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+--- Thread: Heron Lake Plateau she's tore up plenty, but she'll fly true (/showthread.php?tid=27091)
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she's tore up plenty, but she'll fly true - Raven - May 07, 2018
A mixture of emotions roiled inside of Raven as she made her way up the gentle slope of the plateau in search of @Towhee. She was happy and excited, and a warm glow of...something (love? contentment?) had taken up residence somewhere near her heart and burned brightly, even now. But all of that was countered by anxiety, fear, and dread. What if Towhee forbade it all? What if the alpha punished her for her recklessness? Drove Quixote from the pack? There were so many ways that all of this could go spectacularly wrong, but she had no choice. She had to tell her sister, and so she marched on.
The young alpha's scent was strong, and Raven appreciated Towhee's dedicated effort to make sure everyone knew these lands were claimed. She'd done her part as much as she'd been able to, and even now, she squatted a few times to strengthen the Redhawks' claim. This was strange, this feeling. She had never found herself in a position of fear of her younger sister before, and had she not been so nervous, she might have grinned at how weird it was.
RE: she's tore up plenty, but she'll fly true - Towhee - May 07, 2018
There was room enough on the little islet to house the entire pack, should they desire to share it as a rendezvous site. Maybe when the time came, Towhee would offer it up for that purpose. For now, though, she enjoyed having it all to herself. Today, she lounged within the copse of trees, the May sunlight streaming down between the green boughs and dappling the patch of forest floor. She had patrolled earlier and would head off for another soon, though she savored this brief respite.
When the time came, she plucked herself up and emerged from her cozy hideaway. She quickly plunged into the water, fording to the bank in a matter of minutes. Wet as a seal, she began heading toward the slope that would lead her to the borders. The air was thick with humidity and Towhee could see pollen drifting through the air. Spring was here in full force, with summer coming in hot on its tails soon. Her lips twitched.
When she saw Raven coming toward her, the Alpha's tail broke into a wag. "Hey Rave," she called, "I've been meaning to catch up with you and s—is something wrong?" Towhee changed tack abruptly upon noticing the nervous air around her older sister.
RE: she's tore up plenty, but she'll fly true - Raven - May 07, 2018
It didn't take long for the sisters to find one another. As Raven emerged onto the flat, grassy surface of the plateau and made her way toward the lake, she saw Towhee coming toward her. Clearly having just taken a dip in the lake, the younger she-wolf's wet fur gleamed in the sunlight, its colors darkened by the moisture that still clung to it. Towhee's greeting was friendly, as usual, and Raven flashed her a warm smile. Nervous as she was, she couldn't help the surge of affection that she felt at the sight of her sister. She waved her tail in return, but Towhee wasn't fooled: she saw right through Raven's attempt at a relaxed veneer and asked her if something was wrong.
Perceptive, that one. Always had been.
Raven's smile faltered and her eyes dropped. "Uh...I don't know..." she began, her words hesitant. "Quixote and I.... we're..." What were they, exactly? 'Mates' felt so official. Were they officially mates yet? "...seeing each other? Uh. Together, I guess?" She flicked her eyes up to Towhee's face, wondering if she was even making any sense.
RE: she's tore up plenty, but she'll fly true - Towhee - May 07, 2018
Tension suddenly coiled in the pit of Towhee's stomach. Something wasn't right. Her lips parted to press Raven but it proved unnecessary. Haltingly, she admitted to a relationship with Quixote. The Alpha's jaw slackened somewhat before she caught herself and clapped it shut. The news was unexpected but, after taking a moment to digest it, Towhee couldn't quite figure out why Raven seemed so out of sorts about it.
