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friends become family - RIP Fox - October 31, 2016
Set for the evening of November 1st.
Fox awoke minutes before the sky grew dark, rolling over to wake Peregrine before remembering the horrible truth of the matter. She stayed there for quite some time, unable to move, but unable to fall back asleep, hoping for peace but getting none of it. Whatever Raven had brought her earlier in the day had worn off, and Fox was wide-awake and weary at the same time. Eventually, she got up on her feet, shook her coat, and decided that the best course of action would be to seek out @Shrike.
She began where she was, then headed north, looking for any indication of his scent. A few times, she had thought she had found a fresh trail, only to be disappointed when it faded into nothingness. Fox stopped at a creek to drink, wincing when she leaned down and the wound on her back was tight against her shoulder blade. Peregrine had always been the hunter, not her, but she had to try to find Shrike. The Redhawk continued to meander throughout the territory, but she couldn't muster up the courage (or perhaps the intelligence) to call out for him.
RE: friends become family - Shrike Redleaf - October 31, 2016
Shrike had passed that very restless night in his den, had rearranged all his items several times and had even taken several trips in and out of the den, taking a few of his items out completely. His den had been scattered with pretty things that he'd found- mostly white rocks that he'd found along rivers or creeks, the claw from what he assumed was an eagle, a couple antlers and even two small skulls which had likely belonged to young deer. These, naturally, were the items that he carried out of his den and banished; their pale, permanent grins were too much for him to handle, as he knew one day Peregrine would be reduced to nothing more than a skeleton as well and it was a painful reminder of the loss they had suffered.
That morning he went South, far from his routine route, to begin marking along the borders to make sure that no foreign wolves got any ideas as Peregrine's scent began to fade. His heart felt heavy every time he found Peregrine's scent, and he made sure to leave it me, marking instead somewhere a bit further down the borders. He felt as though he was dawdling and it took him quite some time to even make it halfway around the pack's borders, where he veered away from his path in search of a drink of water- and maybe one or two more white rocks to fill up the empty space inside his den.
There was a new scent in the pack- belonging to a female he did not yet know, but it had been in the packlands for at least a day now, and no calls had gone up despite the fact that other wolves had crossed her path. Probably a new member, he supposed, which was a good thing. They would need to up their numbers- even if just by one or two wolves- to make sure they could defend their borders.
As soon as he caught Fox's scent he balked. He wasn't entirely sure what he could do for her now, aside from hunting and continuing to both search for Lucy and keep their borders safe. Still, he could not avoid her, and continued to walk in the direction he'd been headed in as Fox's scent grew stronger and stronger. Maybe she would appreciate going for a hunt, or continuing along the borders with him. Something to get her mind off the current situation, but when he saw her, all the little ideas he'd come up with faded away and he felt lost again.
He greeted her with a low chuff, and approached her with his head down and tail low, as he had at the gravesite. They weren't far from the creek, where he could satisfy his thirst, but before he could take care of himself, he had to put his cousin's mate first. He touched his nose gingerly to her cheek. "Anything I can do for you?" He asked quietly.
RE: friends become family - RIP Fox - October 31, 2016
There had been a time in the distant past, before she had left Swiftcurrent Creek, when Fox had let all manner of wolves court her. None of them, save two, had ever really been worthy of her, and now both of those were dead and gone. She had buried two of the wolves she had thought would stay with her until her dying day. At least Haunter had left her before he'd given her any children. And at least Peregrine had left her after he'd given her more children... but to be perfectly honest, she wasn't sure if he had.
It was entirely possible that he hadn't gotten her pregnant, despite the fact that they had boned numerous times that evening. (She'd lost count after the third or fourth time.) Their past litters had been a light for Fox, and she couldn't imagine a world where she would have to go a year without them. They were what made her whole, even if the tragedies that had struck two were never easy to bear. As she grew older and witnessed more lives disappear before her own eyes, she realized their deaths didn't mean the end for her.
Shrike's chuff broke her train of thought, and something in her was pulled toward him. The sensation of his nose upon her cheek was almost too much for her to handle. Even though Peregrine was gone, her hormones were still very, very much alive. She was in a swirling mess of emotions when she responded by gently licking Shrike's own cheek. A wordless reply. Fox pulled back, wanting and not wanting to see his reaction.
