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+--- Thread: Redhawk Caldera Changing Paths (/showthread.php?tid=11006)
Changing Paths - Sebastian - September 18, 2015
For @Peregrine, but @Fox is welcome too :3
Sebastian came back from his run, his run where he had ran into Burke's stepdaughter. It made him all too clear of what to avoid. He had made up his mind and being the polite wolf that he was he wasn't going to abandon the wolf he liked to picture as his own father. But, the young male did want to have his own life, and currently he couldn't pursue what he wanted while being in the Caldera pack. This reasoning was only minor compared to his reasoning of making sure that Burke would stop harassing its neighbors. Sebastian wanted his own life, and he was starting to realize that he was just hiding here. The male stayed longer at the Caldera than he originally intended. It only showed her could make new friends and even find a family.
Sebastian went to look out for Peregrine, trying to sniff him out. The alpha male had learned him great things and Sebastian could only be grateful. More than grateful even. He hoped, now that he had been allowed to take on the Redhawk name, he would be always allowed to return. "Peregrine," he greeted once he found the male. "Are you busy?," he asked, it was him just trying to be polite, even if he was he would have to make his goodbye quick then. He didn't see his actions as running away. He was choosing for himself. He was choosing life. He liked the idea of having a mate, it was appealing to him more and more, and the fact that the plan he had in mind might also take the target off his back was also quite a relief to have.
RE: Changing Paths - Peregrine Redhawk - September 18, 2015
...well bummer. :(
Peregrine was standing over a small wild pig he had just managed to kill when Sebastian approached. The Alpha looked up, face tilted, and grinned. His success put him in an excellent mood and seeing one of his pack mates literally put a smile on his face. He would love to share his victory. He rose from his seated position, tail waving as he placed a broad black paw on the carcass.
"Just finished up a hunt," he replied, unaware that Sebastian came bearing bad news. "Want some?"
RE: Changing Paths - Sebastian - September 19, 2015
I know... :( But he has to go find himself and develop himself more.
Sebastian smiled sadly at the offering and how happy Peregrine looked. He almost wanted to not leave and stay here. But he couldn't. He had to make his own plans, do something with his life. He hoped he would be allowed to return. "No, No thank you," he spoke and gave a polite nod. "I came to say goodbye. I know it might be a stupid decision but I need to go out and find myself. For too long I was this wolf, or still am, that lives his life through fear and bitterness. My father or one of his pack mates are always out there, they want to kill me Per. I don't want to hide behind Caldera borderlines, waiting till a female comes I might get along with, unable to even go outside because they will be out to kill me," he spoke.
The young male looked so guilty and sad. "I will always be a Redhawk, and I hope that that title will give me a ticket to return here one day. I understand if you don't want me back after leaving you but I do see myself return here if nothing happens to me." Sebastian felt his stomach turn for a moment, tail hanging low along with his head. "I'm sorry. I would just hate myself if anything happens to a Caldera member because of me. When you accepted me you said you didn't want any drama and it happened. It will only grow worse from here I believe. So I am going to remove myself before any more damage could happen. Maybe let an outrider tell Black Feather, or once they return here, that I am dead. Get that target off my back."
RE: Changing Paths - Peregrine Redhawk - September 19, 2015
Well, there went his good mood. Peregrine's jaw literally went slack as Sebastian dropped the bomb on him. Goodbye...? He barely registered anything the male said beyond that, as he was too busy reeling. Talk about being blindsided. He hadn't seen this coming at all. His appetite disappeared entirely. Hell, he felt like he might puke.
After Sebastian finished his speech, the Alpha said nothing. He felt a bolt of anger and wanted to tell Sebastian he was no longer a Redhawk and he would never be welcome back. Yet he didn't. At least he had come to him, said something. Peregrine legitimately felt sick to his stomach, yet at least the tank of a male hadn't disappeared without a word. And despite his long list of contrived reasons, Peregrine had to admit there was some truth in what he said.
But, at long last, he found his tongue. "Don't care," he muttered. He meant he didn't care about any of the reasoning presented to him, though he realized how it might sound. Peregrine quickly clarified by adding two more words: "Don't go."
RE: Changing Paths - Sebastian - September 20, 2015
Sebastian's ears dropped in surprised when the male said that he didn't care, followed by two words that he shouldn't go. Sebastian instantly felt a war coming up inside of him. He would love to stay here and watch Wildfire grow into even a better wolf than she already was. But even if he had build relationships in this pack they weren't the kind of relationships he was going for now. Was that bad to think so? Maybe he was really maturing that he would choose a lone bachelor life over the life of a pack. Sebastian instantly looked sad and troubled. He felt like if he would go now he wasn't allowed to return. And then his choice would be even more difficult.
Sebastian let his head fall a bit because he was torn between his own loyalty and his own needs. It was heartwarming to think that Peregrine didn't want him to go. "Peregrine. Everyone in this pack has someone special. I want that too," he spoke, sounding so small, like he wasn't allowed to want such a thing in life. "And the fact that my dad and his pack members are all around here makes me feel like I am leashed up. I love the Caldera and every wolf in it. But I feel like I am watching my life go by without living it," he spoke, sounding so guilty. Because Sebastian liked to put others before himself. "Please, this is already such a tough decision. I'm so sorry."
RE: Changing Paths - Peregrine Redhawk - September 20, 2015
When Sebastian mentioned wanting to find someone special, Peregrine tried to think of any single females within the caldera. Dove was dead, Magpie was gone... that left only his little girls. His jaw tightened. Much as he loved Sebastian like a member of his family, he did not like the idea of him pairing up with one of his babies. But would he feel differently when Wildfire and Raven were grown? Wouldn't he be happy to have someone like Sebastian look after them when they were ready for romance?
