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+--- Thread: Redtail Rise worn out your welcome (/showthread.php?tid=10101)
worn out your welcome - Arion - July 09, 2015
all welcome for packmates! :)
Ever since the encounter with Reek and Oliver on the ridge, Arion kept to himself most of the time and only went to meet his packmates when it was mandatory, such as pack meetings and pack hunts. Otherwise, he patrolled, hunted and did his duties alone, whenever he knew another packmate was nearby, he quickly avoided them. Even if it was his best friends Saena and Reek. He felt guilty for that, but it was unavoidable. It wasn't anything personal, really. He simply did not like company anymore, and had visibly withdrawn into himself.
Perhaps he wasn't meant to be part of a pack, perhaps he was always meant to be a loner, a wanderer. Oh, what he would give to have Chiron or even Krios here. His older brother might be a complete jerk, but Arion knew he still cared for him and if anyone could cheer him up using the skill of annoying him, it was him. Krios was far away however, and so Arion wallowed in despair, confusion and loneliness everyday.
Dark clouds gathered by the horizon that morning as Arion stood by Redtail Rise's borders. Perhaps he'd finally worn out his welcome and the Fates were telling him that it was time to leave. He was ready to go anyways, but at that moment, the stallion found himself unable to leave the pack he had devoted himself to, he found himself unable to leave the family he'd met here. A wave of nostalgia washed over him, and for the first time in ages Arion's golden eyes blurred with genuine tears.
He took a step forward, then another until his whole body was right outside the scent markers.
A tear drop ran down his chocolate cheek and for the first time since he was a child, Arion wept freely without fear of himself or others.
RE: worn out your welcome - Saēna - July 10, 2015
Morning found Saena tucked into the hollow of a tree, where she dozed with rather dirty thoughts running through her head. Since running away with Reek to the Emberwood, she couldn't seem to keep them away. The memory was so vivid sometimes that she could almost feel his arms around her, his breath on the back of her...
Okay, time to stop that train of thought. The alpha, feeling warmer all of a sudden, blinked awake and pulled herself free of the tree, lest she stay there all morning daydreaming. She stretched, shook out her fur, and shook her head to try to clear it. She meant to go on a patrol, but ten minutes in her mind was wandering again (it was like an addiction), and that was when the alpha realized she needed something else to take her mind off her impromptu lover.
So she began searching for Arion, whom she hadn't sparred with in a long while. They meant to train together, he as warrior and she as warden, but with all the turmoil, they hadn't had an opportunity. So she set out at a brisk trot across the territory, spending the majority of her search in the heart of their claim searching for him. When she finally found him, it was on the borders looking out.
Saena couldn't read him from so far away, so as she approached, her voice was jovial when she called, "Arion! Hey, Arion!" Any lingering bad feelings about his poppy addiction were long gone. In fact, she'd never really had them in the first place. Reek certainly had—damnit, now she was thinking about him again—but Saena herself barely understood the addiction (she was starting to get it now). Shaking her head with a muted growl, the alpha drew nearer, but faltered when she sensed his tension. He was standing eerily still, too.
"Arion?" she queried as she padded up to him, pausing just behind him in case he didn't want her company at all.
RE: worn out your welcome - Arion - July 11, 2015
Arion forced his legs to stop trembling as he wept silently, allowing the hot tears to trail down his chocolate cheek and fall like raindrops onto the ground. Perhaps he wasn't supposed to leave after all, because if the Fates wished for him to leave, surely they wouldn't let him feel....this way. Surely they would be merciful and allow him to go peacefully, his mental barrier still intact, keeping the emotions firmly locked inside. Was this a sign? That he didn't have to leave after all?
Saena's jovial voice rang sharply through the air and for a moment, Arion wondered if he should run away right now and avoid confronting his leader. You're not a coward, remember? He reminded himself and kept still, though truth to be told, he suspected that even though he told himself he wasn't a craven, he actually was, for even considering the idea of running away without notifying his best friends, his family.
"Saena," Arion murmured when he sensed she stopped just behind him. "Would you label me as a traitor if I ran away now?"
RE: worn out your welcome - Saēna - July 13, 2015
There was something terribly wrong, and not in the same way Reek implied when he spoke of Arion's addiction. This was a different sort of wrong. A sorrowful sort. A soft whine eked between her lips and she considered closing the distance, bringing him back to reality with a touch upon his back, but Saena's feet were glued to the floor beneath it. Only the wind, light and playful, stirred her. His voice rumbled out, though he never looked away from the horizon, and as she strained to hear, her heart dropped.
There were a lot of things she wanted to say, including, "yes, you fucking prick!" but in the end she said, "no. I could never call you a traitor." She never should've called Smash a traitor either, she realized, wordlessly or otherwise. "But... why would you?"
She of course didn't understand the depth of Arion's concern about his newfound emotions. She had always worn hers on her sleeve, failing completely to be the aloof woman she'd once told Osprey she wished she could be. Even when she tried, others could tell what Saena was thinking more often than not. Anger was the only mask that seemed to work for her. "Please don't go," she begged the back of his head, feeling suddenly panicked that one of her closest companions on the ridge would depart from them.
