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+--- Thread: Ankyra Sound you sleep with pregnant hookers and your dinosaur eats grass! (/showthread.php?tid=11832)
you sleep with pregnant hookers and your dinosaur eats grass! - Vlad - November 16, 2015
Someone said this in The Mentalist and I laughed out loud. Setting this before Rat and Vlad find Njal, but am assuming that they've been stalking him. :) For @Caiaphas or Rat or both!
It was no more than twenty-four hours later, and, buoyed by Blackface's promise to share the bounty of her cave, Vlad had put his best paw forward and found no less than four leads. He and @Rat had followed each one to see if they were viable recruits, accidentally killed one of them (Rat's fault, Vlad would insist), and subsequently returned to the Sound for a rest. A storm was passing over the world, and the sky was ominously dark and irritable.
Vlad was prowling around near the water, pausing to scrabble at the sand when he suspected crabs were underfoot. Caiaphas had promised (sort of) to help him improve his 'creb-cetching' game, but she was nowhere to be found. Vlad suspected it was very much her thing to appear as if from nowhere, and had already vowed never to follow her into the maze of tunnels that stretched from the grotto like so many twisted spiders' legs.
RE: you sleep with pregnant hookers and your dinosaur eats grass! - Rat Wolf - November 16, 2015
Blame for the death of a possible recruit did not register to Rat. What registered was that he had the taste of blood on his tongue, and as much meat as he could suck down his throat before he was commanded to follow. He trailed lazily, burping loudly as his stomach attempted to get around the large slabs of wolf-flesh that he had consumed. It almost made him ill, but he could not be any more pleased. Unfortunately for the miserable beast, his parasite load would soon find him ravenous again.
As his partner paused to dig in the sand, Rat dropped his rump to the ground and hiked a hind leg forward for a vigorous scratching session. He scratched so hard at his flea-bitten skin that dirty furs rained down onto the beach.
RE: you sleep with pregnant hookers and your dinosaur eats grass! - Caiaphas - November 16, 2015
oh oh!! ill play! but rat should pop in too so they can meet? caiaphas' timeline is really flubbed up oops >_>
caiaphas' most recent crab-fishing excursion had been demoralizing at best -- she was covered in small clips and lances from their waving appendages. she had learned a long time ago to avoid their claws, but her hunger had fueled a certain amount of regrettable rashness. after securing a few of the decapods she had stored them by the ceremonial pillar in the center of the grotto's chamber. it had been a bit of tough work, and she was ready to stretch her legs on the 'surface'.
pulling herself from one of the many murky tunnel exits caiaphas shook herself off and trotted down the beach. after a few minutes she caught scent of vlad and a companion. she was still wary of the male, but was interested to know what he was doing. as she pulled close to where the two of them were, she caught sight of a denizen that was more deplorable than herself. curious but unwilling to get too close, she was content to study the pair until they noticed her creeping.
RE: you sleep with pregnant hookers and your dinosaur eats grass! - Vlad - November 16, 2015
On a more positive note, they hadn't needed to bury much of a body. Rat had stuffed himself full of the murdered wolf's flesh, and Vlad himself was not above cannibalism in times of need. He had been peckish at the time, which was 'time of need' enough.
His gross companion stayed close by as he had promised, and was busy dragging long claws over his crusty, grey skin. Vlad paused his hunting to stare at the whirlwind of hair and skin flakes that rose like a swarm of insects around the bedraggled creature, but caught sight of Caiaphas before he could engage Rat in a round of verbal sparring. Rat wasn't particularly good at that game, but Vlad wasn't much better. "Bleckface!" he hollered at the skulking woman, snapping his teeth at Rat to catch his attention. "Make look sharp, Rett - cave wolf make rare treep eento sunshines," Not that it was particularly sunny; the opposite, in fact. "Come comes, Bleckface! Saying he-ello to Rett!"
RE: you sleep with pregnant hookers and your dinosaur eats grass! - Rat Wolf - November 16, 2015
His hindpaw snapped to the ground with a thump as Vlad's teeth flashed toward him. He had heard this and that about the other wolf and turned to look at her. His gaping, yellow eyes narrowed. He thought of nothing except to wonder if she would take meat from him, if he would lose because of her presence. He drew a loudly rumbling breath through his nose as he snorted back globs of snot and swallowed what tickled the back of his throat as a result. His dead stare did not waver from her. His ear twitched as some fly the frost had yet to kill pitched upon its tattered tip.