"Huh, that's cool..." Towhee replied, wondering if this could or should play into his eligibility as Alpha male, which was still under consideration. One ear twisted to the side as she switched to ptero and added, -Why do you seem so...- She paused, then gestured helplessly for a second before coming up with a word: -Weird? About it?-
RE: she's tore up plenty, but she'll fly true - Raven - May 07, 2018
Towhee's reaction was mixed, as Raven had sort of expected. In the back of her mind, she wondered if Towhee might have had her sights set on Quixote. She couldn't help wondering if that was why she had offered him a position of leadership alongside her. But she pushed all that aside for now. Towhee asked her why she was being so weird about it, and Raven looked up at her guiltily. She likewise spoke in ptero so her meaning would be clearer. -"Because I've been irresponsible. I was in heat and we..."- She paused, uncertain how to go on. -"I should have asked permission first but it just kind of...happened."- She couldn't even look at Towhee now. Her head was down, ears flat, and her eyes lingered on a patch of reeds by the lake. Her heart raced like a hummingbird now as she awaited Towhee's reaction.
RE: she's tore up plenty, but she'll fly true - Towhee - May 07, 2018
Raven didn't leave her wondering, quickly explaining her shifty behavior. Towhee didn't visibly react, though she immediately put the pieces together. She might not have had any personal experience in these realms, yet she knew the mechanics of it. If Raven and Quixote had mated during her heat, then she was likely pregnant.
Towhee's stomach did a strange little leap as that knowledge sank in. Although she didn't deign to be a parent herself, she adored puppies and thrilled at the idea of more new blood in the ranks. But then the logistics caught up with her. Could they handle another litter, especially with their resources limited due to the move? And what about the fact that they'd done all of this without so much as asking permission?
The Alpha almost wanted to wave it away—Raven would make a fantastic mother (again)—but then a thought occurred to her and pierced her heart. She drew in a deep breath, which came back out again in a great, heaving sigh. Unaware of how loud it had been, Towhee pressed her lips together and looked at Raven with a considering look on her swarthy face.
"I'm not mad," she started, ears twisting uncertainly to the sides, "but I can't help but feel like nobody respects my position at all." Towhee shook her head, then cleared her throat and added, "We already know you'll be a great mom, though," with a faint smile that quickly fell again as her orange eyes glazed with dolor.
RE: she's tore up plenty, but she'll fly true - Raven - May 07, 2018
The seconds seemed to stretch into hours as Raven waited for wrath that never came. She knew she'd screwed up bigtime by not talking to Towhee before engaging with Quixote, but it wasn't like she'd planned any of this at all either. In the end, Raven almost wished she'd been met with anger, because the response she got pained her more than anything else. "You have to know that's not how I feel about you," she said gently as she relaxed a little, daring a glance at Towhee's face with yellow eyes full of remorse. While she'd had her own doubts about some of Towhee's decisions as alpha, she'd always kept them to herself. If anyone had openly questioned her, Raven would have defended her vociferously.
"I respect your opinion and your place in this pack," she continued, scooting a little closer to her sister so that she could lick her chin. "I don't want to undermine your authority or strain our pack. If you want me to, I know of some plants that will...end a pregnancy." Oh stars, she didn't want to do it, but she placed her fate in Towhee's hands. The decision was hers by right.
RE: she's tore up plenty, but she'll fly true - Towhee - May 07, 2018
When Raven looked at her pleadingly, Towhee's expression remained mostly blank. "Tegan, Colt, Quixote, hell, even Fiadh... they're all disrespecting me at worst or, at best, questioning my leadership lately," she replied, voice uncharacteristically soft for once. "I get that I was probably—hopefully—the last thing on your mind when you two..." She wanted to laugh at the dry joke, though she couldn't manage it. She rolled her shoulders restlessly. "Then this, on the heels of the whole confrontation with Screech's gang. I just—" A flustered breath blew out of her mouth.
But when Raven offered to abort the pups, Towhee looked at her sharply, appalled. "Fuck no!" she blurted, pulling back from the kiss to scan the medic's face. "I didn't get a say in the conception but I'm getting one now: I forbid you to end it. How could you even think...?" She trailed off and shook her head, her heart in her throat. Even if they were unsanctioned babies, they were still babies: innocent and precious lives.
There was a stretch of silence before Towhee spoke again, her words slow. "I was thinking of promoting Quixote to Alpha male. Maybe he's mentioned it to you, if he's your—?" Raven herself hadn't labelled it properly, though semantics didn't matter much to the Alpha right now. "Anyway, maybe I should just go through with that. And maybe..." Her ears laid back completely before rising atop her head again as she looked the caregiver straight in the eye. "Maybe I should just step aside and you should be the Alpha female."
