Wolf RPG

Piecing together the clues (corroborated mostly but his star witness, Wildfire), Peregrine realized he had been sleepwalking. Although he had never done so before, it somehow didn't surprise him. He had been under a lot of stress lately. It also explained why he felt so damn exhausted all the time. He wished he could reach out to a medical expert to help him resolve the issue, though Blue Willow was out of reach and Tiger was, well... even further out of reach.

Contemplating all of this, the Kappa climbed down the caldera to perform a short patrol before he hunted some some game for his family. Despite the previous's night's events and his ever-present fatigue (at least there was an explanation now!), he was in better spirits this morning than he had been in a while. It had been several weeks since the incident; the pack was as tightly-knit and fortified as ever; and he was doing well as a father, mentor and provider. It was a meager victory but one all the same.

For the first time in a while, Peregrine was hopeful that things might truly get better in time, that life could return to normal. In the meantime, he put his nose to the grindstone and began a brisk trot around the territory's outer perimeter.

Pantaleimon had kept to herself, not wanting to step on anyone's toes, and not wanting to interupt anyone's lives; although she longed to see more of Peregrine than casual hello's in passing, Pantaleimon did not want to disturb his family life. He had a tough enough time as it were, she could see on his face. Right now, it was important that he tend to Fox's needs and not spend time with Pantaleimon. She was, after all, just another male... And like with Reek, doubtlessly that meant that she would never be more to Perry than just a buddy. Fox was more important, of course, and his children even moreso. Pan decided to steer clear of personal contact overly much, giving the bruised and battered family some breathing space.

Presently, Pantaleimon was out hunting some small game that she could fill the pack's caches with. She was trying hard to earn her spurs as gamekeeper, although it was not an easy task considering she needed to start training towards being a warden, too. So far, she had not done much in that department, aside from the occasional patrol along the borders. Hopefully Fox wouldn't be too disappointed with that.

Once she had spotted a rabbit nearby, Pantaleimon's pace quickened and her thoughts were cleared from worry. Pan sprinted forward, her large, broad body crashing forward while the nimble rabbit tried to escape. In her focus upon the rabbit, Pantaleimon did not even notice Peregrine walking towards her. At the moment that Pantaleimon reached the rabbit, grabbed it between her teeth and snapped its neck, she reached Peregrine and, unless he would react in time, Pan would crash head-first into him.

Although he intended to patrol first and hunt later, the pungent odor of rabbits drew Peregrine toward one of the warrens scattered near the outskirts of the caldera. He hastened in that direction, mouth watering. Maybe, if he was lucky, he could catch one for each member of his family. He would have to start by nabbing one for himself, though, else he wouldn't have the energy to catch the next four.

He was contemplating strategies for killing the highest number of rabbits in the shortest amount of time when one of the critters clobbered him. He literally saw a rabbit flying through the air, its long hind feet kicking toward him, then felt himself being slammed forcefully to the earth. Reeling, the Kappa sat up quickly to confront this unbelievable nemesis only to realize it had been Pantaleimon, not an all-powerful rabbit, to crash into him. He saw the dead hare on the ground, which would explain that split-second impression.

"This is what I get for not checking into your progress as Gamekeeper, isn't it," Peregrine quipped dryly, panting as he rose onto all fours and gave his body a shake. The impact would likely leave him a bit sore and maybe even bruised, though nothing was broken. "You okay, bunny slayer?" he added, jade eyes pinning concernedly on the pale Pan.

With a muffled 'oomph', Pantaleimon felt the earth being removed from beneath her paws and the rabbit flying from between her teeth. Pan thudded into the ground next to Peregrine, and looked up at him with a shocked expression. "Sorry!" she hastily said with her deep voice and she looked away, feeling unbelievably embarrassed. It was probably a good thing that Peregrine was no longer Alpha, for the embarrassment would've been tenfold.

