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+--- Thread: Jade Fern Grove won't stop the pain, but she'll smell like fabreez (/showthread.php?tid=17756)
won't stop the pain, but she'll smell like fabreez - Xan - September 13, 2016
The sun had since set and allowed for darkness to be cast over the earth, a realm in which the male could see properly having arrived at last. It was a time during which he should have slept, yet all attempts had been without results. Far had he gone from the woods, but the visions existed behind his eyelids still, and alive they came each time sleep was sought after. A step had been taken to try and push through what had happened, but distance alone hadn't been enough. It trailed after him, his own reflection being enough to trigger the memories each time his ear was seen. He didn't want to sleep, not anymore, and so he'd kept himself awake. Moving around and staying active, various attempts being made to ensure that he'd not pass out.
As the night had progressed, he'd found little to do, knowing nothing of the territory. Even the others within it were a mystery to him, but he'd searched for @Ocra anyways, since she'd been the first he'd met; that somehow made her a little bit less of a mystery. When he'd found her, though, she'd been sleeping. Frowning, the boy considered his options, having taken a step or two back, only to shake his head and approach her directly afterwards. With a lowered head, he'd started shoving at her good shoulder, muttering, "It's time to wake up," as he'd done so.
RE: won't stop the pain, but she'll smell like fabreez - Ocracoke - September 13, 2016
Each day brought a little ease to her shoulder. She felt lucky where was a willow tree nearby when the pain got too bad. At one point she considered just sleeping beneath it and gnawing on the trunk when she needed but the thought alone made her laugh quietly to herself before she settled elsewhere. Sriracha was within earshot and the new girl, she wasn't sure, and Xan wasn't anywhere to be found. So with that on her mind, she curled up at the base of a tall tree for the rest of the night.
She didn't have the best sleep, occasionally waking to a throb in her shoulder, but she eventually lulled herself back to sleep. It didn't last long, however, as something nudged against her a few times. She snapped to attention and growled, searching for the culprit to wake her so suddenly. When she realized it was the idiot that had been following them, the girl deflated enough to ease the sudden instinctual tension.
"What the fuck, Xan?" she blurted and shuffled her front legs awkwardly until she was sitting upright. "What's wrong?"
RE: won't stop the pain, but she'll smell like fabreez - Xan - September 13, 2016
It hadn't taken long for the girl to be woken, the growl that escaped her having come as a surprise. He'd retreated a few steps, careful to avoid any teeth should he be snapped at—which had turned out to be unnecessary. Still, he'd kept himself back as she'd pushed herself up, watching, but saying nothing. It wasn't until she'd asked a question that he'd opened his mouth to speak. "I ca–," he paused, then shook his head. Correcting himself, he'd continued with, "I don't want to sleep." It sounded better than saying that he couldn't sleep, and had been his preferred way of wording his predicament.
"Help me stay awake," the boy voiced, taking a few steps closer just in case she tried to go back to sleep. Surely there was something that he could have done to keep the sleep away, but having another wolf there to shove him should he start to doze off seemed like the better choice.
RE: won't stop the pain, but she'll smell like fabreez - Ocracoke - September 14, 2016
Once the initial panic settled, she'd begun to refocus on the world around her. Her heart rate settled and she was reminded of her shoulder. The jolt awake had stirred a new ache and she sighed, glancing over to the boy as he spoke. She'd missed the beginning of his speech, blinking a few times when he explained what he wanted, and Ocra stared at him for a long moment as if she might be trying to figure out what he really wanted.
"Why don't you want to sleep?" she decided upon, shifting again to try and make herself comfortable. She though, briefly, she could send him off for more bark but as much as she had lately, she decided to push it off a little longer. Even with the extra work he put in to helping, Ocra wasn't ready to forgive him. "And bring me something to eat the next time you wanna wake me up."