It was an unexpected plot twist, sure, but it sort of made perfect sense. Raven was Peregrine and Fox's eldest living child and a proud, staunch Redhawk. She had been part of this pack for years, its loyal medicine woman. And she had flown under the radar much of the time, yet nobody—least of all Towhee, who'd fed at her breast once upon a time—could argue that Raven wasn't an idyllic matriarchal figure, especially now, if she was carrying the latest batch of Redhawks (because those kids sure as hell weren't taking Quixote's surname, even if he even had one).
RE: she's tore up plenty, but she'll fly true - Raven - May 07, 2018
She hadn't really expected Towhee to order her to abort the puppies, so when the alpha recoiled and objected venomously, Raven wasn't surprised. While she had truly meant to follow Towhee's wishes if she had commanded thus, the medic had mostly just wanted to prove to Towhee that she did respect her position in the pack. Everyone knew how Raven felt about puppies, and putting the fates of her own blood children into the hands of the young alpha was, in her own mind, the ultimate show of trust and deference. Also, there was another reason for it as well. When Towhee asked how she could even think of doing such a thing, Raven looked at her and replied, "It is the way of the alpha to kill forbidden puppies. If it came to that, I would rather take their lives myself than put that on you."
Towhee went on to mention Quixote's promotion, though Raven hadn't realized it was the alpha position they were talking about. That was a surprising detail. She started to comment when Towhee continued, moving on to a train of thought that nearly gave Raven a heart attack. Before the words had even finished leaving her sister's mouth, the healer was already shaking her head. She returned Towhee's gaze with a very ಠ_ಠ expression on her face and answered, "Holy shitballs, child. Quit with that crazy talk. I've never aspired to lead, Tow. You know that. I...wouldn't be a good alpha anyway."
RE: she's tore up plenty, but she'll fly true - Towhee - May 07, 2018
The idea that Raven might kill her own offspring was so unthinkable that Towhee pretended as if the caregiver hadn't even said it. In any case, her concentration was pretty much set on another subject matter: the Alpha female rank. She hadn't thought it through (something she tended to do—or not do, rather—a lot lately) but the more she did think about it, the more it made sense. Raven and Quixote could take up the helm and welcome the next generation of Redhawk heirs. It was sort of picture perfect, really.
Raven didn't seem to agree. Towhee's eyes narrowed petulantly at the term "child," though she quickly schooled her expression. "Rave," she said evenly (for her, anyway), "you'd have Quixote to help you. It's the right thing to do, if you really respect pack law and tradition. You're about to have his pups, aren't you? It's the Alphas' right to breed freely." She rolled her white-streaked shoulders again. "And I'm already not a good Alpha, so that argument is totally void," she added sagely.
RE: she's tore up plenty, but she'll fly true - Raven - May 07, 2018
There was a time when Raven had resented Finley and Elwood's choice to promote Towhee to leadership over her. It had been a confusing and hectic time for her, having just reared her mother's final litter while also still grieving Fox's death, and feeling overlooked and unappreciated in her efforts as pack medic. But her feelings had been fleeting and misguided, and later she'd chided herself for being so petty and upset over a thing she'd never even wanted in the first place. Who could be more deserving of recognition and rank than Towhee, anyway? The girl had already achieved more in her short life than almost anyone else in the pack.
But now here she stood, offering Raven the keys to the kingdom, so to speak. This was her chance to have all the power and status a wolf could ever want...but all she could think of was how much she didn't want it. The thought of all that pressure terrified her. "You can't be serious. Towhee, I can't. I don't even know what to do. Nobody will respect me. I'm just...the medic." The last thing the pack needed was another alpha in the pilot seat who didn't know how to fly this thing. "You're the rightful alpha, anyway. You earned it."
RE: she's tore up plenty, but she'll fly true - Towhee - May 07, 2018
Still Raven protested. Towhee felt her frustration mounting. Perhaps they should table this conversation until later, give them both some time to really consider everything. But that just didn't appeal to her right now. It was like something had clicked into place in her head and she wanted to push it right this second.
