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+--- Thread: Moonspear What Have I Done? (/showthread.php?tid=17830)
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What Have I Done? - Judas - September 18, 2016
Judas felt so much better. His paws were no longer aching. The bite wound had healed over. He had @Pyx to thank for the herbs she gave her. And speaking of her, Judas had a call due to her. So he howled out for her. She knew what it was about.
As he waited, he stood outside his den while thinking about how to tell his friend about what he did. He was suddenly hesitant about it. His gaze wandered off to the sky in thought. If she did come, he wouldn't see her coming at all. His tail was low to the ground, his ears dropping while recalling what had happened.
RE: What Have I Done? - Pyx - September 19, 2016
She slept well, rising in the morning just as chipper as she would typically. She rose from her den, stretching and headed to the nearest river for a drink. She was planning her day mentally, thinking of what she would do. Perhaps she could replenish a food cache this time, and not the herbs. Or maybe she could hunt for Amekaze directly. She'd kept her distance, not wanting to intrude on the new family and their bundles. Her curiosity was starting to get the better of her though, she wanted to see the children. She also wanted to see Charon interacting with them.
It wasn't until Judas' howl snapped her from her thoughts that she recalled the night before. Instantly her stomach rolled, worried. Would Judas tell her something benign? Had she imagined the regret, the despair in his voice? Was she over-reacting after what he'd told her? She suddenly felt consumed with guilt and ashamed. Why should she assume he'd done something wrong? Just because he'd shared his past? What kind of friend did that make her? To reassure him he wasn't a bad wolf now, only to suspect the worst right away?
Feeling awful, she turned and dashed off to find him. When Judas came into view, she saw him staring into the distance. She did not slow her pace, sure that he would hear her coming. She landed at his side with a bounce, following his gaze. "What's up there?" She said pleasantly, staring intently.
RE: What Have I Done? - Judas - September 19, 2016
Judas saw some birds fly overhead, beneath the puffy clouds and the morning sky. The wind blowing against his fur. He felt calm, despite what he was about to do, what he was about to say. So calm, he never even realised Pyx was beside him until she spoke. He almost jumped and looked at his side to find her looking up as well. And said nothing.
Words were caught in his throat. Compared to himself, she seemed so innocent. How could he admit to her what he'd done? Sure, he told her his story. But she believed that Judas to be gone. In truth, it remained there, dormant for now. His lower jaw trembled, and a familiar wetness welled up in his eyes. He had no idea when it happened, but one moment he looked at her, the next he went crying into her shoulder.
RE: What Have I Done? - Pyx - September 19, 2016
She was still peering intently at the sky, missing him turning to gaze at her. Suddenly she felt a weight on her shoulder, wetness pressing through her fur and into her skin. She craned her neck to look at Judas, concern flaring. "What's wrong?" She wanted to joke about seeing something in the sky, that it couldn't really be that bad. She couldn't bring herself to do it though, that foreboding feeling from the night before rose back into her throat.
She leaned into Judas' weight, eyes wide and confused. What happened? What was wrong? Did it have to do with what they'd talked about on the journey, or was she still assuming? She swallowed thickly, partly nervous and partly ashamed of herself. "Judas. Judas, please calm down. Whatever it is...y-you're home now." He was safe here, she wanted to say. But if he himself were the problem, how could he ever be safe?
Her heart thudded in her chest, her stomach rolled. Somehow she knew what he was going to say was something big. Something that would change things. "Please, don't cry. Can we fix it? Can we fix whatever it is?"
RE: What Have I Done? - Judas - September 20, 2016
She asked what was wrong. He felt ashamed, pitiful. Insults aimed at himself circled around like an island in a hurricane, and he were the island. He let it all pour out in words, in emotion. "I couldn't stop myself! I couldn't..couldn't..." He choked on his words, being mocked by his own double-sided mind.
"I helped her! And then I...I raped her!" Just hearing himself say it. It was like having an earthquake split him in half mentally. He did not think to look away, not this time. Lost in his own tears. Although he did not look up either. Whatever her reaction was, he most likely deserved. He had taken advantage of someone who he had helped. Judas could not, would not let it happen again. But that's what scared him. He had no control over it.
