Wolf RPG

ooc: @Dante ? I think that these two wrecks have something common.

The last few days had passed in a haze and, ever since leaving her spot and her dead children behind, Osprey had lost track of time many times. She would know that she had been walking, but later would not remember, how she had got to places. She knew that she had eaten at some point, yet didn't remember when and what. She had seen people of the pack, wished to approach them, but had not been able to bring herself to do that. Not because of fear or pain or not wanting to share her grief. It just felt like there was an invisible wall between herself and the rest of the packmates that she was not able to cross.

Grief came and went in waves. There were moments, when she felt quite alright, almost happy, only to break out in tears and sob later. Back at that day Blue willow and Lasher had been compassionate, yet no one could be in her shoes and feel the depth of her sorrow. It was strange that just weeks ago she had looked at the future in fear and now, when everything was seemingly going to be alright... she just did not care anymore. Success, adventures, learning... everything that had once brought her joy seemed pointless now. Even going away would not be an option, because the sadness had this nasty thing of tagging along. So whether she wallowed in despair here or somewhere else made no difference at all.

It had been today that she had woken up and finally felt a little different. A bit hopeful. She wanted to do something, even though her general state was still very poor. It was a warm spring day and the sun was peeking through the clouds, and there was Osprey, padding through the forest, sniffing tracks, looking for someone. She was finally ready to talk, to seek comfort and there had been a person that once had told her that she could turn to him if anything happened. Or maybe they hadn't been his direct words, most likely twisted in her mind over time, but the idea was still the same.

Dante sat staring at the ground near the base of the tree, but seeing none of it.  His conversation with his Beta(s?) had done little to ease his mind, though they had made him pause and think. He still felt as though he did not belong where he was, and as though he was holding a position he no longer deserved. But hearing what had happened to Osprey, he no longer felt his own problems held precedence. They paled in comparison to what she must be feeling, and he wasnt about to throw more on that fire by stepping down. Not right now.

It felt as though his life were on pause, his heart telling him that perhaps he could still turn this around and rise to the challenge once more, become the better for it, and his head telling him it was a battle he'd already lost. So often he did not know which voice to follow, and this was no different. Was there any point in trying when he felt they would all be better off if he didn't?

When he heard someone approach, he found himself hoping that it was Mordecai. He had led, and could maybe offer wisdom. He'd even been tempted to go seek out that loner he had met not long ago, though unloading his worries on a non-packmate may not be wise. He was not looking for Osprey, mainly because she was one of the last he expected to see.

Turning he stared, surprise quickly softening to sorrow. Rising slowly, and with an intake of breath on the stretching of his injured side, he made his way over to her. Pausing only to be sure his proximity was welcome, he moved to press his head against her shoulder. Because what was there to say that hadn't likely already been said? And being completely honest, he could use the contact too.

To find Dante had been a surprisingly easy task, probably because he had not willingly hidden himself somewhere at the furthest ends of the plateau as Osprey had. His friendly gesture was welcome and, she didn't move away, enjoying his presence and touch, realizing, how much she had missed those last few shared evenings together, lying side by side, feeling safe and in peace with everything.

After a while she turned her head so that she could offer some caring and tender licks on the side of his head both to sooth him and tell that things were more or less ok and just for a moment have someone to take care of. The knowledge that her children had died had not silenced the instinct. There had been many times, when she had found herself making something den-like, when she had felt this craving to care, to nurse, to protect only to come to terms with the fact that there was no one she could do this for.

Osprey didn't know anything of, what had transpired between Dante and Koda days previously, that the pride of the first had taken quite a blow. Even if she did, it would not matter to her, for she was seeking out a person to be together with and he had proven to be just the non-judgemental, trustworthy companion she needed. "So, how have been things?" her voice quiet. "What have I missed?"

Dante was not one who often craved contact, but he found himself to be greatly soothed by Osprey's presence.  Her gentle licks were well recieved, and for a moment he remained as he was, only moving when she asked what had transpired. He had half expected to be the one listening, though the question did not catch him by surprise.

He could have avoided the subject, and part of him wanted to. But the other part, the part that would win out today, knew that her opinion was one that carried heavy weight with him. They had talked many times about serious things, and always her insight made things clearer. He did pause though, uncertain of where and how to begin.