RE: friends become family - Shrike Redleaf - October 31, 2016
When she didn't pull away, Shrike felt relieved. In his mind, the last thing she'd want would be for someone else to come near her if they weren't close enough to her. His relationship with Fox was a friendly one, but distant still due to the difference in their ranks and Shrike's inability to connect with wolves on a personal level, except for a few very distinct situations. She licked his cheek and Shrike blindly assumed it was a thank you, for offering to do something. Anything beyond that was missed, even the fact that she'd pulled away for any reason beyond the fact that she was grieving and didn't want too much closeness just then. So he accepted the lick as a gesture of gratitude, and gave her space, though he kept his silver gaze in her direction, in case she asked something of him.
Blithely unaware of the fact that Fox was struggling with her hormones and emotions, and seeing only a grieving wolf before him, Shrike dipped his head in a gesture. "Wants a drink. Come to the creek with me?" He asked, licking his lips. His tail waved gently between his hind feet, hoping he could maybe take her mind off things.
RE: friends become family - RIP Fox - October 31, 2016
Fox nodded, again silent. She found herself more than willing to follow him. If he had picked up on what she felt, he made no mention of it. It had been so long since Fox had been around somebody who didn't talk her ear off, and she was thankful for the peaceful quiet that he allowed her. Anybody who had been too similar to Peregrine would have thrown her off. But Shrike... Shrike was a trusted friend, at least in her mind, and somebody she knew Peregrine had trusted. Why else would he have offered him the Redhawk name?
She wanted to reach back out, to smell him and pretend that he was Peregrine and everything was fine. And maybe she would, but something held her back for now. Peregrine was the only male she'd ever been with, and that thought put a weird twist in her stomach. Or was that just the hormones again? Separating the two seemed impossible.
RE: friends become family - Shrike Redleaf - October 31, 2016
Fox was quiet- it was unusual, yes, but rather than being welcome, as silence often was for Shrike, he felt slightly uncomfortable. His alpha followed him and it felt odd to be leading her somewhere, especially without talking. What could he say, though? He didn't want to bring up Peregrine; he didn't want to talk about that at all, unless of course, Fox brought it up. He felt obligated to make conversation, but couldn't think of anything appropriate to say. Talking about the weather even seemed inappropriate- why should he say the weather was nice when it was still such a horrible time in their lives? He kept quiet, instead, and was grateful when the creek came into view.
He waded in ankle deep, silver eyes automatically searching for a white rock as he lowered his head to drink. He gulped back enough to slate his thirst, before he began roving this way and that in the shallow waters, looking for anything he could add to his collection.
RE: friends become family - RIP Fox - October 31, 2016
He said nothing, even as he waded into the creek to drink. He looked as though he was searching for something, though Fox had no idea what he was looking for. Maybe he was simply trying to avoid any further contact with her. "Shrike," she said, her voice far smoother than it had been since it had happened. Fox was well-aware that her scent hadn't suddenly disappeared, so perhaps looking into the water was a distraction method for himself. But it wasn't what she wanted.
She stepped into the water, shivering slightly at the chill. Moving slowly, quietly, Fox nibbled on his shoulder. Her body, her heart, and her mind wanted all different things, but the former was outweighing all the others at this moment. Instinct and nature were the easy, mindless, thoughtless things she ran to in times like these.
RE: friends become family - Shrike Redleaf - October 31, 2016
"Hmm?" Inelegantly, Shrike lifted his head when Fox spoke his name, having found no nice rocks that he wanted to bring back just yet. She moved into the water toward him, and his earsturned back in respect, almost an instinctive reaction to her closeness. She came to his side and began combing her teeth through the fur at his shoulder, and he felt awkward, and felt a tiny bit of panic creep into his system. This wasn't what he had expected, but maybe he was reading into things too far. Maybe she just wanted support, even though it seemed like she wanted more.
"You doing ok?" He asked, and sheepishly touched his nose to her cheek again. He wanted her to stop what she was doing, but didn't have the heart to ask her to do so.
