November 12, 2023, 02:25 AM
Coming back felt so much like giving up. Ashlar would have continued forever, if it were truly his choice, but as the first chill of winter appeared he knew he needed to return. If he didn’t, he wouldn’t be able to look her in the eye if he found her.
When he found her.
He would find her.
Exhaustion hung over him like a cloud, and several long months has sapped any measure of joy from his steps. His face and muzzle bore new scars, recently formed. It turned out, when desperation necessitated it, even he chose survival. He still had nightmares about the wolf whose kill he’d stolen, dreams so strong he’d wake up nauseous from the taste of blood. Did they starve instead? He didn’t want to know.
All of it for nothing. He hadn’t found a trace. It was as if she’d just vanished into thin air.
Ashlar did not want to face the empty feeling of the Rise with her gone, but he’d already failed her once. Their kids - were they really even his? - didn’t even know him, and he thought maybe they’d be better for it. Especially now. Still, he’d promised a long time ago that as long as he was there, the Rise would be her home. He couldn’t abandon her home, and their family, to face the winter alone.
As the darkness deepened, Ashlar curled up tighter beneath the thin copse where he’d taken shelter for the night. As he did, he looked up, watching the stars he could see behind shifting clouds and branches. He wished he could summon another feeling apart from dread; any other feeling. Their kids deserved better than that.
It was starting to look like he might be doomed to fail them too.
When he found her.
He would find her.
Exhaustion hung over him like a cloud, and several long months has sapped any measure of joy from his steps. His face and muzzle bore new scars, recently formed. It turned out, when desperation necessitated it, even he chose survival. He still had nightmares about the wolf whose kill he’d stolen, dreams so strong he’d wake up nauseous from the taste of blood. Did they starve instead? He didn’t want to know.
All of it for nothing. He hadn’t found a trace. It was as if she’d just vanished into thin air.
Ashlar did not want to face the empty feeling of the Rise with her gone, but he’d already failed her once. Their kids - were they really even his? - didn’t even know him, and he thought maybe they’d be better for it. Especially now. Still, he’d promised a long time ago that as long as he was there, the Rise would be her home. He couldn’t abandon her home, and their family, to face the winter alone.
As the darkness deepened, Ashlar curled up tighter beneath the thin copse where he’d taken shelter for the night. As he did, he looked up, watching the stars he could see behind shifting clouds and branches. He wished he could summon another feeling apart from dread; any other feeling. Their kids deserved better than that.
It was starting to look like he might be doomed to fail them too.