Blossom was five days old when Reverie felt the first stirrings of restlessness. It was a little ridiculous, she knew; it hadn't even been a week yet and already she was itching to roam, wishing for her daughter to be older. Truthfully there was a different sort of tension underlying it. One that Reverie was not ready to admit to.
With Lestan's absence, and before that, his apparent horror at her pregnancy, Reverie had suffered a distinct lack of intimacy in these last weeks. She was finally beginning to feel the lack. Honestly, she just wanted someone to touch her — anyone! But she could not leave Blossom alone, and besides, who would touch her when she looked like this? If Lestan did not want her in this state, surely no one would.
Still, she could not help but notice all over again how pretty
@Arric was when he came to visit her. Disgusted with herself, Reverie dropped her gaze to Blossom and did not let it linger on him.
Hi, Arric!
She greeted a little too brightly, tail swishing across the den floor. She resisted the urge to ask him if he was going to look for Lestan yet.
Any news?
She asked instead, figuring there would be none but bored enough to inquire anyway. Swiftcurrent Creek was a quiet place at best.
Arric was true to his word. He visited everyday. Bringing food, small talk. Whatever it was that it could and felt comfortable bringing. Even in five days the little girl that was colored in gold, was growing. He almost couldn't believe it. It was so quick.
She greeted him so brightly that he lay his ears to his skull. And inwardly he sighed. She was in another manic state he'd wager and he wasn't sure what to do. Though outwardly he offered a smile and a wink.
Heya Rev. Hi there little Blossom.
He knew she couldn't hear him, but he felt strange not acknowledging the little fur ball.
He shook his head. Akavir and I are still deliberating on what to do at the borders and we are trying to decide who to send after Lestan. I'm probably the fastest, but I'm also one of the strongest fighters. And if the threat becomes a violent one. Well.
No news. No Lestan. Reverie was not disappointed, though. She was too busy resisting the familiar flutter of nerves she felt when Arric winked at her. Terrible. She smoothed over Blossom's forehead with a quick kiss to distract herself.
He's been gone awhile,
Reverie said softly; two weeks now, wasn't it? It felt so much longer. It felt like a different life entirely. Maybe he doesn't want to come back.
And if he didn't, then was it really wise to drag him back? She couldn't help but think it might be better for Blossom to have no father than to know a father who did not want her.
Arric was oblivious to the feelings the girl was feeling. Instead he listened and thought on Lestan. He wasn't sure what had happened to the man, but he planned to find him, he just wasn't sure how too yet. And Akavir was silent lately and that was also causing him some serious issues and irritation too.
Well Rev maybe he has some baggage to unpack.
Arric had an inkling that something bad had happened, only because Lestan had said he would be back and he had never gone back on his word with Akavir and Arric, ever. No matter how angry he had gotten with either one of them, but he would never tell Reverie that.
Baggage to unpack! It took every ounce of willpower Reverie possessed to avoid reacting to Arric's words. She did not care if Lestan had baggage to unpack; she did too, and yet she had done it here. For all her flightiness and all her avoidance, Reverie had not left him the way she'd feared she would. But then, she couldn't have left him with this burden, could she? It was easy for him to walk away, but she was stuck with this — this future she had only chosen because she thought Lestan would be there for it.
As Moss had so eloquently put it: fuck him.
Reverie suddenly did not want to discuss Lestan. Let's talk about something else,
She suggested quietly. I - I actually have a question for you! What is spring? I hear everyone talking about it all the time, and I know the snow melting means it's here, but I don't know much else about it!
Arric had meant it exactly how he had said it. Reverie hadn't ran this was true, this time. But how many other times had she run from relationships, from family, from friends. He loved Reverie, she was his friend. But she also needed to have a small dose of reality every now and again, because she sometimes forgot and judged a little too hard.
Had he done this backwards, Lestan? Absolutely. But he had panicked.
Arric's ear twisted in thought. My dad always said spring was like rebirth of the earth. Winter was cold and dead, and when spring came everything came alive again. New children were born, sometimes people found their love rekindled, there's something gracious about spring he used to say. It gives back what winter took away.
She had resolved not to think of Lestan, but it seemed she was destined to be reminded of him at every turn. New children, love rekindled; like an idealized version of the misery Reverie had found herself in. It wasn't all bad, of course. Blossom was a welcome blessing, a joy to her in the darkest moments and daily full of new wonders. She did not remind Reverie of Lestan, as she had feared. Not yet.
It was impossible to avoid the heartbreak anyway. But she tried. So, after spring... does it go back to winter?
