Jace had not slept the night before the nights events from the night before continued to play in his head. All the violence and blood and noises. His biggest regret however was that Bazi had to take a life. He did not worry for his own soul it was already damaged hers however was not.

He loped around the pack lands as he always did or he tried but his bruises and his aches hurt the largest being the newly reopened shoulder wound. He was licking it as he walked when he came near to bazi's den and saw her laying there. He licked his muzzle for a moment and then spoke quietly hello Bazi you ok today? he was unsure how she would take the night before

Jace smiled though it was a sad one. I do them because it is my duty and i am good at it. I figure that i am stuck with this and the more i fight it the worse it will become. So if by embracing it I can save you or Fox or even Njal someday then i'll do it and not think twice about it. And that was what he knew to be true. He was a hunter a fisher and a thinker his three best qualities, hunting and fishing were partial to him earning his gamekeeping thinking he could do that with anything.

Jace listened to her words It takes a toll on you And as it should one should not be calm about killing even if it's to protect at least in his mind. After all yo udid take a life, regardless of how terrible that other wolf or animal was they had a family and a life perhaps even babies and you took them away from that. It was a darkness that seeped at your mind and soul and made your conscience go in hyper drive. I do not garden or heal because i do not know enough about it, but I do try and learn about it. I can heal myself if needed. And besides even if her were to heal and shove that part of him down down deep one day it would surface and it would be more destructible than the largest natural disaster at least to those around him.

Jace back pedaled quickly as she started pushing at him. He did not like others in his personal space especially when they were virtually yelling at him and poking him and all manners of other things there. Finally he snapped back not angry but just as irritated. Because if i don't it gets worse Bazi. This isn't something I want, it's not something i like! What do you want from me huh? To just think oh i'll be fine and poof it's gone! It doesn't work like that it never had and it never will! You don't think I've already thought about all this? You don't think I haven't cursed myself seven ways to sunday and back again every single damn time!? You don't think it doesn't drive me crazy to realize that i could hurt you, but if I don't fight and I just shove it to a deep dark place inside of me no one wants to see that it will be so much worse. I realize this and trust me I think about this it keeps me up at night, it gives me shadows beneath my eyes and it breaks my heart every time, but this is the only way! the only way I know how to work through it. Because Bazi I refuse to shove it down so that its worse and then I might kill someone in a spar or an argument like this. Don't you see if I hide it if I don't get control of it, which is what i am doing when i go to those borders to fight it will be so much worse and I will kill someone I care about?

Jace shifted his large shoulders and stared down at the ground fighting a war within himself, but he wasn't angry. He was stone cold tired and sad. He hated that he was some type of monster and that no one got it, that they just thought oh okay he can just ignore this part o fhim do something else to make it all better. It didn't work like that he couldn't just go garden and hide it, because if he did that if he hid behind his fear of his condition and he shoved it down so deep darkness ate it up he would hurt someone and it would be a brutal brutal killing and he would not survive himself, as a matter of fact he would probably kill himself if that happened rip his own chest open and cut the tethers to his heart.

Jace was not used to laying it all out on the line and he felt empty and hollow and tired. He didn't want anyone ot think he was crazy that he was 3 inches from insanity and one quick push would push him over the edge, and when he spoke the words out loud it sounded to him at least that he was a nut case holding onto a small amount of sanity before he tumbled fully into darkness and death. Jace was a loyal and duty bound wolf and he would continue to fight for those he cared about and above all of them was Bazi at the moment. His first real friend and she wasn't afraid to prod at all his vulnerable oozing parts and make them open and then stitch back up. For her he would do anything including fight harder for his sanity to do that though he would have to embrace the darker side of things evne more than he already did. Because as he stood there and thought about it. He had told her he couldn't hide behind it, but in a way he had been and he would have to rectify that.

Blue Eyes snapped to ivory face and he studied her memorizing and thinking. Thank you Bazi I sure try. That was all he said about it tentatively he moved back to sitting position, allowing his posture to relax. "I'm sorry i snapped at you you did not deserve it when you just wanted answers.

Jace realized he had probably made her nervous and he also realized she had probably pushed her boundaries to try and see if she could see some of the monster though he was happy that it stayed hidden for the most part. If she looked she may see a slight red tinge to his eyes, but he was not angry merely irritated. That was easily settled. One day possible even soon she would see the monster that lurked beneath his inky blue depths.

He licked the underside of her chin and rumbled Friends Bazi He smiled at her and then shifted his weight again settling it more evenly so that he wasn't as imposing.

Jace was far from back to his standard self, but he hid it well. His conversation with Bazi had left him a bit unsettled and anxious. Jace moved his face quickly when Bazi pretty much exploded with her own excitement and he stared at her wide eyed. Her ways were so unusual it made him laugh really.

Jace stared after her stupidly trying to decide what just happened and how she departed so quickly. he shrugged in defeat stood to his massive paws and was on his way, darting a glance this way and that before he loped off to get into something probably some hunting.