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+--- Thread: Blackfeather Woods Nightmares (/showthread.php?tid=11034)
Nightmares - DeadLusa - September 20, 2015
It had been a few days since she had spoke with Burke. She had changed dramatically. She spent her days patrolling, then right after going to the confines of her den. She couldn't bare going out for too long, for the outsides bought back memories. Both sweet and sour.
She missed Grimnir. Greatly so. Her love was dead ad now she felt lost. She felt lost and broken. Nothing seemed to cheer her up anymore. All she could do was curl in a tight ball in a corner, holding back the tears of grief. This place that used to bring satisfaction now bought her nightmares.
She wanted to leave. Take her remaining pups and start fresh. But then she would be abandoning her family. Her home. But how was this home now? Everyone seemed to be leaving her and everything was going terribly wrong. It would be better if she could be taken out of her misery.
In her secluded den, she was in her normal posture. Curled up tightly, her head faced the wall and she started blankly at the dirt. Her stomach churned with hunger. She hadn't bothered to eat anything for awhile. Her fur stuck to her bones and different places became matted. Lusa now looked like a dirty, defeated mutt.
RE: Nightmares - Burke - September 20, 2015
making the assumption that she wasn't at the successful hunt based on the fact that she hasn't eaten for a few days, let me know if you want to change! :)
Burke was pleased to noticed Lusa's scent around the pack borders. It seemed that the mother got his message and was starting to help her out. The thing that worried him was that he hadn't seen the female at the big feast. He smelled her around the territory but hadn't seen her. If she wasn't eating that also meant that she wasn't feeding her pups? Burke was worried. It didn't look like Lusa was feeling well. The counselor put his strictness aside. She was helping out in the pack so now he should check up on her if she was okay. He trotted through the dark woods, to his old den since that is where he had made Lusa rest. He lived with Meldresi now so he had no need of the den.
He carried a big slap of meat in his mouth as he moved through the territory. Since Lusa had missed the meal she must have been hungry. Or at least, she should eat if only if it was to feed her young. Burke realized how the den just lacked of Grimnir's smell, Lusa's scent was recent. Burke moved his big head into the hole in the ground, placing the meat down. "Lusa?," he called out. His eyes adjusted and he saw one matted ball of mess. He frowned lightly and grabbed the meat to step more inside the den. Somehow it felt wrong to enter someone else's den. He placed the meat by her paws. "Here," he spoke. "You want to talk about it?," he asked, clear that something was wrong.
RE: Nightmares - DeadLusa - September 20, 2015
She did not stir when Burke came in. She stayed still, only her eyes gazing at the piece of meat. She sighed, pushing it to the opposite side of her. "Later," she muttered in a raspy voice. It is the first time she spoke in the last few days.
When Burke asked if she wanted to talk, she nodded. This was the perfect oppertunity to tell of her plans. "I-" she started, but then shut her mouth. Maybe she shouldn't leave. She was a member for months now and just up and leaving would feel like betrayal to her. But this was her choice.
"I... I'm leaving. I can't stay here anymore. It's to painful for me to stay. It just reminds me of way to much and I can't take it!" Noticing her breathing heavily, she took a breath before starting again. "I'm going to take Chevalier and Peridot and start something new. I'm going to look for new territory and create a new pack to lead. I just can't bare to go to another pack or become a loner." She didn't want to fell like a traitor. "I'm planning to leave in seven days time. I hope you can understand, I just can't stay here anymore."
RE: Nightmares - Burke - September 20, 2015
It came as a bit of a surprise to the alpha that Lusa wanted to lead her own pack, and that in her current state. His ears were pushed forward in surprise and then he let them fall back again. He sat down in the den. "I understand that losing a mate is horrible. I would probably be the same if Meldresi died, but Lusa. If you want to lead a pack, and I am not trying to discourage you here, you need to be mentally strong," he pointed out. "You don't even look like you want to eat, how do you expect loners to follow you if you don't look... very healthy," he spoke that last bit very carefully.
