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+--- Thread: Hushed Willows thing one thing two (/showthread.php?tid=18126)
thing one thing two - Amara - October 02, 2016
slowly yet surely, the children had begun to pull away from her and into the world beyond. how long since their birth, she had begun to loose count; only the fact that they days got easier to push through carried on in her mind. and it was to her relief when she noticed their avoidance of large objects upon their travels, indicating their eyes had come if not the slightest bit blurred. from then on, she waited for the day that they could roam on their own and without her guidance. and until she herself would no longer need to stay trapped. yet as she watched the bastard litter tumble outside the den, she found herself unsure how she felt for the first time in so long. truly, they were all she had in the world. gone where they days that all she could feel was the pining for aaron, and now that her unrelenting hate for kierkegaard seemed to become so irrelevant, she had nothing else to turn to but them. from so much to so little, she felt only tethered to life but by three children. yet, never would she dare let them know. her desire to see one kierkegaard demonte burn in the pits of hell overruled any love she could have for her children, despite the fact that the very hate no longer ruled her life. it was a conflicting thing, a feeling she would never grasp. she watched as the trio woke the next morning.
deciding that calling all three almost identical children You could no longer suffice, names for each had become mandatory. little did she care what they were called exactly, for a name was really — just a name. with no attachment given was a name decided for the eldest son, eros. a familiar title that had simply come out of the blue. sparing him not another glance, her eyes wavered on the next son. it was difficult, but ultimatly it was the sound of the two boy names together that sparked the tinest bit of satisfaction within her. leaning back to observe the three with a light smile upon her features, she noticed the girl. her smile dropped. narrowed optics searched the tiny girl's bodice as if a name would arise from within it's very being. "hmmm," the small woman peered at the daughter. "hmm," very tricky indeed. "ducky," the woman spoke finally, and searched for any sign the girl would answer her namesake. "toadly," "beasty" "wanda" no, no, no. sighing, the woman rolled her eyes, moving on to the sons and repeating their given names individually with a nudge, in hope that they were capable of remembering such a thing in the event she happened to forget their names herself.
RE: thing one thing two - Kavos - October 03, 2016
Their mother was talking to herself again and the palest of the trio paid little mind to her ramblings. But, despite the feeling of loathing that he felt for the much-larger woman, he watched on curiously from a distance as she regarded them. As the attention was brought upon him, Kavos tilted his head are arched his brows as he ushered out a softly spoken wuff. As if to ask her, “What?”
Unfortunately, her response would fall onto deaf ears. He was just about at the point where he could start hearing, but, for now, he remained in the world without any sound.
RE: thing one thing two - Prialux - October 03, 2016
The world was ever-changing, and it easily entranced Prialux. She'd found her feet not a week ago, and her vision had cleared until it was crisp and bright. The light from the den had seduced her into taking her first step into the entry, and from there she had seen the autumnal burst of foliage overhead, and her new heart had been overtaken by a yearning to experience it all. But that had been curbed by being overwhelmed and shy, and she had retreated back into the safety and comfort of the den, trembling, rather than striking out any further. She hadn't gone beyond that point even a week later. Kavos was braver than she for the moment, that much was certain.
But eventually the tiny dove would spread her wings and soar, and find in life beyond the darkness a joy she could never feel here under the oppression of her mother's indifference. She wriggled hither and thither on her back, grunting at the sensation of rough dirt on itchy skin, only to still and cast a longing glance in Amara's direction when the woman stirred. Unlike Kavos, she felt no resentment for her mother's neglect. She was too young and innocent in the world to experience such a thing. She felt only love and adoration, and frustration when it was rejected, but she was too young to dwell on that, too. She forgot it instantly. Mostly she yearned for her mother's love and attention and would do anything to receive it, and when it finally turned to her, her wriggling renewed tenfold.
She reached her squirming nose toward Amara as her mother spoke to her, words still warped and quiet yet distinct enough for her newly strengthened ears to prick up in response. She whined excitedly and twisted around until she got her paws under her, and then she went for Amara's muzzle with a furiously lapping tongue, hoping for reciprocation now that she was getting some attention.
