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+--- Thread: Moonspear Couldn't run away, anyway (/showthread.php?tid=11716)
Couldn't run away, anyway - Nishu Inte - November 09, 2015
@Rain It's a lot of assuming, if you want something changed tell me!
Nishu realized that he has been avoiding Rain a lot and made many excuses, Like having to patrol or he needed to go find someone or even the one where she needed rest to heal up so he would let her sleep. Over time he figured that he couldn't run from his Knight title. No matter how he looked at it his failure will always be there. Saying he wasn't a Knight anymore didn't mean anything. Quitting wasn't possible even if he wanted to, even if no ones understand what it is to be a Knight.
Today he felt like he could face Rain and decided to stay a while with her. But while approaching the area where she rest he was starting to feel unsure of himself. He was nervous and had plenty of reasons to be. He had basically tried to face her many times and just ended up leaving as soon as he got there. This time maybe he could do it and stay longer. When he thinks on this he was started to be ashamed that this was even a problem. It needed to end now.
"Rain?" he called, already wanting to turn around. Seeing Rain kept reminding him of the injury she had. It was all his fault for not being good enough to prevent that. He who was suppose to protect her. The failure can't be forgiven and shouldn't be, not until he manages to do the opposite equal to it.
RE: Couldn't ran away, anyway - Rain - November 12, 2015
I've started the thread where Amekaze informs Rain of what has happened between the packs, so I will keep things a little vague about that
She wanted to see him. In fact, she felt that she needed to see him. Nishu. Where was he? Rain's head rested on her front paws, her eyes lost in her thoughts. Sadness drooped her ears, and dulled her senses. Uneaten food laid close to the wall on her left, a sour smell wafting from the meat. She felt lost and worried, angry and upset. Why had he not come to see her yet? So many possibilities ran through her mind. None of them good. The one thing that kept repeating itself was 'does he not want to be with me anymore?' Burying her head under her paws, she cried. It wasn't like her to show weakness. Rain was strong and so she always kept face, never allowing herself to be seen as anything less. But she was alone now, in the darkness of the cave. So she allowed herself to be submerged in her feelings. "Nishu." Even saying his name was drenched in pain. She had never wanted to lose him, but she had not realized how deeply she felt about that until he was absent from her side.
Her cries settled as someone called her name from the entrance. But she did not look up. Rain would recognize that voice from anywhere. Her heart fluttered, her breathing came fast and shallow. She was still, afraid to move in case he left. Nishu. Finally he had come to see her. But did he come only to tell her goodbye? Uncontrollable small shivers claimed her. She tried to hide them, tightening her muscles. He couldn't see her like this: vulnerable and weak. "Nishu," she could barely get the word out.
RE: Couldn't ran away, anyway - Nishu Inte - November 14, 2015
He barely heard a response, now he knew fully well that Rain was awake. Her voice sounded weak. He approached the entrance slowly. Afraid, terrified, he had no idea of what to expect to see. He felt as if he had broken her trust. Each step he took he felt more an more guilty. It's clear now, because he had stop being at her side he was betraying her. He wanted to run off and try again another time but he understood that if he ran, it was just like betraying her even more, so he kept stepping forward. Forward until he saw her. His heart quickly filled with despair at the sight of Rain. Nishu had the image of a strong beautiful Rain, seeing her now in a weaken state crushed him. It was worse than any hit he has ever taken.
With this terrible feeling of guilt and despair he quickly turn away. He was unable to even say anything. He had failed to protect her and ended up avoiding her so much that she ended up being even worse than after they found her. Nishu stepped away from the entrance and moved to the side with the wall to his back. It's all his fault that she was like this and it's even worse because he tried to run away. There's no hope of being forgiven, His own weakness made sure of it. A warrior with the heart of a knight brought down because of his actions, there is no one else to blame but himself. He is the reason she is like this, it's completely his fault, He is completely guilty. As he took a deep breath his eyes just started to water. These were the first tears in years. As predicted this was worst than death itself. Even if dying was an easy way out it would not cure him of the guilt he was feeling. The pain in his heart made death seem like a hero that could save him. But that was still the same as running away...
RE: Couldn't run away, anyway - Rain - November 26, 2015
There was no response. Rain listened as Nishu moved away, and her heart lurched. She peeked over her paw to look at the empty entrance in hopes that he would come back. "Nishu," she called louder, but her voice still shook. Rain lifted herself up on her forelegs in an attempt to stand, but her legs gave way and she fell. She cursed her weakened state, and growled at the pain in her hind leg which was beginning to throb. She would need Nishu to fetch a healer so that they could numb the pain, but he stayed out of sight. If he would not come to her then she would make a command out of it knowing full well he could not disobey due to his Knightly ways. But she didn't want it to come to that. She wanted Nishu to come to her of his own free will and let her know that he was still by her side. She would give him another chance to walk into the cave and speak to her. "Nishu, I need you." Perhaps those were the words he needed to walk into the cave and talk with her.
With her ears focused on the entrance, she rested her head back on her front paws and waited. Nishu's breathing was barely audible and she strained to listen. Knowing that he was near eased her suffering by a small amount, but his actions also made her afraid of what his words would be. Her icy gaze studied the texture of the cave, every sharp edge and grove and every shimmering droplet of water that layered the walls, in an attempt to distract herself while she waited for him.
