Things settled, like silt and sand to the bottom. It brought no joy to her, and yet there it was undeniable. Life was going on and she did not know quite what to make of it. Each similarity felt like a betrayal each difference a new stab of discomfort, grief, guilt. Mourning felt like rocks tumbling in the sea even as the rest of life slipped through her paw pads grit in each step, impossible to wash off. She sighed, let the wind blow through her hollow, freeing up that space lodged within her chest. It was easier sometimes, sometimes harder. The day came and it was good, even as she plodded along the beach.
@Rodyn if you have time!
Rodyn didn't know what to do. Heph was keeping them afloat. It was unfair of him to be gone so long and yet. He knew that his children needed him, and that he wouldn't be happy unless he was with them. Days moved and blended. Hia heart still ached.
He caught sight of Heph and jogged towards her. A small broken smile for her.
Hi Heph.
Heph was surprised to see Rodyn, a muted joy at seeing him, inextricably linked to the one she wanted to see by his side, walking up the coast as if nothing had changed. Her smile shuttered as well, and yet she had missed the leader of Moontide, much as he was needed elsewhere. "Rodyn." She offered a press of shoulders, perhaps more to assure herself that he was there. "How are the children?" Her mind had been so much on Moontide, on Samani, that she had little energy to think of all the things she had promised. Antlers and furs to play with, the horns of the goats she and Colt had killed would be perfect for small teeth. Guilt at not being there for her in her final moments. Shame that she had not been there for her children.
Rodyn shifted and slung a foreleg to pill her a little tighter. Glad to see her too
He smiled. Oh Heph you're gonna love them. Panuk and Rolayne. I have told them of you so they know their auntie heph.
Rodyn look3d around. We'll be home aoon. I came to visit, check in and see how you are?
There was a sadness still in the air. But he had hope that they could get to a point where it wasn't so sharp. But that felt as if he was betraying her.
Heph smiled in turn, a bit hesitant and uncertain. It might have been the first time the first real smile. "I'm so glad, I love them already and I'll do my best to have things ready for them when they return." Panuk and Rolayne. She hoped that they would come to see Moontide as home, perhaps their earliest memories would be of Moonspear.
She let out a breath. But there was no need to pretend to Rodyn that grief did not haunt her. "I...All things considered I'm okay. The wolves here are good, our borders are well, I should be grateful...it's just....a lot." In a way she was grateful that there was still much to be done and yet a part of her wished to wallow in the loss. "Sometimes I feel like if I just turn a corner she'll be there."
It hurt a little to know that Heph could love their children and Samani couldn't. And yet he was so glad she could too. It was nice to have someone whom both he and Samani loved dearly to be there for their sons. Who could remember her laughter and her joy for them too.
Her next words and his chest tightened. A small nod. I know what you mean.
And he did it was nothing for him to see her everywhere, to hear her. Small things reminded him of her.
Its the small things really.
The color the sea turned, the autumnal leaves, the sound of steps in the forest. She nodded, unsure of what to say. Perhaps, hopefully, in Moontide itself, her pack, something of hers would remain. And yet it felt like each absence only made her drift farther and farther away as it settled on Heph that she was gone.
Her gaze turned back inland for a moment. There were other matters too which begged attention. "Her den...the furs and things will keep but animals might get to them soon." The pups deserved something of their mother's. She wished that it could all be left, ready for a return that might never come, and yet she did not want to see it overrun in its empty state.
Rodyn knew that with each turning tide. Samani would be forgotten by those who didn't know her. More bodies would comecto the moontide pack who would never know her. And this hurt more than anything. Sharp and acute. His beautiful peachy queen deserved to be known by all.
He blinked fast tears gathered. we will also need to clean it.
He dipped his head down. The birth had taken her lifeblood. It had laid it bare on rocks and dirt.
Will you help me move them Heph. I will keep some for our sons when they decide to go on bride journeyes and some will go to you if you should decide to take a mate. Please?
Heph stood, unsure, her heart clenched at the idea of taking them. One part yearning for having her there, honored that he would offer her a precious piece of her memory, and yet the other part that struggled to be grateful for any of it, a pale shadow of having her there. "I...." Her voice trembled over her words and she blinked at the stinging in her eyes. "Yes. Yes. Thank you." Each word was difficult but she began moving towards the ulaq. "I...there was never a good time to mention it but Moonwoman did give me a name...Phox. Phox Redhawk."