Mustering patience, Towhee bit back a scoffing laugh and asked, with genuine curiosity, "How do you figure I'm 'the rightful Alpha'? You're older and more experienced. You're just as skilled. What do you think, that a medic's beneath a mercenary?" Shaking her head, she continued, "Don't sell yourself short, Rave. I mean, even if you really don't want to take me up on this, you're just as worthy of the honor, okay?"
She shot the caregiver a steely look, then sighed after a beat. "I mean all of it. I think you'd make a good Alpha and that it makes total sense, especially given this situation." She waved a paw at Raven's midsection, pausing to see if she could spot a baby bump (she couldn't). But as she was peering at her sister's slender side, something took seed inside Towhee, quickly flowering in her mind.
Looking into the medic's eyes, Towhee spoke slowly again. "I'd decided not to promote Quixote, after all. It just doesn't make sense for the two of us to be Alphas... especially now. So if you say no, you're also denying him his chance. And I'm not telling you this to be petty or shitty or whatever. It's just the honest truth. So, please, take a minute and think about it before you give me your final answer."
RE: she's tore up plenty, but she'll fly true - Raven - May 07, 2018
Raven started to argue further, but then Towhee threw down the gauntlet: unless she accepted the position, Quixote would be denied his leadership promotion. She felt anger bloom inside her. So that was how it was going to be, eh? Towhee was going to use Quixote to force Raven to her will?
She considered it for several moments. Quixote clearly wasn't sold on the leadership thing. There was every likelihood he'd turn it down anyway. But she didn't want to be the reason he was denied the chance altogether. She'd encouraged him to go for it, after all. And truthfully, she did think he'd be a pretty good leader. He had a level head, a calm sort of strength, and seemed to be guided by a reasonably solid moral compass. Maybe he could be the help she needed to lead this pack decently. She couldn't forget that Finley and Elwood were there, too. She didn't like anything about the idea, nor the circumstances that had brought the entire situation around. None of it felt right to her. It felt...shitty, actually, to be taking alphaship from her own sister like this. But clearly Towhee wasn't going to give in, and no matter how much Raven wanted to disagree with her, her arguments did make sense. Dammit. With steel in her eyes, she met Towhee's gaze and said, "Fine." Here came the anxiety again. "I'll do it if you insist. But only if you're sure this is what you want."
RE: she's tore up plenty, but she'll fly true - Towhee - May 07, 2018
There was no sense of victory within Towhee when Raven finally agreed to her terms. She felt guilty for forcing her sister's hand like that in the end, to the point where she felt mildly disgusted with herself. Then there was the whoosh of horror that swept through her when she realized she'd just stripped herself of her rank and booted herself out of the leadership entirely. She still thought it was the for the best, yet it hurt her pretty badly right in the ole dignity.
She held her head high even as she closed her eyes and nodded, muzzle dipping forward and nose touching her sister's as if letting the crown slip from her head and onto Raven's. "It's not just what I want," she replied, "but it's what I think is best for the pack, especially its future." She opened her eyes and gazed at Raven's trim flank again. She managed a small smile. She really was excited for the pups—her very own nieces and nephews—to arrive, regardless of the circumstances. "If anyone's this pack's matriarch, Raven, it's you."
It was never me, no matter what their godparents had thought. The thought of telling Finley and Elwood what had just transpired made Towhee feel a bit like puking. They were going to be somewhere between disappointed, furious and sad, none of which she felt equipped to handle. But she also knew they wouldn't deny that Raven—and Quixote, of course—would make great leaders, as well as parents.
"For whatever it's worth, I'm gonna be right here to support you in every possible way, Rave," were Towhee's concluding words. "Now you should go find your boy toy and tell him the news, then the two of you should make the announcement together. Both the pregnancy and the change in leadership."
RE: she's tore up plenty, but she'll fly true - Raven - May 07, 2018
Just as the gravity of what she'd done settled into Towhee's awareness, so too was the enormity of it all crashing down on Raven. She was the alpha now. The top of the pyramid. The biggest boat in the water. The dollar bill in the jar of loose change. Everyone was going to look to her for guidance and strength now. Guidance, she thought she could handle. But strength had never been her forté. Maybe that was where Quixote could come in and carry her. Her mind was reeling from what had just transpired. And all this time I was worried she'd be mad at me for getting my freak on, Raven thought. In all her wildest imaginings, she'd never expected this.