When Peregrine got off the ground and joked around before asking if she was alright, Pantaleimon quickly picked herself up from the ground as well. "Yes, yes! Are - are you? I'm sorry, when I get into the hunt, uhm..." She tended to get carried away and see nothing but her goal at times, especially when it concerned small prey. Despite her embarrassment, somehow it was easier to get over how silly she felt now that Peregrine was no longer her almighty Alpha. Pan's eyes drifted off towards the dead rabbit and she asked, "Uhm... you hungry?"

"I'm fine," Peregrine quickly assured Pan, in the hopes of staving off a whole slew of stammered apologies. "Really," he added, smiling. It still felt a bit unnatural and forced, yet it was partly genuine. It reached his eyes but just barely. It lingered there on his mouth as the Kappa's eyes remained fastened on his fellow wolf.

Then their eyes seemed to drift to the dead rabbit at the same instant. "I am, a little," he confessed. He suspected Pan would give him the lion's share, even though he certainly neither deserved nor wanted that. "If you don't mind sharing, I'll take a leg." He waved his tail, then seated himself in preparation for the small snack.

"I'm glad I ran into you... or that you ran into me, I guess," Peregrine admitted after a beat, managing a single quiet snicker while Pan presumably split the hare into portions. "I wasn't in the best shape the last time we spent time together." He paused, searching for a way to express the sentiment he wanted to get across. "You know, I can't be that vulnerable in front of just anyone. You..." He trailed off momentarily, searching for the right word or phrase. "There's something about you, Pan, that makes me feel safe."

"Of course," Pantaleimon said swiftly and she nudged the rabbit towards Peregrine, who was just sitting down. "Take what you want... I - I was going to bring most of it to a cache anyway." Pantaleimon had not been that hungry anyway, so it was fine for Peregrine to take whatever he needed; he was part of Redhawk Caldera, after all. Besides, Pan worried a lot that Perry might not take good enough care of himself after all that had happened, so if there was any way she could secure his welfare, she would gladly do it.

Pan took a leg off the rabbit and left the rest in front of Peregrine, while she started to chew on bits of it. She smiled briefly when Peregrine said that he was glad that they bumped into each other, despite the painful collision that made it happen. Pan felt uncomfortable when Peregrine said that he wasn't in the best shape last they met, thinking back to how he had left fairly abruptly.

When Peregrine said that they were something about her that made him feel safe, Pantaleimon swallowed dryly while she felt her stomach knot together. "Oh, uhm..." she mumbled with a timid smile. "I... I'm glad." Pantaleimon bit her lip while she told herself that she was just a friend, maybe a good friend, and that was all there was to it. Beside the fact that Perry had a family, Pan had never heard of a male liking another male, except for herself, and she, well, she was a Siren deep inside, not really just any male. Pantaleimon shifted her weight uncomfortably while she nervously mumbled, "I like being around you too..."

"I feel like I can let my guard down in front of you and you will never judge me for it," Peregrine continued, eyes peering briefly into Pan's face before he bent down to nibble one of those big hind legs off the rabbit carcass. Straightening, he chewed, swallowed and finished, "I don't necessarily feel that way around many... even some of my closest loved ones." He adored Elwood and Finley, for instance, but felt that breaking down in front of them might just be awkward for all involved.

The news that Pan enjoyed his company earned a soft snort from the Kappa. "I can't imagine why, since I've always been harsh, a drag or both," he mused, though his eyes began to light up a bit for real now. "Well, in any case, I'm glad you wound up here, Pan. And you know..." Peregrine thought aloud, "Making your pack mates feel safe is a good trait for a Warden. That's the required trade you're going for, right...?"

Pantaleimon smiled softly when Peregrine admitted that he did not feel like he could let his guard down around many. While she was raised to judge all that did not follow her religion, Pantaleimon never had; perhaps because she, herself, was an abomination to everything her religion stood for. How could she judge others, being what she was?

When Perry said that he was glad Pan had wound up here, Pantaleimon looked away bashfully, trying to hide how good the compliments made her feel. And you know... Pantaleimon looked back at Peregrine, holding her breath while she waited what else he would say.