RE: What Have I Done? - Pyx - September 21, 2016
His voice came spilling out of him like a torrent, and she struggled to understand him among the tears and sobs. Her position, with his head on her shoulder, was also not the best. She strained, head craned awkwardly towards him. Clearly she heard him comment that he helped someone, he hesitated then after, and she realized this was where he would say what he had done to cause this.
The word that fell from his lips slammed into her like an assault. She was stunned, eyes wide, staring at him in confusion. The word spun through her head, and she suddenly she didn't understand at all. Despite his telling her, clearly, she just couldn't fathom what he had said. "Wait, you helped her? What do you mean? Judas, it's so hard to understand you." She was in denial. He couldn't have said what she thought he said. He could not have. "Explain, Judas, please. Tell me fully." Her voice was desperate, she was desperate to understand and to assign a different meaning to the word. Her stomach gave a lurch, but she shoved the feeling away. No. She would hear him explain it slowly. She'd imagined a word. He had merely sobbed "helped her" twice, that was all.
RE: What Have I Done? - Judas - September 22, 2016
Judas couldn't do anything to stop the sobs that racked throughout his body. He wanted forgiveness, and he would go to beg for it from anyone. Yet knew it would mean nothing unless from his victim. He tried to calm down, but he just couldn't. "I..I helped her...Wounded..." He paused.
There was something else at fault here. Something Pyx did not know yet, for he had not told her of it. "The voice inside...It took over...I couldn't hold it back, and I swore I would!" He swore on it.
He took a step back away from Pyx, suddenly fearful as the voice filled his ears. He was not afraid of her. But afraid of what he could do to her. He wasn't stable. Shaking visibly like he had a fever, eyes darting around but always landing on Pyx. "I..I can't...I don't want to hurt you."
RE: What Have I Done? - Pyx - September 25, 2016
He continued to sob heavily, his entire body shuddering and jerking. Words spilled from his mouth, an obvious attempt at trying to remain calm seemed to be failing. She listened intently. A wounded wolf, he wanted to help her, to use what little she herself had taught him, perhaps? She remembered her idea for trying to earn him some redemption, that he could help and save wolves. Her heart sank in her chest a little further.
He spoke further, mentioning something about a voice inside that took over. Her brow furrowed, thinking he was speaking nonsense now. She wondered if he'd sampled some herbs that weren't good, if his mind was running with him. "Judas...are you alright? You aren't making sense. A voice? Did you eat something bad, Judas? Herbs or meat?" Her mind was spinning now with what herbs would make him vomit, to make whatever was making his mind wild go away.
Judas jerked away from her then, his eyes were full of fear and his face was wet from his sobbing. She stared at him, shocked and confused. He was shaking, his eyes began to dart. Surely he had ingested something foul, something to make him react like this. Had he halucinated this wolf he'd hurt? If he was hearing voices, perhaps he had.
She shook her head, laughed a little in surprise. "Hurt me? Judas, let me get you something to get whatever it is out of your system. Your mind is playing tricks, that's all. You won't hurt me, because I'm just me. I'm not going to hurt you, you know this." She wanted to leave then and now to get something to make him puke, but was too afraid to leave him like he was.
RE: What Have I Done? - Judas - September 25, 2016
"No!" He wanted to make her understand. It was no herb, although he wished it was. This thing in his head, he had an understanding of what it was. A figment of his own imagination. one that no matter what he did, it would never leave him be. It could be silenced. But not forever. It is what was left of his past self. The temptation, the evil he had within. His inner demon. "It is me!"
He sobbed some more before trying to recollect himself. But the fear was still present in him. "The voice, i-it is me...It hurt Mitanni. Drove everyone from me..." He glanced up at Pyx. She was much braver than he ever thought. He wished it was tricks. He wished it was something he could control. "You are the only friend I have here. I can't lose you."
RE: What Have I Done? - Pyx - September 26, 2016
His voice raised, shouting at her. He didn't want her to leave to get the herb? She stilled her feet, brows raising to question him silently. He was talking complete nonsense now. What was him? This voice? Of course he heard his own voice in his head, that's what thinking was. He continued to sob, and her gaze softened. Whatever was going on here, herb or not, he was truly upset about it. She tried to be more understanding and though her instincts urged her to rush off for the herb before it was too late, she lingered for him.
