It was only mid-afternoon but already the sun was sinking steadily toward the west. The sky was a hazy white deepening to gray nearer the horizon. Peregrine smelled snow on the air and wouldn't be surprised if some fell overnight. The caldera was already sprinkled with it, like some sort of frosted cupcake.
Taking advantage of the last few hours of daylight, Peregrine wrapped up his afternoon patrol and then began seeking
@FitzDutiful. He had yet to sit down and having a meaningful conversation with the fellow since prior to the pack's foundation over a month ago. It bothered him that he hadn't stayed in better touch with his own pack mate, especially a transplant from the plateau. He also wondered why the man had been so scarce and was interested in some sort of explanation.
FitzDutiful had spent the day coming up with new stories, trying to replicate what he had done with Osprey by himself. He was still torn about which skill to pursue primarily though he had found his counsellor one to be more natural and easier for him.
The snow was lightly sprinkled and so Fitz found a cold pinch to the touch of his feet on the ground as he meandered towards his den. On his way, Peregrine appeared on the horizon and Fitz almost averted his direction to avoid him, thinking better of it at the last second. They were too close for Fitz to pretend that he hadn't seen him now.
Still feeling a little like he didn't matter to his pack, FitzDutiful greeted Peregrine with a warm "Hello!". No matter how upset he was feeling on the inside, he was determined not to let that slip through. He knew full well Finley deserved the beta position, that he hadn't been around half as much as he could be or as involved as he could be. Hell, he didn't even know any of the new pack members. But still, rationality wasn't always enough.
Peregrine fancied himself a decent tracker and proved himself right by finding FitzDutiful within thirty minutes. He loped toward his pale-furred pack mate, oblivious to any reticence in the other male as he drew close, especially when the Eta favored him with a warm, "Hello!"
"Hey there. I'm glad I caught you. I haven't seen much of you since we came here. I wanted to check in and make sure everything was all right. How are you doing, Duty? Is it cool if I call you that?"
Peregrine's tail waved as he spoke. The Eta had been consistently present, if not always in the thick of things, and the Alpha appreciated that. If the man just preferred to be by himself, that was fine too. He just wasn't certain yet how FitzDutiful operated and needed this opportunity to feel him out a little bit.
One of the first things Perry mentioned was Fitz's lack of presence and the guilt rippled through him showing on his face. No matter how he might try to hide it, it was just too strong for that moment in time. His alpha was concerned and FitzDutiful just couldn't justify what he'd done. If he was going to hide so much was it any wonder that he'd remain low in the ranks?
"That's fine and I'm..." His words trailed as he decided to be truthful or masking his feelings. Eventually his sense of duty won as he realised if he couldn't tell his alpha who could he tell? "I've been a fool of late it seems. I've been afraid, I think, of all the new people that then disappeared on us. It happened once and I was afraid of it happened again so I've just... kept to myself. The wrong call I now think."
FitzDuitful looked at the ground as he neared the end of his monologue, deeply ashamed. He should have been more proactive and tried harder to get to know people. Maybe then he would have been the beta.
Guilt registered on the Eta's peppered features. Peregrine noted it, then waited to hear FitzDutiful's explanation, keeping an open mind. His ears flicked at the word fool and his tail switched when the subordinate mentioned the rash of disappearances. The Alpha assumed he was referencing folks like Ashton, Amon and Finley, all of whom had temporarily vanished, and each of whom had a different but compelling explanation.
"I see," Peregrine said. "You're reluctant to get involved with folks who might just poof on you. I get it. But most of those who went MIA for a bit came back. With that said, we'll always have some that come and then go... like Robin, for instance. It happens. It sucks when it does. But I think the caldera has a core of loyal members who'll stick around... you included, Duty. I think you'll be safe getting to know them. Maybe it will even make them stick a bit more firmly, you know?"
"You can start with me," he volunteered in the next breath. "Aside from Fox, I think I could claim to be the most reliable guy here. I mean, I founded the place and all..." His lips twitched. "I won't be going anywhere anytime soon. You can count on me. And I'd be happy to introduce you to the others or do whatever else I can to make you feel more at home here."
"Thank you," Dutiful responded after Peregrine's talk. It meant a lot not to get berated for what he had done and Fitz felt comfortable enough to bring up the other sore point, even if it was sugar coated... a lot. "I do have another question."
He left enough time for some sort of indication from Peregrine that it was okay to go ahead, even if that was just silence, and then took a deep breath before progressing. "Is that what I need to do to work my way up here? I've been here, I've never left or showed any indication of wanting to leave, and yet I'm pretty much at the bottom of the pack ranks. I assumed that's because of my solitary behaviour but if there's anything else that gets taken into consideration... I'd like to know." Fitz wondered if he'd dare say the rest but to be honest, he was on a roll. It was doubtful he could have stopped himself if he'd wanted to. He had no one else to tell this too and if anything this probably showed how young the wolf in front of Peregrine was.
