If there was ever an indication of all of the reasons he'd never bothered settling down it was right now. For the male's first foray into leadership and real and true responsibility he felt he was screwing up. It wasn't to say it was truly his fault - in fact, it was down to the two Alpha's and their children and apparently Mordecai as well - but Stark still shouldered the burden of feeling he should have done more. The dark coated male hadn't seen Octavia since her outburst when she'd pulled away from him and he didn't feel like he had the answers to chase after her. 

His thoughts were sullen, trying to figure out the best course of action. He needed to figure out what had truly happened, he needed to figure out what would be safest - before his thoughts were of keeping Tambourine safe from Reek and his wolves and now it was trying to keep Tambourine safe in the pack that had been meant to protect him. Stark caught the scent of his sister and he gave a soft sigh as he turned his course, following after her with the intentions of letting her know and getting her opinion.

If there was anyone that might make things clearer it was Banner - or maybe, as often as it was, she would indulge his poor choices into the snowballs they tended to be, rolling right down the mountain they lived on. He spotted the chocolate female, his lips twitching into a grim smile. "Banner," He didn't greet her with his customary touches, with the sort of affection she so rarely allowed herself, instead, his blue eyes said it all; there was trouble, and the male wasn't sure how to handle it. "I think I screwed up." 

They had months to make up for. Stark felt like it had been a lifetime - the brash boy-king she'd known before had grown into the man standing in front of her, uncertainty making him fret over the choices before him. Before he could have moved with confidence, let the cards lay as they would. In this he couldn't - not when it meant that Tambourine and Octavia were at risk. "You've noticed the tension," He didn't wait for her confirmation - she wasn't an idiot and he wasn't going to pretend that she couldn't tell what was happening around her. 

"There was....something that happened between Harlyn, Octavia, and the kids. Octavia thought that Tambourine was hurt, apparently it had to do with Harlyn's injury and one of her kids went after Tambourine - got his neck. She thought he was dead." He didn't really know what had happened but he needed to know exactly what had happened and if he could figure it out he might be able to get things under control. He sighed softly, shaking his coat out. 

"She's talking about leaving. About us leaving." He sighed it out, the tension clear in his body. "It wasn't supposed to be like this - and I don't know what to do. It's like I'm going against her trying to talk to Harlyn but I don't want to just leave. And I don't want to abandon her either." 

As she always did Banner asked the real questions. She got to the heart of his worries, alluding to what he had considered and they acted as two halves of the same whole. She was his strength, and he the confidence for her. Together, he'd always considered them impervious. "She's...different." He admitted. "I don't even know if she trusts me right now, and she's never been like that with me." Really, it only proved that he didn't truly know Octavia at all but he didn't need to either. 

"I'm almost afraid I'm going to find them gone. What then? I can't let them just go. I care about them - I really do." He admitted. He didn't know if he could love in a sense different than how he loved Banner or Rhodey, but, he did care greatly for Octavia and Tambourine. It was impossible to press his emotions further, just on the cusp of the affection he had for the greyscale woman she rejected him - doubted him. It was a slight to him, and his wounded pride made it harder to choose.

"There's no right answer here. I leave with them, I'm leaving the pack I promised to take care of - I leave the rank I earned and the wolves I helped keep alive and I leave Harlyn and her family when I said I'd help them too. I couldn't ask you to leave - I'd never make you - but...I can't leave you either. I can't let them just go out there, her with such a young kid. I'd find them dead. I know I would." 

No matter what he chose to do it would mean the hurt of the other. There was no answer that seemed right, no move that would mean he could keep them all safe. It was impossible. 

It was such a hard thing to do - to open up, to share that Stark couldn't fathom what that might really mean. This was different though, it was sharing with Banner, it was talking with her. Under a different sun and moon without their shared blood she would have been the one he pursued, and now, in the midst of how complicated things were quickly becoming even now it might have been easier. Stark sighed as he finished, the silence sweeping in and taking hold of him. His confidence was gone in that moment, the dark male letting his vulnerabilities show in favor of being utterly open and honest with his sister. 

She was unwavering; unyielding in her loyalty as she had always been. Stark leaned down, nuzzling beneath her muzzle for a moment. He found comfort in her in ways he couldn't explain to anyone else under any other circumstances. No one else did for him what Banner did. "I'd be lost without you." He whispered softly as he pulled back. He felt that twinge in her, knew the moment that the anger had blossomed in Banner - just beneath the surface, that sort of simmering sensation. It changed the air around them even, and he looked at his sister. Really looked at her. Drank her in, anger and all. 

