@Peregrine
It had taken a lot of time, persuasion and courage for Osprey to finally leave the plateau and head for the infamous Redhawk Caldera. She had got the details of where to look from those, who had been there already, and with this knowledge she had left her home before dawn. The journey promissed to be long and being the cautious creature she was, she had counted on getting lost.
Surprisingly this did not happen, even though she had felt very uncomfortable wandering so far away from her usual venues. The wilds here weren't particularly different from the ones at Kintla flatlands, yet they were different, sort of unfriendly - like an dangerous animal, ready to pounce any moment. This feeling, however, disappeared, when she caught the first scents of the pack and more importantly the unmistakable smell of her brother.
Her heart leaped in joy and she hurried her step - up until now she hadn't realized, how very much she had missed him. All of what had happened those weeks ago seemed so insignificant in front of the grand prospect of seeing Peregrine again. Yet she stopped at the borders and had to fight the urge to cross them and go look for him right away. No - she was a stranger and enemy standing at her brother's doorstep. Therefore she lifted her muzzle and called for him.
What with Blue Willow's news, Peregrine couldn't get Lasher off his mind all of a sudden. He felt a queer jealousy toward his best friend, who would get to lay with his lover... Ex, he reminded himself forcefully, jaw muscles tightening as he roamed the caldera's base. No, he disagreed with himself, that sounds so... negative. Former works better. His mouth opened and he let out a long, low sigh.
That's when a voice rose up in the chilly air, one which he identified immediately. Oss! he thought and began to trot around the vast mountain, eyes sparkling when his sister came into view. He couldn't help but vividly recollect the way she'd reprimanded him upon departing from the plateau... yet he didn't let it stop him from running right up to her and scooping her into a wolfish hug.
"Oss, you're here," he said rather dumbly, tail waving. "What brings you to the caldera?" Peregrine questioned, taking a step back and gazing fondly into Osprey's silvered face.
It was always easier to hold a grudge at someone, blame him or her for everything and see no fault in yourself. It was harder to admit to yourself that you had been mistaken. Even more harder to take the courage, make the journey to that person and tell him that in the eye. After calling for Peregrine, Osprey waited, feeling nervous and afraid of what was awaiting her. Would Peregrine be cold and reserved because of the less than good way they had parted? Would he be just as disappointed in her as she had been with him?
All these doubts were swept away, when she saw her brother appearing right around the corner (metaphorically speaking) and dashing towards her. At that moment she realized, how much she loved this fellow and how - irrationally - worth it was loving and suffering for him. Because Peregrine was more to her than just a brother. A friend, a soulmate - these things ran so deep that neither distance, nor circumstances could change that.
She leaned in his embrace and inhaled his familiar smell. All the wrong pieces in the puzzle fell, where they should have been. She felt happy and whole once again. I am here for you, you bastard. She thought but didn't say it loud. Osprey found better words for this instead: "I came to say that I am sorry. I didn't mean to be so harsh on you, even though I was very angry at that time. Part of me still is. But that doesn't matter. I am sorry and my love and affections for you haven't changed at all."
When she apologized, he tried to silence her by making shh shh noises and licking her face. This did not deter her and Peregrine took in her words even as he continued slobbering on her. He didn't hold her outburst against her, especially not now... they were the two original Redleaf-DiSarinnos left standing in the wilds and they needed to stick together, even from afar.
"I don't blame you or anyone for feeling upset with me," he replied. "It makes me happy to hear that," he added, bumping her muzzle with his own. "You could shriek at me like a banshee for a year straight and I wouldn't love you any less, Oss," Peregrine assured her.
"If you'd like, I can show you around," he offered the next moment. He considered bringing up the elephant in the room (Atticus) but decided to focus on happier things for the moment. "How are things at the plateau? Blue Willow stopped by here the other day to tell me about her and Lasher. We didn't get a chance to talk about everything else."
"Eww... stop it, I can't see through anymore," Osprey tried to turn her head away so that she could avoid Peregrine's heartfelt and reassuring licks. Finally, when he paused, telling her, what he had to say, she dipped her muzzle, lifted one of her forepaws and rubbed her eyes.
"Really?" she perked her ears forward and gave him a skeptical glance. Yelling and shreiking wasn't a hobby she normally engaged herself with - yet now that Perry sort of put a challenge on the table... She was tempted to tease him about this, but held back again.
