Towhee stayed strong until the time came to leave the island. She wasn’t sure she would ever come back. She wasn’t really one for visiting graves. There were just too many of them at this point. Towhee didn’t want to spend what was left of her life with the dead. She would join them sooner or later.
As she walked along the coast, then turned inland toward the great mountain, she could still feel his last breaths on her cheek, the same one she’d pressed to his ribs so she could feel his final heartbeats. Towhee had stayed strong for
@Heda and the kids, though as Caracal’s final moments replayed in her head for the nth time in the past several days, she finally let the grief hit her.
She made it as far as Neverwinter Forest, which was ironic.
It was where she’d run after losing Leona. Was this even the same pine? Was this the same scream tearing out of the deeps of her? If
@Killdeer materialized, Towhee wouldn’t even be surprised, though she hoped he didn’t for both their sakes. She could not handle telling him his best friend was gone forever.
That thought sent her sinking against the tree’s rough bark, one foreleg braced against it as her head dropped. This time, tears came as a great sob wrenched loose on the tails of an inconsolable wail.
He knew that voice.
Sable had wandered past Moonspear, trusting his feet to carry him where he needed to be. The wind was his companion, he needed not to question its intention.
His ears raised at the great sobs that filled the forest, muscles locking, great head swinging like a bear. He knew that voice, terror sufficing his very bones, and it meant something he didn’t want to face. Sable twisted, beginning to run the way the voice sounded from. Towhee’s voice bounced about in his head, his ears slicked flat to his head, his body moving as if in a trance.
And then, there she was. He mute, she deaf, him unable to even squeak out a sound in a register she could hear. Devastation curdled his stomach like milk.
Momma..
He stammered out in Ptero, before he dove to hide against her side, if she’d let him. Like a child all over again.
The foreleg braced against the tree began to tremble, then outright shake. Towhee pushed away from it and then sank to the ground, her cries muffled as she buried her face in a pile of leaves and pine needles. She felt several jabs to her forehead and cheeks but she hardly cared, nor did she notice the fall fragrances as she breathed harshly into the litter.
Something softly struck her side and Towhee yelped in surprise, flinging her head upward to apprehend her assailant. It took her swollen eyes a moment to register her youngest son’s identity. He’d grown so much over these past few months but he looked more like Maxim these days, coloration aside.
Sable!
she gasped, gathering him in her arms. I’ve missed you,
she rasped throatily, pulling back after a moment and noticing the stricken look on his face. Fuck, sorry, I—it’s your older brother, Caracal,
she croaked, voice quavering and chest hitching when she said his name.
It was Caracal, his mom said, and Sable’s voice broke around a high pitched, rasped whine, tucking in his head as Towhee looked at him.
Death wasn’t a foreign concept, not to Sable. The law of the wild was harsh, judgmental, and took no survivors. It was a hard, cruel world. And yet somehow, he’d never thought it would touch him personally. Things died, as they grew, as the world chugged on. But Sable always expected to come back to the same as he’d left.
And now his older brother was gone. He hadn’t been particularly close to him, all thoughts considered, but it was a loss that still hurt. When he thought of Caracal, he thought of the loud, happy island. Of the salt, the sun, the seagulls.
But nothing stays where you leave it.
He’s gone?
Sable signed, slowly, trying to take it all in.
Sable hazarded a guess and Towhee was grateful that he didn’t make her say it. She just signed confirmation, another blubbery sound escaping her. She tried to stifle further noises by pressing a paw to her mouth. Towhee felt the wetness flowing from her eyes and nose and wiped at it, trying to collect herself a bit for Sable’s sake.
Switching to signing alone, Towhee admitted, -I don’t think I can talk about it right now.- She took a couple deep, steadying breaths, watering eyes fixed on Sable’s face, so much like his father’s. -But I’m so glad you’re here. How are you? What have you been up to? Is your sister around here somewhere?-
Gone.
Gone.
Caracal was gone, and the confirmation burned in his chest. Sable had to look away, green eyes locking onto an ant climbing a blade of grass. The gulls would no longer cry in his older brother’s ears, the sun wound never warm his fur.
Dead and buried with the worms, kid.
Sable shakily focused on his mother again, shaking his head to try and regain his focus.
Not sure. Junior went north, I went south.
He was quiet.
I went looking for dad. Nobody’s seen him. Nobody who’ll tell me, anyway.
For just a moment, he prayed to Caracal’s god that at least this sliver of his soul would come home.
Towhee met the information about Jr with a blink. She’d just assumed they’d stick together, though it sounded like they’d gone in completely different directions. Did that mean they’d both been alone this entire time? Before she could fret about that too much, he mentioned searching for his father. That made Towhee’s aching heart sink even further.
Nobody had seen Maxim because he’d died long ago. Nobody could convince Towhee otherwise. The reason Sable couldn’t find any leads was because there were none. Nobody knew anything. His father had gone hunting and been killed and very likely eaten by a predator, leaving no trace. There would never be real closure.
But she didn’t want to push that narrative on Sable. She understood that he needed to seek answers for himself. Towhee brought out a foreleg and set it on his shoulder, giving him a commiserating look. They’d both been through their fair share of losses, though there was nothing fair about any of them.
Pulling her paw from his shoulder, she asked,
-Will you keep searching? Or have you made other plans now?-
She thought about her own itinerary. She supposed she would continue on toward Moonspear. She might as well visit, let them know what had happened. They could keep an eye out for Heda and the kids, in case any of them turned up. But Towhee wouldn’t be going back to the island anytime soon. And there wasn’t very much reason to visit the vale anymore.
Before those thoughts could get her going again, Towhee signed,
-I’ve been traveling from pack to pack these past few months, just like I planned. But I think I may need to rest for a little bit. I’ve got a campsite in The Heartwood, in case you ever want to hang out. Your Uncle @Phox comes around pretty regularly and, well, all the Moon villages are close by.-
Questions, questions he did not know how to answer. Somewhere in his heart he wanted to try and find Maxim, if not Junior, but he knew that window to find his father had passed.
Instinctively, he knew there was nothing to find. Add yet he searched anyway.
Sable pressed his lips together and shook his head.
I want to find Junior, make sure she’s okay. Then I’ll come.
Swift and succinct, yet the boy yearned for another embrace, somewhere in his interior.
So, he ducked his head and pressed close again, mind still tripping over all they had lost.
-Of course. That’s fine. You know, you should talk to Njord. There was mention of a mission or something…- Towhee paused, trying to recollect further details, but in her current state of mind, they simply weren’t forthcoming. -Anyhow, he may be able to point you in the right direction.-
She looked around a little blearily, as if trying to gather her bearings, thinking of the time when she had come here right after Leona’s death. This was a place of anguish and mourning for her, but also a sanctuary. Towhee decided she would rest here for a brief while.
-I understand if you want to get a move on, though if you wouldn’t mind hanging out with me for a while, I’d love your company. Maybe you could tell me about all the places you saw while you were searching, but only if you want.-