Wolf RPG

The journey was not a short one, but compared to the distance they'd both already placed between themselves and their homes, it wasn't very long either. Keen was mindful of the pace for @Bridget's sake; on her own she would have covered the distance much more quickly, having aspired to scouthood in a past life before she realized that she was too much a recluse.
She was quiet, though. Occasionally she would point out something familiar, and a few times she recounted bland, happy childhood memories in the vaguest of terms. Even then it was impossible to truly hide the fact that most of these memories had been made during a time when she was lost from her home and under the care of someone entirely unrelated to her. Keen was careful to never mention anything negative, but she knew it was likely obvious that she was dealing with some things.
What she couldn't tell Bridget was that this was her way of getting around to talking about it. Keen was well aware that it was mildly infuriating at times, but even knowing that, she could only ever sit back and watch herself crash the car in slow motion every time. She'd worked herself into a fair bit of anxiety over it by the time they actually reached Permafrost Hollows, half-convinced that she was in the process of scaring Bridget away already. At least, she reasoned, it was still early enough that it wouldn't hurt too much.
This is it, She announced when they came to the place. It's not super exciting anymore. It was going to be The Vartija. Keen kicked a rock, peering around as if Derg or Wintersbane might appear at any moment. I never got to say goodbye.

Keen's insistence on staying positive hadn't escaped her, but she humored it while they traveled. She kept up as best she could with the pace and appreciated that Keen seemed mindful of her limitations, but the talk had her just as distracted as the sometimes difficult terrain.

Bridget looked around when they finally arrived, trying to put together a picture of all she'd spoken of up to this point, but unable to really. It was all vague, like a foggy portrait that said nothing about the girl who stood next to her and spoke in subdued tones. Once again, Bridget was reminded in an unwelcome way of Teya. Someone so stripped of who they were, and convinced that who that was wasn't enough, that they refused to ever let anyone see them.

I don't know the place you're talking about. Or what you mean, say goodbye. But I'd like to. Bridget looked at her, concerned but also understanding. It's okay if you don't trust me. You don't have to tell me what bothered you earlier, or what about this place bothers you now. But I can't help you unless you do. Knowing someone means knowing the things they struggle with, too. If only so we don't have to struggle alone.

She was likely repeating the same mistakes, but she had to try.

And there it was. Keen's ears fell slowly as Bridget spoke, because she'd had this conversation too many times in her life. She was tired of this always being the place where every relationship in her life was destined to grind to a halt. She wanted something to change. Clinging to the hope that maybe this time it could be different, she swallowed and steeled herself.
I know, She went for simple agreement to start, shaky as she tried to find her footing in unfamiliar territory. Her gaze dropped as she went on. I uh, I suck at talking about feelings, but you probably figured that out. I want to change that, it's just a matter of... figuring out where to start. Opening the door on years of emotional baggage comes with the danger of everything falling out at once. Keen was trying for humor with that, but she fell a little short, too sad and overwhelmed to even smile.
But she did manage to meet Bridget's eyes again. I was born at Easthollow. My mother was the leader there, raised me and my siblings by herself. When I was young, around six months, I got lost. The man who found me brought me here. His name was Derg, It felt strange to tell it so simply after spending so long trying to forget about it. It was my brother who found me a couple months later. During my absence, my mother had taken a new mate and started a new family. I took it personally, and our relationship never recovered from it. I never went back.
Instead of dealing with it, I left the valley entirely. For years. And now my family is gone, and I guess that decision is coming back to bite me in the ass because I don't know how I feel, There was a lot Keen had skipped over, like the part where she'd murdered a member of Easthollow just to get her mother's attention — an effort which had ultimately failed. But it was pretty obvious why that one might be best kept from Bridget. And everyone else.
Besides, this was already a lot. Keen was nervous and overwhelmed, and it showed in her expression.