"I see others working their way up, getting somewhere. And, please don't get me wrong I am so proud of them and happy for them, but I really wonder where I'm going wrong. That kind of reinforced the lonely spree I had - wondering if I was useless."
FitzDutiful mentioned another question, so the Alpha male nodded and pricked his ears to show that he was ready and paying attention. He listened expressionlessly, absorbing the silver male's words without comment, letting him finish before answering any of it.
"Your rank is a direct reflection of your involvement and contributions to the caldera. Notably, I've barely seen you since we came here. How can I promote you when I don't know what you're up to? I mean, I can't tell if you're doing anything for the pack unless you show or tell me, right? If you want to move up, you need to socialize—particularly with us leaders—and show us that you're doing things that directly benefit the pack. Earning a trade, for instance, like I mentioned at the pumpkin patch party thing.
You're not useless and, for the record, I'm glad you eventually decided to bring up your concerns. We both need to do better at communicating. That may also be the root of the issue," Peregrine finished, hoping he'd done a good job at explaining in a way that would satisfy FitzDutiful and allow him to move forward.
Fitz's posture began to change as Peregrine spoke, as if an invisible weight had lifted from him. It felt like that had happened inside his head, his soul, but he wasn't aware that it was happening physically too. His tail began a small, slight wag that echoed through the smile that lit up his face towards the end. "I'm going to do better from now on." he told Perry, full of the enthusiasm that he felt.
"Speaking of trades - I've been working toward the Counsellor trade mainly, though I've dallied a little in the Chronicler. It's kind of funny how a want-to-be Counsellor fails to take their own advice." FitzDutiful was almost ready to leave things behind. He was still envious of Finley and it was doubtful that was going to just go away like that, but he knew how to work towards it now. How to progress and all he could hope for is that he would get the opportunities to prove himself.
Some didn't respond well to criticism, even constructive criticism, even when requested. His Eta, however, seemed to take it all in stride, absorbing Peregrine's feedback like a sponge. The Alpha bobbed his head approvingly, then favored FitzDutiful with a smile when he said he would do better.
"See, it's not easy to show us that you're counseling people. Counseling is sort of like... an invisible art, you know? And it's difficult to even tell us about it, considering confidentiality and all that. But if you give Fox and I an idea of who you're helping and how, we'll see the value in your duties," the swarthy leader said in the tone of a promise.
"You've been here since the beginning, Duty, since before then, actually... if you pick it up, work on your trades and make a point to check in with us from time to time, you'll move up swiftly. You might even have a shot at our Beta male position if you work hard enough. No promises or anything," Peregrine cautioned, "but if you do your part, we'll do ours to recognize your efforts."
Peregrine seemed to be responded well to Fitz's admissions and all of a sudden FitzDutiful wondered how he could have ever though that people didn't understand. What was he thinking?!
Explanations came that he should let them know who and how he had helped people in order to show them what he had been doing and Fitz wondered how he hadn't realised this. Regardless, the offer was definitely there now.
However, the best part was yet to come! With caution ripe in his words Peregrine said the thing that FitzDutiful had most wanted to hear. With time, and effort, there was a chance he could become the beta male! What an honour! Seriousness overtook Fitz as he responded, "I'm going to do my best, Perry! I've already helped counsel Fox back at the Plateau - and I helped Finley not long after we got here and her reactions to those that didn't come so I'm well on my way. Is there anything you need help with?!"
Might as well ask.
Peregrine had no qualms when it came to seeking medical help and advice—for physical wounds. When FitzDutiful eagerly inquired if there were any counseling services he could provide, the Alpha male wanted to say, "No, of course not, I'm fine!" But that was a lie. He could use some advice about a few different things. He usually went to his closest loved ones for this but perhaps a more objective perspective might be beneficial sometimes. Also, he didn't want to shoot his Eta out of the sky when he looked so reassured and enthusiastic.
"Um, hm... I'm not used to unloading my issues on anyone except those closest to me, so bear with me," he said after a moment. He paused, then shared, "Dante came by here the other day to tell me I'm not welcome near the plateau, that none of the caldera's wolves are. That means I'm not welcome to visit with friends and family there. I felt pissed off—insulted and disrespected.
And now I don't know what to do or say if any of them come here to visit me. I told Dante they were still welcome—all except for him, of course—but there's part of me that just wants to... harden my heart against them all, I guess, and focus all of my attention on the ones who choose to be with me here. What would you advise, Duty?"
FitzDutiful was actually heavily surprised when his alpha male confided that there actually was something that he needed help with. Toning down his enthusiasm, Fitz listened carefully. Peregrine described Dante, the now alpha of Blacktail Deer Plateau, informing him that none of the Caldera wolves were allowed near the plateau. As much as being a counsellor meant neutrality, FitzDutiful couldn't help letting his hackles raise and a small, angry growl escape. How dare he!