There was a sting of disappointment in Pantaleimon's heart when Peregrine said that it was important for a warden to make their pack mates feel safe. Pan had hoped for more compliments or shared feelings on a more personal level, rather than reverting to, more or less, small talk. "Oh, right... Yeah, that's true..." Pan mumbled and she shot Peregrine an uncomfortable smile while she tried her hardest to hide the stinging disappointment that she had set herself up to. The rabbit leg in front of her just lay there, barely touched, while Pan tried to deal with the feelings of rejection that rose up inside.

Even though he had been in an emotional pit of despair lately, Peregrine wasn't the best at noticing the same in others. When Pan smiled, he didn't recognize it as forced or pained. He did notice that Pan wasn't eating, though he chalked that up to the fact that he'd said he wasn't that hungry in the first place. He'd mentioned that the rabbit was destined for the stockpiles, not his stomach.

"Well, would you like to join me on a patrol? That's what I was doing before you rammed my ass," Peregrine joked dryly. He paused, teeth clenching for a moment as he realized the double entendre that had slipped out of his mouth. For whatever reason—perhaps because Pan was just different, special like he'd said—he didn't drop his usual crass remarks and risque jokes around the male, so it felt out of place.

Moving past that, he added, "It'll give us time to catch up and get to know one another," in a hopefully encouraging tone, the wolfish equivalent of holding out his hand.

Pantaleimon did not consider that Peregrine's words could be interpreted in multiple ways for she wasn't a star at recognising dirty jokes or double entendres, although she noticed the brash use of words that she was not used to from Peregrine. "Of - of course," Pan said with a nod when she was asked to join him on a patrol along the borders. "Let's, uhm... Let's store the rest of this, unless you..." Pantaleimon looked at the leftover rabbit leg, then at Peregrine; she wasn't hungry for it much anymore, but maybe he wanted another bite.

"Yeah," Pan agreed with a hopeful smile when Peregrine said that it would give them some time to get to know one another when they patrolled together.

Pan suggested they store the rabbit. Peregrine looked at it, biting his lip ponderously before bending down and wolfing down the rest of the kill. "I'll replace it later, twofold," he promised in a slightly sheepish voice before aligning himself with Pan's shoulder. He bumped gently against his companion. His tail, too, swayed gently to and fro, brushing against the other wolf.

His jade eyes spoke for him, saying, Let's go. The Kappa then led the way back toward the caldera's outer boundaries. There was no visible line drawn in the sand, of course, but there were footpaths worn into the earth from the passage of so many guardians' feet. And the air was thick with the odor of the caldera's wolves, which tugged a satisfied smile from the former (and possibly future) Alpha male.

After proceeding in silence for a few moments, Peregrine glanced sideways and asked, "How have you been? Do you like living at the caldera so far?"

Pantaleimon opened her mouth to say that it was okay, and that nothing needed to be replaced, but decided to let it slip. There was no use going into discussion about whether or not Peregrine should hunt more later to replace this rabbit, which had been meant for the caches. Butterflies lingered in Pan's stomach when Peregrine bumped into her and brushed past her, indicating it was go-time.

When Peregrine made eye contact and came into motion, Pantaleimon followed suit. As they made their way along the borders, Pantaleimon watched the satisfied smile on Peregrine's features. He looked better, now, better than he had in some time, although it would doubtlessly take more time for him to get fully better. The look on his face gave Pan hope that he would, indeed, some day be better though, and found fit for leadership again by his mate; their Queen.

This realisation made Pan nervous, to walk the borders with the Queen's mate, to feel as she did, and she was lost in thoughts for a moment before Peregrine asked for her experience in the Caldera. While Pan felt awful about the tension between the Caldera and the Rise, she did not speak of it. She didn't want that satisfied smile to fall off Peregrine's face, didn't want to give him a reason to feel bad about anything at all. "It's good," Pan said, "The wolves are, uhm, they're good. Still getting used to, y'know... different... stuff, though. Only thing's the same's the, uhm, males and females in spring, y'know, puppies, and stuff." With hot cheeks Pan looked away at the end of that incoherent sentence, which had started out alright, but then rapidly flew off the rails.

