When Reverie woke it was with a purpose. She gathered up the herbs that she would take and arranged the others, determining that she would store them here in lieu of using the den. It was no longer a safe place, not in her mind.
She waited for
@Lestan to wake before she prepared to move Blossom.
I'm picking a new den,
Reverie announced in a tone that suggested it was not for debate.
The blood has made it a mess in here.
That much was true, at least. Despite her efforts, the remnants lingered and would for some time. Lestan would be suspicious nonetheless, she felt, but Reverie gave the excuse anyway.
after all his ranting about blood, lestan had come to think of this den too as less than home.
"there's a large cave — i - i slept in it, the first night i was back. it's rough and it's quite large, but — well, i can show you."
"i-i offered it to moss, once. well, i suggested she take it. i was — not well-received. since then it's rather unoccupied."
he cleared his throat. "would you like me to c-carry her?" his eyes lingered on the tiny girl, whom he had decided he would not reach for unless reverie saw fit. it was the first part of his comeuppance.
Reverie's mood darkened visibly, first with his mention of that first night and then with his mention of Moss. She didn't say anything, but neither did she try to hide in her expression that he was saying many of the wrong things.
Still, she was willing to entertain the suggestion if only because it would be, in a way, reclaiming some of what they had lost. The chance to make their home together; to build a life together. Reverie had done it alone until now, and though Moss had been at her side, she had never asked for her opinion or considered it any more highly than she might have considered Arric's or Tauris's opinions on how she raised her daughter. It was different with Lestan. Let's go look at it, then,
She agreed, tone far lighter than her eyes. You can carry her.
Reverie reached for the herbs she had decided to take, ignoring the burn of hurt and humiliation to be reminded that he had not come with her that first night, and gestured for him to lead the way.
he had misspoken, and gravely. so he shut his mouth and cradled blossom in one arm, and led reverie in the manner of a dejected pioneer's wife.
but steadily he brightened as the lip of the cave could be seen, then its high, doming curve, marked by the red maple standing without.
the interior was musty with green lichens, but the floor was clean and the roof secure.
he stepped into the wide space and looked at reverie hesitantly, glancing down once at their babe.
She stole glances at Lestan as they walked and tried to puzzle out how she felt about seeing him with Blossom. Reverie couldn't quite decide if she was jealous or not, nor could she decide which of them she might be jealous of. They belonged to her, both of them, more than anything else in this world ever had. There was a part of her that wanted nothing more than to be the highest priority, the most intimate bond in each of their lives —
But the thought of Lestan prioritizing her over Blossom made her ill, and the thought of Blossom loving her more than she loved Lestan made her dizzy. It was all confusing. She thought she liked it, though, seeing them together like this. It occurred to her as they approached the cave that she would have to get used to leaving Lestan with Blossom. Alone. She had done it once already, but that was before he'd threatened to take her.
Now she was uncertain. But she knew, looking at Lestan with that growing brightness to his features, that she wanted to try to trust him. He was the only true ally she had in this world, the only one who knew her secret. All of her secrets, really — the ones that mattered.
She looked around, ears twitching and pulling forward every so often. I like it,
She announced with a soft smile, and searched for a place to set her herbs down. No one would be able to corner her in this place; no one would be able to take Blossom from her. As long as she could run, Reverie knew she could keep her daughter safe. With her.
Where she belonged.
the glance became a look; lestan saw all of reverie in her, as if she had detached a piece of herself and set it away. and there was none of him; an ache for that, but blessed in its own way.
"we could p-put a little shelf here, for your herbs." by the entrance. "and the denmouth itself is quite wide. exposed," he said with a frown, turning toward the spacious mouth of the cave. "i could bring willow branches for that, i think."
some furs on the floor, a cache dug nearby. it would be as good a home as anything. he gave reverie a hesitant look of extreme warmth. "why don't i leave you both to get settled," he said carefully, pausing to ensure she would not cry out at it again. "i need to g-gather. i need to bring things, together, and — well, i need to work, reverie." he cleared his throat.
Reverie was filled with a warmth of her own as Lestan began to make plans for their den. She was grateful that he was taking charge of it. There was no passion in her for this, not now. All she truly wanted was to be near Lestan and Blossom; even a bare hole in the ground would suffice for that.
She couldn't help herself. She crossed the distance between them with a soft look. Alright - but first...
Reverie kissed him fiercely, desire bursting into tall flames within moments. It was always far too easy with him — and it had been so very long since they had been together like this!
What Reverie didn't truly realize, but suspected on some subconscious level, was that a large part of her recent moodiness stemmed from that lack.
lestan had spent so long outside his body that it was quite hard to return to it. in the moment he returned the intensity of reverie's kiss, though it swiftly became awkward with blossom still in his arm.
there was the fact also that no answering flush came from his flesh; it was not for lack of joy or want, lestan did not think, only worry. they were both rather battered, and blossom! so new! did they not have to wait a time?
reverie's delicacy, his own fear, his deep introspection; all these things had quieted his hungers for the moment and regretfully he pulled away. "let's wait," lestan said with great reluctance. "i want this place to be more — ah, settled." his eyes asked that she understand, and he kissed her cheek as if to assure.
Rejection! Again! It didn't sting so much, but Reverie could hardly stand the frustration mounting in all of her veins, even down to her bones. She felt as if she might burst. Or burst into tears, perhaps. She did her best not to, because she didn't want to make Lestan feel pressured, but her eyes were shining a little even as she tried to communicate her understanding with a gentle smile.
She did not trust herself to speak, so she only nodded and took Blossom from him. Later, perhaps. But there was a sinking feeling in her. Did he no longer want her? Reverie was all too aware that her body had changed, and now glanced down at herself with no small measure of insecurity. Only for a moment. Only to remind herself that this was what she was now, and maybe it was time to stop expecting Lestan to feel any desire for her. Really, she should be grateful he was here at all.
These thoughts would consume her for some time, even as she committed herself to helping Lestan bring to life his vision for their den.
of course lestan sensed her upset, hurt even. it was the time to rekindle one another, lestan simply did not think his body was yet — prepared.
he hated he was not more of a man, not consumed by his own desires; emotions always crippled by his overactive mind.
he rolled his shoulder when reverie took blossom back. "i'm going out for skins. i'll be back."
and he would, and was, finding it hard to leave as he exited their new home.