He spoke about Mitanni now, and she listened intently. He'd told her that he was the one to hurt Mitanni. They'd grown too close and he'd been fearful. He'd lashed out at her. She knew this story. She still thought that he was high or poisoned, that he was somehow blabbering as he half remembered the event with Mitanni. Was it Mitanni he'd tried to help? Had she been injured when he attacked her? "I know that Judas. You told me that, remember? You told me you attacked Mitanni. We've talked this over. Don't you remember what we talked about?"
Pyx knew little of mental illness. She knew that wolves could become depressed, or that they could be crazy. She had no experience with voices, nor split personalities, or anything remotely similar. Far as she could tell her was acting like a wolf having a bad trip. He had remembered Mitanni, he had remembered her. The guilt was eating at him. She shook her head, frowning at him. "Judas I am right here. You've told me about your past, remember? I told you then, and I'll tell you again, that you may have been a bad wolf then, but you can be a good wolf now. You didn't lose me with that story Judas." She stared at him a moment, eyes pleading with him. Her voice grew softer, more concerned. "So please calm down, I'm not leaving for good I just want to give you a herb to help. You're all worked up, your mind isn't right, you know? You're not making sense. I will come right back, I promise." She was fully convinced he was simply tripping out, but her paws did not move. Not until he answered her again.
RE: What Have I Done? - Judas - September 26, 2016
Judas remembered clearly. The reluctance in telling it. The guilt. The entire event of him biting down on her leg in an attempt to take Mitanni's life. And at this moment, he could hear it, trying to make a repeat of that same event. And the old instinct he had wanted to. It wanted to break out so badly, to take another life. But Pyx was a friend. She was kind to him. Sometimes he believed too kind. But kind nonetheless.
He wanted to protest, wanted to say he had no need of herbs. But the voice continued to bat around in his head, throwing insults to throw him over the edge. And he didn't want a slip of the tongue and say something wrong. So he remained silent, waiting for her to leave. So that he could converse with the voice, and attempt to silence it. The thought of silencing it for good came around, as well, and on this thought he lingered. But to do so, it meant silencing himself. And besides, there was something she wanted to tell him. Judas recalled their trip in hunting for herbs. Every word.
RE: What Have I Done? - Pyx - September 27, 2016
Though Judas protested no more he was not calm. She sat and watched him a moment, it was obvious he was still very upset. Perhaps he wasn't speaking, but his eyes still darted wildly. Tears still glimmered near the surface. She offered his a soft sympathetic smile, her voice quiet. "I'll be right back, Judas. Don't go anywhere, alright?" She could track him if he did, but hunting was not her strongest suit. So she turned and she raced, heart and legs pumping.
She was afraid. Not of Judas, but for him. She still believed that he had eaten something. The denial that had taken hold, that had erased the word rape from her ears had latched onto this reason. She reached the cache in record time and began to pour through the piles. She made a mess in her haste, searching for the right thing. Finally she spotted it: sweet flag. It was known to cause nausea, diarrhea and to combat hallucinogens. She'd happened on a bushel not long ago and it had taken days of staring at it for her to remember what exactly it did. She was glad she had. Snatching some of the leaves she spun out of the den. She carried it carefully in her mouth, not wanting to make herself sick.
She strained to run as fast as possible and had to skid when she grew closer to where they had met. She crested a knoll, now walking so she didn't frighten him, and prayed Judas was still there.
RE: What Have I Done? - Judas - September 27, 2016
Judas conversed with the voice. And unlike most times, he spoke aloud. Threats were sent back and forth. It wasn't long before both sides physically came out, and soon it was just like the days in his prison of a cave, back in Moonlit. Speaking back and forth, except this time both had malice in them. One was just more so then the calmer side.
"You..You have ruined me." His head snapped back and forth, as if each personality faced opposite ways. "You forced it upon yourself, you weak fool." Judas shook his head in denial. He had no idea when Pyx would be coming back. "No, you have only doomed both of us!" The coywolf knew that they would no doubt hunt him down for his terrible act. And the evil in him only laughed at that. He knew that it now wanted them both dead. He had failed his original purpose, and this was the consequence. Another side he could not control.
RE: What Have I Done? - Pyx - September 28, 2016
She crested the knoll and heard Judas' voice. Had someone else stumbled upon them? She hoped Judas wasn't riled up again, whoever it was. She raised her eyes, but they landed only on the figure of Judas. Her brow furrowed and her head tilted, for she had clearly heard two voices. She took another step, but watched as Judas's head snapped to one direction and he spoke. Her eyes followed the turn of his head, but saw no one. Who had ruined him? Surely his hallucinations weren't that strong...