"Koda and Kesuk are gone," he said finally, his own voice quiet. "I confronted Koda a couple of days ago, and gave him a choice; to respect his packmates or to leave. He chose neither, and did not go quietly." His ears pinned back as he looked at the ground. He knew that, once he began the telling, the fact that the fight had not gone his way would become clear. He still carried himself with a heavy limp when walking more than a short distance, and his side was a mess despite Harlyn's good help. Smaller gouges scattered throughout were better hidden, thank the gods, by his thick pelt.

"He bested me, forced me into the dirts. By rights, had he wished it, he would be standing where I stand now. And I would be the one exiled." He might have stopped there, but he spoke now as though to himself, the question that had been burning him all these days since. "I thought maybe I could lead without being suited to battle, without needing to fight. That being able to deal with confict peacefully would be enough. But what right do I really have leading if I can't defend myself, and those who trust and follow me, when peace isn't an option?". He had not meant to unload so much on her all at once, but it was as though once he started he couldn't stop.

Only now did Osprey notice that Dante was not in his best shape either and the news that he had had a fight with Koda made her sad, for it seemed that all bad things in his life had happened all at once. Saena leaving, her causing turmoil and now this. He averted his gaze and looked ashamed and all she could do was to feel sorry for not having any words to make him feel better now. Wounded pride was a tough thing to get over - she knew that from experience. But she was glad that she had chosen to set it aside in the end and, even though she could not know for sure yet, she believed that she had become if not better than a wiser person at least by doing that.

Sometimes you need to help others in order to get over your grief and, when she leaned her head down so that she would be able to meet his gaze, she did not have to search for the right words. They were there and saying: "You know that, if you were exiled, I would have gone with you." Felt easy and natural. For what was a place worth, if you couldn't share it with people you liked and... well, loved? She had been in this situation once in her life - right before leaving the Flightless Falcons forever. Her childhood home had been dear to her just because she had been surrounded by people, who needed her and who she loved. After they had left... the place was just a place. Not a home anymore. "There was a wise fellow that told me once... that we are a family and that we deal with troubles like one. Not on our own," she went over to sit by his his side. "And believe me that there are a lot more of those here - me included - who would fight side by side with you for the values you stand for," she said.

"I trust you, I have my fate in you and that would not change, even if your face was rubbed in dirt every single day," Osprey finished and then a sincere smile found it's way to her lips and she chuckled. "Which I hope won't happen often, because I quite like your face."

He would never have presumed that any of the pack would have followed should he have been forced to leave, and so his surprise at her statement likely showed.  A good surprise, and an innocent one.  It wasn't as though he didn't think he meant much to them... he knew that wasn't true. The thought just hadn't crossed his mind, so convinced was he, in that instant his muzzle was pressed into the ground, that he had lost everything he'd tried to build. 

At a loss for what to say, since thank you hardly seemed appropriate or enough, he simply remained quiet and continued to listen.  Her words, they were his own, were they not?  But it a sentiment that was easy to forget when the going got tough.  It was so much easier to shoulder everything yourself rather than to burden others with your own personal baggage.  Everyone had their own problems, right?  Another example of advice that he gave freely, but was unwilling to take himself.  To have his own words turned on him was an odd experience, but they were words that he very much needed to hear right now.

A slow realization was creeping upon him, ignited by her admission that she and others would be there to stand beside him so that he did not have to fight alone.  Perhaps what was important here was not that Koda could have claimed the Plateau, but that he did not.  Despite his victory, he still left, and Dante had been so wrapped up in his own shame that he hadn't stopped to consider why that was.  Now that he did, he began to see and understand what Koda had likely seen days ago... Lasher, Blue Willow, Osprey, Mordecai, Finn, even Harlyn... could he really imagine any of them accepting his exile?  He couldn't.

No matter that it might not feel that way all the time, he'd made this place his own, and surrounded himself with wolves who he loved with a fierce and protective surety.  This conversation had made it clear to him that perhaps those feelings weren't completely one sided.  It was something that should have been clear from the beginning, and it filled him with a sense of peace he hadn't felt since the ordeal had gone down.  And, really, long before that.