The alpha looked at her with some worry. "Seven days, that is a short time. Do you think you are ready?," he asked. "I can give you some tips if you want? But, do remember that ... I don't know. Have you scouted for locations yet during your travels? Is there any spot you like to settle? Do you know the area and the threats or positive features that come with it?," he asked, just to make a check list for her. He wondered how she was going to do this with two babies, and her grief that was still coursing through her. Maybe her focusing on something else would be good for the female, but if starting a new pack didn't work? What would she do then. "Do you have a backup plan? If it doesn't work out?," he asked to be sure.
RE: Nightmares - DeadLusa - September 20, 2015
Burke was right. She could not be mentally ill and expect lone wolves to follow her. She needed to try her best not to think of Grimnir and Baldur and move on. "I can't. That's why I need to toughen up and get this weight off my shoulders." If she stayed in one place in life, she'll never be able to move forward. This would be a huge step for her, so she needed to put on some hard skin.
She shook her head at Burke's question. "Maybe I should wait a little longer. To heal." And if Yumigami blesses me with Grim and Baldur again. That was a long shot, she knew. They were probably dead by now. Grimnir would never abandon her, would he? Maybe he would, but she took that thought out of mind and listened to Burke's checklist. "I haven't done any of that stuff. Good grief. How do I start?"
RE: Nightmares - Burke - September 20, 2015
Burke nodded shortly and looked at her. "You must understand that I technically can't allow you to start a pack while still being in our ranks. I can however give you some advise," he spoke. "Firstly, start eating, make sure you are in good shape and your young too. Autumn is already here and soon Winter will follow, you will need pack members to hunt for bigger game," he advised. The male knew Lusa had to work a bit on her diplomatic side since sometimes she was more defensive rather than being social but that was just a minor point. Burke himself wasn't the nicest wolf and still there were wolves wanting to be in their pack.
"Second, make sure your paw is healed. Try and get over Grim, as difficult as it may be. You survived this without him, and with the help of BFW, so you are strong enough and if you start your own pack with loyal members you should be able to survive it too. BUT. As a leader you have to be terribly selfless. You will have to put the pack needs before your own. You will lack sleep and still need to be there for the pack. In your case it might be even tougher since you have young to raise. One advantage you do have, what can also be your downfall. Winter. Lone wolves might be looking for a pack to join." Burke realized that he was terribly nice by giving all this information. Damn. Maybe he wanted her to start a pack, he felt like it would be better for her instead of dwelling around BFW. "Third, you will let me know when you leave if you go for a scouting mission. And when you decide to truly leave you will come to me and I will escort you and your kids out."
RE: Nightmares - DeadLusa - September 20, 2015
She nodded. "Of course." She could not be a member of BFW and future Alpha in another pack at the same time. That would be odd and totally ridiculous.
When he told her to let her paw heal, she couldn't help but look down at it. It was healing well, but she may have a slight limp in it forever. That wouldn't stop her from hunting though. Being selfless would be hard, but not impossible. She was already selfless for her family, who's to say she couldn't be for others? Winter was a great advantage she had. Lone wolves could be desperate for a home and she could take them in. As long as they benefited.
"I'll be sure to do so." She wouldn't forget this time. Even though she was planning to leave, didn't mean she wasn't loyal to Blackfeather. They took her in after all. Without them, she wouldn't be here. "Thank you, by the way. For everything."
RE: Nightmares - Burke - September 21, 2015
Burke looked at Lusa for a moment and then nodded shortly. The female clearly understood what he was saying. He hoped she would keep to his words. "Anything else you want to know?," he asked with a light sense of curiosity. "Or anything else you want to talk about?," he then questioned, not really sure what the young female still wanted to know or wanted to talk about now she was feeling the way she did. He didn't think she would turn around from her sadness.