RE: thing one thing two - Eros - October 04, 2016
First there had come the sense of sight, which was followed by hearing, and then completed with his first few steps having been taken. All had been important moments in the boy’s life, occasions that most parents eagerly awaited the chance to witness. The same could not be said for his own mother, however, who had managed to miss every milestone he’d reached thus far. She existed there within the same space as the siblings, but had yet to truly engage with them. They were fed and kept warm, as well as given a place to sleep, but love was not apart of the equation. He’d yet to experience the feeling being projected onto him, which frustrated him more than it hurt him. The emotion was not one that he was able to comprehend just yet, due primarily to the fact that he’d yet to have it shown to him. That which he did not understand couldn’t ever be missed or longed for, but he was aware enough to have realized that something wasn’t quite right; the realization was what currently bothered him, since he could feel that something was missing, but knew not what that something was.
And then it arose from deep within him, the feeling that had always been just beyond his reach.
As he’d laid strewn out across the floor, Amara had given him some attention. It had started with a word—a name—having been directed his way, but had then become something greater. First, though, it seemed as if she’d forgotten about him again, and the fluttering in his chest had started to die away. But, before it’d been smothered entirely, she’d touched him. His mother, his caretaker, the one whose affections he had always desired both consciously and unknowingly, had touched him. Eros’ eyes grew wide and he stared at her, confused by what had just happened, before he’d regained his focus and tried to return the favour. Closer to her had he moved, careful to avoid his sister as he sought to weasel his way under his mother’s chin. He wanted to be close to her, to bury himself in the soft furs covering her chest as he reveled in the fact that she’d acknowledged his existence.
RE: thing one thing two - Amara - October 10, 2016
typically, the mini kierkegaard did not understand a word she said, instant shooting her a look of both curiosity but also a mirror image of the resentment she, the majority of the time, greeted them with. it was a strange feeling, to realize that the child she had pushed out of her also hated the fact that it had her as a mother. perhaps, now it would understand. repeating the names given now that their attention was focused, she spoke loud and clear as if to drill their given names into their memories. "kavos," she looked unwavering to the son, before switching to the other, "eros,". that was when they started to climb.
the feeling of being smothered by pups was something she had grown accustomed to, yet, nothing was like this. as soon as she paid them the slightest of attention, they seemed to yearn for her love; the son and daughter in turn burying themselves in her fur as if they would never feel her eyes upon them again. in a way, they were partially right. nothing about the desperation of the children triggered the slightest bit of empathy within her. after all, she had only given them a name, not a piece of her soul. "no, girl, would you-" the daughter lapped furiously at her chin and without any coordination, causing the woman to recoil at the feeling of gratified affection coming from the child. "eros! stop. bad," she had never used that word before, and had never had to. most days she left them unregulated and with themselves; them, paying her the respect and distance she needed on most occasions. yet, this was a turn, something she had no experiance with nor the patience to handle it at all. leaning her head back and pushing them down with her fore paws, she knew she could not deny them the physical touch for very long. "okay, you must stop now, children, no no NO!" impatience turned to frustration and she jumped up, no doubt shocking the children at the abrupt and hostile action. heavy breaths struggled to escape her, feeling as though her whole throat had swollen and increased in size as she stood, a gaze of utter terror upon the wiggling forms of her children.
the feeling of being smothered by pups was something she had grown accustomed to, yet, nothing was like this. as soon as she paid them the slightest of attention, they seemed to yearn for her love; the son and daughter in turn burying themselves in her fur as if they would never feel her eyes upon them again. in a way, they were partially right. nothing about the desperation of the children triggered the slightest bit of empathy within her. after all, she had only given them a name, not a piece of her soul. "no, girl, would you-" the daughter lapped furiously at her chin and without any coordination, causing the woman to recoil at the feeling of gratified affection coming from the child. "eros! stop. bad," she had never used that word before, and had never had to. most days she left them unregulated and with themselves; them, paying her the respect and distance she needed on most occasions. yet, this was a turn, something she had no experiance with nor the patience to handle it at all. leaning her head back and pushing them down with her fore paws, she knew she could not deny them the physical touch for very long. "okay, you must stop now, children, no no NO!" impatience turned to frustration and she jumped up, no doubt shocking the children at the abrupt and hostile action. heavy breaths struggled to escape her, feeling as though her whole throat had swollen and increased in size as she stood, a gaze of utter terror upon the wiggling forms of her children.
RE: thing one thing two - Kavos - October 12, 2016
Kavos.
Something about the crest and the fall of her tone caught his attention and he looked at her with more interest, as if he understood what she was talking at. His attention wavered into something akin to a mindless stare-- his eyes lingered and his resting bitch face settling upon his young features.
He was only shaken from such an expression as a word harshly fell upon his delicate ears. Quickly, they flattened in response and his expression grew dark as if to voice his dissatisfaction with Amara and how she spoke. He did not know why the milk-giver spoke so angrily, but he did not approve of it.
