+- Wolf RPG (https://wolf-rpg.com)
+-- Forum: In Character: Roleplaying (https://wolf-rpg.com/forumdisplay.php?fid=5)
+--- Forum: Archives (https://wolf-rpg.com/forumdisplay.php?fid=11)
+--- Thread: Redhawk Caldera i may be crazy, don't mind me. (/showthread.php?tid=21717)
Pages:
1
2
i may be crazy, don't mind me. - Finley - May 08, 2017
The news of Titmouse's disappearance had been a blow. She'd thought perhaps what had happened with Liffey would lessen the hurt of losing another, but she had apparently been incorrect. Perhaps it would have been easier had Titmouse chosen to leave. But no, they had lost him. The only upside was that they had found scents suggesting that he had gone with Liffey, wherever she was headed. But even that wasn't exactly the best scenario for him considering Liffey's obvious dislike of her cousin's...
The other firebirds seemed to be coping in their own way. Orca was sad, Towhee was angry, Phox fell somewhere in between (I assume). Finley hated the thought of them suffering, and also of them having any ill-feelings towards their brother for what had happened. It wasn't Titmouse's fault, nor was it Lagan's. She blamed herself, but in truth it was an accident that none could have foreseen. All they could do now was search and hope they either found him or that Liffey would bring him home soon. Or at the very least, pray that he was safe and happy, wherever they were.
The alpha paced along the borders, feeling restless. In her younger years, it was a mood that had often lead to her picking a fight with something bigger and angrier than herself. These days, it was an aggression she usually worked out by hunting or getting plowed by her mate. The latter actually was an intriguing thought, now that it came to it.
A very pleasing one.
Finley felt her mood shift in an instant away from angry and straight to playful and seductive and in that moment, for the first time ever... Finley came to realize all on her own that she was in heat again.
Surprised by this revelation (and I must say mighty proud of herself for finally achieving such a level of self-awareness), she turned her muzzle skyward and called for @Elwood to attend her.
RE: i may be crazy, don't mind me. - Phox - May 08, 2017
Titmouse wasn't around anymore, and maybe Phox should have been more concerned about this, but really he didn't mind too much. If it had been Towhee he probably would have been a wild, sad, angry mess, but as it were, Phox wasn't particularly close to either Orca or Tit. They were his siblings, but they were more distant than his shadow. (Or was he her shadow?) Besides, he'd already lost two other siblings early in life, not to mention the older siblings and cousins who had gone off on their own.
Even though the call wasn't for him, Phox came trotting up to Finley all the same. She looked surprisingly happy despite the loss of one of the Firebirds, and Phox mirrored her mood almost immediately, tail wagging and a big grin on his face.
RE: i may be crazy, don't mind me. - Elwood - May 08, 2017
After Lagan had confessed to losing Titmouse, the adults had looked for him. But the boy was nowhere to be found, and they were forced to accept their new reality and move on with their lives. Naturally, Elwood didn't blame Lagan, but he hated it all the same. It brought back memories of Lucy's kidnapping.
He was returning from a brief excursion beyond the borders, in which he found no trace of Titmouse. The Alpha could only hope that the boy was still alive and well, wherever he was. He couldn't bear the thought of harm coming to the little loudmouth. Though his gaze was downcast, he perked up at the sound of Finley calling for him. He recognized the beckoning tone in her voice and grinned despite himself.
When he tracked her down a few minutes later, he was surprised to see Phox hovering at her feet. He raised his brows, a question in his eyes: "Really? Now? In front of Phox?"
RE: i may be crazy, don't mind me. - Lagan - May 09, 2017
Lagan had been in a sort of poopy mood since his baby cousin and his twin's departure, but he was trying his best not to let it bring him down. His parents didn't seem angry with him, nobody did, but still. He hated not having his little screamy buddy around, and he hadn't realized how much he did with Liffey until he found himself with little to do. So to take his mind off of his missing family members, the optimist was trying other things. Playing games on his own, making up stories and jokes in his head, playing with his babies and other family members, exploring the territory and whatnot.
Today however, something totally new had caught his attention. It was a smell that he had never smelled before, and it was attached to his mom. It was a weird smell, but not unpleasant entirely. He wasn't quite sure he liked it though. Curiosity carried him towards her, and when he arrived he found two others had beat him there. Elwood stood staring at Finley, and Phox sat at Finley's feet. Lagan wore a confused expression, and his apple gaze flitted from parent to parent.
Now the young male had heard of this sex thing, but he really didn't know what it was, or how it worked. All he knew was it happened and boom, babies. He didn't make the connection between his mom's weird aroma and the sex thing though, so he didn't understand why there was an awkward air about the group.
Sup daddyo. Mom you ok? You smell like... weirdHe greeted them, walking closer to Finley, his tail wagging. He bent down and gave Phox a quick lick on the head too, then looked back up toward his mom.
