blixen barely finishes patrol, feeling restless and flightly. she wants to track down furi but she still does not know what to say, does not know how she fits in the picture. oh, rose and her are fine - hardly besties but she has to admit she warmed up to the fire-furred yearling quickly (and it is nice having another girl around). but furi hasn't come to her since their argument and blix doesn't know if she could stomach watching rose and furi together, as weird as it sounds. and she wants furi to be the one who comes to her anyway, she made the effort to connect with rose for furi's sake, so...

 ugh. but - and she brightens - nomi's back, even if it's temporary. even if they're on the verge of war (a thing she hasn't really processed yet because of how removed she feels from everything right now). the ginger pulls herself together and sets off from the border, tracking down nomi's scent. right now, she just wants to see her nomi.

a whine escapes her as nomi comes into view and she steps closer to nuzzle against her for a moment. for a moment her worries about furi fall away, distracted by nomi's presence and what she talked about during their arrival. "how is mother..?" the ginger asks, eyes bright with worry. she hadn't been expecting mother to return with nomi and still her absence feels notable somehow. "what's going to happen?" she adds, thinking of the talk of war, what that means for them and for her.

it's not the best answer nomi could have given - but it's better than nothing, and so blixen resigns herself with a small sigh. nomi doesn't answer her other question but reassures her mother will come back at the end of winter. the gona frowns and accepts the press of nomi's nose but pushes back, saying "i'll go get her if i gotta," then pulls away to give nomi a more serious look. "did she tell you anything? about what happened?" 

she knows she's still young but she's a true warrior of drageda - and she's done being kept in the dark about anything if she can help it.

even though she knows she already told her she wants to go to mother in the spring, she's still glad that nomi doesn't object. then she remembers that furi probably won't go with her after all and her chest tightens a little bit. she draws in a breath, listens to nomi tell her the situation. blixen doesn't know who 'they' are but if nomi and the redhawks are aligned against them the ginger doesn't think they stand a chance. 

"when are we going?" she asks, because, well, obviously, drageda's warriors will need to be involved. they can't all leave the claim but there's no reason blix can see that her and her brothers wouldn't be coming with (well, artaax anyway, she doesn't think bobby's ready to jump into the fray). maybe she'll even get to see mother sooner than spring. it's - a nice thought in the middle of all this chaos, and blix holds onto it, looking at nomi expectantly.

it's not surprising that mother doesn't want them involved but blixen's immediate reaction is dismissal - and it's weird, really, because she hadn't thought until now about how the power dynamic has shifted in mother's absence. when she was young she would have obeyed any order mother gave without question. now she has to stop herself from asking so what,  i'm a gona. mother wasn't here to see her train - hasn't seen what she's capable of yet.

nomi seems to have wisened up to blixen's hair trigger temper, because the way she phrases it actually makes the ginger stop and think. "... who are you bringing with you?" she asks with a frown. if mother wants them to stay - she revises her previous opinion, artie will definitely stay, the goody two shoes. she looks at her feet, frowning harder, and sighs. "if i want to go, am i allowed?" she hedges - maybe it's less about the act of going and more about being trusted enough to chose for herself, to have options. right now the ginger is torn between wanting to enact holy revenge - something she definitely has been training for - and wanting to stay and protect drageda, especially if nomi's bringing their strongest with her. 

but that does mean she'll be here with furi... she doubts furi will want to go. unless nomi is planning on bringing her? nn... blixen watches her nomi with an intense expression, already more mature than the girl who'd thrown a tantrum to follow her to rhc.

nomi confirms what blixen already suspected and she sighs. she has to think about it. her eyes widen in surprise when nomi goes ahead and gives her permission anyway - or answers her question which is the same thing. mother wouldn't approve, nomi made that clear, but nomi understands her too. (she thinks about how distant she is from mother now, how much she's grown in her absence, and feels a weird mix of guilt and sadness she's not entirely equipped to handle).