RE: won't stop the pain, but she'll smell like fabreez - Xan - September 14, 2016
As she stared, he did so right back, shifting a few times before having eventually directed his gaze elsewhere. There was another question, one of which he'd not been quick to answer. He'd considered ignoring it, moving on to a different topic, but wasn't entirely sure how much that might accomplish. After realizing that he could be vague with his answer, he'd loosed a sigh, preparing himself to speak. "Nightmares," Xan had told her, no further information having been given. Everyone had nightmares every now and again, so he'd assumed himself to be in the clear for the time being.
With a comment on food having been made, he'd look back towards her. "Does that mean I can wake you up whenever as long as I have food with me?" he'd asked, a part of him actually, genuinely curious. Whether or not he'd need or even want to wake her up again in the future had yet to be decided, but the information could be useful either way.
RE: won't stop the pain, but she'll smell like fabreez - Ocracoke - September 14, 2016
Xan had proven himself to be a little weird. Not like Sriracha but his own brand that seemed far more tangled than she thought she might be able to unravel—not that she was trying—but the idea remained anyway. She opened her mouth to speak, question the nightmares as if she might be able to sort them, but thinking better of it closed her jaw quickly. Leaving it alone for now, she sighed upon the next question with a slight shake of her head.
"If you have to wake me, yes," she explained. She didn't want this to become a habit of his to wake her up every night or every time he had nightmares. She wasn't his mother or caretaker and, frankly, she could probably do without his following. It was getting easier to deal with him and finding the little quirks that have left windows for her to peek in on and piece together.
Ocra's mouth opened wide, a yawn forcing her body to tense as she expelled it and relaxed. She could easily fall back asleep if she were to lay back down but she managed to keep upright. Perhaps it was pity she felt for him and his struggle, that whatever lying laid beneath the surface might explain his poor behavior instead of excuse it. Still, she didn't speak up about it and redirected it elsewhere.
"Did you happen to have more bark from the willow tree pulled off?" she asked as she slumped back to the ground, having found it far too difficult to keep herself up.
RE: won't stop the pain, but she'll smell like fabreez - Xan - September 14, 2016
Nothing more was said regarding his reason for not wanting to sleep, which relieved his mind a bit. Enough so that he'd been able to sit, knowing he'd not have to flee in order to avoid a string of questions. His muscles remained tense, however, ready to spring should he be forced to do so, and every so often his gaze trailed off to look around them. The darkness had once been his source of comfort, but now it was only a reminder of what he'd lost and how dangerous the shadows could be. They housed terrible things, and so he'd remained alert.
A better explanation of her previous statement had been given, which he'd frowned in response to. What qualified for needing to wake her? There was an urge to ask, but the boy had kept silent instead. If he didn't prompt her to explain even further, then, he believed, he could still wake her at any time. Even the smallest of things could be important, he'd argue, should he ever follow through with nagging at her during the nights.
When asked about the tree bark, he'd shaken his head. "No," he'd then verbalized, standing back up in the process. "Do you want me to get some?" He still wasn't a fan of the tree, knowing not exactly what made it different from the willow in Blackfeather. Thus far, it'd yet to cause any negative effects on anyone as far as he'd seen, but what if it was only a matter of time? There was a part of his mind that wondered if he might be increasing his chances of being effected with how often he touched it.
RE: won't stop the pain, but she'll smell like fabreez - Ocracoke - September 14, 2016
The no caused her ears to droop and a sigh slowly release from her lips. She'd thought he might pull enough bark off in case she needed it later, so that he wouldn't have to make so many trips. In the last several days, she'd begun to pick apart his personality and piece it back together as she saw fit and he didn't see very far in front of him for whatever reason. Their communication had been minimal, since she'd stayed closer to Sriracha instead. If he was going to stay with them long term, she knew she'd have to come around sooner or later.
"No, it's okay," she said but immediately begun to regret the decision. While her shoulder had improved, it wasn't completely back to normal but she didn't want to depend on it or even damage the tree further without necessity.