Finley and Elwood were going to be pissed.
She gave her sister a weak smile in response to her final words, appreciating her support. She felt she was going to need it. "Stay in the leadership," she implored Towhee. "Please. You deserve a place right up here with us."
RE: she's tore up plenty, but she'll fly true - Towhee - May 07, 2018
The idea appealed to her, of course, but it had already crossed her mind and been discarded out of hand. "I can't. Aunt Finley and Uncle Elwood are the Betas and I'd never unseat them," Towhee rejoined. "You know, the rank doesn't really make a damn difference to me. When I walk away from this conversation, I'm going to do exactly the same thing I was going to do anyway. I'm going to keep guarding and patrolling like it's my job, because it is my job, no matter my title." She shrugged yet again.
"I'll talk to them about all of this, though, and I'll make sure to include the part where I blackmailed you into it," Towhee said, managing a wan smile. "Things may be a bit bumpy at first but I think we'll all adjust at the end of the day." Colt wasn't here to see his dreams come true but surely Tegan would enjoy watching Towhee's fall from power. Perhaps they could even reconcile. And maybe Fiadh would go back to liking her now that she was no longer in charge of ranks. The thought was relieving, honestly.
So she hadn't been a good Alpha. So what? Raven and Quixote would take over and now Towhee was free to excel at the things she was good at: defending her family—which would soon include several more pups, hopefully—and their home. Yes, she really believed this had worked out best for everyone.
RE: she's tore up plenty, but she'll fly true - Raven - May 07, 2018
Raven wasn't satisfied with Towhee's reply, but she couldn't argue with it. Unseating Finley or Elwood was completely out of the question, so she figured Towhee would just have to be ranked with everyone else in the meantime. But that didn't mean she couldn't still be a great help to Raven. "Bad" alpha or not, Towhee had more leadership experience than Raven did and there would likely be times when she could offer some useful insight.
She nodded in agreement with Tow's words, smiling a little at the mention of blackmail. Then, a thought occurred to her: "Let's just call them here, and we can talk it over with them together. They need to know about this before anyone else finds out."
RE: she's tore up plenty, but she'll fly true - Towhee - May 07, 2018
If Towhee was reading Raven correctly, she wasn't going to take "no" for an answer. Trying not to smile at the parallels between them, she reminded her elder sister, "Seriously, my rank won't make any difference to how I support you or contribute to the pack."
She felt more than a little alarmed when the new Alpha suggested they call for the Betas directly. Was Towhee prepared for that conversation? Could she face their disappointment so soon? Well, they might as well get it over with so everyone could move on with their lives, she supposed.
"Sure," she agreed, though she made no effort to raise her own voice. Instead, she looked patiently at Raven, waiting for her to do the honors. Someone had recently informed Towhee that she sounded like a constipated goose being strangled to death, and nobody needed that in their life at the moment.
RE: she's tore up plenty, but she'll fly true - Raven - May 07, 2018
Towhee reaffirmed her dedication to Raven and the pack, and the smile that Raven gave in response was much warmer and more genuine now. She truly appreciated Towhee's support, and she hoped that as time went on and her younger sister had more time to reflect on this choice, there would be no hard feelings. Then again, if there were, Raven honestly would have no problem whatsoever handing the reins back to Towhee again. This still wasn't a position she particularly wanted.
She nodded as Towhee agreed to talk to the beta pair, and before either of them could lose confidence and change her mind, Raven tossed her head up and loosed a soft, sonorous howl summoning @Finley and @Elwood. Better to just rip the band-aid off all at once and get it over with, so to speak. This wasn't something she wanted leaking back to the betas two or three days from now, or coming from anyone's lips but theirs.
RE: she's tore up plenty, but she'll fly true - Finley - May 07, 2018
With the boys safely in the care of @Eljay, Fin felt free to stretch her legs for a bit. Her intention had been to simply wander around the Plateau for a little while, getting to know the land, exploring and adventuring like she used to in her younger years. But she was not her younger self, and it didn't take long for her leg to start cramping from over use. She'd had to slow to just a leisurely stroll, which was nice, but not great for covering a lot of ground and definitely frustrating for being yet another reminder of how she was old and spent. So when she heard Raven's call, she was happy to be distracted from her annoyance and answered promptly.