But, his own displeasure was soon met with actions and expressions that spooked the young child.
As she stood and breathed heavily, Kavos quickly stood and backpedaled, looking to his mother with a sense of bewilderment and judgement as if to ask, “What is wrong with you?!”
RE: thing one thing two - Prialux - October 12, 2016
Everything was chaos. Though her vision was clear, she was still unused to the swiftness with which things happened around her. That sense would only come much later. Everything seemed to be on fast forward, so Amara's attempts to dodge her ministrations as well as Eros' erratic movements filled her focus entirely. So heedless was she to the rest of her surroundings that she didn't notice Kavos' bitch face in the background, though it would have scared her some if she'd taken note of it.
When Amara stood abruptly and buzzed with words that she could scarcely hear and didn't understand, Prialux shrank as if she'd been struck. The sudden motion of her mother frightened her, but more than that was the inherent feeling of rejection. Even a child as young as she understood the feeling in the present. Pria recoiled this time, pressing her head back on her shoulders and flattening her ears and curling her tail under, and she slowly backpedaled, back and back and back, until she was beside and slightly behind Kavos.
Her whine was soft, almost indiscernible, but filled with sadness, anguish, and misunderstanding. Why didn't Amara want her?
RE: thing one thing two - Eros - October 13, 2016
Anything and everything that the mother had said had been either ignored or not understood. Had he been listening, he wouldn’t have cared much, anyways. Finally had their mother started to give them some of her attention, and so he wanted to absorb as much of it as he could before things went back to normal—which had happened far sooner than he’d been expecting. No sooner had his affectionate assault began than Amara stood up abruptly, shouting at them in the process. So swiftly had she moved that he’d naught a second to correct his placement, and so down against the harsh ground had his body fallen. There was an audible thump! as he’d made impact, and there on the floor he’d remained, stunned.
Widened eyes narrowed as he was brought back to his senses, body rolling over onto his stomach so that he could then push himself off of the ground. For a moment, his siblings were forgotten. They didn’t exist any longer, it was only Eros and his mother. Anger flooded his body and the blood in his veins almost boiled, all of the confusion and hurt that had been building up having finally morphed into something else—and then he growled. It was small and not at all threatening, but it’d been the best that he could muster up, and it’d been directed at none other than Amara. Why did she always push them away? Why wouldn’t she give them more attention? Love them? He did not know from where he’d originated, or who his father was, but none of that mattered. All that mattered was that his mother, the one that provided him with food and warmth, wouldn’t give to him the affection that he deserved.
RE: thing one thing two - Amara - October 20, 2016
the woman flinched as they each tumbled back at the cause of her action. eyes braced closed, her ears fell back as the whines and snarls reached her them; pushing her to the ground once more. amara could not grasp her emotions, nor comprehend the lack of maternal empathy she had failed to give, that she had not wanted to give in the first place; how much it damaged each and every relationship she had and would ever have. tear streaked face refused to meet their eyes, instead trembling violently with each and every sob-induced breath that racked her body. she could not stop, unable to put on hold the never ending waterfall of tears that continuously bubbled at her eyelids and cascaded down her face; releasing each drop like it held a piece of the cracking sanity that just managed to hold her together.
she could not hold it in much longer, for she could not hold it at all.
"i-i'm sorry... i-i'm n-not good," she could not bring the words forward, knowing full well her actions were the cause of a misplaced hate, and even still, she could not bring herself to tell them that she loved them. she didn't. how was she supposed to speak; form words that made no difference from a mouth that had scorned them, look at them each day with eyes that had hated them at the first glance upon their birth, and embrace them as if the very resentment that settled in her heart for long before they could even being to make a difference, when nothing they could ever do would be able to change what had already been broken?
"i can-n't—" a whine escaped her before she could finish and she tensed inwards, refusing to meet their awaiting gazes. "i-i'm n-not meant t-to love y-you.. im not" her voice could not hide the pain within, though she did not expect them to understand. "im s-so s-sorry," the dam broke, and she cried like she had not before, collapsing as she had done before though this, at the audience of children that were not within her. in that moment, she wished they would love her so she didn't have to; that they would care for her because she could not care for them; that they would understand that she could never love them for who they were because apart of them came from someone that she had hated so much, it had begun to be the only thing that kept her from fading away into nothingness. without the hate, she would have perished to her own mind, something she could not take back nor change. ever. if she could not hate, what else did she live for?
she could not hold it in much longer, for she could not hold it at all.