RE: friends become family - RIP Fox - October 31, 2016
He didn't smell quite like Peregrine, but it wasn't like he smelled bad. It was pleasant. Fox felt heady and sad and really all she wanted was for Shrike to comfort her. He asked if she was doing ok, and that was the final straw. She wanted to yell at him, rip his throat out, and spit it in his face. She wasn't "doing ok." Far from it. "No," was the only word she could manage to get out, though.
How was she supposed to go on without Peregrine? He had been here, with her, for what seemed like eternity. She'd only been a little over a year when they'd met, and not much older when she'd gone to him in Blacktail Deer Plateau. Her first time, with him, it hadn't been romantic. It had been necessary, and that was how she felt about Shrike in this moment.
"I want you, Shrike." And sure, ninety percent of that statement was the hormones, and at least five percent was grief, but that last five percent was just plain Fox. Shrike was the most capable, strongest, trustworthy male she had among her ranks. That was how she had always chosen them.
RE: friends become family - Shrike Redleaf - October 31, 2016
Fox seemed upset when he asked if she was alright, and he frowned at her answer. She persisted with her closeness, and Shrike's hopes of this simply being Fox's way of wanting support or someone to talk to faded away and more fear gripped him. All he could think about was what Peregrine might do if he could be there. What would Elwood think if he came into this situation, even though it was quite obvious how uncomfortable Shrike was. It was almost cruel, what Fox was doing to him. She spoke again, and his heart sank. His thoughts went to Allure, and even to Sassafras; those were the females he cared most about, at least in a physical way. Fox had always been off limits, and therefore of no interest to him.
"I can't." He said softly, and he feared the consequences of refusing to do anything for her. Would she just go find Trick? He couldn't bear the thought of her simply choosing the only other male in the pack who was single. He'd fight Trick, naturally, as he did not like the idea of Trick being ranked above him. "We shouldn't," He said in a quieter, softer voice, and ran his muzzle along her cheek, hoping his tender touch and quiet voice might stay her ambition.
RE: friends become family - RIP Fox - October 31, 2016
The words "can't" and "shouldn't" were not the words Fox wanted to hear. They weren't the words she needed to hear. But his muzzle touched her cheek, and she ignored the words. Actions spoke louder than any word ever had, and Fox found herself leaning her body onto his. Unfortunately for Shrike, his attempt to stay her ambition had done quite the opposite. Her eyes closed, and she breathed in his scent again.
"I need this, Shrike," she murmured in his ear, her tongue flicking out momentarily, only to disappear into the recesses of her muzzle once more. Fox's body brushed against his, wanting nothing more than for them to be intertwined.
RE: friends become family - Shrike Redleaf - October 31, 2016
Fox persisted that she needed him. He frowned deeply, knowing that all she wanted was sex. She didn't want him at all, but that was something of a reassuring thought for Shrike. Yes, he was a rebound. He didn't feel inclined to give her what she wanted at all, given that he meant absolutely nothing to her...But then again, it wasn't the worst thing. She didn't want him because of who he was, she simply wanted someone. So the fact that he did not have feelings for her did not make him feel terribly guilty when he considered indulging her. She wanted to use him, and he didn't want her, so no feelings would be hurt, right? But what would it mean after, if she got pregnant. If she had pups and any looked remotely like him, he would have to give up everything else and be a father. He would have to be responsible.
"You could get pregnant." He stated somewhat stupidly. "With my kids." The tone of his voice went down, as though to hint that it was not a good idea for him to be the father of her children. "You want Peregrine's kids, not mine. If you are pregnant already, you'll have no doubt that they'll be his, and his only." He said.
RE: friends become family - RIP Fox - October 31, 2016
He pulled out more excuses, and Fox pulled back, hurt. "I want a leader's children," Fox retorted. Did he think her that stupid? Did Shrike think that she wasn't aware of what would happen if they did this? She was very, very aware. It was why she had wanted him, needed him. Love had nothing to do with it. It hadn't when she had coupled with Peregrine the first time, and maybe not any of the following times. Love was a myth, as far as Fox was concerned, and even those she thought she might love had died.