RE: you sleep with pregnant hookers and your dinosaur eats grass! - Caiaphas - November 16, 2015
cave-wolf -- this was not an entirely unappealing name for the shewolf. she licked her lips, disappointed her stalking game had ended so soon -- yet, it was not exactly as if she had tried hard to conceal herself. as she prowled towards the pair, she was made aware of rat's unwavering stare -- it left the salt-wretch distinctly uncomfortable. by the time she pulled alongside vlad her hackles were upright and she dolefully returned rat's deadpan stare with rightful affront.
"what, never seen a girl before?" she cast sharply, awaiting some sort of rebuke from the very tattered looking delinquent. in any event, should the two turn upon her she was ready to turn tail.
RE: you sleep with pregnant hookers and your dinosaur eats grass! - Vlad - November 17, 2015
Caiaphas slunk forward and Rat stared vacantly at her, saying nothing by way of greeting. Three pairs of yellow eyes stared at each other for a moment - only Vlad looked truly comfortable. "He say hiello," Vlad filled in eventually, shaking his head fondly at his socially inept number two. Rat was in dire need of socialization (and a bath), but Vlad rather liked his friend the way he was. God knows why. "Em not knowing eef Rett hev see 'not engry' wolf een whole life - lady or menn. Ees beeg shock!" he theorized, chortling at the thought of what the Rat's life must have been like before they had agreed to form a brotherhood. He rarely said anything, and there weren't many wolves in the world that would look upon him and think 'yes, I need to form a pack with this guy'. "We esk heem. Rett!" Vlad called, "You heving peck before? What is name of your maather?" Unless he'd simply crawled out of the mire one day.
RE: you sleep with pregnant hookers and your dinosaur eats grass! - Rat Wolf - November 17, 2015
It was not his custom to answer back immediately; he tended to stare unblinkingly for a moment or two first, as if it took his mind so long to process basic things, and indeed, that was likely the root of it. A sick smile twisted his mouth upwards. "I jus' ate one!" He retorted, and then he descended into a manaic cackle with his tongue flopping about. He sat down then, his head held below his shoulders as it often was.
Number One asked him a question, and he turned his head toward him. "Ya. Had pack." He said. But what his partner assumed was correct; Rat had little experience with companionship though he had been in a pack — barely. He had existed on the outer edge of one, a scapegoat, thing to be tormented and abused. "I den know 'er name." He shrugged, abruptly swinging his head to chew earnestly at a flank that was being harried by some biting insect. Or perhaps a party of fleas.
RE: you sleep with pregnant hookers and your dinosaur eats grass! - Caiaphas - November 18, 2015
caiaphas' lantern gaze focused on the gaunt wolf before her, bemused by the moniker he had been given. rat. she had seen a great many rats during her sojourn through the grotto's tunnels -- and yet, none so sorry looking as he.
it was clear she was sizing him up, in the way a serpent may eye its quarry. perhaps she judged wrongly, but it was evident she perceived he was of little threat. vlad's roaring guffaw seemed to have diffused the dislike that at first radiated from the shrill woman. even so, it did not detract from caiaphas wondering if they had truly dined on a wolf only moments before..
ah well - caiaphas had committed her own iniquities as of late, and was not one to judge company based on their criminal record. "how'd you get the name then?" she inquired of the feral looking creature, her lower jaw jutted in speculation.
RE: you sleep with pregnant hookers and your dinosaur eats grass! - Vlad - November 30, 2015
Vlad brouahahaha-ed at his comrade in such a way as to suggest the Rat was joking, and made a note to tell the ugly creature that he must keep tales of his more unusual activities (and meats) between brothers. They knew what it was like to be hungry beyond sane thought, and what that did to you, but not everyone did. "Looking ett heem!" Vlad roared, rising up and slapping his forepaws hard against the ground. "You seeing any wolf looking so many like rett?"