Ocra craned her neck forward to try and fight back a yawn, she blinked back her watery eyes and then worked to make herself comfortable. The attempt was partially successful and she winced each time a nerve was struck in her leg but eventually she managed to sit in a way that didn't put a lot of pressure on the tender muscle.
"You never apologized, y'know," she said without looking at him, expecting him to lash out and not take responsibility for the damage he'd caused.
RE: won't stop the pain, but she'll smell like fabreez - Xan - September 14, 2016
Though his offer hadn't been taken, he'd considered going to retrieve some more bark anyways. The tree wasn't to be trusted until he found out why it wasn't like the one in Blackfeather, but, even still, the notion of stripping some more bark away from it seemed doable. He knew her limb to be aching still, the occasional wince that flickered across her face confirming as much. In the recesses of his mind, he felt at least an ounce of guilt, but never had it been made to surface. The feeling was kept far from his conscious mind, disallowing him the opportunity to truly experience it, as well as display it. There existed only the denial that he'd had anything to do with her injury, for the admittance of anything else were words that his tongue seemed incapable of forming properly.
Yet, in spite of his inability, he'd not been quick to deny any contribution when the idea of an apology was brought up. Xan had looked away, his mouth remaining shut whilst he seemed to work over his options within his head. It wasn't his fault, he'd convinced himself of that much, but the thought that he might apologize hadn't made him feel uneasy. It'd neither irritated him nor caused for the boy to lash out, there'd just been silence and a diverting of his focus. Once he'd been able to look in her direction again, he'd muttered a quick, "I'm sorry." The word was foreign on his tongue, tasting peculiar and leaving him without a clear idea of how he should feel. Thus, he'd looked away again, keeping his eyes upon something in the distance so that he might not feel the urge to look back towards her. His plan hadn't worked, however, as there'd come a second in which he'd noticed his head turning back her way against his will, the curiosity of how she might react having been too strong to resist.
"Do you forgive me?" was his question for her, having been unable to prevent himself from asking. Alexander didn't want to believe that he'd contributed to her injury in any way at all, but, alas, the realization had slowly started to creep up on him.
RE: won't stop the pain, but she'll smell like fabreez - Ocracoke - September 16, 2016
It was a long moment before anything happened and Ocra began to think he might not say anything at all. She sighed heavily, shifting her weight a little, and found she wasn't surprised at all. He'd denied everything the whole way, and while their first meeting had been brief, it gave her an idea of how the rest of him looks. While she didn't know much about him, she was beginning to realize she probably didn't need to know much more.
When he did speak, however, her eyes lifted suddenly and searched for his face. When she didn't find it, she questioned his sincerity, but the silence following didn't even her any further answers. It is only when he spoke again that she felt a little uncomfortable but his discomfort had become obvious at that point.
"I don't know," was all she could muster. When she thought his apology might be for show, she would have said no. Something else was underlying she couldn't put her paw on and she was sure she wouldn't be able to find it without asking, though asking seemed unwise. "Why are you here?"
RE: won't stop the pain, but she'll smell like fabreez - Xan - September 16, 2016
Whether his apology had been accepted—or even believed—or not, he couldn't tell. He'd watched her for a moment, wondering what she'd say, as well as if he'd be forgiven. All he'd received had been an I don't know, however, which wasn't at all insightful. It left him without a real answer, but he'd let it go, assuming that it was as good of a response as he'd get. Again, he'd looked away, trying to focus on anything other than her. The encounter had quickly turned uncomfortable, and he'd found himself regretting having woken her up. Prior to doing so, the idea had seemed like a good one, but now all he wanted to do was retreat; avoid any and all questions, as well as give her whatever space was necessary for her to then forgive him.