"Do this for me, and lead by my side, Shrike. I know you're capable." Hell, she and Peregrine had even discussed what a great leader Shrike would make. He was smart, strong, and Fox couldn't think of a single wolf who would object to it. Except, apparently, Shrike himself. And if he wasn't willing to lead by her side when she was in need of it, what good was he to her? To the pack? To her possible future children?
RE: friends become family - Shrike Redleaf - October 31, 2016
At first, Shrike felt relieved. She wanted a leader's children- and he was not a leader. Elwood already had a mate, though Shrike had already figured that Fox would promote Elwood to the Alpha position despite the fact that they were not mates. Finley was no longer Beta, so promoting Elwood wouldn't have changed the fact that Elwood was a leader and Finley was not. He'd already mused with the fact that he would then likely be promoted to Beta, to fill in Elwood's place, and things would eventually go back to normal, or as normal as they could be. Fox wanted a leader's children, and if she was already pregnant with Peregrine's pups, then she would have just that.
But then she asked something of him, and it completely rattled Shrike. She wanted him to be a leader. Naturally, Shrike did not want to assume she wanted him to be her mate...But the words "by my side" meant something else. How could he be an alpha over Elwood? He respected the male greatly, and did not want to step on his toes, even though he knew Elwood would likely understand, and he had enough on his plate as it was. But it would be extremely uncomfortable for Shrike. He would be ranked above Elwood, and would be stepping into the position so soon after Peregrine had died. His heart sank.
"I'll do everything for the pack." He said, not knowing where to begin. He didn't want to let Fox down...He'd already done everything he possibly could for the pack- from finding Peter's murderer to going on an endless search for Lucy. He was a capable guardian and hunter, and had begun trying to get Eljay to come out of his shell. "I just..." He couldn't do this so soon after Peregrine died. He didn't love Fox. He wanted a mate of his own that he loved someday. He didn't want to father children with someone he did not love. He did not want to hurt Whip and Gannet, who would not take to this well at all. He did not want to be ranked above Elwood.
He took a second to think about what he did want. He wanted a mate- but he wanted a mate he loved. He thought of Allure, and Sassafras. Could he stop himself from having feelings for either of them if he did this? Not likely, unless he stopped going to visit Allure, and stopped hunting for Lucy with her, and if he more or less avoided Sassafras as much as possible. He wanted to be as valuable to the pack as he could be, of course, but he was already quite content with where he stood in the pack.
What he absolutely did not want was to be exiled from the pack if he offended Fox by refusing her offer. He was heartbroken and lost, and had no idea what was the right thing to do.
RE: friends become family - RIP Fox - October 31, 2016
Remember when I said I had plans for Shrike... :P
At first, Fox was hopeful. He said he would do everything for the pack. It was exactly why she had chosen him above anybody else. Somewhere, deep down, Fox knew she was being exceedingly selfish, cruel, and a bona fide bitch. But her emotions, her grief, and her hormones had overruled any logical, level-headed thinking and replaced it with wild notions. Wild notions that she wasn't likely to let go of anytime soon.
"What the pack needs is a strong pair," she reminded him, as if he had somehow forgotten. "I know it's too soon, but I don't have much time, and..." and what, she wasn't exactly sure of. All Fox knew was that he wasn't giving her a truly straight answer. The question of what she would do, should he refuse her, lingered heavily on the air. He hadn't, though, not yet. And Fox was growing impatient.
RE: friends become family - Shrike Redleaf - October 31, 2016
OOC: I remembered that as soon as I saw that you'd made a thread! hah
He still wanted to say something about Elwood. Elwood would make a fine Alpha- but what Fox wanted was to have an alpha pair, not simply two alphas. His heart raced, and all he could think about was everything that he would lose if he accepted her offer...Or was it a demand? She was his alpha, his leader. He'd promised when he'd joined the pack that he would be loyal and do everything for them. Now he wasn't so much being asked, as being told that he needed to step up. He'd never complained about his promotions before, of course. This was something different, and it broke his heart to think of the consequences of being the alpha male. Fox wanted a mate. It was natural for the pack to have a couple as leaders, though he was sure they would be fine without. Fox wanted children, and he did not. At least, he did not want to father her children.
