She did not know how to regain control. In the weeks she'd been back in Swiftcurrent Creek, Paar had struggled to keep herself to herself. The ivory-pelted Kappa had greatly intimidated her on their chance encounter the afternoon after her arrival, which had left her feeling incredibly on edge. And then seeing Shadow again, broken and bleeding, was what forced her into a downward spiral of self-loathing; she struggled to see her leaving Noctisardor Bypass as anything but selfish.
She
did love him, but hated him all the same. During their time alone he'd been a gentle, caring and doting partner; it was his bad attitude behind the scenes that she could never bring herself to accept. His keeping of slaves and captives disturbed her and had been one of the main things to send her packing - what other vile habits had he introduced to the pack that was promised to be her fail-safe? It made her feel physically sick to think of it.
Alone by the edge of her home's namesake that crisp Winter's eve, Paarthurnax quietly watched the glimmering surface with solemn copper eyes. She sank to her haunches and heaved a sigh, curled her feathery plume about her rear and wished that her life could be less troubled.
[size=x-small]For some reason I didn't get a PM but was lucky to have found this! Guessing this is set after the meeting?[/size]
It was cold, but not as cold as it could have been. Falwasi had had tougher winters than this, and she did not suspect the wolves of Teekon Wilds had had any worse than snow and frost. It was not particularly warm in the summer when she had first arrived, nor was it particularly terrible in the winter. She was still chilled, though.
Copper eyes shot open at the scent of a wolf nearby. It was Paarthurnax. Rising slowly from her slumber as her senses kicked back into gear, Falwasi had no intention of picking a quarrel with the wolfess. In fact, she had no desire to even go and speak to her. If Scimitar wanted the desert-born to stay, so be it, but that did not mean the mountain wolf would have to dance around a campfire with the healer.
However, Falwasi was curious. Curious to know who Paarthurnax was. That was what drove her towards the source of the scent. Maybe her gut told her to pick a fight; maybe she wasn't aware of that hunger, but she did not want to fight. The newcomer had opened up a whole new side of Falwasi, one that she did not ever encounter. Mental aggression as a result of trying to protect her family.
She stopped quite a distance away from Paarthurnax, just close enough to see the she-wolf and her immensely rounded stomach watching the waters that seemed to quieten in the evenings, almost like a lullaby. As if the lullaby was not enough, the girl looked sad. Alone.
Falwasi took one tentative step forward. "It doesn't get any better," she said loudly and clearly but melancholically, despite having woken up such a minimal time ago. She was not one to give advice, but maybe she said it because it was true. Maybe she said it because she couldn't stand watching the russet woman sit on her ass and feel sorry for herself. Maybe she... she just didn't know.
Paarthurnax knew that the mountain wolfess was nearby, but did not lift her bi-coloured crown to look upon her. Instead she eyed her suspiciously from the corner of a copper eye, uncertain of her reason for being so close. At the meeting it had been made crystal clear that Falwasi held no love for the crimson healer or her unborn brood, so why the sudden curiosity? An opportunity to belittle her in private, perhaps?
She dipped her head, hunched her shoulders as she crouched over somewhat in a display of submission. Butterflies took flight in the pit of her abdomen and nervously, she flicked her salmon-pink tongue over her upper lip and nose. A soft whine was emitted, a timid greeting, as the other female paused a short distance from her.
Falwasi spoke, her words vague. Paarthurnax blinked. What, exactly, would not get any better? Her shattered heart? She already knew that much. The resentment that her earth-pelted comrade felt for her? In that moment, she was not sure that she even cared to try and win her over. Life in general? Uncertain, the russet mother-to-be remained quiet, for fear that words might spark further frustration from her fellow Creek wolf.
Falwasi stood still and watched as the russet female shied from her, not turning to greet her. The small gestures stung the chamoisee coated wolf like a bee: sharp at first, and then a painful ache once it withdrew its buzzer. She didn't want to be feared. Not by Paarthurnax.
She took another hesitant step forward: "I was only voicing what I thought was best for the pack," the elegant wolfess said, avoiding the 'I'm sorry', or the explanation because she'd had enough of speaking. Speaking and answering demanding questions was part of what she was doing lately, even if it was to herself, and it tired her deeply. The reality was that it didn't tire her deeply, but irritated her in the pit of her stomach, and her excuse was that she was tired.
Falwasi had no intention of ruing the two toned wolf's life here — that was never her intention. Now that the answer was a solid yes to the question of her membership, Falwasi would do whatever her leaders asked her to, and she would continue living life the way she always did: protect the Creek to her utmost ability, even if she thought Paarthurnax and her babes were a risk to the pack.
"I was only voicing what I thought was best for the pack," the golden wolfess said matter-of-factly, and Paarthurnax at last blinked up toward her. Her copper eyes lingered with uncertainty on Falwasi's honeyed features, never once dating to let their gazes met, but Paar was curious to gauge how she currently felt.