Reverie had come from a place where seasons were more a suggestion, a gentle shifting rather than a total overhaul, and so this was all new to her. It seemed like a cruel cycle. Death and rebirth, over and over. She wondered if the land ever grew tired of it.
Arric hadn't meant to make her think of Lestan again, but the simple fact was. Until Reverie dealt with it. Whether it was her feelings of the male or his leaving or what have you. Until she faced it head on instead of running and oh she was running if it wasn't physical, she would be continuously reminded of him and it would continue to be an issue and it would make all her relationships she pursued crash and burn.
He stared at her for a minute. Had she never had seasons before? He shook his head. It goes from spring, to summer, to fall, to winter. Summer is hot and humid. It is a time for hunting and to watch the babies from the spring grow. Then fall comes and it is cooler and the world begins to sleep. And then of course winter.
Reverie's ears pinned back slightly when Arric stared at her. She was no longer ashamed of her lack of knowledge about the world, but the remnants of that shame still prickled at the perceived judgment.
In The Gilded Sea it was hot all year,
She explained, gaze dropping, and tried to focus on something other than how Arric was making her feel right now. She enjoyed his company, but more and more she felt only disapproval from him. And it seemed terribly unfair, but she didn't think she could ever tell Arric why it was unfair.
So she would just have to live with his disappointment.
I wish - winter could last a little longer,
Reverie said, still trying to distract herself. I like the cold, and the snow. It's so different from The Gilded Sea. And too cold for fire.
Arric saw the pin and he felt bad and he looked down. I suppose i took it for granted all the seasons. And I wrongly assume that everyone knows about them. So when someone asks, it surprises me.
And he supposed he was being unfair to Reverie. He was judging instead of helping lately and that wasn't a good thing. So he shook his head, reframing his mindset.
Winter is nice sometimes. I like all the seasons really. They all have their own good things, and drawbacks too. Rev I know the fire scared you, but that doesn't happen too often, really. And here at the creek there's so much water.
He settled his head to his paws, a twitch in his shoulder. But he was determined to try and be better.
She hadn't meant to make him feel bad, and she could tell that she had. Reverie softened, feeling guilty herself now because Arric did a lot for her. All of Swiftcurrent Creek did, really; she wondered sometimes how she had gotten by before, without the support of a pack. She'd had Kvarsheim but she hadn't, not really, because she was never there.
Reverie wondered, too, what she'd done to deserve any of it. There was goodness in her, once; before the fire, before all of those healers and their awful remedies. But Arric didn't know that. Moss didn't know that. They knew Reverie, not Ophelia, and Reverie was — well, she was selfish, and she knew that. It was the promise she'd made herself when she fled The Gilded Sea, that she would be selfish, and nevermind the consequences. Why did anyone think she deserved their help?
It's easy to take things for granted when you don't know anything else,
Reverie said softly. Everything is so different here. Even the people. I'm still not used to it.
She watched Arric lay his head on his paws and mimicked the movement. After a moment she felt a restless itch and rolled onto her back, careful not to jostle Blossom too much, and peered at Arric a little mischievously. She stretched out one leg to paw at the air between them, a silent invitation for gentle play. Something to lighten the mood.
Arric was an emotional wolf. Just because he hid it well made it no less so. And yes usually he was calm and zen, but wvery so often.
Arric was of the opinion could he help another he always would no matter how they were. Whether shitty or kind. Reverie wasn't bd. And there was goodness there.
A swift smile and Arric moved his larger limb to grapple, slip by her defenses and boop her nose gently. If she didn't see it coming.
A huge dark paw descended toward her face, and Reverie reached up to snag it between her teeth with a soft giggle. She nipped at it gently and then batted it away with her own paws. Her legs stretched out until she flopped to one side, away from Blossom, and reached out to find and nip at his other paw. It had been so long since she'd played with anyone! Reverie, still not very far out from childhood herself, took great joy in the experience.
It wasn't until moments like these that Arric realized how young Reverie was. Barely out of the age of babes herself, but she had to be a little older right, to have kids. He tried to remember the birds and the bees talk his dad had given him, but damned if he could remember all of it. She had to have been old enough.
Arric moved his paws about and gave a few playful barks and growls, but he didn't want to move too much given that he was a behemoth and there was a little girl there. That he could probably hold on one paw, if he was honest.
Reverie was happy to lose herself in their gentle play for as long as Arric would indulge it. She'd always been easily entertained, and so it would be quite some time before she lost interest. Eventually it was time for their visit to end, though, and time for her to feed Blossom again — a task she had come to resent just a little. But she did it willingly enough, for love of her daughter.