There was a moment in which he'd considered returning to where he'd previously been attempting to sleep, but back to the present had his mind been dragged when she'd asked a question. Why was he there? He didn't want to admit to knowing for why he was there, since he didn't want to be made to explain all that had happened. Why he'd gone over the mountains, why he'd been in the forest, why he'd followed them... Xan had a home to return to, a family that cared about him, and yet his time was being spent with near strangers—why? "I don't want to live at where I came from anymore," he'd settled on, pondering if he should say more shortly after. All thoughts were sent away, though, and his mouth had been shut, not wanting to give away any more information.
RE: won't stop the pain, but she'll smell like fabreez - Ocracoke - September 17, 2016
The answer Xan gave her was generic. If she wanted, she could apply the same logic to her situation. He didn't elaborate, either, and Ocra found herself curious but she still doesn't push for answers. As much time as they have spent around one another, he still remained a mystery to her. She can't help but wonder that something might have happened to him to cause him to be so closed off and harsh. He was still young, perhaps a few months younger than she, but he often acted much younger in the short span they'd been together. Perhaps Sriracha was convinced with the façade he was putting on but Ocra wasn't.
"Okay," she says. When he didn't give any information, she decided against pushing. The last thing she wanted was for him to lash out at her in the middle of the night when she was tired and the other two were sleeping somewhere else. "I could try to find you some herbs that might make it easier for you to sleep," she told him, wondering if it might be something he would be interested in or if he even trusted her enough to take something from someone that was essentially a stranger. "It might help keep the nightmares away," she added once for good measure but wouldn't entirely be surprised if he disagreed with the offer.
RE: won't stop the pain, but she'll smell like fabreez - Xan - September 17, 2016
An elaboration of his given answer hadn't been pressed for, which he'd appreciated. Someday, perhaps he'd be able to share more, but doing so was out of the question entirely for the time being. No one needed to know of what had happened, what had driven him away. It was a vital piece of information, but he longed for nothing more than to be able to forget it. For the nightmares to stop, for his body to be capable of relaxing. He wanted a cleared mind, a new start, and it was within the group of travelers that he'd seen a chance to achieve that which he so desperately wanted. The next step would be to erase the memories, or to, in the very least, subdue them just enough so that he could rest. It was only a thought, currently, and one that he hadn't been capable of finding any flaws in. Xan couldn't see how neglectful his approach, or how unachievable a new start, truly was.
The boy's body stiffened at the mention of herbs. It was because of some plant, he was sure, that he was there in the first place—he'd been poisoned, but by what, he didn't know. After weighing his options, he'd given a shake of his head. Witnessing the nightmares within his head was terrible, but he'd take that any day over being forced to actually relive the nightmare again whilst conscious. "I don't do well with herbs. They react badly with my body," he'd lied, unable to come up with anything else to say. "Can I just... stay here with you? It might help." Or it'd make it worse. Xan didn't know what the result would be, having nothing to compare it to.
RE: won't stop the pain, but she'll smell like fabreez - Ocracoke - September 17, 2016
Ocra stared at him for a moment when he responded, unsure what to say. Surely not all herbs reacted poorly with him but he seemed adamant about it and she wasn’t sure if she wanted to push more. If she could find a way that would prevent him from waking her up in the middle of the night, she would much prefer it, or at least find someone else for him to pester.
“What about one you don’t have to ingest? One you could just… smell instead. Aromatherapy.”
Surely that would be less scary to try and the most it might cause is a headache in which he could move away for it to clear. Not that lavender or chamomile were toxic to him or would cause any problems—none that she’d ever seen—and she sighed heavily once he made his next request. Ocra nodded her head but she didn’t know what else to do to keep him awake when her own eyes struggled to stay open.