He considered it a loaded question. Much had happened in Pan's stay that might have sent a less dedicated wolf packing. And Peregrine didn't even know the half of it when it came to his pack mate's conflicts of interest (what with his friendship with Reek). Peregrine found himself feeling grateful once more that Pan was here, despite all the craziness that had occurred at the caldera. He might not have been the Alpha any longer but Pan's loyalty meant a lot to him.

He listened carefully to Pan's response, musing it over before agreeing, "Spring is typically the season of love and babies." His jade eyes swept the borderlands a moment, then returned back to his companion. "If you don't mind me asking, how exactly did all that work, where you were from...? And," he added, then paused, wondering if it was even appropriate to ask, considering Pan's origins. "Have you ever been, ah, twitterpated?" he decided to go ahead and ask, the faintest of good-natured smirks arcing one corner of his mouth.

When Peregrine asked how things went where Pantaleimon had come from, she thought back to shortly before her departure from Sirensong Cove. She thought back to the outsider female, the Siren, tenfold more beautiful than Pantaleimon (but then, any genuine female was, because she looked like a big brutish teddy bear rather than an elegant beauty). The way she had looked at Pantaleimon. Pan thought to how she had tried to convince the Queen that it was a bad idea, that she did not want to, but the Queen was determined that Pantaleimon was the best fit. The best fit to bring the Nereides bloodline into the life of the gorgeous girl that was devoted, but not originally of the Nereides.

It was the worst day of Pantaleimon's life. With an emotional frown on her face, Pantaleimon stared straight ahead while she walked and thought back to that night, to the rituals, to her utter and horrible failure. It was only when Peregrine asked if she had ever been 'twitterpatted' that Pantaleimon snapped from her thoughts.

"I... T-twitterpatted?" Pan stammered, not understanding what Peregrine meant. "Oh, sorry, we, uh... Males and females are... The Queen usually d-decided who, uhm, you know..."

It didn't really surprise him when Pantaleimon didn't seem familiar with the slang term, though he guessed at its meaning well enough. Before Peregrine could further clarify, his companion answered his question with a few succinct words that got the point across. His smile faded, his jaw clenched. He looked straight ahead for a long moment, feeling slightly ill. His stomach only turned more when he realized that Junior had followed that society's teachings for a little while. Was that part of what had made her a poisonous, would-be baby killer in the end?

It took him a few minutes to swallow the lump in his throat. He didn't want to upset Pan by getting angry about the male's past. "Being twitterpated," he belatedly explained, "isn't only about the physical acts of baby-making. It's about falling in love. Have you ever felt that way? I know it's a personal question," he conceded, "so don't answer if you don't want." But he hoped Pan would because that's why they were here: to get to know one another better.

Pantaleimon looked at Peregrine as he looked disturbed before going on to explain what being twitterpated really meant. Not just sex -- well, not that Pan had ever had any, because she'd failed that night, and that was no doubt why she had been sent away, a cast-off, a disgrace, and why she was here now -- but also falling in love. Pantaleimon wasn't sure how to answer this question. Love was such an abstract thing to her.

"I... think so," Pantaleimon answered with hesitation in her voice. "I mean, I... F-feelings can be, uhm, weird." Well, that didn't really make much clearer, Pan figured, but she couldn't find the words she really wanted to throw out there. She wasn't sure how to say what she was thinking, or how to explain how difficult it was. Pan was pretty sure that males didn't fancy males in any normal places, anyway, and especially not males with families and all that. She just hoped she'd be able to avoid the crucial question that would betray just how much of a weird sicko Siren -- or Consort, rather -- she really was.

Pan spoke hesitantly but didn't he always? Peregrine was used to it and found it endearing. It fed into the male's uniqueness. It seemed that he was just like the rest of them, though, when it came to matters of the heart. Peregrine managed a quiet laugh at his pack mate's brief but apt description of romantic feelings. If you thought about it, the entire concept of love (and especially all its physical manifestations) was indeed very weird.