RE: you sleep with pregnant hookers and your dinosaur eats grass! - Rat Wolf - December 01, 2015
She was (mostly) correct to assume he was of no threat to her. He was a cowardly creature that took little interest in risking his flea bitten hide or his life. He preferred weak, helpless creatures, and although she was not far from looking the part of a potential target, she was beneath the wing of a bird he dared not trifle with. So long as she fell within Vlad's shadow, Rat would not trifle with her.
To her question, he rolled his sharp-boned shoulders. "Dat's what they call me, dat's what I is." From deep within his belly, fumes bubbled up his throat and emerged as a loud, but closed-mouth burp that inflated his cheeks. It was followed by tongue smacking as he swallowed the bits of bile that chased it.
He grinned then, as if pleased with his repulsive display.
RE: you sleep with pregnant hookers and your dinosaur eats grass! - Caiaphas - December 01, 2015
caiaphas peered at rat from a narrow muzzle, her mind not yet entirely made up about the peculiar creature. yet any reservation she had seemed eeked from her dubious countenance when the threadbare wretch issued a stifled belch that seemed, some how, larger than he himself. she wasn't outrightly offended by this and it showed -- a faint smile briefly cascaded the dark prominence of her thin muzzle.
"rat and vlad." she remarked, though spoke no further. she cast each of them a glance as if imitating a curtsy -- the dip of her wedge-shaped head given. with that the sylph would return back to her hallows, having many obscure duties in wish she wished to carry out before sundoiwn.
RE: you sleep with pregnant hookers and your dinosaur eats grass! - Vlad - December 04, 2015
Rat and Vlad. The latter smiled almost fondly at his belching brother and made a noise that suggested he was impressed by the fetid creature's ability to produce gas. Caiaphas took her leave of the pair, leaving a scant crumb of a clue as to her opinion on the peculiar pair. Vlad, of course, chose to interpret the encounter as a resounding success.
"Bleckface liking you!" he whispered excitedly at the Rat, raising a paw to nudge his brother but.. changing his mind. It dropped onto the sand. "I make chellenge for you. Who cen make most beeg ess gess.. getting first ten creb." Vlad paused and squinted as if concentrating deeply, body suddenly tense. Moments later, a short fart squeaked out of his rear - its creator deflated and shook his head, eyeing his competitor. "No gud! Rett?"
RE: you sleep with pregnant hookers and your dinosaur eats grass! - Rat Wolf - December 05, 2015
Number One's paw raised, and he did well to drop it back down, because as soon as it made the slightest twitch in the Rat's direction, black lips lifted to reveal a hint of teeth, concealing them once more as the threat returned to the sands below. The message had been clear: no touchy! For him, touch had seldom meant anything else but hurt. Fortunately, Vlad, more than anyone before or since, had an acute understanding of the rangry creature he had accepted as his brother.
He cackled madly as the gray-brown wolf let fly his not-so-mighty wind. Rat had an ace up his proverbial sleeve that Number One was not aware of. Parasites took away from him a lot of nourishment, but gave to him on occasion some powerful flatulence. It just so happened he had a store of it in his intestines now. He coaxed it out by kicking his hindlegs into the air in the fashion of a bucking horse.
What ripped out of his arse was nothing short of catastrophic. It surely thundered across the sands, and the noxious wake would knock down any that survived the initial blast.
It was a bad deal to pass time by passing gas with the Rat.
Even he could not stand his own stench, and he rocketed down the strand laughing maniacally. Woe to the beast that dare chase him as he fired off the aftershocks with each drum of his paws.
RE: you sleep with pregnant hookers and your dinosaur eats grass! - Vlad - December 06, 2015
Vlad had expected a foul smell, but he could not have guessed that the Rat was brewing actual death in his bowels. The vomit came immediately, splattering down the Russian's chest as he stumbled up the beach and away from the invisible threat. His brother scampered off, blemishing the coastline with smaller but equally noxious toots. Vlad could almost see the air blacken in the cackling creature's wake. He watched until the Rat and his army of parasites was a speck in the distance, until the sour scent of vomit forced him to seek out a tidal pool with enough water to bathe in. He laughed from start to finish, until his throat burned and the smell in the air had cleared.