It was a strange thing, she had surmised.
Twice, she had run from this place but many things had happened since then. She'd helped found this pack, been invested and yet once again she'd left it. It wasn't for any small reason, nor a flight of fancy but still- she'd left of her own accord. She'd fled, running as if the hounds of hell were upon her heels but truly, they had been. Paranoia had set in, as she saw Scarlett happy. Ad had been nice to talk to but even his strange manners had not kept her grounded. This place was not meant for her. She was not made for this place. She didn't deserve the wolves who had folded her into their midst but neither could she trust them.
Trust got you killed. Everybody knew that- and those that didn't... well, they were dead weren't they?
She chuckled mirthlessly at her own joke but the sound fell flat in the air. It wasn't as if it was important...right?
The thought threw Néa for a loop but she beat it off, sinking once again into the dark stupor of paranoia and panic-tinged madness. It was safer there, after all, as she stared across the valley with dull eyes.
Anything was better than out there.
Well hello there people!!! I'm so glad to be back and sorry for the absence! :p
@Scarlett @Kove @Adlartok
Scarlett was walking through the valley at a calm pace. Her rounding belly was swaying softly, due to her small size there were sometimes hints of the building belly, not enough yet to say that Scarlett was pregnant or just fat. Scarlett didn't mind, het pack knew she wasn't fat and knew of her heat. The red eyed queen walked through her quiet valley, realizing that this would be the birthplace of her young. They would be save and loved. Scarlett couldn't help but feel so gleeful about that. The arrival of Hestia was more than welcome and she could even help her during her pregnancy.
Scarlett squinted her eyes when she suddenly saw an unknown wolf, brown of color walk through her valley. Adlartok, Raziel, Katia and Rhythm were grey and She, Kove, Faith and Hestia were pale of coloring. Scarlett's hackles raised and she charged at the intruder. Scarlett was getting a lot more aggressive ever since she realized that her young need safety. Scarlett almost attacked the yearling girl until she recognized her as Néa. Scarlett made an emergency break and then squinted her eyes. "Néa?," she asked, she almost didn't recognize the girl with all the scars.
There was the soft slide of scrabbling paws on the rough ground and it drew her from the dreary view across the valley, her home once upon a time. Néa's eyes widened momentarily, a glint of something like her former intelligence peeking through. But the arising intelligence shirked at the pain, of her own betrayal and she flinched up from her foster mother, eyes wild in a mix of paranoia and fear.
She glanced at the white queen with slanted eyes, assessing her posture and finding it lacking aggression, though a great deal of shock played across her face as the yearling watched it. "Aye, that's me. Well, most of the time. Not sure who I am sometimes, so I guess my mind wanders. I'm sorry I was gone so long. Well, not sorry. Not really. I am sorry for worrying you though, probably didn't need all that while you were making a family and all that... funny business." Her nose wrinkled at that and she just blinked. "Sorry, rambling aren't I? Uhhh... Hi?"
Them hormones.
Scarlett was a bit taken aback because Néa didn't seem like the joyful girl she was once before. She didn't even greet her the same way. Scarlett stepped back and then frowned. Scarlett stepped even more back when she said she wasn't sorry. Well, then she had sought for the girl for nothing? She had to encounter some evil witch of a wolf and traveled all over the place to look for Néa.
"I already gave up on you by the time I even started to think about starting a family," she pointed out with a frown.
"I have been searching all over the place for you. I was so worried. You could have said goodbye. I am not someone to go to when you need to feel better again! I have feelings too. This is not a one way street, Néa," Scarlett instantly scolded.
"The first time you were a young teenager. I helped you on your feet, to then leave me without a word, breaking my heart. Then you return for what? Two weeks? Get fed and taken care of and then you leave AGAIN without saying something?! What do you think huh? Oh lets go to Scarlett who is always nice and we can totally abuse that...! I am not letting you anymore," Scarlett huffed then, ears falling back and her chin rising.
"I am not your maid, I am you foster mother and close friend. You can't just come an go as you please!! I need you. The pack needed you. Raziel was attacked and he might die because you weren't there to help heal him," Scarlett then snapped, feeling rather over emotional. It was probably the babies.
Wow, them hormones. Néa isn't really caring at the moment, so don't hold it too much against her. She's veritably insane right now.
Néa tried her hardest, she truly did.
But the laughter wouldn't be silenced and it bubbled up inside her throat, rough and pained and entirely mirthless. It rose to a hysterical pitch, undulating in the distance between them. She didn't even know what was funny- and the thought shut her up very quickly, eyes pinned on the older female.
Feelings? What were they? Probably those little niggling things she felt trying to claw their way into her heart once again, though she beat them back with bloody teeth and wild eyes.
"I was long lost before I met you. Just... took a few looks at the true nature of the world to find who I really was. I did try, you know. To be like you. To love and be loved and think that the world truly could be a gentle and happy place. But it never occurred to me that you might be wrong. This world isn't meant to be gentle or soft or nice. It's full of blood and death. Trust will get you killed or hurt- even you know this." She huffed, teeth curling back.
"I didn't come back to join again. I don't want to be here, especially if this is... Nevermind, let's not shatter the fragility now. I can't..." Here, her mask cracked and she allowed a little of what was really below surface in weeping tears.
"I can't be around people anymore.... You know what happened to my family? That was my fault. What happens to those who try and help me? They get hurt. I don't want to hurt you!!" She wiped her muzzle on her paws and sent a look of intent at the other, gaze a little skewed.
"I came to say goodbye, for the last time I would say. That's why I'm here, not to... abuse what kindness you offer!"
