he just wanted a sign that the other man felt the same pull as he.

ooc; Ashlar is surprising me! I hadn't expected all this! Hopefully, I vauged everything well enough. 

Ratio was not expecting what came next. The air turned from warm and light-hearted to something much more electric. It danced like arcs of lightning between them as Ashlar came to him. Ratio did not pull away and surely, suddenly, his heartbeat could be felt by the man pressed so close to him. It slammed against his ribs, seeming to shake him with every pulse. In reality, he was still but for the immediate return of pressure against the bard. They were pressed close.

His fur bristled, not with anger but a different form of arousal. His rumbled low in his throat, his body trembled ever slightly. He understood now what Ashalr was talking about. With women, he was experienced if unwilling. With men...he had never. He turned his head to look at the earthy male - beautiful, really, but he had never allowed himself to think those thoughts too loudly. His eyes were dark with the feeling thrumming through his veins but there was uncertainty, as well - caution. He was not the leader, here, he would have thought himself to be.

He leaned his head toward him, touching the other man lightly with his muzzle, his eyes connected to brilliant amber as he spoke, his voice low and dark in a way that was new for him - "And then what...?"

An invitation to continue his 'demonstration'.

When Ratio looked back, Ashlar saw the same thing that he had seen when Chacal did nights ago. It brought that same new sense forward, a confidence he'd only ever really displayed when he sang. Driven forward, he led Ratio through the same steps, taking care not to cross where he shouldn't.

The start may have been the same but the experience was not. In the moment he was not thinking of anything else, but after, Ashlar found he didn't even want to compare them. It felt wrong to draw them like competition when both had been so special, and so important, in so many different ways. Chacal was a kindred spirit and a warm guide. Ratio was a surprise in every sense of the word, new and still somehow familiar.

After he felt like he knew both less and more. Ashlar nosed the other man's cheek with a smile, then leaned and let his head rest against his shoulder. His heart was still pounding, but he felt more fulfilled than he had ever thought possible. It should have been strange to have two encounters so swiftly, and his mind did touch on that, but the bard found he didn't care. He had room to spare for both. He could worry about what all of this truly meant another time.

It was unlike anything Ratio had ever experienced. It was so different with Ashlar, in many more ways than one. The sensation was new but the swelling of emotion in his chest was, as well. He was not a female in heat, driven lusty by hormones. He had made this decision and he had done so with his heart and body unbound by nature. Indeed, nature played a small role here. 

It made his heart sing. 

Afterward, he pressed as close to Ashlar as he could, greedy and without any inhibition. The earthy man lay his head against his shoulder and Ratio turned his own to look at him. He took in his face, eyes roaming quietly over his features - so much softer than his own. He was gorgeous, plainly so. With no filter, he spoke the words aloud - "You're beautiful." It was spoken with blunt honesty, in a deep and rumbling tone of awe. Pressing his nose to Ashlar's forehead, he brushed his tongue along his fur in a long, slow kiss. "You're everything.

There had been another. The woman that Ashalr had spoken of, she had also been with the man. It should sting and on some level it did but he was too caught up in the emotion he was finally allowing himself to feel. Ashalr against him, fur against fur, and warmth shared between their two bodies. He had not realized how much he had needed it until he'd had it. Now, he wanted only to stay as close as he could for as long as Ashlar would allow.

He smiled at Ratio's words, then relaxed under his kiss as he melted comfortably into his embrace. It felt as if they could lay like this forever.

Thank you. Ashlar wasn't sure why he felt this, but this experience wasn't something Ratio gave lightly. Over and over he'd gifted the bard his soft moments and quiet revelations. Now he'd shared something even more intimate. Maybe his very soul.

You're amazing. I think... this. It feels right. You feel right. He had been lost for words so many times over the course of all of this and here he was, again. But it was the most honest way he could put it. He belonged right where he was, lying here with him, and as long as he was here that was how he wanted to be. He wanted to know more about him.

Even with the little he knew now, they somehow fit.

There was no need to thank him, as usual, because Ratio spoke only the truth. His crimson eyes slipped closed and he breathed in deeply the scent of Ashlar as he spoke to him. It felt right to him? "It does." he agreed without hesitation, nuzzling into the fur at Ashalr's neck. He was grabby and cuddly, a side never seen under any other circumstance, not since he was a pup - not with anyone else. Not even Balto. He truly wanted to melt into the man and never return to himself again. Ratio did not give himself permission to do what he wanted lightly or often. 

Still, there had been another. He frowned to himself. "It does feel right." he agreed again, and buried his face into the man's fur further, hiding from him. "But the woman you met...did it feel right with her? Don't say these things to me if you don't mean it." I can't take it. It was unspoken but heavily implied. His voice was not accusatory or petulant, there was hesitance and an undercurrent of genuine fear. He'd tried not to show it but his insecurity bled through in his words and his tone. "Please. I want this but if you're not...please..." he couldn't help the quiet plea. He did not pull his face away, did not want to see his expression as he displayed such weakness.

It took a delayed moment for the mood shift to catch him, but when it did, Ashlar's gaze settled on Ratio and glowed with concern. Something was wrong and he didn't quite understand it. Why did it matter if both were right? One didn't replace the other.

But he sensed that, by thinking this, he was the strange one. Gannet and Mona had never fully spoken of mateship to him, and their own relationship hadn't been entirely conventional. The bard did know, however, that wolves often came in pairs. It was more than that, too. Could he live with a piece of him residing in both places?