When she came upon her niece, though, she was immediately uncertain as to whether or not she wanted to hear what was going to be said. Raven stood with Towhee - not in itself at all a foreboding sight, but the looks on either of their faces made Fin instantly wary. She frowned as she came to a stop before them, glancing around to see if Elwood was near yet. Something told her she'd want his company in this conversation... though it didn't stop her from voicing her paranoia before he arrived.
"What did they do now?" she asked, completely confident that Raven and Towhee would know perfectly well that she was referencing her four yearlings, which she suspected had been up to some new disastrous hijinx that they were about to inform her of. Like the girls, Fin too wanted to go ahead and rip the band aide off, totally unaware that the band aide covered a much greater wound.
RE: she's tore up plenty, but she'll fly true - Towhee - May 07, 2018
With nothing to do but wait, Towhee drew in a breath and sat, scanning their surroundings as she (not so) eagerly anticipated the Betas' arrival. It was Finley who materialized first, walking slowly toward them with an amiable expression that quickly turned wary. The former Alpha didn't say anything right away, her concentration momentarily focused entirely on her aunt's hobble. Had Raven seen to it yet? Although that was quite off topic, Towhee made a mental note to bring it up after they'd gone over more prevalent matters.
Although it was Raven's right to speak first now, Towhee knew the caregiver likely wanted her to lead with an explanation. "First of all, I'm sorry," she said, barely able to bring herself to look her godmother in the face, "because I know you really believed in me. And that means a lot. But to keep a long story short, I still don't think I'm cut out to be Alpha. So," she hurried onward, brooking no arguments, orange eyes briefly flicking to Raven an back to Finley, "I'm foisting it onto her and Quixote. They have other news too but I'll pass the mic for that." And she fell silent, hoping Raven's joyous news would distract from Towhee's failures.
RE: she's tore up plenty, but she'll fly true - Raven - May 07, 2018
Feel free to hop in at any time, Kim!
Aunt Flea was quick to find them, but as she approached, Raven watched her with concern. When had that limp gotten so pronounced? She’d known that Finley’s leg gave her trouble but the trip from the caldera to here must have exacerbated it. She made a mental note to see to it later on and perhaps prescribe something to help with the discomfort. That was, of course, assuming Finley didn’t ragequit their pack, or strangle them both, or any other increasingly unpleasant possible outcomes after this conversation.
Towhee was quick to cut to the chase, for which Raven was grateful because she damn sure wasn’t going to be the one to break that news to Finley. Raven just stood there with a neutral expression on her face while Towhee gave their beta female a very condensed version of what had just happened. Then Towhee suddenly tossed the ball into Raven’s court, and the medic understood that her sister hoped to distract Finley with the news of her possible pregnancy. Raven wanted so badly to throw her sister under the bus just then, and reveal to Finley that she had been blackmailed into accepting the position. But she wouldn’t do that to Towhee — she needed her support — and she didn’t want to rattle Finley’s confidence in the fate of their pack too much. So she just mustered up a half-grin for her aunt and added, ”Uh, yeah. I’m probably pregnant. Quixote and I are...a thing.
RE: she's tore up plenty, but she'll fly true - Finley - May 08, 2018
As the girls began to explain, Fin’s gaze shifted from one god daughter to the other. For a moment, she was simply too stunned to react. But that was only for like a minute. The feelings came rushing in after that - first irritation, then disappointment, and then anger, and guilt, and MEGA WTF, and then quiet, pensive calm. For although Fin had worked very, very hard to mold Towhee into the alpha she knew the girl could be, she knew perfectly well what it was to decide you could no longer hold the title and to declare a better fit for the job. It was no different than what she had done when they had named Towhee alpha. Could she really hold it against her for doing the same now?
Well yeah, she totally could. She owned these damn fool kids and she was a massive hypocrite. They were supposed to be better than her. And suddenly she felt very much as though she had once again failed her kids. She had worked so hard to make Towhee believe in herself, and here they were. Clearly she had once again done something very wrong...