"i-i'm sorry... i-i'm n-not good," she could not bring the words forward, knowing full well her actions were the cause of a misplaced hate, and even still, she could not bring herself to tell them that she loved them. she didn't. how was she supposed to speak; form words that made no difference from a mouth that had scorned them, look at them each day with eyes that had hated them at the first glance upon their birth, and embrace them as if the very resentment that settled in her heart for long before they could even being to make a difference, when nothing they could ever do would be able to change what had already been broken?
"i can-n't—" a whine escaped her before she could finish and she tensed inwards, refusing to meet their awaiting gazes. "i-i'm n-not meant t-to love y-you.. im not" her voice could not hide the pain within, though she did not expect them to understand. "im s-so s-sorry," the dam broke, and she cried like she had not before, collapsing as she had done before though this, at the audience of children that were not within her. in that moment, she wished they would love her so she didn't have to; that they would care for her because she could not care for them; that they would understand that she could never love them for who they were because apart of them came from someone that she had hated so much, it had begun to be the only thing that kept her from fading away into nothingness. without the hate, she would have perished to her own mind, something she could not take back nor change. ever. if she could not hate, what else did she live for?
RE: thing one thing two - Kavos - October 21, 2016
His mother’s breakdown was one that caused his scorn to deepen and for a slimy feeling of disgust slip uneasily upon him. His frown deepened and the the line above his brows darkened as he watched the trainwreck occur, but the ghost did not waver from his seat.
Instead he watched, just like he always did.
RE: thing one thing two - Prialux - October 23, 2016
Had there been any form of reciprocation in young Prialux's life, she might have gone to her mother when she collapsed on the floor of the den. A pang of fear found its home in her breast, but the tawny child didn't move. She angled her blazed snout toward Eros when he growled and fleetingly preened her ears forward in interest. She glanced at Kavos momentarily, as if looking to him for the guidance her mother failed to provide, but there was nothing there but resentment. Between the two of them, they drowned out Prialux's fear for her mother, and her much gentler self was buried beneath the suffocating sounds of hatred in the den. Her ears flitted back to gently tap her scalp, and then she turned slowly.
Her tail tickled her underbelly as it swept beneath her, both subservient and fearful, but it was away from Amara that she went. She'd tried to show her mother affection and earn it in return. What she was owed for simply existing was withheld from her. While Prialux wanting nothing more than to be loved and showered with affection—wasn't that what any child wanted?—she could not continue to forgive the abuse that Amara heaped upon her. She easily forgot and forgave everyone for everything... but not this time.
With a soft whine, she went to the furthest corner of the den from her mother and curled into a tight, miserable ball.
RE: thing one thing two - Eros - October 23, 2016
The feeling surrounding him seemed to change the moment he’d witnessed his mother’s downfall, anger becoming confusion and hatred becoming… well, even more confusion. He could not understand what she was saying, nor would it have made too great of a difference had he been able to. She’d acted against them every step of the way thus far, and no breakdown could change that. He could not offer to her any sympathy, for the emotion was hardly one that he could experience, let alone waste on the woman than despised him so greatly. Yet, he’d not attempted another growl, nor did he show his displeasure in any other way. Eros had simply moved away from her, uncertain of what she was doing, or what would follow. Would she knock him down again? He didn’t know and couldn’t tell, and so he’d settled on putting distance between himself and her.
A whine from his sister had distracted him, forcing his gaze to be removed from Amara and redirected towards Pria. She had left them, retreating elsewhere whilst the eldest was to try and understand all that had just happened—which he couldn’t. Little could be done, the words having not been understood and his ability to speak having yet to arrive. All he’d done is sat there, staring at his mother without a single clue as to what was going on or what had caused it.
RE: thing one thing two - Amara - November 21, 2016
i know this thread is pretty old so if nobody replies, i can archive :)
seconds, minutes passed before she began to move. sobs ceased to dead silence as her children moved away. what had she expected but more than fear? revulsion? amara would receive no pity from a distant crowd, and less so from infants who had no concern for her. she closed her eyes, laying her head down with an empty mind other than the overwhelming feeling of failure. blocking all other emotions than the pitiful one she lay resigned to, coma-like slumber took over her in the absence of anything other to feel, to distract her from her own misdeeds. what the young ones did in the aftermath of the breakdown did not weigh the slightest on her mind as the floating feeling of relief took her over.