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The Prince was in the catacombs, crying quietly in a shadowy corner; tearstains sullied his face, and a thin stream of mucus ran from his nose. He missed Satsu terribly, and while he still slept in her bedchambers with his sisters, it brought him no comfort. Most nights he sought solitude, and tonight was no different. In his current state, Siptah did not quite feel like a Prince, and he did not know what to do, or who to go to, for comfort. Somehow, he did not think he could approach
@Ramesses... not like this, all shaking and crying. No, if he was to go to father, he would need to compose himself. He thought then of waking
@Ashikaga and Makono, for surely they would understand how he felt? But... he had not seen
them cry. No, he couldn't go to his sisters either. Siptah sucked in a deep breath, trying to stem the flow of tears and snot.
nazli and zakariya no longer resided down here. the sesh found it curious to discover the prince not only lurking, but tucked so far back into the darkness she had to reach through it to find him.
"your highness," she said, but the questioning sentence died when she heard the broken sound of his sobbing. without another word, tavina made to tug him closer, to enfold him in a warm and lasting hug if the royal boy permitted it.
A woman whom he had never met found him, embraced him — Siptah could not recall being held like this, not even by his mother. It only made him sob harder, the sound muffled by her dark pelt, but he leaned into her all the same. He was so overcome with emotion that he couldn't speak, could scarcely even move, but he sensed that she would understand. Eventually, breathing in her scent, Siptah began to calm down, and eventually he whispered into her fur, "I — I really miss her."
prince siptah let her close, and tavina held him like she had held the children of jawahir when they were small.
"it's right to miss her. and it's okay to miss her. you should. and you should cry and feel as long as you want. as long as you need, highness."
tavina paused. "i remember when you were born. your mother loved you very much."
She soothed him, and how Siptah wished her words to be true, but, "I haven't seen anyone cry for her," and for a moment, he sounded defiant. He pulled away from her gently, wiping his nose on his foreleg and blinking the last of the tears from his eyes. "And... I feel like a Prince shouldn't cry." If he wanted to be Pharaoh, he would need to be strong physically and emotionally.
But to hear his mother head loved him... He knew. He nodded, mumbling, "I loved her, too... I should have told her more..." How guilty he felt now, for time he had spent away from her.
tavina looked up. "they cry every day. it is that sound, the wailing. but not everyone will weep in front of you, prince."
her heart stung for him. "you should grieve in whatever way you think is best. and i know that you understands you love her." tavina dipped her head to wipe his tears, should he allow.
"your father believes that your mother has gone to the afterlife. maybe we can choose a gift and ask priest ahktar to send it for you." tavina did not believe in gods. but she would not take the little boy's beliefs from him.
He realized now, at Tavina's words, that perhaps everyone else was like him — grieving, but not wanting to show it so publicly. Surely there were some among their numbers that truly loved Satsu beyond Siptah; his sisters, for one, and his father. And maybe even others.
Siptah nodded, taking in a deep, slow breath. He had stopped crying now, and Tavina wiped the last of his tears away. He told her, sniffling slightly, "Yes... I... I come here to grieve her. I can't go near her room anymore." At least here, he had privacy, though he not mind her interruption tonight.
And then, gifts. Siptah smiled a half-smile. "I brought her one already, but... I could bring her another." The only problem was, what to bring?
she nodded. "i understand. it's time you had your own anyway." she guided the boy toward the main path that would lead them up and out of akashingo.
"what did you bring before? maybe we can find something else she might like. i'm sure she wouldn't mind more presents," the sesh told siptah as the welcoming gloom of the palace faded beneath sunlight.
Siptah followed Tavina up and out, and at her question, he told her, "It was these bone pieces... Belen taught me how to play a game with them." It had been a child's gift, a toy, fit for children. Siptah no longer felt like a child. Not mentally, at least. "I want to get her something better this time. Something meaningful..."
"do you miss belen?" tavina asked the young prince. "that gift sounds nice. that way she can play your game in the afterlife. and it's very meaningful, your highness."
the day was bright, sunglow reflecting off the long red land back at the sesh and the amir. "she had many fine things in this life. pretty things. and useful things. what do you think?"
Did he miss Belen? The Prince blinked, then frowned. He sighed a little, saying, "I... yes, I miss her. She was the first one to play with me, and she gave me sweets..." He felt an ache deep in his chest as he spoke. Why hadn't she said goodbye?
Siptah huffed, then muttered, "When my dad told me I'd need to choose a body servant, I thought of her first." He trusted and liked Belen. She would have been perfect, or so the boy Prince thought.
Then, there was his mother's gift. Siptah scuffed his paw in the dirt, pondering. "I want to give her something useful..." And he had one thought. "What if we go hunting, and... and I give her my first kill?" Was that a good gift? He thought Satsu would at least be proud of him for it.
tavina stroked his ears with her muzzle for a moment. "pharaoh wanted her to go and learn somewhere else for a while. i think you will see her again, though i'm not sure she will come back to stay." encouraging but pragmatic. that was how she chose to nuture siptah.
a body-servant, indeed! ramesses' words, flying out of his mouth. but she was not put off. he was the prince and heir, after all; it stood to reason he would also learn how to speak. siptah was already so formal.
his suggestion was that of a boy, however, a hurting child who would miss his mother for the first milestones. her heart ached; her eyes stung. "i think that is a very good idea. queen satsu will enjoy that a lot. you could tell her the story when we take it up."
now for a kill. she flicked her tail and looked around. "let's go walk along the serpent," she said, referring to the body of water not far away. "maybe we can find some tracks in the mud."
Belen was just going to be gone? Forever? Visiting wouldn't be enough — it would only make the pain worse. Even so, the boy just nodded, going quiet. Tavina approved of his idea, and he nodded again, exhaling slowly. He was feeling mostly better, now. Siptah would follow her up and out, pausing only to splash his face with water and take a drink. As he fell into step beside her, he asked her, "Did my mother have a favorite food?" He would try to catch it if she had.
"that is a question for your father, prince. but sweet things never hurt," the sesh gently suggested. "there's honey to be found, and flowers with nectar. maybe even some clover. it might draw the bees up there, but that's only good luck, if they choose to make a hive on top of the palace."
she smiled and fell silent, waiting for him to respond.
Siptah had wanted to catch real prey, something like a hare, or maybe a fish. Tavina's suggestions of honey and flowers made him pause only for a moment. "Okay. We'll get her all of those things, if we can." Satsu deserved the best. Eventually, he would also catch her something.
"maybe next time you could bring her a song you wrote. any queen would be fond of music."
tavina would stay with the boy as long as he wished today. she felt he needed a nurturing hand.
Fading <3
Siptah nodded — he had not thought of that, but now that Tavina had said it, it sounded good. He had never tried singing, either, but decided he would give it a try when he could be alone. He followed Tavina in silence for the rest of the way, now feeling emotionally drained. When they were done bringing Satsu gifts, he would retire to his private quarters.