"Nah... this would be almost like trespassing. At least I would feel like an impostor," Osprey declined the polite offer to see Caldera for herself. "Maybe we can go the opposite way?" she beckoned to the vast no-man's lands behind her. "Yeah, that was kind of unexpected," Osprey agreed, but didn't delve any deeper. If there was someone, who deserved to have kids next spring, then it was Blue willow. The "whos" and "hows" didn't bother her much. As long as her friend was happy. "Dante is upset for Atticus' disappearance though - he blames himself for that, even though I tried to prove him that there was nothing to feel guilty for. Don't know, if he believed me though..."
"Dude," Peregrine rejoined with a touch of playful impatience, "if the Alpha male and founder invites you, it isn't trespassing. I really meant it when I said I wanted to view the plateau and caldera as sister packs." With that said, he wouldn't press the point further. If she wasn't comfortable, that was fine. He could convince her another time.
When she beckoned him to join her on a walk into the unclaimed lands around the mount, he followed her. "Maybe in timing but... they actually first proposed the idea when Atticus was in his coma," Peregrine said. "I'm happy for them," he added simply. Yes, it was an inherently strange arrangement but who the hell was he to judge? The only aspect that gave him any qualms was Lasher's involvement, only because he was envious of Blue Willow in that way.
"Everyone seems to be taking the blame. It's no one's fault," Peregrine said. "How's Dante handling leadership?" he wondered, genuinely interested in the answer.
"Wow... it turns out I turned down a royal offer," Osprey teased Peregrine while a good-natured grin played in her lips. "I am glad that the king is not offended," she nudged him lightly on the shoulder and then went on listening, what else Peregrine had to say. She was happy to have him all to herself and for a moment she was blessed to get the sense of the "good old times" again.
"Yeah... when Blue willow mentioned that she is already three years old as if time was running out for her..." she let the sentence trail on in a thoughful silence. "It made me think about myself too - I will be four next spring. Doesn't it seem funny that almost half of my life is over already?" she joked and tried to laugh, but it didn't sound right.
"Oh... quite well - he would do a lot better, if he believed in himself more, but these things come with time."
Peregrine frowned at his sister's morbid joke. They were the same age and the thought that he was middle-aged had honestly never occurred to him until now. He felt suddenly old mentally, even if he felt he was in his prime physically. He made a conscientious effort to brush aside these dark thoughts.
Because of the segue between the two topics, Peregrine joked, "I bet he could use the support of a good woman, like yourself. You two would make a handsome pair. And then you'd get your pups, assuming you want some." He cocked his head. He was never quite sure of his sibling's aspirations when it came to romance and family, though Peregrine not so secretly would have liked to see her settled down, a happy wife and mother, with a deserving fellow.
If one led a life that was as active and turbulent as Peregrine's, then you didn't notice, how years flew by. You were as old as you felt and it wasn't hard for Osprey to imagine him, surrounded by plethora kids, grandkids, grand-grand-kids and other grands, in few years time, but still running around, getting in trouble and simply being busy. Plus, it helped, if you had a young wife by your side - in that sense Fox was a good choice for him.
As for herself - until Blue willow's confession she had never much thought about her own age. For some reason mateship and settling down had always seemed as a very faraway thing, left for old and mature people. Yet now she was faced with the hard truth - she would be four next spring, fifth the next and all of a sudden she would be just as old and cranky as March Owl had been during her last months. Old age had never terified her, yet she wasn't ready to grow old just yet.
"Perry the matchmaker," Osprey teased with a sincere smile. To be true - there had been a time, when she had felt something that could be called "crush" for Dante. A girly thing, nothing serious. She didn't believe in true love - the first heat season, when she had been surrounded and followed by plethora of men, who had been enchanted by the special smell, which made them do the most silly thing, had been a true eye-opening experience and up until this very day Osprey believed that every man, who made romantic advances on her, was a liar and fake, craving only for her body and nothing else.
"Sounds picture perfect, I will propose him the idea, when I return," she said with a chuckle.
He expected her to protest his idea and deny any possibility of it happening. Instead, she played along, assuring him that she would propose to Dante upon her return. Peregrine smiled, his tongue lolling out in a wolfish laugh.