RE: won't stop the pain, but she'll smell like fabreez - Xan - September 17, 2016
The idea of just sniffing a plant, rather than ingesting it, hadn't seemed too bad. He'd been prepared to nod and agree to trying that out, but then the weeping willow of Blackfeather came to mind. The spores it released didn't need to be ingested in order for the tree to have an effect, they only needed to be inhaled. Xan swallowed and shook his head instead, dismissing the idea. "I don't think that'd work," he'd said, though it wasn't his doubt in the herb that had pushed him to do so. It was his distrust of any sort of herb, whether they were helpful or not. He didn't want to believe that anyone from the group worked for Cicero—he even had evidence to support such beliefs—but he couldn't rid himself of the notion entirely. It lingered, urging him to deny the offer of any and all plants.
Thankfully, she'd nodded in response to his question. Though she didn't seem very enthusiastic about the idea, he'd ignored that bit and moved closer before sitting. He didn't touch her, but he'd crept near enough that a simple shift in positions could change that. "Can you stay awake?" the Inuit asked, curious. He'd woken her up in the middle of the night, so it'd made sense that she'd be tired still, but he didn't really want her to sleep yet.
RE: won't stop the pain, but she'll smell like fabreez - Ocracoke - September 17, 2016
Xan rejected her idea again and all Ocra could do was sigh in defeat. It was unlikely he trusted her, just as much as she didn’t trust him, but where were they going to be in the upcoming days? Weeks? Months? Would he never trust any of them? He was going to be apart of them, staying the grove while they did, and she didn’t know how they would get along if they didn’t trust one another. A little hypocritical on her end, but she was sure she had more reason not to trust the white male than he did of her.
Ocra lowered her head to the ground as he settled closer, her muscles tensed upon his approach, but she didn’t shy away nor did she move in any way that might bring them closer. Instead, she moved just enough so that she could lean away from him to avoid any sort of touch. The question, however, caused her to glance up toward him and she nodded a little without saying anything else. The burning in her shoulder had grown since she’d been awake, a long time since she’d had any willow bark, and she doubted she’d be able to sleep any time soon with that reminder in her body and next to her.
RE: won't stop the pain, but she'll smell like fabreez - Xan - September 17, 2016
Ocra had leaned away, and he couldn't blame her for having done so. He'd not leaned in closer to make up for it, rather, he'd leaned away as well to offer her more space. With her having said nothing, he'd remained silent for awhile, somehow managing to keep sleep at bay. It'd become somewhat easy to do, having turned into a habit, but there were still moments in which he could feel it creeping up on him. There was a time in his life during which he'd loved to sleep, having found that his dreams could be greater than reality. No longer were they like that, however, the ability to produce pleasant thoughts having been ripped away from him.
"Do you want me to leave?" was his next question of the night. Xan had tried to refrain from asking, nervous over what the answer would be, but he'd failed in keeping it away. The words had been spoken, and so he'd looked towards her expectantly. Assuming she would, however, his own muscles had tensed, ready to carry him away from her should that be what she wanted.
RE: won't stop the pain, but she'll smell like fabreez - Ocracoke - September 18, 2016
Xan settled in next to her, leaning back so that their legs are between them, and she turned her head a little to gauge how much space was between them. For whatever comfort level the girl had, she was satisfied enough with what was between them that she didn't have to move any further away. Whatever happened next, she left up to the male due to her lack of conversation power. She didn't know what to talk about with him that wouldn't set him off or cause any defensiveness when he had shut her down every step of the way.
"You don't have to," she told him, dark eyes looking up at him. The moon was big enough to break through the trees and illuminate his features and she'd woken up enough to be able to see clearly. "I just don't know what you want from me," she added with a shrug of her good shoulder.
RE: won't stop the pain, but she'll smell like fabreez - Xan - September 18, 2016
Having not been sent away, he'd grown quiet, mulling over what he could say next. Speaking to her was difficult, given what had happened when they'd first met, and then the following day. Xan had made one wrong move right after the other, and no amount of backpedaling seemed capable of fixing everything. It was something that he seemed to be the actual best at—messing things up. It wasn't ever intentional, not entirely, and there were moments in which he wanted to change himself. Yet, doing so was not so easily done, and so he'd always end up falling right back into the same, endless loop that always resulted in him getting into trouble with someone.