RE: Couldn't run away, anyway - Nishu Inte - November 26, 2015
He could hear her easily, she was closer than he thought. He had no choice but to see her now, this time without pulling away. But he couldn't get himself to move. He can't run away no matter what but he was afraid to face her. Nishu was locked in place. Seeing Rain would make him see all that he has accomplished, and there was nothing but failure. That was the truth of all he had done. He was aware of it but he didn't want to accept it. He had trained so hard to be a Knight and has yet to succeed a single true mission.
Maybe it wasn't too late to pretend that he wasn't there and just leave. But Rain's words had completely stopped him. If she needed him then he must help her. His mind managed to settled on the decision of doing the right thing as her Knight. He was freed from his own thoughts for a moment and made the move to go towards the entrance. He stood in front and saw Rain again in her weaken state. There was no turning back, Now all he could think of is apologizing. "I'm sorry." He said as he looked down at the ground in front of him.
Then he remained silent. He expected the worst but at the same time a command. She did need something right?
RE: Couldn't run away, anyway - Rain - November 26, 2015
There was silence at first, as she had expected, but then he was there blocking the light and apologizing. She rested her ice blue eyes on his strong form, he looked to be waiting for her. "Why are you doing this?" Rain questioned him with hurt coloring her words. She was glad to see that he had not left her, and she hoped it was a sign that he was not planning on leaving. "Why are you avoiding me?" Waves of anxiety drew in and out like the ocean battering the land. It was a subtle feeling though, almost as if she was looking down on the situation instead of being within it, but it strained her heart all the same. "You found me," she explained. "You rescued me and brought me home safe."
Rain stretched her muzzle towards him, wanting to bury her head in his winter coat. "What would I do without you?" If only he would come closer so she could borrow his strength. The increasing pain in her leg and the pain in her heart was beginning to wear her out. She was starting to feel very tired, to the point where she knew she wouldn't be awake for too much longer. She had to get answers from Nishu before she fell asleep as well as medicine for her leg.
RE: Couldn't run away, anyway - Nishu Inte - November 27, 2015
The only reason he could think of was that he couldn't face up to the reality of his abilities. He wanted to see himself as a great Knight but seeing Rain was proof that he was wrong. It was hard to admit that he was a failure of a Knight. But now he was slowly accepting it yet there was a strong feeling of rejecting the idea. He looked to the side as she spoke. He still hasn't made eye contact. Did Rain really believe Nishu was the one to save her? That's all a lie.
He wanted her to know the exact truth. "It's just that I.. The truth is that.." He paused for a moment "I didn't save you at all." He said as his voice faded to a whisper. He continued in a low tone. "I wasn't able to prevent your injuries, I'm the one who lost you, and I wasn't the one to find you first."
It's almost as if he had tried to abandon her without realizing it. Some Knight he was. It felt like it would have been normal to have left her. Like it would have been understandable but for some reason he was still here as if he could still be her Knight.
RE: Couldn't run away, anyway - Rain - December 04, 2015
She felt confused at his explanation of how he didn't save her at all. "But you did," she said softly. "You got me to a safe place after a tree had broken my leg. You went to look for help, and even though you lost me, in the end you still came for me." Rain couldn't understand how he didn't see that. Even if he did lose where she was, and even if he wasn't the one to find her first, Nishu had still come back for her. "I don't blame you," she told him. "You have been by my side time and time again. You've been there since we first met." Rain looked down at the cold floor of the cave with a smile. "I wouldn't want anyone else." She looked up at him and shivered, feeling the chill of the air being carried by a soft wind into the cave. "I could use some extra warmth. Would you mind?" She rearranged herself slowly so that there was room for Nishu to lay next to her. Honestly the cold didn't bother her too much, she just wanted an excuse for him to be close to her. "Please?" She patted the spot near her with her tail. "It's been lonely, I could at least use the company." She prayed that he would not refuse her. The whole situation pulled on her heart so much that she felt she would fall apart if he left.
RE: Couldn't run away, anyway - Nishu Inte - December 06, 2015
Rain seem to be trying to tell him different, a brighter side of what he has done. But that came no where close to erasing the guilt and the thoughts of having failed. A real Knight would have done better. If he was actually fit for the job then Rain wouldn't have gotten hurt. Even though he spent so much time training and preparing he still wasn't good enough. It's as if he wasn't born to be a Knight, He wasn't born to be a legend.
Rain asked him to come close for the purpose of giving her warmth and of keeping her company. Nishu hesitated when normally he wouldn't have. He remained in place, looking at the ground close to Rain. "A real Knight wouldn't have lost you and would have prevented that injury. I should have realized I wasn't ready for the job sooner than this, before you got hurt."
It's a sure fact that he wasn't ready for everything. He wanted to return home and follow the teachings again but this time he would pay much more attention. "I need to head back to my homeland and continue training with the other Knights so I can do the job correctly later." He said as he turned around as if he was going to leave but stopped. He realized that he needed to make an important decision here. Each choice had a impactful lost to it. He did want to stay with Rain but then he would abandon the dream of becoming a legendary Knight forever. If he returned home he would surely become trained enough to be legendary but that meant leaving Rain behind forever. Choosing one would abandon the other. What was the best choice?