And then, his head snapped viciously to another side. Judas' mouth formed words, they flew into the air...but it was not his voice that spoke them. She blinked, staring intently at what was happening. Who had said that? What was going on? She dropped the herb in her mouth, wondering idly if she'd managed to get herself high. But she'd not carried it for long enough, and even if she had managed to get a little it was no where near enough to do anything. Again the head snapped and then Judas spoke once more.
He'd mentioned a voice, a voice that was him that he couldn't control. Was this that voice? It seemed silly, wrong, how could a wolf have two voices inside them at once? Voices with different personalities? She moved closer, but quietly, listening to the conversation more. She thought that if she showed herself Judas would stop, and she wanted to hear this so called voice. Wanted to see if Judas' was only joking...or still hallucinating.
RE: What Have I Done? - Judas - September 28, 2016
If Judas knew Pyx was near, he would have stopped. He would have felt the shame. And,e he would have ran. He wouldn't have looked back. Feeling vulnerable, knowing his other side was out. He would have ran for his own safety, and hers.
But he didn't know she was there, listening. So the conversation went on. "You made a promise. You failed it. You split us in two." And this is what he got for it. "You've put everyone close to you in danger. Malice, Mitanni, they all suffered because of it." He wanted to cry more, cry out against the voice. Silence it. "And now Pyx. So innocent. What would happen if I came out?"
"You won't touch her" Judas snapped at the voice. Not another friend. But in truth, he knew if it ever did come out, there would be no stopping it. "I won't let you hurt her. Not another..."
RE: What Have I Done? - Pyx - September 29, 2016
She listened intently as she crept closer, blind to the danger she was in. She trust Judas and still didn't fully comprehend what exactly was happening before her very eyes. The head continued to pivot, to the point that she wondered how Judas wasn't dizzy. She heard Malice and Mitanni's names mentioned. He was still thinking talking about the attack. Even as she neared the second voice continued to seem foreign. She approached from behind Judas, slipping carefully around him to conceal herself from the head snapping.
It was obvious both voices came from Judas. She stood mere body lengths away from him now, crouched behind a bush and listening. She dropped the herb to her paws, slightly startled as her own name was thrown into the mix, and by the voice full of venom. "What will happen if I came out?" It made her angry, the threat. She wasn't the biggest, no, but she had practiced fighting. She could win if it were life or death. She'd always won if the fight go too real. Pinned on the bottom she'd learned escape tactics. This wasn't her brother though, and it wasn't a game gone too far.
She felt anger tingle through her chest at the comment, for both herself and Judas. How dare someone threaten him with her. It wasn't someone, though, it was himself. She was confused, terribly confused. Judas answered the voice though, defiant and clear. She nodded, glad that Judas was defending himself....from himself. It was hard to remember he was the only one there, behind this bush with no visual it seemed like two.
She considered what he'd been saying all along. That there was a voice in his head, that he lost control and attacked Mitanni. But surely, certainly, stuff like that didn't exist. It had to really be Judas under all the voices and meanness. It wasn't possible for two wolves to reside in one body. Was this voice born of a memory of his father? Perhaps he couldn't control it because he still thought it was real? She was tempted to exit her hiding and tell Judas the voice wasn't real, that it was fake. A memory in his head. Certainly it had to be that. Logically it had to be that.
Yet her paws did not move. She felt a new sensation travel over her body: the first fingers of fear. Could she trust Judas not to attack her? Well, she could trust Judas but this voice...fake or not. Could she trust Judas' body not to attack her? Her head was spinning. She forgot herself a moment and shook her head, attempting to clear her swirling thoughts. Her nose smacked against the twigs of the bush. They snapped and rustled and she jerked her nose back in surprise, raising herself from her crouch.
She looked up at Judas, meeting his gaze...their gaze? For a moment she didn't know what to do, but she soon stooped and grabbed the herb. She wasn't sure why she did it, but she did. Then, though her back prickled with discomfort, she began to approach. She tried to keep herself smiling around the sweet flag, but her eyes would betray her. She had heard, it was obvious. Though they were not obviously fearful, there was a new knowledge in them.