"I would be alpha alongside you, if you need me to step up." He said, but paused. "But...I don't think I can be your mate." He said, and thought for a moment. "I can't." He didn't love her. He would do everything that an alpha needed to do, of course, and he would support her and her family, but he couldn't love her. It was too soon, he already felt himself falling for someone else, and Whip and Gannet wouldn't accept him. Nor could he accept himself.
RE: friends become family - RIP Fox - October 31, 2016
It sounded as though he was going to accept her offer. However, the "but" gave it all away, and Fox's heart boiled. "I can't," echoed in the cool autumn evening, and Fox backed away from him. She was offering him everything—everything—and still he refused her. He could have had it all, and now he would have nothing. "Leave," was the single, icy word she spat out once she regained the use of her tongue. "Don't come back."
Her lip curled and Fox gnashed her teeth at him, tail arched over her back and hackles raised. Her word was law, and if he failed to follow it, he could get lost. Fox could and would find somebody to stand by her side.
RE: friends become family - Shrike Redleaf - October 31, 2016
She recoiled and all of a sudden, everything Shrike had known was torn out from under him. His cousin had died, and Fox was kicking him out simply because he would not be her mate. He felt all the respect he could have had for her fade away- her mate had just died and now she was kicking out her mate's cousin because he wouldn't mate with her. Women were strange, vile things from time to time, and Fox was the worst example of it. He couldn't believe what she was doing- and he had a strong feeling she would regret the decision and see his point of view as soon as her godforsaken heat passed. But that time was not now, and Fox was too angry and hurt to see that what she was doing was wrong.
It wounded him deeply to be exiled from the pack and he wanted to try and talk her down. But she was a grieving woman who had also been spurned by the male she'd chosen to take her mate's place. It made no sense whatsoever to Shrike, but he wasn't sure he wanted to try and see things from Fox's point of view. Sullenly, Shrike gave Fox one last, hurt look, before he began to shrink away. He was losing his pack, and he'd just lost his closest family member. He couldn't help but feel that Peregrine wouldn't have approved of Fox's decisions whatsoever- but that seemed to mean nothing to Fox anymore.
RE: friends become family - Elwood - November 01, 2016
Elwood to the rescue?!
It was by pure coincidence that Elwood happened upon Fox and Shrike; there had been no call for him and no real reason for him to be in the area. He was simply passing through, on his way to check the northern borders one last time before calling it a night. When he spotted his two packmates, he paused, taking in the situation; the body language was unmistakable. Fox's tiny figure was rigid, with her tail thrown dominantly over her haunches, while Shrike appeared to be slinking away from her, his posture the exact opposite of hers.
Elwood frowned. This was much different than the way they had acted with each other the night of Peregrine's death; Shrike had seemed to be Fox's rock and source of comfort after losing her mate. The Beta male moved slowly towards Fox, though his eyes were on Shrike. "What's going on?" he asked quietly.
RE: friends become family - RIP Fox - November 01, 2016
Elwood arrived, and although Fox had always respected him, the smoldering in her eyes did not abate. "He refused me," Fox spat, giving Shrike another fiery glare. If Elwood wanted to play good cop, by all means, let him have at it. She was done here. Fox flippantly turned around and stormed off without another word.
RE: friends become family - Elwood - November 01, 2016
@Shrike I thought it would make sense for me to go ahead and reply; hope that's okay!
Fox was vehement in her reply, anger clearly simmering in each word. Elwood was left blinking at her receding form, watching her hunched shoulders as she marched away without further explanation. He couldn't imagine in what way Shrike had refused her and made her so mad; and while part of him, as her second-in-command, wanted to follow her and let Shrike go, he wondered if there was more to the story. Fox was under a great deal of emotional stress, and although she was often hot headed and irrational, he also knew that Shrike was one of their most trusted wolves -- so what had happened?
He stared after Fox for a few seconds, then turned towards Shrike. "Shrike, wait," he called out, moving toward him. He wouldn't necessarily attempt to overturn whatever decision Fox had made -- she was Alpha, after all -- but he needed more information.