But then there was Raven, apparently stepping into the role. How would it feel for her to see Fin raging against this proposal? Plus, she was pregnant now with Quixote’s pups, so it did make sense in a way that — WAIT WTF.
”You and.. you made babies with Coyote??” Fin replied, the whole alpha thing flying out of her head as she looked at her niece, startled. She hasn’t realized they were even friendly with one another let alone friendly. What in all the hells was happening here lately. ”Okay just. Alright we can get to that one in a minute...” Fin said quickly, catching herself. One damn fool thing at a time.
”Are you sure about this?” Fin asked, turning her gaze sternly back to Towhee once more, ”Not that I don’t think Raven’s a perfectly good choice, but.. after everything you’ve been through? All the work we’ve put in? You’re just going to throw it all back into my face and quit?”
Fin hadn’t meant to sound angry. She really hadn’t wanted to sound even disappointed. But there was sadness in her over this most recent failure. It stung, and Elwood wasn’t here yet to temper her bitterness. So really it’s all his fault.
RE: she's tore up plenty, but she'll fly true - Towhee - May 08, 2018
Towhee's attempt to deflect worked, though only for a moment. When Finley put that particular announcement on pause and redirected the limelight back to her, she braced herself. Despite her thick skin and perfunctory preparation, however, her godmother's words speared right through her, hurting her feelings badly. She stiffened her upper lip, though anyone who was paying attention would probably notice the telltale wobble.
"That's not—" she began, the word "fair" jamming up against her suddenly clenched teeth. Towhee paused and took a breath. "It's not like that. You said you trusted my judgment, right?" Her orange eyes bored into her aunt's face, not out of daring or challenge. Her gaze was beseeching. "Right? Well, I'm making a judgment call here, a tough one. But honestly? I think it's for the best. It makes sense. And Raven deserves it. Hell, Quixote too."
That was all she meant to say, though the wound Finley's words had cut into her burned and she couldn't help but say, "I never asked to be an Alpha. I'm not saying I didn't appreciate the opportunity or the fact you thought I'd do well with it. But—real talk? I'm obviously not that great at it and, you know what? It's not—" Her voice cut off as she searched for the right phrase. "—it's not that big a deal. The pack's in capable hands and I'm not quitting. I'm still right here. But," she finished, eyes suddenly shifting guiltily off to the side even as she signed, -for what it's worth, I'm really sorry for disappointing you.-
RE: she's tore up plenty, but she'll fly true - Raven - May 08, 2018
Honestly, she felt bad for Finley. They'd just dropped an enormous bombshell right on her out of the blue. Hell, two bombshells, actually. She could almost see the beta female's brain struggling to compute everything she'd just been told. She felt a fleeting pang of regret for not waiting until a more suitable time to bring up the pregnancy, but when the spotlight had been thrown onto her, she'd sort of panicked. And maybe some small part of her had wanted to save Towhee from the momrage unpleasant reaction she was sure she'd get from Finley.
After a moment of stunned silence, Finley put Raven's news on the back burner for the moment and laid into Towhee. Raven was paying attention, so she did notice the very subtle wobble of Towhee's lip as the girl struggled to keep it together. She didn't say or do anything to draw attention to it, but she did take a small step closer to her younger sister just as a gesture of support and solidarity, if nothing else. It was strange, how emotions worked sometimes. Just a few moments ago, she'd been pissed as hell and wanted to choke Towhee herself...but now she felt a little defensive of her sister as the elder female questioned her. But Raven understood Finley's feelings well, and she knew that the beta had every right to demand an explanation for this clusterfuck sudden turn of events. It hadn't been that long ago that Raven had encouraged Towhee to remain in the alpha position and to take guidance from the beta pair, so this had to be a seriously jarring thing for Finley to walk into all of a sudden.
So Raven kept quiet, her only reaction to the conversation being the shifting of her ears rearward as her eyes moved from Finley to Towhee and back again, following their exchange. She hated to be in the middle of this, and to be at least partially responsible for the bad feelings on both sides, but there seemed to be little she could do about it right now.