She stopped a body length away from him, a further distance than she had stood before. She dropped the herb to her paws. "Sweet flag. It...makes people sick." It was the only thing she could think to say, the only thing in her mind.
RE: What Have I Done? - Judas - September 29, 2016
I spent at least half an hour contemplating my next post. Cause, well, yours is just awesome!
He knew the voice would have gone on until someone arrived. That is why they both stopped. A snapping twig brought the whole conversation to a stop. He didn't have to guess who it was. Cause as he turned around he saw her, staring back. She knew. Judas wished it wasn't so, but she knew. He held his breath. And just as he expected, he felt like he should have ran. Yet he couldn't."I..." He felt shame. He felt scared she would run. He could barely hold the other side of him to even talk to her. It murmured in his ear. Trying to take over. It didn't care if others of the pack came running at him, but Judas did.
"I...Now you know." It was all he could say. "That won't help" Judas said, gesturing to the herb. He couldn't hold his other side back long. His lip and eyes were already twitching, his tail shaking and quivering.
RE: What Have I Done? - Pyx - September 30, 2016
Thank you! It's a very intense thread!
Judas clearly didn't know what to say. She met his eyes, and it was clear that he knew that she had heard. She glanced away, down to the herb as he commented on it. She swallowed and nodded slowly, not sure what else to say. "Yeah...I...don't guess it will." She managed, her voice small, still tinted with confusion.
She stared at it a long time, the herb. It was the first time that herbs had disappointed her. They normally did their job so well, helping to cure a sick wolf. Yet Judas...not this herb nor any other that she knew of would help him. She still wasn't fully sure what was wrong. Her mind told her the voice had to be fake, a projection, an image, a memory. It was Judas...just lost in his own mind. Yet she was fearful.
When she finally brought her eyes back up, she saw him twitching and shaking. Her eyes narrowed and unconsciously she took a step back before she could stop herself. And as she considered what was happening here, what was going on...she became angry in a way that surprised her.
"I'm not afraid of you, Judas." She said firmly, forcing herself to believe it was true. She took a step forward, then another. She met his gaze with fierce determination. "You are only you, Judas. This voice...it only controls you because you believe in it. It isn't real, it's your mind itself. A memory of your fat...the male who sired you, maybe. But it isn't real. It can't hurt me if you don't let it. You are in control. You can make it go away for good, just like a herb and a sickness." She took another step forward. She was still a fair distance from him, not close enough to touch, but a few more steps and she would be able to touch him.
Her hair prickled, her body knew something here was dangerous but she refused to believe. "I believe in you, Judas. I trust you. You can beat this, you can beat him. Your father is dead and you have a new life in Moonspear. Malice forgave you for what you did, and so did Mitanni. I am your friend, Judas and I know you can beat this."
RE: What Have I Done? - Judas - September 30, 2016
Judas was silently begging her to stop as she approached. Replays of the last time he snapped played through his head. Brought him closer to the edge. Unwillingly, he stepped forward as well. But the one making him move, it wasn't him. His own body betrayed him.
She spoke of the voice being his father. That he could cast it out. And he had tried. Maybe he believed it to be impossible himself. Or perhaps, some part of him couldn't live without it. But that was far from his current concern. He took anher step forward. That's when it hit him. He was no longer in control. He wanted to warn her.
But he couldn't. And that's when the voice spoke out. "You should never trust me!" Judas snapped at her, not thinking of the repercussions. And he wished he could have.
You can choose where he hits, if he does
RE: What Have I Done? - Pyx - October 03, 2016
She trusted him, she was forcing herself to trust him and giving him the opportunity to defeat this demon once and for all. When he stepped towards her she felt a rush of fear burst through her, but she shoved it away. He took another step and for a moment she was hopeful that he would embrace her, would fall into her shoulder crying. She smiled softly at him, shaking her head and meeting his eyes. "It will be alright, Judas you can b-" and before she could finish her sentence the other voice snarled at her, and like an adder his head whipped towards her.
She jerked her head back, but too late. The blow landed on the right side of her muzzle and his fangs tore through her lip in three separate places. She cried out, a yelp that turned quickly into a snarl and without thinking she jerked away and struck back, a quick and darting snap to his own face on the opposite side of where he had bitten her. She didn't know if it would land, but it should be enough to keep him from striking again. Blood began to flow from her torn lip and she pulled away from him quickly, walking backwards with her head low. She growled as she went, not afraid but angry. Whatever this voice was, it was still a wolf.