Overcome for a moment, he didn't trust himself to speak.  He did let out a soft chuckle at her words, and though it came out a bit haltingly, it was genuine.  "I hope not either.  I like my face too."  Finally he looked at her.  "I think that wise guy could still learn a thing or two from you.  Thank you."  In a few simple phrases she'd sent a precision shot into the heart of his worries, effectively destroying them from the inside out.  There was still some cleanup he would need to do, but for the moment, he finally knew where he stood.

When Dante finally lifted his gaze to meet Osprey's, she smiled sincerely at him. For some reason it was comforting to know that she was not the only one here to deal with problems and troubles and that she was able to help him in any way. Otherwise it had felt like she had always been the one on the receiving end, rarely having a chance to give something back.

"Well... maybe, if someone put us - two wrecks together - maybe we would make a whole and perfect wolf," she winked. The idea itself was not that bad, amusing even. "Which reminds me..." her expression became mischievous, "... witches don't ever give anything for free. Now you owe me." This, however, was said in a playful tone and, when she continued, her tone was a bit more serious: "Would you mind, if we continued those sleepovers? I am, of course, neither fragile, nor that afraid or anything... but I kind of prefer a warm, living, breathing and soft pillow to the cold hard ground."

Well... maybe, if someone put us - two wrecks together - maybe we would make a whole and perfect wolf.

He laughed softly at the thought, nodding.  It was likely true, though he admired that even with everything she'd been through, she was able to lift his own spirits so much.  He thought she was pretty darn perfect already at that moment, but the image painted was an amusing one. 

His brow lifted slightly at the news that she would ask something in return for her help, though with the weight she'd lifted off of him, even if it wasn't a joke he'd have gladly owed her a debt. Or ten.  Her request was an easy one, and the thought that she would doubt his willingness to do so hadn't occurred to him.  He'd wondered if perhaps she preferred to return to solitude after... well, after.  But it seemed that wasn't the case, and he was grateful for that.

"I don't know, I've slept so well..." That was a laugh, and nothing about his tone told otherwise.  He'd hardly slept at all, and what rest he'd gotten had been broken and nightmarish.  He shook his head, returning to serious.  "Of course.  I am definitely in.  I've missed it, these past few days."  He didn't know if having someone else there would help, but it couldn't hurt, and he had missed having her around.  It was surprising how quickly you could get used to the soft sounds of another slumbering next to you, and how much the quiet bothered you once those were gone.

People - especially grown ups - were sometimes very keen on having a fresh start in their lives. Usually at the beginning of the week and by the end all the good intentions were forgotten and cast aside and you were the same you were before. For a real change to happen time is needed and sometimes it can happen as a result of a very strong emotional event. It was a little over a week, since Osprey had left the place her children now lied and never returned. She didn't remember much from the first horrible days and now in the aftermath of the storm, when the worst was over, she was fine and felt her old self gradually returning. And yet... she knew that she was not entirely the same. Nor would she ever be.

This newfound trust in her friends and letting go some of the oh-so-valued independence was there to stay, because they had been there for her, when she had needed them the most. She would go out in the world again to explore, because it was in her nature, but she knew that this would not happen any time soon. For she had realized that sometimes rather than going for the stars and the moon, what you had to do, was to stay on the ground and try to really see, what you had around you. Of course, when Osprey asked this favor from Dante, she didn't think much about all of the "why"s and "how"s, she wanted to have him near, to have someone to share the tales of her daily adventures with and quite simply... it felt nice and safe to have someone alive and living by her side.

He agreed almost imediately and she beamed at him. "Well... that's great, but you do realize that you have given the devil your little finger now..." and that it will take you whole, she added mentally, quoting an old proverb. This, of course, was just teasing and didn't mean that - in case - Dante found someone else to share his life with (a mate, perhaps), Osprey would insist on keeping her rights. She was a grown up and soon to be old wolf, she knew the boundaries. "So... how bad is it?" she asked, letting her gaze rest on his wounds briefly and then moving back to look at his face.

Given the devil his little finger had he?  He could only imagine. "I'll consider myself warned." If she was a devil she was a damn good one... Though it would explain some things.  She was very good at choosing the right words to say, at least to him, and didn't they say Devils often came with silver tongues?  "Though who's to say you aren't making the same mistake?"  At this he gave a devilish grin... there were some who could argue he had more than a touch of demon in him too, at least at times.  Any at the plateau might laugh at that idea though, a fact he was glad for.