RE: worn out your welcome - Arion - July 14, 2015
It was obvious that something was wrong with him. Saena had paused behind him, therefore, she could not see his face. But one did not need to look him in the eye to see that something was off, to see that he was...not in a good mood, that he was sad and confused. So it did not surprise him — not one bit — when a soft whine sounded from behind him even before he spoke. His heart constricted at the noise and memories of Reek at Smash's departure ran through his head. Could he do that to the wolf he considered a brother? Could he do that to those he considered his family? Could he do that to Saena? His friend/leader/sister?
The chocolate stallion's ears flicked back as Saena replied, saying that she could never call him a traitor. It was what he wanted to hear, yet, it did nothing to appease his internal turmoil, instead, it simply added to it. How could he betray her? Sure, she said she would not think of him as a traitor even if he left, but when those words escaped her lips, he began calling himself one for even thinking of leaving his newfound family, his newfound life. For leaving someone as pure as her behind.
"If I leave, the reason doesn't matter does it?" Arion answered softly. After all, gone was gone and nothing would change that, not even a good reason. All a reason did was sate someone's curiosity.
Her voice rang through the air once more, but to his surprise, it was not filled with anger as she had been when Smash left. Instead, she was begging him not to leave and once again, Arion felt himself faltering. He couldn't leave the Rise could he? He couldn't let them down, couldn't let them feel this way could he? Yes you can. You've done this dozens of times already, why are you hesitating now? Go ahead and leave. You might break their hearts, but who cares? You've broke millions of those fragile things already.
But this time was different. And Arion seriously doubted if he could leave. So the chocolate stallion remained eerily still, staring at the horizon with eyes filled with unshed tears.
RE: worn out your welcome - Saēna - July 15, 2015
She couldn't tell what he was thinking, but his previous question made her stomach roil uncomfortably. Her throat burned and she realized her eyes were moist. Arion was a founding member of Redtail Rise and as far as Saena was concerned, he was family. The last thing they—no, the last thing she needed was for him to leave without telling her what she'd done wrong. Of course it had to be something she'd done. It was her first conclusion in this insecure moment.
"I guess not," she said, defeated. "But when you've had as many wolves leave as I have, you start to appreciate knowing it's not because of you." She didn't mean to guilt trip him, but she was. She was still a bit too young to be above that. Let Arion know he would become one wolf on a steadily growing list of wolves who had left without a compelling reason. Let that change his mind, she thought with a brief flare of anger.
There was that internal dialogue in the back of her head that desperately wanted to come forward. That part of her that wanted to tell him to go fuck himself for being like this. The part of her that vehemently hated Peregrine and Hawkeye and Kisu. But perhaps Saena was growing up after all, because for once that voice didn't win out. Instead, she hung her head and tried not to sob.
RE: worn out your welcome - Arion - July 16, 2015
Family. If you asked Arion what he thought the moment someone said the word 'family', he would have answered that the images of family would flashed through his mind. Images of his father, his stepmother (as he never knew his blood mother), his littermates, his numerous siblings and relatives and those he grew up with. But something had changed now, before he arrived at Redtail Rise, family was still his blood family, but now, several other wolves appeared, wolves that he was not related to by blood. They were the wolves of Redtail Rise, obviously not all the wolves, but those he was close to like Reek and Saena.
Arion's ears flicked backwards as Saena spoke, agreeing with the fact that it didn't matter what the reason was if he left but she added a but to the sentence, adding that she had seen a lot of wolves leave and that she would appreciate knowing it wasn't because of her. She could've said 'good luck where you're going, Arion' or 'take care' but instead she chose to attempt to guilt trip him. It only partly worked as he was already feeling guilty before she spoke.
Could he do this? No, he couldn't, Arion realized with a sharp pang of regret yet relief at the sametime. He was nervous of the idea of being tied down to one pack, of caring for others, yet at the same time he was glad to know he wasn't going to leave his best friends. He was also happy that they cared enough to be sad when, no, if he left and that if he really did, someone would be there to at least attempt to dissuade him from leaving.
Silently, the chocolate stallion turned around and noticed that she wasn't looking at him, he took the advantage of that and strode forward quietly, touching his flicked his tongue affectionately over the top of her head in a brotherly manner. "Hey," he murmured softly and nudged her gently. "Look at me, and know that it wasn't because of you that I wanted to leave this time. Nobody was the reason, but myself. I was stupid. I'm not going to leave, and I'm so sorry for making you sad. Will you forgive me this once, little sis?"
Of course Arion wasn't sure if Saena would appreciate him calling her that but he hoped that even if she hated it, she would turn a blind eye to it just this time and not kick him out. Though technically she was a little sister (and leader obviously) to him in every way but blood, the chocolate stallion loved her only in a platonic way.
RE: worn out your welcome - Saēna - July 17, 2015
Her shoulders shook lightly as she swallowed back the desire to make a sound. Smash leaving had affected them all in a large way, so there was no doubt that Arion's departure would be much, much worse than that. She remembered almost bitterly the depression Reek sank into when Arion's female twin left. She couldn't imagine what this would do to him. But there was no changing a wolf's mind when they'd made it up, or at least that was Saena's experience, and so she expected Arion to leave regardless what she said.