He thought so, but Ratio's fear made him question.

It was different. He said finally, quietly. It was right, but it wasn't more. Why would that mean I don't mean it? He didn't pull back either and allowed Ratio to hide himself, but he did reach out to touch the hollow behind his ear comfortingly, stroking the fur there. He wanted to solve this, to bring back the joy he'd seen there only a few moments before.

The answer wasn't as bad as it could have been, but it didn't erase his fears. So she was right, too? But not more. Ratio wasn't sure exactly what that meant. Could he live with being second to someone else? The very thought made him want to pull away. For Ratio, his loyalty and love could belong only to one person. He would happily and easily forsake all others, it was not a difficult decision to make. Perhaps Ashlar was not like that. Could Ratio live that way? He wasn't sure.

"I don't...I think it might mean something different...to me." he answered slowly, unsure of his words. He did not pull away from Ashlar, but there was a sinking feeling in his chest. "You would be it for me. I don't know..." he was so lost for words, so unclear on how to explain himself well. Everything he said felt inadequate. "If I am not it for you...? I don't know what I'm supposed to be. Is she...more than me? Less? Are we the same? I just...I don't know." it was his place that he was unsure of and what his future was supposed to be from here on.

Ashlar had loved so many things in his lifetime - his parents, Avicus, Chacal, and Ratio were only the foremost. None of them were typical love but they were all key aspects of his happiness. He never imagined ever having to choose. He knew he couldn't promise not to see her.

She's different, he repeated, some of the hope dying from his expression as he took in what Ratio was saying. How could he think he was less? Or that it meant something different, or something smaller, just because Chacal existed as well?

Ashlar felt as though he'd been asked whether he preferred air or water. There was no answer.

She doesn't take away from you. Time with her wouldn't mean I wouldn't want this. He looked down and took a moment to steady his voice. He didn't like this, but he wouldn't hold it against Ratio regardless of his answer. They could go back to the way it was and Ashlar could pretend for the sake of their friendship. Just as he'd done with Avicus weeks ago. If it isn't enough, that's okay.

Ashlar didn't see a world where he could simply choose to set one love above the others. Perhaps this was just how it worked - that others would make the decisions for him. The idea of that only made his stomach sink.

ooc; Can't wait for him to meet Chacal.

He listened carefully and worked to understand. Ratio didn't have as open a concept of love as Ashlar. He was stubborn and selfish with his love, giving it away in this form rarely...well, never. He kept it like a secret or a gift. He gave it so easily to Ashlar but others? The idea was unfathomable. Ashlar's ability to love more than one at the same time did not make sense to him - Ratio could not empathize. What he could do, however, was seek to understand. He could believe Ashalr when he said that he cared for Ratio in the same way Ratio cared for him. He could trust him.

He had no reason not to.

Pulling back, Ratio looked at the man beside him. He searched his eyes for several moments, his mind working. Was it enough? She was no threat to him by Ashlar's assurance. His fears over her were complicated and he did not understand them himself. He thought he never wanted to see her and yet he wanted to lay eyes upon her in hopes of - what? Reassuring himself? Why did he care so much about her? Ashlar was here. Perhaps he would go to her again - likely would - but he would be with Ratio, too. Was it enough? It wasn't a question - Ashlar was always enough.

"Okay." he said quietly, fondness slowly shining in his eyes again. "I believe you and...I choose this. It is enough and so are you." he'd made his decision. He would worry himself about this no longer.

Ashlar was silently bracing for the worst as Ratio searched his expression. He couldn't be sad if this wasn't what he wanted because to him, Ratio deserved the world. He shouldn't have to settle for something if it did not make him happy. Ashlar would be content in the knowledge that, someday, another would come who could give him what the bard could not.

He was ready, but the words he heard were opposite of what he expected. Slowly Ashlar's eyes met his, briefly, and joy suffused their golden depths as he realized what it meant. It is enough and so are you. Ashlar let out a whine of relief and pressed his head against Ratio's chest again, burying his muzzle in the meeting of their fur. He stayed there for a moment, glad beyond words that he wouldn't have to pretend.

I'll tell her. About you, and this. He said in a slightly muffled voice. It was only fair and Ashlar did not want her to think he was being dishonest. Maybe she would not like the choice either and if she did not, he would give the same answer. She deserved her happiness too.

ooc; Should we wrap this up?

Ratio felt warm again at the happiness in those golden eyes. Ashlar pressed his head into Ratio's chest and the larger male huffed a laugh, the tension gone from him. He kissed the man again, at the base of his skull. He would tell the woman about them? That made him feel better and he had not realized it was a concern of his. He was no secret - no sordid affair. They were equal, as promised. 

"Thank you." he murmured and cuddled close to the man, pressing into him wherever they touched. He could sleep like this - wanted to. He should patrol, perhaps, or see what might be needed of him. Instead, he wanted to simply lay with the earthy man. He would indulge himself this time, unless Ashalr ordered him to move. He thought that would be true for the foreseeable future.

Ratio folded around him and Ashlar settled close, forgetting that he'd had others to see. He could attend to Avicus and to Augur later. Right now he had nowhere else he would rather be than here.

With his head tucked beneath Ratio's, Ashlar allowed the comfort of their shared moment and the steady sound of the other man's breathing to lull him into sleep.