Lost in thoughts Dwin had not heard Dee coming and only noticed her presence, when she addressed her.
Sorry. That simple.
She did not turn to face her right away, her paw rested on a stone she had wanted to push off the ledge seconds before. She inhaled, exhaled and shoved it.
Click. Clack. Plop.
Then it was gone. So was the anger, leaving her very tired and disappointment weighing heavy on her shoulders. For Dee's choices. For her actions. And for this all mess.
"I am not. For the way I felt," she finally said, looking her sister in the eyes. "But humiliating you in front of everyone was wrong."
Then she turned to look for another suitable rock to toss in the water. She found two. One she picked up and placed, where she had sat earlier, and the other was pushed towards Dee. A brief look, arch of eyebrows and silent invitation to join, if she wished to. Perhaps, there were grievances that Dee also wanted to get free from.
Given the opportunity, Dwin would have gone on reprimanding her sister for lying and adding an "I told you so" and probably a whole tirade of, how this whole ordeal had made her feel, but... Dee's story of how things had actually turned out, made all the imaginary scenarios that should have given Dwin righteous sense of satisfaction ugly. Who was she to judge after all?
"Real life's crap, right?" she summed up her sister's whole experience and her own as well. Turned out that the legendary Blackthorn wanderlust gene and the glorious tales of their ancestors, who had been born with silver spoon's in their mouths and hadn't had a single bad day in their lives, were withholding tons of useful facts. "Dad's stay-at-homedness makes much more sense now?" she chuckled, choosing another rock and pushing it in the water. "There goes bad decisions of the past... and a toast to all the bad we will make in the future," she smiled.
"Why would you ever feel ashamed to come back? Brecheliant is your home," she said, seeking her sister's gaze. "Home by definition is one's safe space. But you have found another?"
Dwin felt a little jealous that Dee had found a different pack and was not telling, what she had wanted to hear - that place sucks and I am coming home again. Once again - it was hard to be a better person and to make herself feel a bit better about this mix of emotions she admitted that she was by no means perfect. And should not expect to be such either.
"Sending a messenger bird earlier, would have always helped," Dwin pointed out, but smiled. "But that does not matter. You are here now. Who is your friend?" she asked.
People and wolves alike are complex characters and sometimes seemingly similar or very same things may cause vastly different reactions. Dwin felt a bit more alarmed, when Dee mentioned a new mom-figure, but accepted the fact that Kivaluk was her sister's boyfriend without blinking an eye. Dee after all was The Girl in the family from the very beginning. While Dwin had been busy digging trenches, traps and fighting battles with imaginary hordes of enemies, Dee had taken interest in things that girls her age should be interested in. Dwin could not name them all, of course, but there had been a time, when her sister and the adopted sibling had been fawning over the same guy. Dwin had never understood the appeal, but she had accepted everyone's choice in hobbies was valid.
"I will," Dwin promised. "It's just there are so many kids around. And it would be unfair to leave the parents now," she explained, but there was palpable longing in her voice. She was not ready to admit to herself it yet, but she was simply not cut out for the life of a pack wolf only.
"Let's see, when it comes to it," Dwin replied with a shrug. She did not wish to make any promises she would not be able to keep. Or Dee for that matter. With things having turned out the way they had this time, she wondered, whether making any plans for the future was worth it. Because circumstances could and would change.
"Parents ain't getting any younger," she said after a pause. "Who will be left here, when they are gone?" she asked, keeping back if all of us leave?
"Oh, right..." Dwin remarked, having forgotten that Bronco was their uncle by blood of sorts and that his offspring had just as much right to this land and pack as they did. Except, would it really be the same, if none of the children from the original founders stayed behind? What about the Redleafs?
But maybe all of it was just a technicality. Maybe the truth was that... "What if it is never going to be the same? You know - maybe I am not worrying about the future. I am mourning about the past that won't return," she replied thoughtfully. "If you return here and are not happy? That's a feeling you can neither force, nor fake?" she asked half-rhethorically.
It was an interesting and creative way to think about it, but Dwin did not feel entirely convinced. Taking a piece of home with her, when the actual place and people no longer existed, felt foreign. To an extent. There was some reluctance on her part to even imagine a world, where her parents no longer lived. Or any of the other people, who were the actual pillars of, what she considered home.
"I do not think it would quite work like that," Dwin remarked, looking at the ripples on the water surface caused by the last rock thrown in there. "But then... mom and dad probably had their homes before this one too. It is hard to think that there was ever a time, when they did not know each other," she said and her eyes lit up suddenly, when a new idea entered her mind. "Just think... we might meet people in our lives that we do not know yet, but they would make a difference.
Just think - they are out there somewhere, doing something and not knowing... when that life-changing moment will happen," she finished her thought. "Not knowing is annoying and strangely exciting as well, don't you think?"
"Let's go eat," Dwin agreed, glad to have this heart-to-heart session over. It was harder to open up to someone than it might seem and she found she did not like to dig too deep in the matters of her heart. Not even if it was her own sister.