She felt guilt for striking at Judas, felt alarmed that she herself had been attacked. He had asked her once if he had attacked her, would she forgive him, would she love him? Now she stood staring at him as her growl died away, body tense and waiting for any further attack. Her muzzle bled freely, dripping slowly onto the ground. She had answered his question that day: "I think I would still love you. I might be angry, or upset, but love is not a weed you can remove so easily. If I loved you, and knew you, I would know that you attacked out of fear and not maliciousness. Or even that you attacking me was not something normal for you. I could forgive you, if we talked and you explained, if you wouldn't turn from me."
She loved Judas as a friend, yes, and she had even has the beginnings of something more. She had meant what she said that day....but now looking at Judas she wondered if he words had hit a vital point too well: that you attacking me was not something normal for you. She could forgive Judas for attacking her, yes, but it wasn't Judas that had attacked her. It was Judas that had lost control. She could forgive him for that...but could she forgive the body? Could she trust him, this other voice? Her answer had not been fully informed. Bleeding as she was, she knew in her heart she already forgave Judas for what had happened. Still...forgiveness doesn't make trust, it doesn't make her safe.
"I don't blame Judas for this." She said, voice low and angry. "I don't blame you, Judas. But you, voice, you are a foul mistake of nature. You are nothing but a growth on Judas. You are nothing without him and you are weak and afraid of that. Judas can beat you, and you know that, don't you?" She spat the blood from her mouth. "Come back now, Judas. We have to talk."
She remained lowered and tense, eyes narrowed. She was ready for another attack if it came to that. She wanted Judas back though, because she needed to speak with him. Tonight...had changed things, and she wanted to speak to her friend and try to figure out a plan.
RE: What Have I Done? - Judas - October 03, 2016
Judas knew this memory would scar his mind. Again, striking a friend. He tasted blood. Blood that only further satiated the darker side of him. He knew his face did not show it, but the shock and the guilt was all over inside. He wished his stomach would have churned in revoltion. He wanted to spit that blood out. He wanted to run in shame.
But then, Pyx struck back. He was even more shocked, and his other side was too. Not expecting the aggression at all, completely stunned. No witty remark, no growl. Just utter stunned silence. Pyx had put it in it's place. There was pain along his snout. A stinging pain.
All that was enough for him to break free. And yet, Judas wished he hadn't. To see Pyx, to hear her anger. But to hear who she was angry at, it gave him hope. Maybe, just maybe, she was his shield against it.
"Pyx I..." He wanted to cry again. Felt like a scared pup having been ridiculed by a parent. But he had to be brave. Although he was scared to talk to her, he did anyway. "I am sorry..." He didn't care his own wound was bleeding. Seeing her blood from her wound upset Judas. "...Thank you, for that...But now, I'm afraid. What if the others find out?" He would surely be banished. Or killed.
RE: What Have I Done? - Pyx - October 04, 2016
Her strike hadn't been meant to hurt Judas, of course. It hadn't been a conscious thought at all. It had simply been a reaction, unconscious and primal. She couldn't make out from her distance if she'd hit him very hard, with luck it'd simply be a glancing blow. Her own lip pained her fiercely and she hope the damage wasn't severe. Her jaw still moved and though blood poured faster when she worked the joint, her lip still seemed attached, just torn.
The voice that came out was a familiar voice and she felt some of her tensions release. He was in despair now, the guilt traveled on his voice like a leaf in water. "I know Judas. It's okay. It wasn't you." And then he brought up the thought that had struck her mind like lightening as she backed away from the voice: what would they tell Charon and Amekaze?
"That's...that's what we need to discuss. Charon, Amekaze and Floki...they're all going to ask about my face. About yours if I hit you hard enough, which I apologize for, Judas. It wasn't...It was just reaction." She kept her eyes trained on him but felt her heart drop. "I...I don't want to lie to them Judas, to Amekaze and Charon. They've been good to me, good to you too I expect. I'm a horrible liar anyway, I've never been good at it. More than that though...they have children, babies. What if he..." Her voice trailed away, sad. "I don't know what we can do, but you need help. You need someone who knows about voices, about how to control it. I can't cure you with herbs, Judas." She knew there were wolves who believed in magic, wolves who believed in spirits and curses. Could this be healed through that? This was beyond all logic...so could the answer be too? She felt true sorrow take hold in her chest, a tear formed and slid quickly from her eye and was followed by a sudden torrent. She felt as if she'd failed him somehow, as if by not being able to help him she had failed as a healer.