"Not great."  He turned to look, frowning.  The pain was bad, but tolerable, and he would not take anything for it.  He wasn't much for using things that would affect his control or judgement unless absolutely necessary.  "It will be a while before I'm back at tops, but it could have been worse too." Koda could have easily taken his life, as his throat had been bared beneath the other wolf's jaws.  A part of him did wonder why he didn't, though he had to assume it was because the other male thought well enough of him to at least not want him dead.  Small comfort.

"And how are you?" He asked after a moment, turning back to her to study her face.  He left the question purposely vague... that way, if she didn't wish to talk, she could easily brush it off.  It was an invitation to unburden, not a request, and he would not be offended if she chose not to take it.  In fact, he would understand more than some others might.

"Then it is a very pleasant mistake indeed," Osprey returned, smiling and wondering, whether that all too good and appropriate and decent surface could really hide a devil. From what she had learned about Dante over the months, she didn't think it was very likely. Then again the man knew himself the best and there were that saying about the quiet waters being the deepest... "I will enjoy, while it lasts, and think about the consequences another day," she finished.


"And I hope you are not a stubborn fool and have all the healer help you require?" Osprey asked, sounding a little stern, while being amused by the irony at the same time. She was the last person, who had the right to preach, what he should do in terms of his health, but she had stepped in this river, swam and almost drowned - it was an experience she did not desire to repeat and would hate to see anyone else go down this road. "Otherwise I can imagine Blue willow flipping tables for having not one but two high-ranking idiots in the plateau," she added in a softer tone, thinking about the healer losing her patience with her friends for once. It was a miracle that she had not done so already.

"Me? I... I am coping. Life's normal more or less and it should get better," her voice was quiet, as she looked down at her paws and then back to Dante. "Peregrine said that all things end well. And if they don't, then it is not the end. And I trust him in this."

A daring outlook, yet he'd expect nothing less.  Even if the statement was made in fun.  He felt likewise, though his was a little more of a serious gamble.  In their friendship he had crossed a line and was walking an edge that she was not, so his devil was a bit less of a figment and a bit closer to reality.

"I think so," he said, the image of Blue Willow's irritation both amusing and a bit terrifying.  He hadn't seen her yet for anything, but Harlyn had done enough to help with infection, and that was all Dante feared.  He had not broken the mindset that too much dependence on healing could weaken rather than strengthen, and did prefer to let his body fight off and withstand its own trials, but he wasn't willing to risk that much. He respected the healers trade too much and knew he couldn't afford to be bedridden. "Though I'm not convinced she won't still think that." He added with a laugh. If she had heard from Lasher what his thoughts were a day or two ago, she would likely think him a fool.

He was glad to hear that she was alright at least, and her optimistic words made him nod in agreement. "Smart guy, your brother." It was a statement he himself did not believe, but some beliefs were better off not voiced. Both to allow others their own views and out of a hope that he was wrong. He just couldn't bring himself to think that everyone had a happy ending. Life wasn't quite that fair in his eyes.

He did sincerely hope that Peregrine's sentiment held true though, and he was happy that she had found comfort in it. "Have you two spoken recently? If so, how was he?". Dante hadn't seen him since last they made amends, and he would like to hear how things fared for the Caldera.

"Poor Blue willow. I think that sometimes we give her an impression that she is the only sensible adult here," Osprey finished with a smile and sighed, "I don't blame her." Because it was quite likely that out of all packmembers the gray furred gamma had given her the most worries. And to think that they were the same age.


"He came for a visit - we talked," she paused, trying to recall anything that would interest Dante, but most parts of the conversation were forgotten by now or was a stuff that only siblings shared. "Caldera is doing good, from what I heard. Kids are growing up fast. I don't know if you know - probably not," she suddenly remembered something, "I am their fairy godmother. The funny thing is that I can't remember, what blessings I gave them, when I was there last." She chuckled at the irony. She was probably the first fairy to forget, what she had promised.