Ocra's shrug had been mimicked, for he knew not, either. "I don't know," he'd then verbalized, throwing a quick glance her way. "Can we start over? Forget our first meeting?" The words came suddenly, the time to fully think them over having not been taken. Perhaps doing so would help, though, thus he'd not taken them back.
RE: won't stop the pain, but she'll smell like fabreez - Ocracoke - September 18, 2016
There was a moment of silence before Xan spoke up, mimicking the same loss of purpose. She sighed again, wondering if he'll ever sort himself out. She was young, she knew, and a few months older than he, but she didn't feel any resemblance of personality with him. He still acted like a child and his next statement on furthered her discovery. He wanted to start over instead of fix it, but she wondered if it was much of a stretch. What could fix it?
"I don't know. It's not the simple, is it?" she said and picked her head up again to look back toward him. "Just. I forgive you, okay? Don't make me regret it," she warned then, giving him a second chance only one time. What happened had happened and if he can learn from it, then all will be well, right? It was awkward, and painful, to stay there, but where else did she have to go? Especially when injured? And she had grown rather fond of Sriracha and Xan seemed to want to stick around and she would have to put with it, at least until everything smoothed over.
RE: won't stop the pain, but she'll smell like fabreez - Xan - September 18, 2016
Alexander hadn't known what to expect, whether it be an agreement towards his query or some sort of backlash. To fix the situation had seemed like a long path to take, and it lacked the confirmation that success would be achieved. Simply forgetting everything up until that point and starting over had, to him, seemed like the greater of two choices. There were few things that he was motivated to work towards, and so he'd doubted the likelihood of his being able to remain interested enough to fix something; he knew not, either, if he was even capable of doing so. So much of his life had been spent ruining things, thus there existed within the back of his mind a great deal of worries over how he'd proceed with the group.
It wasn't that simple, to just forget it—as was what she'd said. Ears fell back and he'd readied himself to leave, but paused mid-shift when there came more words. She forgave him, which he hadn't been expecting, and so he'd remained frozen in a partially upright position for several seconds. When the words had finally processed through his mind, he'd touched his stomach back down to the ground, an expression of surprise and something indistinguishable facing her. "I won't," Xan had responded with, assuring her that she'd not made a mistake by forgiving him. He wouldn't mess up again, or, rather, he'd try not to.
"You can go back to sleep," he'd said, knowing not if she was even interested in doing so anymore. He wanted to speak with her more, but he wasn't entirely sure what to talk about, and he also didn't want to force her to stay awake. If he tried, he was sure he'd be able to find a way to keep himself up without her, so why make her exhausted, too?
RE: won't stop the pain, but she'll smell like fabreez - Ocracoke - October 03, 2016
He didn't necessarily pick up on the frustration he'd caused, or if he did, he didn't show any sign. Ocra supposed she couldn't ask for much. He struggled with a lot of things since they originally met but there was something in his effort that gave her a little reprieve. He settled once more next to her, with a little space left between, and then offered her the chance to go back to sleep if she wanted. She stared at him for a long moment, trying to decide what she needed to do. Her eyelids remained heavy throughout and slowly she decided to put her head on the ground and take the chance he'd given her to sleep.
RE: won't stop the pain, but she'll smell like fabreez - Xan - October 04, 2016
There were no more words to be shared, only the silence. Alexander had kept quiet as she’d lowered her head back down to sleep, watching her. Minutes later, he’d looked away, scanning that which surrounded them as something—anything—of interest was sought after. With nothing found, he’d settled for simply remaining there near to her, glancing her way every once in a while to make sure that she was alright. The boy would not wake her again, but he also would not sleep, and so he’d just laid there—and there he’d remain throughout the entire night, slipping away at the break of dawn so that he would not be there when she awoke.