It was natural for pack wolves to eradicate what they deemed a threat, just as it was natural for said that to fear rebuttal. In the case of Paarthurnax and her unborn litter, fate had gone in her favour. She and her pups would live, much to the disapproval of a small handful of her pack-mates.
"I know," the crimson Frostfur said finally, and lowered her eyes once more. She had loved Shadow, and although she would admit it to no other than the Roman himself, a large part of her still did. But she was not prepared to once more betray the faith that Scimitar and Bazi placed in her by turning her tail on them. "What I did - leaving the Bypass and returning here - I did to protect my pups."
She looked out across the crisp, clear water of their territory's namesake again, "I understand why you spoke out against me, and I'm actually surprised that there were not more who agreed. Your heart was with Swiftcurrent as a whole - the life of one could never compare to the vast number of those who call this place home. But you must know that it is not my intention to leech life from this pack. I fully intend to return to Swiftcurrent all that I have taken, and for my children and I to make our lives here."
The two-toned wolf finally spoke, flickered her eyes towards Falwasi and made eye contact. At last. If Paarthurnax would have failed to speak once more, the deer would have turned tail without a backwards glance. If she didn’t want to speak, Falwasi would not force her. But apparently, she did.
Falwasi did not move from her current position, which was located metres away from the alluring female, and yet it was close enough. She would not want to move any closer — there was no need to, and Falwasi could hear her well enough.
She listened as Paarthurnax elaborated on the reason Falwasi spoke against her. She didn’t get it — if the desert-borne understood, shouldn’t that have been the end of it? Falwasi had explained herself, and her new peer clearly understood her reasons, so what was the problem? [size=xx-small]All she needed to do was apologize for her unwelcoming behaviour.[/size]
”I'm glad we're clear with each others intentions,” she said evenly, starting to move towards the wood she had been resting at. She was in killer need of sleep, especially after this. And in Falwasi’s mind, they had wiped the slate clean.
Falwasi's expression was blank, and she remained solid in her place. Paarthurnax did likewise, rooted to the spot as though to make her point known: wherever Swiftcurrent's wolves called home, she was sure to follow. It had been her home before many of its current members and leaving it had not been a decision she'd made lightly. Her mistake had since been recognised, however, and although Paar knew she would not be able to return and resume her life as it once was, she was prepared to gather the pieces and place them in order once more.
Paarthurnax voiced her reason for returning because, as the source behind the golden wolfess' frustration, she felt that she owed that to her. And yet, despite her freedom to speak, Falwasi couldn't look any less interested. Her bronze gaze lingered on Paar, silence falling between them, until finally she answered. The russet beauty's velvet ears pricked then and, unsure, made to halt her pack-mate as she turned away. "Actually," she said, then paused to consider her words. "I'm not entirely... sure, what yours are now."
She did not know what was going on in Falwasi's mind. Did she still deem her a threat? Did she plot to play out Paarthurnax' worst fear, and eradicate her brood following their birth? Or to simply move on despite everything, and pretend all was just peachy between them? Paarthurnax had understood Falwasi's concern, yes, but that didn't mean she agreed. She'd been hurt by the other female's disapproval of her being among the ranks, naturally, and she was still very much afraid of further rebuttal - not of herself but of her pups, the innocents in all of this.
Falwasi stopped mid-stride at the cautious sound of the crimson woman's voice behind her and turned her head only ninety-degrees, so that she could have a better perception of what Paarthurnax was saying. "I'm not entirely... sure, what yours are now." Falwasi did not move for a long time, the only visible motion across her body the gentle rise and fall of her velvety flanks, and the nearly invisible air coming from her nostrils as she stood in the chilling weather.
Then, she turned around, facing Paarthurnax again. "My intentions will remain the same as they have always been," she said, sotto voce. Falwasi watched her peer closely from her distance, with an ambiguous expression on her face. The decision had been made, and though Falwasi was one to hold grudges, this one she would not keep in her grasp. She might not have agreed with the decision, however she would work with it, because that was the only thing she could do at this point. That didn't mean she would try her absolute hardest to become BFFs with Paarthurnax, but she would treat her as a pack-mate. With respect.
"I don't want to ruin your life here, Paarthurnax. I'm going to give you the same respect I give all our other pack-mates," the tawny woman said, louder this time to be sure the wolfess would not miss anything. "And like you said, my heart is with Swiftcurrent Creek as a whole." Falwasi would not risk banishment, so she would not provoke it, and she didn't want to either. Paarthurnax hadn't done anything to her, after all.
At this, Falwasi turned to walk away back into the night, solo. There was nothing more to be said, and she thought it best if both of the women were to mull their thoughts over quietly, and by themselves. Only time would tell where their relationship was to go.