There was no fear in him, not like with some others - though Banner was better than he had seen her in the past. This was just the rise of her voice, the shift of her speech. "I can't begin to understand. This is why I've never tried, y'know. It's just a matter of time before I screwed up somehow." Stark said with an exasperated tone.  Tried - he still couldn't give a name to whatever was happening between himself and Octavia. They were progressing but in ways he could not understand. Every step forward brought them back many steps and this - what then?

Stark was usually the vision of confidence. He never wavered in front of people and since departing on his own he'd felt it blossom even more. He'd come into his own, truly, without being in his father's shadow or worse Captain's. He'd never had the bond he had with Banner with her, there'd never been the strength in their bond or it's own perfection like with his chocolate sister. He licked his lips, listening to her for a moment. 

The world was still when she was around, his brain not boistering and struggling to focus. Silence greeted him, made it so easy to think clearly when he was in her presence. "Told her?" He echoed dumbly, blue eyes blinking for a moment. "What? That...that I have no idea what I'm doing or how I feel?" He asked, frowning. "Banner - I'm not....look, Tam's dad is out there still, and it's me. How long do you think this is really gonna work? Me, a dad - a mate?" It didn't work in his head. Maybe Banner could see something that Stark couldn't but, it was difficult and complicated at least in his head.

"I butted heads with dad all the time. I was never good enough. I don't want to make that the same reality for anyone else." And then they were talking like it was a done deal. Like this was just...it was. But it was still Octavia. "One minute it's like she can't get enough of me, the next, she's mad. I don't think I'm much more than just.....stable. Ironically." He said glumly. "Maybe I ask her how she feels. And then what? I go cry for a week? God. This pack is just gonna get more and more awkward."

He didn't think it was just anything. He hoped it wasn't. His fears were mostly because of his own insecurities, at least in this regard. He'd never felt like a lesser person to his mother or to Banner, but, he'd worried he wasn't enough. Wasn't good enough. Strong enough. So many things he'd felt he'd let others down in and he didn't want to be just another in a long line of people who had done that to Octavia. "I don't....think it's like that? I don't know -" He sighed out, finally getting to the root of his frustrations. Aside from Octavia's wildly swinging moods and Stark's growing realization he had no idea who Octavia was before he'd met her, he didn't know where he stood. He hated that. 

Stark was a man who was ruled by his emotions, sure. His quick processing meant he didn't always give himself time to think of things - he chose not to. And in this, he felt he was giving himself the farest shot he could. He couldn't get swept up into the fight brewing between the two leaders. They needed level heads in this. It had to work out. Even if it was Stark and Banner helping them out it would be harder for the sake of Tambourine and risky for them too. Lone wolves, other packs, the wild life they hunted - all could spell disaster for the young child. "She's never looked at me like that before. Like she wasn't sure I was on her side. Like she doubted me." 

It was a ridiculous notion, and maybe in a way a testament to his feelings for the woman even if he couldn't label them. Anyone else and he wouldn't have cared what they thought - but it was Octavia. 

Stark breathed out a slow sigh when Banner pressed herself against him, his eyes closing as he settled for a moment. Just like that, there was silence; Banner pushed the rest of the world away and he was okay for that moment. He'd focus on what she said, the instructions she gave him, and the rest could wait for just a little bit. 

Talk to her. Banner said it like it was so easy, like something would be corrected with just a few moments of carefully chosen words and maybe some heartfelt whispers. "As long as you're with me, I'm okay." He said softly. It was a genuine feeling - if not a terrifying one. "Let's...let's go catch some fish, maybe eat something and I'll go find Harlyn." He said quietly. He needed to be prepared and he needed some more time to get his thoughts together. 

Banner had never been fishing? Jeez, he'd failed her as a brother. Or their father as a guide, but, Stark was quick to criticize Curran. He licked his lips, nudging her with his nose as he nodded. "Gotta keep up, Banner." He said with a smirk. "Can't show off all my genius. I might have just a bit to spare for you though." He teased as he lead her out to the river. 

It was an easy way to pass the time, something that took little effort with his body and far more with his brain; it was a point he excelled at. Teaching Banner was comforting too. By the time they'd gotten themselves a little pile of fishies to split, Stark was settled far more. His anxieties over the situation had eased some and while there still was no clear cut answer, he at least knew that he'd have support during it. 

It wasn't the first time he'd considered himself lucky to have Banner - and he knew it wouldn't be the last.