RE: i may be crazy, don't mind me. - Finley - May 09, 2017
omg I feel like @Eljay needs to show up so we can make this an impromptu multi-generational sex ed class
Finley listened as her call echoed across the plains and faded into nothing. This new development had distracted her completely from her worrying over Titmouse and instead filled her mind with thoughts of the future. They had hesitated to try for a third litter earlier that year. Her time had come so soon after the terrible Winter they'd had when life was just getting back to normal. The firebirds had been so young and so much attention was needed to them and to the pack as a whole. The latter was the only fact that was still true, but it was hard to let this hold her back from conceiving in the wake of deciding to become a mentor to their future generations and dedicating herself to the survival and prosperity of the Caldera. Those things required babies, and her body had decided it was baby time so.... Hurry up, Twig.
The alpha spun when she sensed the approach of one of her wolves. She knew before even looking that it was not Elwood - the steps sounded too light. Still, she was unprepared for her gaze to land on Phox's happy face while her mind was in a very adult place in that moment. She blinked at him, uncertain what to do and her mind too addled to be of any use to her. "Heyyyyy kid," she said finally, mirroring his grin but with tightened lines, "What're you.. how's.... heyyyyyy."
The bizarre words had barely begun to slip from her tongue when the wind brought her news of Elwood's approach. Phox was momentarily forgotten as she watched him striding toward her with particular interest. She was considering pouncing on him once he came near enough, but was drawn by the shift of his gaze back down to their godson and immediately was sobered. She gave her mate a really, Elwood? frown over Phox's head, recognizing the look on his face and answering with one of her own. It shifted then to one that told of the anxious what do we do? feeling that was building in her chest.
When Lagan wandered into the scene, Finley still had no idea what to do, but had at least decided she was never using such an easily overheard summons for her mate again. If the scene were a cartoon, she would have melted into a puddle at her feet from the horror of her youngest son asking her that question. She gaped at Lagan with widened eyes like a deer in the headlights for a few seconds before looking at Elwood again with an expression that clearly said she was going to make a run for it if he didn't do something here soon.
RE: i may be crazy, don't mind me. - Phox - May 09, 2017
Finley greeted him with a strange string of words that left a puzzled look on his face. Phox had noted the scent, but he hadn't really thought much of it. Thankfully, he was much too young to act on it. (Now that would have been weird.) Elwood arrived shortly after, followed by Lagan, who commented on the way Finley smelled.
Phox looked to Lagan, then Finley, then to Elwood. He was aware that something seemed off, based purely on the tension in the air, but he couldn't discern what it was. Maybe it had something to do with Titmouse being gone. Were they happy that he was gone? Did the weird smell have something to do with it? Fidget, for once in his life, stood still, waiting.
RE: i may be crazy, don't mind me. - Elwood - May 10, 2017
While Elwood and Finley tried to communicate with their eyes and facial expressions over Phox's head, Lagan approached. Elwood turned abruptly at the sound of his son's voice, blinking as Lagan immediately and unabashedly pointed out the odor his mother was emitting. He felt the color drain from his face, though no one could see it beneath the grey fur there.
The two boys were quite attentive; in fact, Elwood didn't think he could ever recall a time when Phox was so motionless. Go figure, right? He and Finley had a couple of options: they could be mature adults and explain what was going on; they could turn tail and run away from Phox and Lagan; or they could make something up. While the latter two choices were much more appealing, Elwood gathered a deep breath in his lungs and let it out with a sigh. He knew what he had to do.
"Well, Lagan, your mom is in heat," he said, his cheek giving a slight twitch as he tried to keep himself from wincing visibly. He glanced at Finley, hoping that she would throw him a bone (heheh) and help him out.
RE: i may be crazy, don't mind me. - Lagan - May 11, 2017
Lagan stared at his mom, bewildered as she made the weirdest face he'd ever seen her make. She looked like one of those squishy stress balls where the eyes pop out when you squeeze it. His mom usually looked so calm, but something had made her appear terrified. Was it something he'd said? Or was something wrong with her? Maybe it had something to do with that strange smell. She kept looking at Lagan's dad, and Lagan kept looking back and forth between them. What the heck was happening?
Lagan and Phox just stood there, looking around, utterly confused, as their parents had a whole conversation with no words. Finally Elwood spoke, though what he said didn't clear up anything to Lagan. He hadn't been taught what a heat was, or did. He'd heard it used in a sentence a few times but that was it. He furrowed his eyebrows and stared expectantly at his dad, assuming that he had more to say. When he didn't say anything else, the Blackthorn boy broke the silence.
Should we get her... cold water?He asked.