"Don't punish them for what their alpha has decided. You don't know if it was a pack decision, I find it very hard to believe it was. They might cause an uproar when they find out." Fitz paused for a moment to think of the best way to describe what he was thinking.
"Can you imagine sharing custody of children with an ex-partner? It may be better to think of it like that. Neither of the parents are getting along and so they don't see each other, but you don't take it out on the puppies. You don't force them to choose a home and you don't poison them against the other parent. Instead you make it obvious that they're always welcome and enjoy the time you have with them."
Peregrine listened to the Eta's feedback before replying in turn. "I don't think it would cause an uproar," he countered, "but it might cause hurt feelings for sure. What I'm trying to decide is... does that even matter at this point? We're in different packs. We're not supposed to mingle, per their Alpha." A black lip curled. "Wouldn't it be easier—if more painful, at least in the beginning—to tell them to leave us alone, just as their Alpha has asked that we leave them alone? To severe ties absolutely?"
In regards to FitzDutiful's metaphor, the Alpha male answered, "I do share custody of pups with a former mate. Well, sort of. Hawkeye has long since disappeared from all our lives but when she was still around after our breakup, I didn't drag the kids into it. I did everything in my power to avoid that. And you know what? They hate me these days. They probably hate both of us." He laughed dryly and entirely without humor. "They feel that I chose Fox over them and the plateau. Which isn't even untrue," he admitted with a sigh, dusky eyes meeting Duty's as if asking if he had any suggestions about that clusterfuck. "They wouldn't miss me, wouldn't even care, if I did decide to cut ties entirely."
FitzDutiful had never known Hawkeye, he hadn't actually known that Peregrine had been through the joint-custody situation that he had been describing. Maybe it would be better to cut all ties too.
"I guess that changes things a lot." He sat for a moment pondering. "I know you're the alpha and ultimately the decision is yours but I wonder if it is worth you talking this over with Finley. She mentioned a guy back at the plateau when we first got here. She had been annoyed that he stayed behind and I'm not sure whether the situation was resolved when she was there. If you choose to sever all ties, do you risk your Beta being unhappy?"
FitzDutiful let Peregrine process this information. Ultimately, Fitz had no ties to the Plateau. He had the impression that Fox didn't either - wasn't that part of why they had left so abruptly? As far as Fitz knew, only Peregrine and Finley stood to lose if they disallowed Plateau wolves from being near the Caldera.
FitzDutiful brought up Finley and suggested Peregrine talk it over with his Beta, who might be affected. He tipped his head, wondering who this guy might be, and mentally agreed with his Eta. He would definitely discuss all of this with Fox and Finley at length... once his Beta returned from the plateau, of course.
"She's there now," Peregrine said, which was common knowledge at this point. He gnawed his lower lip for a moment and mused, "I don't think I'd ever issue a pack-wide mandate against the plateau. I could take a page out of Dante's book and ask that they not come to our borders but I would never forbid my members from seeing them. That is a deeply personal decision and I don't deign to exercise that level of control over my subordinates."
The Alpha male drew in a deep breath, then managed to smile at FitzDutiful. "Thanks for listening and counseling. I will try to remember to bring other issues to you as they arise. I hope they don't but they will, inevitably... I guess that's good news for you, otherwise you'd be out of work." Peregrine chuckled.
The sun had by now sunk out of sight and the sky was dim, leaving a lavender blush on the snowy landscape. It wasn't even that late; the sun simply set earlier these days. But Peregrine thought he ought to check in with Fox, perhaps catch some supper with her. He didn't feel like he'd spent enough time with the Eta, though, and didn't want to just run off on him.
"Hey, would you like to grab dinner with Fox and me? We can grab something out of the stockpile, then head up to the den to meet her. No obligation, of course," Peregrine added, knowing FitzDutiful might be more comfortable on his own.
Fitz, after being such a social recluse, wasn't aware that Finley was still at the Plateau. He knew she'd gone but that was it - he kept quiet about that as Perry corrected him on the tense of his description.
A brief chuckle escaped from FitzDutiful too with response to him being out of a job and he felt quite proud that he'd the respect of Peregrine to bring problems to him. After all, he was a fairly young wolf.
To sum the day up an invitation was issued to have dinner with Fox and Peregrine, one that FitzDutiful jumped upon eagerly. It was time for this social isolation to end and dinner was a lovely way to start that.
Fading! :)
When FitzDutiful appeared eager to join them, Peregrine said,
"I'll let you pick the spread. There's a cache not far from here. Let's head that way." He gave his pack mate a companionable nudge, then began to trot toward the nearest stockpile. He knew Fox would be delighted to have a guest for dinner and thought they ought to pick out something special to eat to honor the occasion. But it was up to the Eta to choose their main dish.