The days passed and Njord did not return. Already dealing with depression, Meerkat now battled anxiety as well. She tried to push it aside and focus on the kids, refusing to let the situation impact them more than it already did. But every day was an ongoing struggle.
Seeking a distraction, she returned to the rendezvous site after catching sunrise at the beach. As always, she hoped to cross paths with one of her kids. But she kept an eye out for
@Gunnar too, wondering how he was faring lately.
I know he may have left already but Meerkat doesn’t, so the tag is meant as a reference! Anyone’s welcome. :)
I'll pop him in so he can actually say goodbye properly to Meerkat.
Gunnar had made a decision and he made his way towards Meerkat wanting to speak with her personally. Because she was dealing with enough loss. He didn't want to add to it. And he was fairly certain she would understand.
He limped towards her and the little one's. Anxiety rippling along his back. He had left many before. Had left packs, had left his family. Had been alone. But he found this time, it felt dishonorable and distasteful. However, good the intentions.
He saw her and smiled, still limping slightly, but he was almost healed. Scarred, but healed.
Hello Meerkat.
Despite looking for him specifically, Meerkat felt the familiar twinge when Gunnar appeared, simply because… he wasn’t Njord. Her heart panged and she took a breath, guilt mixing in with the other negative emotions.
Hey, how are you today?
she asked, keen to focus on someone other than herself and her problems for a few minutes.
Gunnar settled near her and smiled, fatherly, kind. I'm alright.
He sighed and took a deep breath and said Actually, no I'm not. I am feeling sad and torn. I went in search of the female i told you of after we spoke. She is very pregnant. She has asked me to stay and help her and her new founding pack.
Gunnar's brow furrowed. I feel the need to help her, and yet. I am loathe to leave all of you.
He looked much improved, scarred certainly but on the mend. Meerkat found her eyes trailing over each of the old wounds she could see, though her amber eyes quickly cut back to his face at the, “Actually…”
Her knee-jerk reaction was to ask if he was really leaving too, a question equal parts desperate and upset. But Meerkat pinched her lips together, forcing herself to think through everything he said before simply reacting.
When she more fully absorbed his words, the implication made her stomach drop. She thought Gunnar had prevented the assault, yet she was pregnant anyway? Perhaps that had happened after the fact, with someone else, hopefully with consent. Meerkat dearly hoped so.
Gunnar seemed like a white knight, which she supposed was noble, yet Meerkat could only ask, Why? Why wouldn’t you bring her here, if anything?
Gunnar didn't feel like he was on the mend always. Sometimes it hurt to move, and the scars ached. But he attributed that to the fact that he was old. Very old. He didn't think he had many years left. Maybe 1, maybe 2.
Gunnar saw her pinch her lips together, and his heart ripped in two. To see her so upset, it bothered the old man. Who had fast grown to love it here and the sea queens that ran amongst the shores. Their children and their religions. He loved them all.
He sighed and settled further down, his sandy stomach mixing in with the sand and the grit.
I would love to. Except she has adopted other females, and a little one that was left abandoned. There simply isn't enough room. And she wishes not to abandon them. Which I can certainly understand. I am of a similar vein. Because that is what it feels like an abandonment of those i have grown to love.
Who says there isn’t enough room? she wondered, though she didn’t get a chance to ask as Gunnar was still talking.
He spoke about abandoment, while planning to abandon his pack for this woman. Meerkat could only stare at him, lips slightly parted. He probably thought he was being valiant and there was part of Meerkat which respected Gunnar’s motivations. Besides, he hadn’t been in Sapphique long, perhaps he didn’t feel particularly loyal to the seaside pack.
But with Njord gone, Meerkat was more emotive and less pragmatic than usual. She could only focus on the fact that yet another good man was leaving them, seemingly with good reason but still begging the question: how could they just up and walk out on something so precious?
Gunnar was going on the memory of former packs. Most leaders didn't like females to arrive with children, unless they were sired by their own packmates, and with express permission. He could distinctly remember his father threatening to kill such things before.
Gunnar did not have any romantic intentions, because Sanja didn't. But it seemed to him that that maybe a reason everyone thought. He simply wanted to help someone in trouble. And he was torn. He absolutely felt like he was a heel. A cur. The worst of anything, and the silence lengthened and grew. And he felt his heart breaking, piece by piece, yet again.
Gunnar studied Meerkat, but he said nothing. He lay his head to his paws and waited. He would wait all day for her. Whether it was rage or bile, or hurt and saccharine, he wasn't sure, but he did know he was going to get a storm of something. Thank the gods, more so Frigga and Freya for his mother's spitfire moods. He was used to all of the above.
Gunnar sat there patiently, seemingly awaiting some kind of reaction from her. Meerkat wasn’t sure what else to say, especially with the different parts of herself in turmoil over his decision. She could recognize that lashing out at him because of her own abandoment issues wasn’t reasonable, yet she still found his dedication to this damsel in distress flawed.
In the end, Meerkat felt it was safest to say nothing other than, Just… go.
But instead of standing there and waiting for him to leave, Meerkat turned and slunk away, feeling more jilted than ever.
And there it was. The reaction he had hoped he wouldn't receive, but was waiting for all the same. He sighed. He spoke softly, not even sure if she could even here him.
Goodbye for now my dear. I'll be back to see you if you'd allow.
With those words and his heart splitting and tearing. Gunnar turned and went the other way. He hadn't meant to hurt her, he had thought she of everyone would understand. Perhaps he was wrong. No perhaps about it. He was wrong.