Rodyn thought perhaps he had been wrong. That perhaps she would not want something from Samani and him. He hadn't meant to cause her distress. He was about to tell her, she didn't need to take anything if it was too hard. But he knew Samani would want someone to have them and well. None more so he imagined than Heph.
He smiled then true and brilliant. So happy for his friend despite that his heart was broken. That is wonderful, Heph. Now he better treat you right or he will have me to deal with. Not that Kukutux would ever pick anyone bad, but still.
Rodyn tried to think of the names. I don't know much about the surname, but I believe it is a very prominent one in this area if rumors are to go anything by.
Heph laughed, startled but gladdened to see a smile on Rodyn's face, and allowing herself again to feel that flicker of hope for this new meeting. But even for her laughter she was glad to hear Rodyn's assertion that he would be there even if things did not work out, while she trusted moonwoman and her judgment nothing was ever perfectly assured and it helped give her confidence to meet this wolf knowing that she would have a friend in her corner. But his comment about the Redhawk family brought to mind a worry that had been flickering in the back of her mind, perhaps more nervousness than anything but there. "Kukutux told me some about his family. I...." She hesitated. "I hope he won't mind that I have any here. Since I left my family name behind." She had never cared before about it, and yet if this wolf took pride in his own, she was hoped he would not care too much about her lack of it.
"i'd like...After I meet him I would like you to meet him too. If you're willing." Heph had no intention of leaving Moontide, and while no one knew exactly what the future held, Samani was there, and Rodyn; both were important to her.
Rodyn would always be there for her. No matter what. He would be at her side if she should need. She was one of his very best friends. Felt his grief as her own. He would not let her in this alone. Not ever.
Rodyn blinked surprised and smiled with a shake of his head. But you do, Heph. I am proud to call you sister, you have two nephews. You have family and if he does have a problem with the size of yours. Well then we just teach him the right of it. That's all. Some manners would not go amiss in that case.
A kind smile.
Rodyn was surprised and touched, that she would want him to meet her potential interest. He gave a soft nod. I'd be honored to meet him on your behalf Heph. And if you wish to do a bride price and you want I will think of one befitting. If Kukutux hasn't already.
A soft pain in his chest. He would have done that for his daughter eventually, came up with her bride price with her mother. The boys now too, he would have to teach them this way. They would need to embark on such a journey. As he had.
As Heph had, lovely sweet Heph. His dearest friend. He truly hoped with all his heart that this would work out for her. That she would meet this wolf Phox and that it would be a love for the ages. Like him and Samani had. He hoped that, truly deeply.
A startled laugh, sharp and unsure, but she was glad to hear the words. They settled something within her, she did not think Moonwoman would set her up with someone who would be against her from the start but it was good to hear Rodyn's assurance all the same. She had never imagined finding family after running away from her own, and yet she hoped to be a better sister to Rodyn than she had been to her other brother. "I'm proud too, to have a brother like you although I'll admit I think I'll be prouder to be an aunt." A glimmer of teasing, feeling the unfamiliar waters wading out from grief yet still lapping at her heels.
"Thank you. I'm unsure if she has, although I didn't know it was something done for those not born into the pack?" Samani had been Moonwoman's daughter, and Vaire had been born into Moonglow or at least as Heph understood it. But if it did work out then being married in a way that would be recognized by the place she called home would be a blessing.
Laughter hearty and a bit happy. Her words drew him comfort and he teased in return. And he felt a small piece of himself return at least for a time.
I should hope so.
It is whomever belongs to moon packs. So i can do this for you if it is something you would lik3. I wont go easy on him.
Heph nodded. "I'd like that, to be married in the way of my new home." Her voice was warm, though she did not want to hope too much without meeting first. But she could not help but laugh. Rodyn was a gentleman but she had no doubt that if he set the price he would be fair enough to make this Phox put in at least a little bit of effort. "Then I suppose I'll get to see if Kukutux heard right that he's a fine tracker."
Rodyn would not give as much as he had to do, but he would make sure the man knew how much Heph was worth tovthem. She was priceless really, but he would show this phox if it was a match that beautiful wonderful things didn't come easy. But he wouldn't be harsh.
A smile. It is decided then. If it is a match I will give him a bride price.
"Thank you." Her eyes still glimmered with humor, though they turned more somberly onto the site of Samani's den. It seemed as if her path always led back to some memory, and yet she could not begrudge that, did not want to let go so completely. But her spirits had lifted enough for a sad smile to flash on her face as she assessed the entrance. Some small creatures had obviously investigated, but thankfully she did not sense within any that had taken up permanent residence.