"Lusa, if you look like this how have you been feeding your pups?," he asked with a light frown. This mother really needed to get her shit together. Burke wondered how she was going to look after a pack even though she was quite chaotic in managing her young. "I do hope that you know that as an alpha you can't travel everywhere. Some wolf might overthrow you if you aren't there to lead."
RE: Nightmares - DeadLusa - September 23, 2015
She nodded to the offer. "Mm-hm. I like the darkness of Blackfeather. Is there anyplace as dark as here? It comforts me." She had never really enjoyed the light. It hurt her eyes as it welcomed her. She learned to get used to it, but being in the darkness suited her. She melted into it perfectly and it had a strange warmth to it.
Lusa shuffled in place at his next question. "I have. But not that much...," She needed to stop this nonsense starting now. Her pups shouldn't suffer because of her greif. No one should.
She nodded once again. "I'll force myself to stop. I can live without travel."
RE: Nightmares - Burke - September 24, 2015
Burke didn't know a lot of places that had darkness. But he knew about Neverwinter Forest and the Haunter Wood. "There are some, there is a forest west of here and next to the swamps outside of Black Feather you have the haunted woods. But, it is very close to RHC. You might not want that," he pointed out.
"Well, I know it is hard to be a mother and just keep going. But if you down show determination how will your young ever learn it? Same counts for being alpha you need to put up a front so others don't think of you as weak," he explained. Especially if she would settle next to that RHC. That was a very big pack and if she starts out small she would need one hell of a lot of confidence.
RE: Nightmares - DeadLusa - September 27, 2015
She took careful notes of his words. She would check both of the places he had mentioned. The first sounded good to her, but the second not so much. She did not know of these Redhawk wolves and didn't really want to know. But if this Haunted Wood had the things they needed to survive, she wouldn't have a choice. It would be close to another Pack but who knows, maybe they wouldn't care. She grunted internally. Of course they would.
She nodded. She needed to be a powerful figure if this was ever going to work. She wasn't going to be some doormat for others. "Ok, I got it. What's the best way to deal with a conflict within the pack?" If this went well, she wished her pack to have a tight bond like her old one. Act as if they were from the same bloodline. With a bond like that, a pack can become stronger.
RE: Nightmares - Burke - September 27, 2015
Burke hoped that Lusa would take some of his tips close to her heart because after she would leave Burke wasn't very keen on keeping alliances. They all knew how that worked with Bearclaw. The large male looked at her and then thought about her question. "Make sure you have have authority," he spoke as a first tip. "If you don't have the authority then the wolves who have a conflict will over rule you. You are the alpha, your opinions matter. You are the leader. Then again, don't be unreasonable. You can side with a wolf or stay neutral but make sure you pack members respect your judgement," he spoke. That was the only advise he could give for now. Burke looked at her reaction curious what she would think about his words.
RE: Nightmares - DeadLusa - October 03, 2015
Last post for me!
She only nodded at his words. She was glad Burke gave her some advice to run a pack. Lusa only knew little because of her parents and sister. But that was a long time ago, and she was so young. Those skills had faded away long ago.
When her pack would form, she doubted that there would ever be an alliance between the two. It didn't end so well with BCV, so she didn't want to go through all of the drama again. You would never know if they would double cross you too. She just couldn't trust an alliance to run smoothly.
Feeling happy with her knowledge, she felt that she could take a small walk around the borders. She lifted her body off of the floor and started too stand up. "Thank you Burke," She said before leaving the den.
RE: Nightmares - Burke - October 03, 2015
Burke felt a bit weird when Lusa thanked him for his advise and then left her own den. Burke looked around and left after her, not feeling the need to stay any longer in her den. He wondered where she was going, and why she wasn't eating the food he brought her, but... apparently she had other things on her mind. Burke wasn't going to comment on it because he knew they would soon leave anyhow. He went back to Meldresi, to tell what Lusa was planning.
- end thread-