Bridget wondered if it would help Keen to know that she was in good company. There wasn't a wolf she'd met in the past few years, she felt, that was good at it. The fact that she was even willing to try put her past any of the ones she'd tried to help previously. All of them had chosen, at different points, to shut her out indefinitely.

She listened quietly and attentively. It was a struggle she could relate to on a variety of levels, though she wouldn't make it about herself right this moment. She knew what it was like to miss a span of time and feel like that mistake cost you everything.

Maybe a good start is knowing that, as your friend, I'm not going to judge you for the things you regret. I've got enough of my own, and I'm definitely willing to share those anytime, if it would help.

Her story echoed so many elements of Sorana's. A family that she felt had moved on without her, relationships she felt she'd destroyed. So you wanted to come back here, to see if they were gone too? And it appeared they were. Gone didn't necessarily mean they hadn't just moved on, and couldn't be found again, but the world was big and Bridget knew better than to offer platitudes.

As your friend — yeah, she'd definitely scared Bridget off. Keen didn't have the emotional bandwidth to process that one just yet. She shook her head at the question, feeling suddenly as if she'd stepped into a place that was very dark and very cold and very unwelcoming. A familiar sensation; the one that always accompanied talks like these ones. It wasn't as if she'd never tried.
I knew they were gone. I left first, but I reunited with Derg somewhere else, later on, She looked around, finding it easier to focus on their surroundings now. But I'd never seen it empty before now. I guess I thought seeing it would make it feel more real. The fact that everything changed while I was away, but for the ones who live here now it's nothing new. I don't know if that makes sense.
I feel like I should be past this by now. Or in a better place with it, She bit her lip anxiously. Life has definitely moved on. And I should have too, a long time ago.

Bridget had no way to know how her designation affected Keen, though it had been a choice to keep things casual right now. Between the absences and the current emotional struggle, trying to label what they were would only complicate things. Two short dates didn't feel like enough for her to assume Keen wanted more - or to know if she should look for it. Bridget had a bit of armor of her own to contend with.

I don't think that's something we can make ourselves do, nice as that would be. We feel what we feel, and I think we have to accept that first, maybe. There's no right way to lose things. She looked to where Keen was, as if she were also looking for any trace of the wolves who might have lived here before. It makes sense.

Losing things, and missing them, doesn't have to come at the cost of new ones, though. Bridget wondered if this was why she avoided the Moonspear herself lately, or took trips. Why she threw herself into studying the history of packs, learning about everyone else while she hid herself from them and seemingly erased herself from the story.

Keen found it odd that she was soothed by Bridget's assertions, but she was. These were things she didn't need to be told to know, but all the same she'd needed to hear it. Her lack of trust was more so in herself rather than anyone else; she just couldn't make herself believe something when she was the only one saying it.
She nodded as Bridget spoke. For a long time I thought it did. Moonspear is my first real try at starting again. I thought it would be an easy start. Small and quiet. Now I can't keep up, Keen laughed slightly, because she'd never been good at keeping up with even the smallest changes. I'm sort of dreading going back. It felt good to admit it, but there was sadness in the statement. Sialuk was kind and a good leader, and the members of Moonspear she had met seemed like good people. There was just no depth to her attachment — and that was her own fault, but the fact still stood.

I can understand that. She replied, a little softer. She didn't dread returning in the same way but she felt similarly enough that the words were an echo to her own feelings. It's hard, sometimes, when it feels like everything around you is changing and you are just stuck in place. They move on with their lives and sometimes end up leaving you behind. I kind of decided that keeping up shouldn't have to be entirely my job. The ones who care will want you there with them, and they'll come to meet you too, at least every once in a while. Bridget laughed a little at that and gave Keen an affectionate touch to the shoulder. The words were true, but it was also a small callback to her own visits to the mountain.

Easier said than done. But sometimes the kindest thing for a friend was to let them live their own life, with or without your presence in it. She didn't know if she was right thinking it, but so far, the alternative had brought nothing but trouble along with it.