He proved her wrong, becoming one of the first wolves Saena'd ever seen change their mind about something, not counting the way Peregrine seemingly changed his mind about the worth of her life. Instead of passing over the borders and walking off away from the life he'd built, Arion turned around and swept his tongue comfortingly over her head. She peeked up at him, confused, but felt warm with relief when he asked her to forgive him and promised not to go.
"I'll always forgive you," she said quietly, not even fazed by his use of a nickname. She felt weird calling him "bro" if only because it was sort of Reek's thing to do that, but he was as much family as the ragged beta, and closer than most of Saena's blood relatives. Even Pura occupied a lower place now. "Just... tell me what's wrong, to spur you to even think you'd have to go somewhere else." Maybe he wouldn't open up but maybe, just maybe, Arion would let her know what he was feeling.
RE: worn out your welcome - Arion - July 24, 2015
She looked up at him in confusion when he licked her head comfortingly, but that confusion quickly became relief when he asked her to forgive him and that he would not go, at least, not this time. The stallion could not predict the future, so he would not promise he would not leave the next day, or the next month or anything happening later. He could only promise he would not leave now, which from Saena's expression, seemed to be enough. Good. Because he couldn't give her anything more than what he had already given her.
Saena spoke quietly, saying that she would always forgive him. Really? Because she was saying that even in the future, she would forgive him? Who knew what horrendous things he would do in the future? Could she forgive him then? How could she promise something like that, he would never understand. But he decided not to question her, not wanting the moment to be ruined by awkwardness and confusion.
Then she asked him to tell her what was wrong, to make him think of leaving. He debated for a brief moment if he should tell her everything, but decided against it. "I'm sorry," he murmured softly. "But I cannot tell you. Perhaps a few months later, I will be able to tell you, but right now..I can't do that. I'm sorry."
RE: worn out your welcome - Saēna - July 30, 2015
He seemed to deliberate for a moment, but in the end, Arion chose to say nothing revealing, leaving Saena more confused than ever. She frowned, opened her mouth as if to insist, but chose to leave it alone when he said he might tell her someday. She was mature enough to know that it was probably a sensitive or significant issue and her curiosity was not worth upsetting Arion over.
"Whatever's bothering you," she said at last, "know you don't have to face it alone. I'm here for you. Just... Never feel like you need to leave. You don't." She hoped that he wouldn't change his mind and leave after all. Arion was her primary choice for leadership once she settled things with Reek, and it would be heartbreaking to see him go. Not only for that reason, but because Arion was a founder and like a brother to her. In a heartbeat, she would extend to him the Redtail name if ever he chose to take it.
But all Saena could do was hope that he would sense that somehow and stay.
RE: worn out your welcome - Arion - August 01, 2015
last post from me :)
He noted her frown and knew she was about to insist that he tell her what was wrong. Arion stiffened, but his tensed muscles relaxed when she did not pursue and left it at that. Even if she prodded and questioned, the chocolate stallion would never tell her what was wrong unless he felt like it, felt like it was time. That was something his packmates would have to know about him, because if they did not and kept rudely insisting, Arion would eventually release his pent up annoyance and that wasn't going to be a pretty sight.
Velvety brown ears swiveled towards his leader as Saena finally spoke. Her words were what he expected: that he didn't need to face it alone. That she was here for him and that he didn't need to feel like he needed to leave (he wanted to roll his eyes at that but decided against it). Arion simply dipped his chocolate crown in a nod, indicating he had heard and processed her words and understood.
Arion's golden gaze drifted from Saena to his surroundings, and he sighed an uncharacteristic sigh for a second before speaking, "I'm leaving....for a short trip to clear my head." The Greek turned and began making his way out of Redtail Rise, but the moment he stepped out of the borders, he twisted his head to look at the Alpha Female. "I'll be back. Don't expect me to be here for a few days though," then Arion smiled for the briefest of seconds before he turned and continued moving in the direction of Dawnlark Plains, an air of melancholy surrounding him as he trotted away and didn't look back.
RE: worn out your welcome - Saēna - August 05, 2015
For a long while Arion didn't say anything and her chest tightened nervously all over again. He said he wouldn't leave her and the pack but maybe he was still considering it, maybe he felt it was necessary. She would never understand why. When he took a step forward and announced that he was leaving, her body seemed to deflate, but he quickly assured her that it was just a trip. Just some time to himself.
He turned his head and promised to be back, and Saena nodded, shooting him a small smile that faded the moment he turned back around. He wore about him the air of a man who had lost something, but the alpha female knew not what. That this was brought on by Smash in addition to the loss of his drugs would've made Saena insanely jealous—why don't you follow her if she's so fucking special, she might've said, having seen both Reek and Arion completely bereft because of it—but she didn't know. She would never know.
So she watched him walk away and when he was well beyond the border, she turned and headed back to the pack's interior, back to Reek, whom she would tell about this immediately in hopes he could shed some light on Arion's sudden mood swing.