"Indeed," he answered simply, pausing in his step to ascertain the sights and scents on this stretch of the border before resuming his steady pace. "I've been in love a few times," he decided to share. "Although I'm not sure one of them was actually love. That was with my first mate, Hawkeye." He almost mentioned that she was the mother of his older children but couldn't even bring himself to say the words. "I'm definitely in love with Fox. And I was in love with Lasher when I was with him. I love him still, though... in a different way. And from a distance." He frowned, remembering their last encounter.

His eyes cut suddenly sideways to gauge Pan's expression. "What did your society think of homosexuality? Was it full of raging feminist lesbians?" he guessed, forgetting for a moment to soften his language around the tender, sweet Pantaleimon.

Pantaleimon listened as Peregrine told her about his relationships. He told her about Hawkeye, a female that he thought he'd been in love with, although he didn't sound too sure. At least Pan wasn't the only one who couldn't tell for sure when something was love or not, and had feelings that were confusing and conflicting. Then came Fox, which apparently was his second mate to be with, after this Hawkeye.

As Peregrine started to talk about Lasher, Pantaleimon's face twisted into a confused expression. She did not understand, and wondered if the love that Perry described was a love like Reek and Pan had, a brotherly sort of love between two males.

Homosexuality was a term that Pantaleimon had not heard before, although it was not hard to guess its origins after what Peregrine had just said. Pantaleimon heard her usually low, masculine voice rise to a bit of a pitch near the end of her sentence when she awkwardly queried, "You... you were with a... another male?" To Peregrine's question about homosexuality within the Sirens, Pantaleimon shook her head. There had been none, not that she knew of anyway. "No, I... I always thought that only a male and female should, uhm... for puppies." Pantaleimon had always blamed the fact she felt like a Siren, a female, for not liking other females. Not even that gorgeous one back at the Cove; envy for who and what she was and how life came easy to her was all Pan had felt for her, and that was probably why she hadn't managed to perform in any way.

The inflection in Pan's voice caused Peregrine to slow. He wondered if the concept was strange or even offensive to his companion. He didn't think Pan would be the type to judge, no matter how he felt about something, but the Kappa didn't want to make him feel weird or uncomfortable. His jade eyes briefly searched Pan's face, trying to assess his expression even further.

"I was," he said with a slight tilt of his snout. "He was my lover before I became involved with Fox. Even after she and I became mates, we continued our relationship for a while. But she wasn't interested in him that way and I wasn't very good at balancing things, so he ended up feeling like a third wheel. He ended it. We... were on good terms," he said slowly, fairly certain that there was no future of friendship for them, even though he would always love Lasher from afar, just like he did Blue Willow and his own sister.

Pan's remark about the biology of reproduction caused Peregrine to snort lightly and speed up again. "I personally think having a mate and family is important, obviously, but it's also fun to have pleasure, not just procreation. That goes for whether you have one lover or a dozen. I'm about having fun and throwing some good old romance and passion in there along with popping out babies."

Realizing he had been rambling about himself for a good minute now, Peregrine's mouth clapped shut for a few beats before he asked, "What's your take on these kinds of things?" Surely Pan's approach to romantic relationships would be colored by his background, though perhaps, despite being expected to act as little more than a subservient sperm donor, there was still a spark of ardor within that tender soul.

It surprised Pantaleimon to hear that Peregrine had once taken a male lover. It was even more surprising that it was at the same time as his mateship, for Pantaleimon had always thought that mateships were exclusive. Apparently she had thought wrong.

The idea of having 'fun' in sex had never occurred to Pan, but then, she had never been preoccupied with sex much. While Pan at times felt attracted to others and longed to be near them and share intimacy with them, sex was a bit difficult considering how she felt about herself and her body.

So when Peregrine asked her what she thought of it, Pantaleimon looked startled at first. Pan wasn't sure how to explain this in a way that Peregrine would understand; she wasn't sure if she wanted to explain it at all. "It's, uhm... complicated, I guess." Well, that wasn't going to really explain much. "I mean, I've never, y'know, so I guess I don't really know." Pan looked shyly back at Peregrine, hoping that the answer would suffice; Pan wasn't sure what more to say about it, really, because, well, love was a weird thing and she couldn't say much about it without betraying what she really was.