He couldn't bring himself to even put the suggestion in Sebastian's head, not at this point in time. Besides, that wasn't his only given reason. He kept mentioning the fact of his father's proximity. How could Peregrine argue with that? Sebastian had even thrown his own words back in his face. Obviously, he felt quite differently about Sebastian now than he had back then. But the man did have a point, much as it pained the Alpha.
"Sorry not sorry, Sebastian. I don't want you to go," Peregrine said frankly, holding the other male's gaze. "It's tough because it isn't completely right. But..." He bit his lip, feeling his heart sinking as he came to terms with what was happening. "I won't argue with you. I want you to stay here because it's what you want to do. It's your life." His lips pressed together and he looked at the ground, trying to swallow his emotions.
RE: Changing Paths - Sebastian - September 20, 2015
It wasn't like Sebastian hadn't thought about the available females in this pack but they were all not around his age. He felt weird to even think about Wildfire like that. He was her older brother, that was what they talked about. The young male couldn't help but to still feel guilty. Wildfire was probably off to the valley by now, and he wasn't sure when she would come back. The thought that she would return and realize that she was gone pained him. Maybe he should wait with leaving until she was back? Or was she still in the Caldera? He wasn't sure.
"It is okay. It is good to know that you don't want me gone. I feel really valued here but -- yeah." He didn't want to say that it wasn't enough. He knew the pack was close to being full, at leas the last time he checked, and that meant that even though new females would arrive at their borders Peregrine probably wouldn't accept them. "I feel like I should go. I'm young now. I just realized I didn't need my father's approval or his reasoning why he did what he did. It haunted me for so long but now I just want to... be normal. I never had something close to a female of my own, and I feel like I missing out," he admitted, looking up at Peregrine with some shame and embarrassment because now it sounded he was leaving because he wanted to be intimate with someone. "And--" He let out a soft sigh. "If they think I am dead, or you know, left the pack then their wouldn't be so much friction."
Sebastian swallowed thickly once more, he truly felt horrible. "I want to return, I hope to return. Is that okay? Would you accept me in your ranks again?" He fell quiet for a moment. "Is Wildfire still here? Or is she out exploring? I.. I should say goodbye to her too. I don't want to upset her," he added. Maybe her father knew where the little girl was.
RE: Changing Paths - Peregrine Redhawk - September 20, 2015
Truthfully, he didn't hear much of what Sebastian said next. He was too busy trying not to yell or cry or otherwise lash out at him. He only focused again when Sebastian mentioned returning. His eyes narrowed. Something about this scenario called to mind the day when Junior had come to him to tell him she was leaving with a bunch of strange women. He felt bile rising in his throat.
"No, Sebastian, I can't make any promises about that," Peregrine said softly but firmly. It was the same thing he would tell anyone choosing to leave the caldera, even his own children. "And I don't know where she is right now. But if you want to say goodbye, you're going to have to do so from neutral grounds. If you're leaving, you're no longer part of this pack and you can't be here."
Sure, he felt like a little bit of a dick saying it, yet at least he hadn't stripped Sebastian of the Redhawk name or savagely chased him away. He motioned for him to begin walking toward the territory's outskirts. Peregrine would escort him there. He was glad Sebastian had come to tell him first but it didn't change the fact that the moment he'd announced his intentions, he had ceased to be welcome here.
RE: Changing Paths - Sebastian - September 20, 2015
Sebastian's ears fell back and felt a sudden distress. He wasn't allowed to come back? The male let out a whine as he felt Peregrine motion for him to go. He frowned. "Peregrine I have to stay goodbye to her," he let out but then defeatedly accepted his fate. This was what he wanted, he couldn't crawl back now. He had to live his life like he wanted to and that was for now without the Caldera... The young male swallowed and then obediently followed Peregrine to the borders. "I.. My stash of herbs is in a badger den close to the tree I always slept at night. There.. I meant. Maybe Finley can use them," he spoke to the alpha.
He realized that with him leaving that their healer would be gone. Hopefully Magpie would return, but would she be accepted. The male inhaled softly. This was better, now he wasn't creating the trouble for the caldera and he could live his bachelor life, get some experience, see the other territories. He wasn't planning on going North, that was definitely out of the question. But maybe he would go west, until he couldn't go further. He stepped over the borderline. He was an outside now. His pale eyes fell on his alpha. "I.. Thank you for letting me go," he spoke. "You have no idea how much you mean to me, your whole family," he wanted the male to know that.
RE: Changing Paths - Peregrine Redhawk - September 20, 2015
The Alpha said nothing in reply to Sebastian's pleading. He wouldn't stand in his way, though he would stand firm: their goodbyes would have to take place somewhere outside his borders. Surely that wouldn't be an issue, especially considering how much time Wildfire spent wandering. It stopped him from feeling any guilt over that particular facet of this most unwelcome situation.
They reached the fringes of the territory and Peregrine stopped. "Goodbye, Sebastian." He almost said his full name, almost. He sort of wanted to know Sebastian was still welcome to it, though at the moment he just couldn't get past his upset feelings. He couldn't bring himself to say it. The only other thing he added was, "Take care." He then retreated back into the pack's inner sanctum after a final lingering look.
RE: Changing Paths - Sebastian - September 20, 2015
Sebastian looked at the alpha for one last moment. His ears fell back and he then nodded slowly. "Goodbye, Peregrine," he spoke. The male then turned around and walked away, his tail hanging in a natural stance as he did. He wasn't overly happy but he also wasn't overly sad. He did have that guilt that swirled around. But before he could truly distance himself he would have to say goodbye to Wildfire. Hopefully she would understand.
He briefly stopped and looked back over his shoulder before making it to the edges of Lake Rodney where he would howl for Wildfire and hope she was around to stay goodbye to.
thank you <3