She wished to go to him, to be held and to hold him as they both cried. Yet she couldn't. He was here now, but she was bleeding and they both were still worked up...what if the voice came back?
"What do we do, Judas? I don't know what we can tell them, they'll think you attacked me. It wasn't you though, just your body. And if we tell them that they'll think we're both crazy. I don't want them to hurt you."
RE: What Have I Done? - Judas - October 05, 2016
Everything went wrong for him. He messed up, all because he had some voice in his head. He couldn't bear it all, and it took all he could muster to keep from crying again. Judas wanted to believe her. And he was starting to. Starting to separate himself from the voice, starting to see it as some other entity in itself. Instead, it was more like a mental instability he had not come to realise.
It was true. Questions would be tossed around. And he couldn't let her bear the weight of a lie. But he couldn't also bear another pack hunting him down. All his life, it seemed he was running. Either from himself, or others he had hurt. And once more he could not settle. From here, it looked like his whole life would just be him running. "Don't...Don't lie for me." He felt a tear of his own.
The coywolf couldn't bear to see her cry. He moved his head to nudge her with his nose, trying to put a reassuring smile on his face. "Hey, we had a good run as friends, didn't we?" He was scared, he admitted already. Scared for his life. But now, scared for hers. "Whatever happens, happens. Just...just look away when it does."
RE: What Have I Done? - Pyx - October 05, 2016
I had her as still being back away from him so I'll assume he slowly approached her.
He stumbled over his words, sadness creeping back into his voice. He asked her not to lie for him, and she appreciated that. She wasn't sure she could look Charon in the face and lie. It would come bursting out one way or the other. He moved slowly towards her and she let him come, slowing easing her body up off the ground. If the voice returned and struck her again, so be it. She believed he could control it though.
He moved to nudge her and she leaned into the touch, soft sobs shaking her body. She nudged him back, and smiled sadly to see him trying to reassure her. She sniffed, attempting to compose herself and shook her head. "We're still friend, Judas. It doesn't end with this." She knew he was afraid the pack would kill him for his voice, but she began to think, her face growing serious once more.
"You need help that I can't provide Judas. I wish that I could give you a plant to simply make this go away...but I can't. I don't know what this is. But someone else might. You could seek out Malice, be upfront with her and ask her if she knows anyone who can help. Maybe the wolves who worship magic gods know of something. Maybe it's a curse." Before this moment she wasn't sure she believed in curses and magics, but Judas have shaken her world.
"If you leave...I can tell them that you went to get help. That you were sick with something I couldn't fix. They've met you, they know you're a good wolf. You are a good wolf, Judas. You're just...sick...somehow. I'll...I'll just say that you lost control, like a seizure, and you bit me on accident as I tried to help. None of that's a lie." He hadn't meant to bite her, after all. That wasn't a lie, it didn't count as a lie.
"Then...once you know something or you're better...you can come back. Our friendship will continue. Maybe we can visit each other sometimes until then. But...you don't have to die. You don't have to run away, not really, you just go seeking a solution." She looked at him hopefully, her eyes pleading for him to agree. Surely he wanted to be cured. "They can't want you dead unless you're a threat...and if I've forgiven you and you go to fix the problem...you aren't a threat."
RE: What Have I Done? - Judas - October 05, 2016
Judas shook his head. "How long will that take? What if no one can help me?" But the part with Malice, he could go to her. Perhaps he could ask her. But the answer, he could guess it. He guessed it would be no. He guessed that no one could help him. But Pyx still held onto hope, and just for that, so would he. "I will find Malice."
Judas withdrew from her, but not back. Instead he went past her. He would leave. "I will find a way, just because you ask me to...But if there is no way to cure it, you know what will happen...For now, this is goodbye, Pyx." And maybe, forever. But he didn't say that aloud.
He didn't want anymore tears to be shed. He started to move away, aimed toward the border.