As always pls yell at me if you have a concernnn, I had an idea for this and wanted to flop it on the board before it died
Don't mind me I found a better thread title
Reverie had noticed a change in
@Lestan. Or, she thought she did. Maybe she was just so afraid of it that she was imagining things, seeing problems where there were none? She had been so nervous ever since settling here, ever since she had decided to let Lestan really know her. Expecting this, in a way. So maybe it was just in her head? No… no, she felt that something was truly wrong this time. So one day when he woke, after they'd said their good mornings and settled a little (she had not slept, but stayed by his side through the night), she looked to Lestan with a lump lodged in her throat already, and her voice came out whisper-soft when she said:
Lestan,
Hesitant, lingering over the words just a moment too long.
Am I… making you unhappy?
Just saying the words brought the threat of tears to her, but she held them back. Reverie did not want to make Lestan feel unsafe in expressing his feelings, so she tried to stay composed as she presented the question.
"i don't know what to do for you, reverie," lestan answered, too quickly, too tearfully. "i'm afraid that you are going to just be gone one morning." tears beaded on his eyelashes, burning frustration.
"i want you to know i am not upset at you. only my own — inabilities." to protect her. to soothe her. to settle her.
he looked desperately at reverie now.
Of all the answers Lestan could have given, Reverie truly did not expect this one. She could have respected it, if he had said that he simply did not want her anymore. She could have understood, if he had told her that her behavior was upsetting him. Instead —
Inabilities?
She repeated, a slow sort of indignation stirring in her voice and in her eyes, but she tried to soften it for his sake. He was clearly quite distressed. Lestan, I -
Reverie took a breath and forced her tone into something gentle. I never asked you to - do anything for me. I don't want anyone to try to fix me. And I thought -
She swallowed, and the tears started to come then. I thought you didn't want me to change.
Wasn't that the promise that had led her in? The promise of love without conditions, without the expectation that one day she would magically get better and be normal. Reverie could understand if Lestan was realizing that he could not keep that promise, but — the solution, then, was for him to find someone more suitable for him. Even if it hurt, even if it broke her heart, Reverie would sooner have that than him trying to change her.
She would never let anyone do that again.
"i don't want you to change!" it would have been a cry were it not softened and soaked and hoarsened by pending tears; "i want you to be safe."
did she see no difference?
"i want you to be safe in this world, reverie," lestan said with great earnestness, searching every corner of his eyes with her own. "if it cannot be here then where else can it be? truly; where can we go where you aren't plagued by your dreams?"
peace, for her, for her.
But he did want her to change —
And maybe she wanted that too, but Reverie could hardly stand the thought of building another love on the expectation of what she might one day be. What if she never became what he hoped for? What if she turned into something else entirely? But Lestan was crumbling, and so was she, and Reverie could not find it in herself to voice these worries. She was making him cry, as she'd made Bjarna cry, and now she remembered what she'd told Arric.
All I do is hurt people.
She shifted to press close to him, to tuck herself against him in sudden reassurance. Whatever else she might have felt right then, Reverie loved Lestan deeply. She couldn't bear to be the source of his tears. I'm sorry,
She said softly. I - I feel safe with you. Safer than I've ever felt before. I've never - I haven't stayed in one place like this before. I'm trying to get better on my own, and I think I'm making progress. It just... takes time.
Reverie took a breath. I'm not going to leave you. I - how can I make this easier? For you? I don't want to hurt you.
lestan's cheek tightened, for he was thinking of tybault, pinning all to tybault, to the robbing of his golden fairy to the sleeplessness that kept her in tears and wandering. "if you say you are getting better here, then we will stay," he decided resolutely. "and i will keep — we will simply continue."
he must assume there was a future of peace for reverie, and pulled her into the warmth of his own arm.
Oh no. That wasn't what she'd meant; she didn't want to stay; this was all wrong, but how could she tell Lestan that? She couldn't. She just couldn't. And besides — maybe it wasn't what she wanted, but what she needed? Reverie was suddenly unsure, and unsure again because she did not know if she was only questioning herself in hopes of finding that she could be content with this turn of events. She was very aware of the tension in Lestan's jaw, and very aware that she had caused it.
She kissed his cheek a little timidly. Lestan,
Reverie tried again. You're tense. This is - hurting you. Let me help, please.
If nothing else, she needed this. If she couldn't have what she wanted, if she couldn't have her own happiness, she at least wanted his.
lestan smiled a little. "it's me, reverie," the mayfair said gently. "not you. don't — take this on yourself." he sighed, pulling her closer. "i am working through having failed you, or — feeling like i have."
because he could not keep her safe. because he no longer trusted himself to do so.
I figured I'd fade this so we can focus on new stuff <3 Let me know if you'd prefer otherwise
Mature Content Warning
This thread has been marked as mature. By reading and/or participating in this thread, you acknowledge that you are of age or have permission from your parents to do so. The participants have indicated the following reason(s) for this warning: Suggestion LMFAO Rev is horrible
Reverie disliked that answer greatly, but she was easily distracted by Lestan's touch.
You haven't failed me,
She murmured, but her distraction was evident in her voice as she kissed his cheek, then his jaw, then his neck, and remembered that she wanted him. Remembered, because that want never really went away. It was a constant simmer, only waiting to be awakened. So she pressed closer with touches full of suggestion, and if Lestan indulged her desires, she tried a different way of making him feel better. One that involved a new sort of exploration, her mouth on him in ways she had been thinking of for quite some time.