"You two really would be a pretty pair," he said, "and maybe you could become the plateau's Alpha female. What would you think of that?" he asked, truly curious.
Just like Osprey had never seemed to harbor romantic aspirations, she had never seemed particularly ambitious either. She was a whimsical, free-spirited sort who never seemed to take life seriously. But if she was hitting middle age—and she was, they both were—maybe she would invest more in the idea of planting roots.
Becoming involved with someone on a more than friendly basis was a frightening prospect already, this was a completely new territory for Osprey and she had no idea, where to look, what to do and how to avoid mistakes. Mateship involved commitment - she recalled everything she had learned from her parents' relationship and could tell that this was a very serious business. Especially, if you wanted to be with someone on a long term basis. Was she ready for something like that? No, not at all - she was honest to herself. What if the mateship didn't work out - like Peregrine's had? She had seen heartbreak and knew, that it wasn't anything pleasant, no matter, on which side you stood. Kids? Did she want to have kids? There were so many questions and for a moment she wished to have a clarity like Blue Willow did - her friend had wanted to have children - and she did, what she had to.
Theoretically speaking - if Osprey didn't believe in true love, she could enter a marriage that was based on loyalty, respect for the other and to fulfill, what the nature expected from her. Without the additional burden of loving, hurting and questioning somebody. Was she unhappy with her life now? Did she crave for something that she didn't already have? Not really... Her interest in the whole romantic business was purely scientific one - so to say - so that she could make her stories closer to the truth. "Thanks, but given a choice, I would rather be a peasant than a queen. I love my freedom, Perry," she explained in a soft voice. At the moment there was nothing and no one she would want to give up her freedom up for.
He hadn't intended it as a leading question, though his sister's soft response made him realize he might be indirectly pressuring her. He bowed his head sheepishly and waved his tail, then took a step forward to nudge her.
"Although I'd argue there's no way you're a peasant, there's nothing wrong with your take on it. If you don't want to tie yourself down, then don't! Do whatever makes you happy. That's all I want for you. Sorry if it seemed like I was trying to force you into the hubby-and-kids mold." He chuckled and gave her another nudge.
"Speaking of kids, though," he said thoughtfully, "how are mine doing? I didn't get a chance to ask Willow about... much of anything when she was here."
"It's ok, brother," in no way had Osprey taken offence at the idea of mateship and becoming an alpha of the plateau. Peregrine had found his happiness and peace in family life and there was nothing wrong that he wished the same kind of happiness to those, who mattered to him. Even if it meant a bit of pressure - in a way it was a good thing, because it gave her a lot of things in her life to contemplate and reconsider.
"Junior is her teenage-moody self. Going through a phase, when everyone is guilty, except for her," she said this with a light smile though, because she found her namesake's character endearing. "I have got to know Saena better and I met Tytonidae too - both of them are very pleasant girls. Pura - however - has disappeared from the plateau and I don't think that he moved to Caldera with you."
Peregrine liked hearing about his children, even if it wasn't entirely good news. It sounded like his daughters were still the same as he'd left them: two nice, one naughty. He smiled gently as that thought passed through his head. Of course, he loved Junior just as much as the others. She was just... difficult. Saēna could be too but this was more of a recent development, whereas the younger Osprey had been bullheaded since the day of her birth.
"No, he isn't here. You know, it doesn't surprise me at all that he's wandered away. As he got older, he seemed to be taking on the traits of a lone wolf. He was never really the social type," Peregrine mused. "Maybe he went looking for Kisu. Or he just went to see if the grass was greener somewhere else. I've started to really come to terms with the fact that children grow up and leave the nest. They can't all stay, after all."
"And what else of the plateau in general? Is there anything interesting or dramatic transpiring there?" he queried next. He'd already asked, sort of, but surely there was more to the story than what Osprey had already told him.
When Peregrine told that he was beginning to come to terms with the fact that the children were leaving the nest, Osprey gave him a long, thoughtful glance. Had the not so distant developments in his life been motivated by the fact that he wanted to have a fresh start elsewhere? Had he not fled the nest rather the other way round? Then she recalled that both Junior and Saena had gone missing for a while and understood, what her brother had meant. Still it felt a little unfair that he had robbed his kids from his parenting, even if it was meant to last only for few months longer. They were capable teenagers - there was no doubt about it - but in her eyes they were far too young to run around without a parent figure they could trust.