I can see that!
Scarlett stepped back when Néa laughed. She was very unsure about Néa mental stability because it seemed like none. A soft frown came upon her face as she was very unsure what to do with Néa now. She really didn't want him to get kicked out but what if Néa in this state got jealous and would so something to her, something to her pups. Scarlett instantly kept more of her distance. A soft grunt leaving her lips, with sounded like the hint of a growl.
"Well you hurt me quite a lot already," Scarlett admitted almost wanting to forgive her but she couldn't be that nice Scarlett anymore. She couldn't push herself down or forget about what happened because She had other lives to care for. Néa could be dangerous now and Scarlett didn't want her around anymore, even though it would break her heart.
"You finally have some sense to say goodbye. But the Néa I know had long been gone. I don't even recognize you anymore...," She returned rather harshly for Scarlett being Scarlett.
"I have other lives to think of now. Not just my own. I-- I don't even want to see you around anymore!," she let out then, casting Néa away while she didn't want to. She hated how her voice wavered. She had hinted at being pregnant at Néa. She knew how much it meant for Scarlett.
And Néa just smiled at her words, both thankful and curseful for the relief that swept through her at the moment. She would leave this fae in the hands of those who loved her and she wouldn't need to worry. She would be safe here, with the greatest of her worries behind her and a clear future. In some part of her insane mind, she was relieved and for a moment the full weight of who she was came out, if only for a few moments.
"I'm glad. You and Kove deserve those pups. You most of all. If you're anything to them like you were to Ad and I... You'll have the finest pups in Teekon Wilds. And this is why I came back. Sometimes, in the fog of whatever is clouding my mind, I know you raged and wept and cursed my name somewhere and you'd never truly be happy without closure. This is it, mama. This is it."
She turned on her paws then, taking a few steps backwards and away before stopping, paws halting before she even knew she'd done it herself.
Scarlett instantly broke when Néa called her mama. She couldn't be though against her, and it might also be the hormones that give her moodswings but after that she was crying. Because she didn't want Néa to go. She will still worry even though Néa wasn't really Néa. She would feel bad for being kicked out. Her red eyes filled with tears as she looked at the young girl.
"No! Wait. You can't leave," she whispered. "I need you, and not just your healer knowledge but also just to have you around. I feel like I failed. I can't have you turn your back on me!," she let out through her sniffles. She tried to calm her sniffles but it was difficult. "I want you to go but I also don't want you to go," she admitted then. "I don't know what to do. You seem like you want to go, but I am not sure if I can let you go. But.. I also don't want you to bring your siblings in danger," she ended in a whisper.
Scarlett looked down, she had no courage left. She couldn't look up at her adoptive daughter. Scarlett was too honest for her own good, and she would hate to think that she hurt Néa with her words.
Néa's mind leapt at those words, paws still against the dusty ground but behind golden eyes, her thoughts flew at the speed of light. Scarlett... Scarlett both wanted and hated her, needed her and wanted nothing to do with her. It was a relief, in a way. To be both and neither in every breath, it was a heaven she'd yet to truly know. She wouldn't be part of this pack. She couldn't be, not until she was stable and mature and safe once again. She'd never try to hurt them- but part of her wasn't her, to be perfectly honest. Scarlett's words had hurt, as they always would but she shrugged past it, despite the moisture gathering at the corners of her eyes.
"Mama, it's not that I want to leave. I never wanted to leave. But while I'm like this... I can't be a part of a pack. I'll live on the fringes for a while, there's a small wooded area nearby that I can use as a base to move from. I'll stay around but not within sight. I don't want to endanger you, especially if I slip back into... whatever the hell it is that happens."
Scarlett looked at Néa and how the tears gathered a bit in her eyes. She didn't want to say goodbye to her adoptive daughter. But she also didn't want to say goodbye to the young female. "I think we are on the same way of thinking,' she returned to Néa. Her daughter also didn't want to leave but it seemed like she had to. Plus the info that she got was rather soothing. Scarlett would know Néa was close and not completely away on her own.
"Okay. As long as you stay close and meet me on your good days," Scarlett spoke. "Soon I won't be able to meet you because I will have to be with my young," she spoke softly. Not wanting to offend her but the young in her belly would be number one. Her red eyed fell into Néa's and then smiled softly. She couldn't stay mad at her, but she was still rather fighting to Scarlett.
shall we bring this to a close, with your next post perhaps
Néa bit back the angry vengeance singingin her blood, knowing that it wasn't hers, not really. She tucked it all safely behind walls of iron ice and shunted it away, to be dealt with when it was safe to do so. Whenever that turned out to be.
"I'll stay close and visit when I can. If the pack wants to say hello, they are welcome to. Just let them know, Ad especially. I ran out on him too, so he'll deserve the full story if he's willing to hear it. It's good to see you again, mama."
She pondered the wisdom of moving forward to nuzzle the other, to let her mind know the snow queen was real. But she resisted as best she could. She knew the other wouldn't take the apparent threat well. Néa had no desire to add to her collection of scars.
Yes! I will archive it!
Scarlett nodded when Néa said that.
"I will let Adlartok know," she spoke with a nod. She was surprised when Néa reached out for her. Scarlett gave her a lick on top of her head before she would let her go.
"I will howl if I will come to visit you," she assured. Scarlett then stepped back and looked at the daughter she once knew so well. Luckily she had a way to see her again. That would soothe her mind.
Scarlett let out a soft sigh. Disturbed by the fact how many wolves were troubled in their mind. She didn't want to think what could happen to Néa. She would try and visit her as often as she could.