When Pan indicated that he wasn't experienced, Peregrine felt a strange flutter in his belly. Despite his recent demotion, there was still a virile, powerful Alpha male inside him. And he suddenly wanted to take Pan under his wing, show him the fun and pleasure that could be had in a healthy romantic relationship. But who knew if Pan was even interested in that sort of thing? He seemed taken aback by the whole concept of same-sex pairings, so he probably wasn't about to engage in one. And then there was Fox to consider, of course. He didn't think now was the time to have fun on the side, not considering how badly he had jeopardized... well, everything.

But he enjoyed the fantasy for a few seconds before saying, "That just means that all the good things are still ahead for you, Pan." His lips twitched faintly. He was tempted to say (a lot) more on the subject, yet he sensed that Pan felt discomfited and then, of course, he knew he shouldn't push the envelope too much right now. "If you ever want to talk to someone about that kind of thing, I'm here. You can ask me anything. Just like you've never judged me, I'd never think to judge you," he assured his companion, giving him a sound nudge to the muzzle before turning to sweep the perimeter with his jade gaze.

Peregrine seemed to consider Pantaleimon's words for a moment. Pan wished desperately that she would have been able to read Peregrine's mind, but unfortunately she was not gifted with such skills. Eventually Peregrine spoke, with an air of mystery, as he said that the best things were still ahead. Pan wasn't so sure about that, considering what she was, but she wasn't about to tell Peregrine. It wasn't that she didn't trust in him, or thought that he would tell on her or judge her; if anyone would ask, Pan wouldn't really know why she wouldn't confide in Peregrine. Her subconscious would probably say that she was afraid that the tiniest smithereen of hope that Peregrine found her attractive in any way would evaporate if she told him how she felt about herself.

It didn't help enough that Peregrine said he wouldn't judge. Pantaleimon already knew that, but still, something was holding her back. Pan halted and watched the surroundings. Everything was quiet, as far as she could tell. Pantaleimon swallowed dryly as Peregrine nudged her nose, feeling a flutter in her stomach. "P-Perry, I..." Pantaleimon didn't even know where to begin. She wasn't even sure what she wanted to tell him, what she should say. Trying to find the words to say to him, Pantaleimon looked away, tail drooping towards hind legs and ears splayed in confusion.

He took a good minute or two to really scan the area before turning back to his companion. When he did, Pan's stammer registered with him, as well as his suddenly drooping posture. Peregrine's brows lifted in surprise. Instinctively, he reached out again, touching his nose to Pan's temple. He then withdrew, his expression one of confusion and concern.

"What's wrong?" he queried gently. Suspecting that something he said might have triggered this response somehow, he added, "What's on your mind, Pan? You can talk to me."

The words didn't come, no matter how hard Pan searched for them. Peregrine reached out again, and Pantaleimon flinched at first. When Peregrine withdrew, Pan instinctively moved her head along, wanting the touch to linger for a moment longer.

"It's hard," Pantaleimon mumbled while she gingerly reached her face out to Peregrine's, wanting nothing more than to feel his body against hers, but too afraid to ask for it or do it herself.

"It's hard." Peregrine wasn't sure what to say in response to these two simple words. A troubled expression took up residence on his face. He didn't want Pan to talk about something that was obviously both difficult and significant until he was good and ready. At the same time, he was very curious to know what was causing Pan's current struggle.

"Hey..." he said after a moment, his slightly more altruistic side winning the battle for the moment. "If you're not ready to talk, don't force it. I'll be around." He tried to keep his voice light. It was true enough. He wasn't going anywhere, so even if Pan didn't want to reveal what was bothering him right now, he could always seek out Peregrine later. "Whatever it is, I can help you with it whenever you're ready. Okay? Don't freak," he finished in a playfully gentle voice.