"chof," the gona says finally, dipping her head. "i have to think about it," she admits, and then looks at her feet. "can i talk to you about, uh. a different thing," blix asks, fumbling slightly. already she feels the hot flush of embarrassment against her neck but if she doesn't ask nomi for advice now, it'll get swept away in the drama of preparing for war. and she really doesn't want to have furi drift further away from her during all of this.

embarrassed, the ginger tucks herself against nomi - a little too big to fully bury herself like she did as a child, but it's easier to talk into the dark fur of nomi's chest. "furi's mad at me," blixen says, voice strained, "'cause i got - upset at her about rose." she doesn't want to throw furi under the bus - and anyway, rose was accepted so it doesn't matter now - so she puts it in the simplest terms she can. besides, as righteous as she was about furi bringing a stranger to them (and she's still right about that part, thank you), she can recognize her overreaction was from her panic and jealousy now. well - strong reaction. anyway. 

she takes a deep breath and pulls back. "i tried to get her to talk about it with me but she didn't want to and i think i made it worse cause she kept talking about how i dont trust her 'cause she's an outsider..." the girl frowns, upset, and looks at nomi. "but it's not that, it's just, i don't know.." suddenly the idea of admitting she's jealous to nomi feels too stupid, especially in the midst of the looming threat of war. instead she falls silent and looks at her feet, blushing hard under ginger fur.

she can't help but whine a little as her nose is tilted back up, ears flat against her skull. "i do trust her," blix says, frowning, "and it's - have you met rose yet? she looks just like me, sorta, isn't that kind of weird?" surely nomi will agree with her that it's weird. she still won't say the word 'jealous' out loud to nomi - yet, ever. give it another couple of minutes.

nomi doesn't get why it's weird either. maybe she is the weirdo after all. augh! "'cause - 'cause it's like she's gonna replace me," she finally admits, scuffing the ground with a paw. "when i saw her coming up with rose i just - panicked, and after i talked to rose it got way worse because, nomi, rose is so cool." they still aren't friends by any stretch of the imagination but blixen likes her, likes having her around, even if furi only hangs out with her and doesn't hang out with blixen anymore. it's frustrating!

blixen puffs out a sigh, leaning into the touch just slightly. she knows nomi's right, logically, but it doesn't make her feel any better. when nomi suggests she try to talk again she opens her mouth to protest - furi made it clear she doesn't want to talk anymore - but snaps it shut at her follow up suggestion. "show her how?" the ginger asks, eyes wide.

nomi doesn't give her a suggestion and she frowns a little, nudging at her neck. "i'm not good at that kinda stuff," she complains, dampened for a moment before her eyes light up with an idea. "what do you do when mother is mad at you?" the ginger asks - though come to think of it she's never seen mother be mad at nomi (and only partially because she hasn't seen mother in so long). but they gotta argue sometime, right? all relationships have arguments, friends or family or - romantic. right?

blix's never given much thought to her parent's relationship. they were happy, and then mother was taken, and nomi was upset, and it was all perfectly straightforward (well... in a way). it's sort of reassuring to hear nomi say she's not good at the same stuff as blixen, but also a little aggravating, since it means she won't be getting the good advice she needs. 

she frowns thoughtfully at nomi's explanation. furi and her are also pretty different, even though they're both gona. a lot of furi's decisions are just baffling to her, but she thinks they come from a place of wanting to help - of a kindness that blix lacks when it comes to those outside her immediate circle. "that makes sense," she says, and sighs. "furi's.. i think she's probably better than me," the gona admits, "at least at like.. caring about other people. or, um, showing it. she cares about everyone." (is there a tiny hint of jealous in her tone? maybe, but she'd deny it.)

she resists the urge to roll her eyes in a particularly teenagery way (barely). nomi doesn't know furi like she does, and while blix is steadfast in her belief that their leader doesn't favor her children over the other warriors of the pack, she also knows that she probably isn't supposed to let her children say self deprecating things. it's like, an unspoken rule of nomi-hood. probably. she is right about needing to understand furi's point of view, though. otherwise they're just gonna keep butting heads. "sha," she murmurs, glancing vaguely in the distance, as if she can sense wherever her friend is currently. but she can't - she's not artaax, she doesn't do the whole stalking thing. "..chof, nomi," the ginger adds, and leans in to the touch a little. even if things are still sideways, she's glad to have gotten some perspective from nomi - at the very least it's ... reassuring? to know she comes by her communication problems honestly.