She turned her gaze away and focused on the road they had ahead, deciding to say nothing about her musings a moment ago. It was no point in washing the dirty laundry again. "Well... it's pretty calm, simple, routine... Gets boring at times, but then I help myself and find adventures of my own. You wouldn't believe, how many interesting people I have met during my quests of exploring," she smiled at him. Back in the Flightless falcons and during her first months in the Plateau she had rarely left the borders and interacted with strangers. She had felt no need for their company then, but now she was motivated to seek them out and gain knowledge.
Osprey repeated that there was nothing much to report. Peregrine should have been happy about this, as no news was good news, but, well, it wasn't very interesting. Luckily, his sister saved the day by mentioning the many interesting folks she'd met in her explorations. This begged some questions on its own; was she aspiring to be an Outrider?
"I'd love to hear about all the places you've been and the people you've met," he indulged her, making himself comfortable and looking at her attentively.
"Okay," Osprey replied, wagging her tail cheerfully and smiling at her brother. One thing she missed at the plateau was a person she could share her little adventure details with. Yes, Blue willow was her friend and they could talk about a lot of things. Yes - there were other wolves around, but at the end of the day her den welcomed her cold and empty with no one to greet, lie besides to and tell about everything that had happened during the day. She missed the sound of the even and calm breathing, that came along with a person, who was soundly asleep.
"So... the other day I encountered a fellow that had made a whole weeks journey just to say "goodbye" to his family," she recalled meeting Tyrr in the forest. "Or one night, when I stayed at the other forest not far from the plateau I met a wolf - all fur and muscles - he could easily fit in a story about the big bad wolf - but we had a talk about ghosts, life and death. Who would have thought that the "brawny" could share such deep thoughts..." she told about her encounter with Mordecai.
Osprey seemed to thrill to the idea and Peregrine wondered if there was anyone at the plateau who would listen to her fantastical tales. He hoped so. If not, he hoped she would consider moving here to be with him in time. He had a mate and, soon, a new batch of puppies to look after, yet he would always make room for his sister.
"He sounds like the honorable sort," Peregrine opined about the nameless protagonist in Osprey's first tale. "Are you saying that big bad wolves can't have brains? Oss, I'm hurt..." he teased, moving to place a paw over his heart. "Tell me more," he added, resuming his attentive posture, happy to live vicariously through his sibling's adventures.
"I never knew that you wanted to be the "bad wolf" - I always thought you were the honorable, reckless, cool knighty sort?" Osprey replied, raising her eyebrows and offering her brother a fond smile. "This one definitely had brains - I would even say a two sets of them," she joked. "But he was a nice fellow, I would like to have a chat with him again someday," Mordecai had left a good impression on her and she always enjoyed the chance of having conversations with intelligent people.
"Ty and I - we made a story about Hawkeye together," she told him, going way back in time. Now the girl had left the pack and, even though she hadn't known her well, she missed her dearly. "From what I could tell, she was very fond of her and it is a pity that her mother has disappeared without a trace."
His sister really seemed to admire this wolf, though she never even mentioned a name. Peregrine thought of teasing her about it, yet refrained per their earlier discussion. There was no need to inject romantic implications into every interaction, in any case.
The mention of his former wife's name made Peregrine's insides twinge ever so slightly. For a moment, Peregrine didn't know what to say. He, for one, didn't miss Hawkeye at all. He knew his children must miss their mother, though he would argue that she had never been a good one, so what was there to miss? It was unsurprising, really, that Tytonidae would still adore her mother, absolving her of all sins. That was their elder daughter's way.
"Sometimes I wonder why there isn't more vitriol aimed at her. Why hate Fox on principle when their actual mother, like you said, disappeared without a trace? But I'm glad you were able to have a positive discussion about her with Ty. She gives everyone the benefit of the doubt. I hope she never loses her pure heart. I think she takes after you that way," he added with a small, lopsided smile. "In fact, I think we might've named the wrong kid after you..."