She let silence set between them briefly, while she thought about something and then broke it by saying: "I figured that you - all three - must really like me. I mean, I am not humble enough to say that I am alone to blame for the people that left, but still... you lost three capable wolves over someone, who not only broke the rules, but can't even hunt at the moment."

He agreed, and wasn't so confident as to think he was any better at appearing intelligent in Blue's eyes than Osprey.  In fact, it might very well be that very lack of confidence that made him seem less sensible.  Well, that and his penchant for keeping things in.  It was likely true, though, that Osprey's stress counter with Blue was likely quite a bit higher than his own, not for lack of trying on his part.  He'd feel bad but he knew that was just the way Blue Willow was.

He listened appreciatively as she spoke of the Caldera doing well, tail waving contentedly at the news.  "That is good to hear."  He was sure those kids would want for nothing with the parents they had, and that they would be a handful.  Just look at the genes they got, though he kept this to himself.  "A rather forgetful fairy," he said with a chuckle.  "The blessings don't rely on you remembering, do they?  If not, I guess they'll have to figure out themselves what you gave them."  He smiled at the thought.  That might be kind of a fun game for them, a way to find out their talents and explore skills.  All under the guise of uncovering the fairy's blessing.

He too allowed the silence to slide comfortably between them, for he wasn't really one to need to fill the quiet.  It was a companiable pause, not an awkward one loaded with tension.  When she broke it, he looked at her in surprise a moment,, for it hadn't been a subject he had been expecting.

"I wasn't so sure, but Lasher and Blue made a good case," he said, amusement sparking in his expression.  Then he sighed.  "I'm still sorry Koda and Kesuk were a match set.  But he couldnt respect his packmates, and his leaving was my choice."  He wasn't about to lay that blame on her.  Kesuk had been a good packmate though, and he wondered how she had mated with such a disrespectful partner. "Saena wanted to lead, and I do not think she would have been happy here much longer." He paused there before continuing.  "I'd rather have packmates that support one another through hard times than disown them."  This was paramount for him, as it was something his birth pack had been unwilling to do and basically defined the line between a random band and a family to him.  He wasn't about to kick anyone out unless the good of the pack required it, and even then, it would not be a thing done easily.

"That's a neat idea!" Osprey's face lit up at Dante's suggestion that kids would have to figure out the blessings themselves. It was such a nice and smart way out of the sticky situation that the only thing she could not understand, why had she not come up with it herself. But - what are friends for - after all - if not to lend a helping paw or a shining-lightbulb worth idea. "I will tell them the next time I meet them. Or I will tell that to Peregrine, in case he asks," she finished with a grin.

I'd rather have packmates that support one another through hard times than disown them. She was silent after this, thinking over the words of wisdom. It occurred to her that she had given Saena an advice that was similar along the lines - to rule not only with the mind, but heart too. And here was Dante, showing, how very much devoted he was to his pack and friends. That ruling didn't exclude either of the ways and that maybe... just maybe the best decisions were made, when you combined the both. Osprey didn't say that out loud, but she promised herself not to fail him, prove that the trust and loyalty he had shown to her had not been in vain.

"Are you good at fishing?" she asked him suddenly out of the blue, but in reality wishing now to do something rather than going through other serious subjects. "'cause I am hungry and I my hunter's pride won't survive if I have to rely on caches for any longer."

ooc: maybe you can fade this out in your next post? Thank you for the thread!

She seemed to accept what he said at face value, and he was glad she didn't argue it further. He'd made the decision and was 100% behind it, and honestly, this conversation had shown even further just how right the choice had been. He might have put a lot of trust in her, but she returned it every time, just as the beta pair did. If they had been more like Koda, more like Saena.... well, there was a good chance he would already be gone. He doubted Saena would have been so understanding had she known how the fight with Koda went.

He shook his head emphatically when she asked of fishing, as he still had yet to even successfully catch one of the darn things. "Terrible. But I'm nothing if not determined. Maybe I can learn a thing or two from you." He stood, stretching gently. "I only ask that you don't laugh too hard. I'm certain I get enough of that from the fish." He looked forward to it, though, for it was something that he could do as well. It would be a bit longer before he could take down anything that required exertion or was able to fight back with any sort of force. He took the lead initially, but soon let her pick the path, for she undoubtedly knew better fishing areas than he.