RE: friends become family - Shrike Redleaf - November 01, 2016
Shrike wasn't prepared for thie whatsoever. Though he hated doing so, leaving seemed like the only option- how could he live with someone who had tried to force him into having sex with them the day after their mate- his own cousin- had died? He heard Fox's angry voice behind him and knew that Elwood had passed by, but he didn't stop until Elwood asked him to do so. He turned his head around solwly, doleful eyes searching for any sign of Fox, but it was clear she had already taken off. He frowned, and lowered his head. Fox had commanded him to leave, and even Elwood could not overstep those orders.
He shook his head. "I couldn't do it." He said sullenly. "I don't love her. Peregrine just died. It wouldn't have been right." He explained softly, aware he was being a touch vague, so he clarified. "She tried to make me...Y'know...Sex." The words hurt to say, but he couldn't hide it from Elwood. If he had any chance of redeeming himself, Elwood would be the one to help him.
RE: friends become family - Elwood - November 01, 2016
Shrike turned to Elwood, but still seemed defeated and downtrodden. In Shrike's current state, Elwood couldn't imagine him doing anything offensive to Fox -- he was an obedient and driven wolf, always striving to do the right thing. But obviously, he had made some kind of wrong decision, putting him at the brunt of Fox's anger.
When the other male began to explain what had happened in broken sentences, Elwood had a hard time fitting together the pieces at first. He frowned, his mouth already opening to ask a series of questions for clarification. But Shrike beat him to the punch, concluding that Fox had wanted something in particular from Shrike -- something that Shrike didn't feel comfortable giving to her.
He frowned. It didn't really make sense to him; Fox was grieving the loss of Peregrine, so why would she proposition one of the bachelors in the pack? But he had never claimed to understand women and wouldn't pretend to now. "So she got mad at you when you refused?" he asked, glancing over his shoulder in the direction that Fox had gone.
RE: friends become family - Shrike Redleaf - November 01, 2016
Shrike nodded obediently when Elwood asked his question, and he explained further, though it felt terribly awkward to do so. "Wanted me to be alpha alongside her...I understand wanting another leader, and I could..I could be a leader. But I respect [I]you[/] too much. It'd be awkward. But...She wouldn't. Wouldn't let me unless we..." he said, and shrugged, assuming Elwood would know to piece the rest together.
He was quiet for a moment before he shook his head. "Peregrine was my cousin and he loved her. I couldn't. And Gannet and Whip..." He shook his head again. It wouldn't have been fair to any of them. He wished it wasn't so, and that Fox had made Elwood alpha, and perhaps chosen him as Beta, but it wasn't so.
"I gotta go, Elwood. I'm...I'm so sorry." He said. He wanted to ask Elwood to say goodbye to Eljay, Finley and Sassafras for him, but he couldn't. "Still gonna look for Lucy. I promise." He said quietly.
RE: friends become family - Elwood - November 02, 2016
He listened with a small furrow between his brows as Shrike elaborated. Not only had Fox wanted to mate with him, but she had wanted to promote him to be her Alpha male. Elwood had no problem with that; he was perfectly happy with his role as the pack's Beta, and didn't particularly aspire to take the reins himself. If Fox asked him to step up, he would, of course -- but if she chose someone else, he would take it in stride. Besides, he had a great deal of respect for Shrike and thought that he would make a great leader.
But the situation was too convoluted for Shrike to accept. Elwood could understand that; Peregrine was Shrike's family, and Fox's behavior was unexpected and perhaps a bit inappropriate. It was apparent in Shrike's expression that he was hurt and conflicted. He didn't want to leave, but he was too good of a wolf to go against the grain. He had been told to depart, and he would.
"Thank you," Elwood said quietly in response to his packmate's promise to continue to look for Lucy. He met Shrike's gaze. "I'm sorry this happened. I wish I could fix it. Please, check in with me in a couple weeks, if you can. We can meet in a neutral territory." His frown deepened. "I wish you the best, Shrike." He felt like the pack was falling apart -- Finley and Lucy were missing, Peregrine was deceased, and now Shrike would soon be gone.