"Why would you think like that?" Osprey furrowed her brow, when Peregrine implied that Hawkeye had been no angel either and deserved a harsher judgement. From her point of view - she had lost everything in the process of her and Perry's unhappy mateship. Her husband's love and her place in the pack (and the pack as whole, in fact) - was it any wonder that in the end she had decided to leave a place that caused only heartbreak? "I mean - of course - your marriage ended badly, but is that the reason to forget and dishonor the good things that were there?" she asked him.
"When I first arrived here - I remember a happy lovesick fellow - head over heels with his girl. Radiating of happiness and pride for his yet unborn children," Osprey reminsced their first meeting after Perry's exile. "You ended the mateship and I believe that she took it better than most people. She decided to leave in the end. Had it been me in your place... I would have ripped your heart out and burried it somewhere deep so that no one would ever find it," it was part-joke, part-truth - she might not be inclined to be bound with anyone on that level, yet she knew for sure that no one would ever walk away and be unharmed. Pain needed to be felt, right?
Osprey's reaction took Peregrine by surprise and also hurt him somewhat. "I don't want the kids to hate either of them," he clarified after she had finished, shooting her a questioning glance. Why come to Hawkeye's defense? Why twist his words in a way they were never intended? It was very unlike her. His sister usually gave him the benefit of the doubt. Hadn't he just been likening her to Tytonidae for that very reason?
"Are you aware that Hawkeye cheated on me with Atticus? I may have ended it verbally but she ended it with her actions," he blurted, truly wondering whether he had told their sister of that. Perhaps he had decided not to bother her with that information in the past but it seemed pertinent now in order to defend himself from his sister's view—which he had never anticipated needing to do. "I'm not going to sugarcoat it: I hate her. I never said I wanted our kids to hate her too. I don't want them to hate anybody."
"That hurts, by the way," he added, in case his body language wasn't enough. "Especially because I can't tell if you're joking." Peregrine looked away from her, his heart stinging from Osprey's queerly violent words, unsure what to say or do down that the conversation had taken an unprecedented ugly turn.
"But why do you hate her? Is it because of that one thing? Was there more?" Osprey asked, trying to understand, for there were a lot of blank spots in Perry's story - she knew very little either because of her own ignorance or because her brother hadn't told her everything. For a while now she had had this nagging feeling that things between her and Peregrine had changed. She could almost pinpoint the exact moment, when it had started - his exile and her reluctance to follow him. The very first time she had made a decision that didn't mirror his.
Then - months later - he had been different, yet almost the same. Yet each of them had begun a new life, had new responsibilities, independent choices made in life... She didn't reply, she walked in silence for a while, looking straight ahead and thinking. "Do you feel that too? That we are drifting apart?" she finally asked. Misunderstandings, arguments, accusations based on wrong reasons - it was surprising, how many things had come between them during these past months, when it was almost unthinkable a year ago.
"Do I need more reasons? Is it anyone's business? Why are you grilling me, Oss? It's not like you," Peregrine answered, growing more and more perplexed by the second. "You're supposed to have my back," he said in a lower voice, his gaze falling to his paws.
He was just thinking that it was probably his fault that this was happening when his sister basically voiced his thoughts out loud. "I didn't until you just got on my back about Hawkeye," he answered bluntly, gazing sideways at her. "My decision to leave, as well as the distance, is going to have side effects. This doesn't have to be one, though. Can we drop it and go back to telling stories?" he requested, brushing his muzzle along her silvery cheekbone.
It probably wasn't any of Osprey's business - she knew that and she would have accepted that with any other person, except Peregrine. It didn't feel right to be shut out of one part of his life, which clearly affected him so much. They were supposed to be best friends, soulmates even - yet here he was not wanting to share this with her. On the other hand - she had made her decision to leave, when he had needed her the most. Was it any wonder then? She had lost her chance to prove herself worthy and - it had sideffects.
You're supposed to have my back. She cast a glance at him and there was something reluctant, reserved even, about it. Was she? Even if it went against her principles? Yes, she had this overwhelming need to find excuses for everyone's actions, especially his, to smooth every little conflict out. She had done the same for Tyrannus - despite the horrible and mad things he had done - she still found it hard not to see good in him, try to find the reasons for his actions. Hadn't she turned a blind eye to his actual person? Hadn't she willfully ignored the wrong Peregrine had done?
"I don't feel like telling stories anymore," she replied quietly, still looking at her brother's face, as if trying to find something that had gone amiss, that had changed.