RE: i may be crazy, don't mind me. - Eljay - May 11, 2017
The confusing feelings and scent were back from where they'd gone a while ago; Eljay was back to feeling perpetually confused and he didn't know what to do with this feeling. He just wanted to be around mommy all the time and it hurt every moment he was away from her. Even though her call was clearly for daddy, Eljay couldn't stop himself from heading it when he heard it and so it was that he appeared for what seemed to be a strange little family reunion in the pack's territories.
"Hi mommy," he said, his tail wagging as he approached and nuzzled the underside of her chin in respect, a weird jolt of happiness tingling his spine at the touch.
RE: i may be crazy, don't mind me. - Finley - May 11, 2017
In her anxiety, Finley didn't even notice the phenomenon that was Fidget standing motionless in his confusion at her behavior. Elwood, in all of his magnificence, interpreted her expressions with impressive accuracy and turned to their boys with anxious determination. In spite of her very best efforts, she flinched when her mate went on to explain that she was in heat. Once upon a time, they had agreed that it would be Elwood's job to explain this to their sons. That at the time had been limited to Eljay, truth be told. But! It totally carried forward to all little boys in the Caldera ever, even if it had never been spoken aloud. But, now here they were, Finley in all of her impregnable glory standing witness to the birds and the bees talk when all she wanted was to.. get birded and beeded. Or whatever.
Her eyes trailed to Lagan to watch him digest this information. She truly had no idea whether or not the comment would mean anything to him, nor did she know if she even wanted him to understand. As much as she wanted her kids to grow into happy, healthy adults, she still was horrified by the thought that they would ever lose the sweet, happy innocence they'd been born with. Lagan's comment eased this fear, but left her completely lost as to how to react. Her eyes went to Elwood for assistance, but she only found her cry for help reflected back at her in his face. She dropped her head slightly to give him an are you kidding me??? before attempting to gather herself to respond.
And then Eljay showed up.
It happened in an instant. Her eldest son reached to nuzzle her chin - a movement he had made with her literally millions of times in the past - and Fin felt her lips peel back in the brief flicker of a silent snarl. She shifted away from the boys, circling around them to stand crowded against Elwood's hip with her head slung low and eyes shifting across them. She took a breath to steady the instincts that told her to be wary, fighting them as the idea that she was in any danger at all from her collective sons was just plain ridiculous somwhere in the more level-headed part of her...... head. Still, her hormones made her more feral, and she sought the strength of her mate to calm her. She stood silent by his side, watching anxiously, unable to find a single word to speak aloud.
RE: i may be crazy, don't mind me. - Phox - May 11, 2017
Phox looked to Elwood, then Lagan, then Eljay as each of them spoke. Then he looked at Finley, who seemed decidedly not happy with their presence here. Fidget didn't really know what was going on, but he wasn't about to get scolded for being here. Even if Elwood was playing nice, the snarl from Finley said it all: go away. With a shrug, Phox sauntered off, leaving the birds and the bees talk for another day (at least for him).
Later in life, he would likely recall this event in life with much amusement.
RE: i may be crazy, don't mind me. - Elwood - May 12, 2017
Some of Elwood's anxiety was eased by Lagan's reaction to his explanation. It was so simple and it brought a smile to his face. Although Finley seemed like she was preparing to add her own response, Elwood forged ahead in the brief silence that had settled after Lagan's question.
"Not exactly --" he said, but he stopped when his gaze was drawn away by the arrival of Eljay. They were like moths to a flame, and if it wasn't so weird, Elwood would have laughed. Eljay sidled up to Finley, accustomed to a certain level of closeness with his mother, and everyone present was surely surprised by what happened next.
Finley bared her teeth and moved abruptly away from the boys, coming to stand closer to Elwood. He felt his own feral instincts fighting for control as a peculiar defensiveness caused his hackles to momentarily prickle. Amidst the commotion, Phox slipped away, and when Elwood noticed, he was thankful. But now they would have to deal with Eljay's wounded feelings, and he nudged Finley's cheek reassuringly. Her display had given him the courage to say what he needed to say.
"Not exactly," he continued, picking up where he had left off. "It means -- it means she's ready to have a new litter of puppies. She's feeling very agitated and she can't help it. She needs some privacy. I think it's best if you boys go," he said, giving Eljay and Lagan a long look and hoping they would understand.
RE: i may be crazy, don't mind me. - Lagan - May 13, 2017
Lagan almost found it funny when Eljay arrived, it was practically the whole family! He smirked a little at the thought, but his attention was still on his parents as they continued to make weird expressions. He'd never seen them like this before, and once again he found the whole thing pretty funny. That was until Eljay started getting close to Finley, and their mom snarled at him, backing up to Elwood. Lagan's eyes widened and he had a look of complete shock on his face. His mouth agape, he stared at her, wondering why the heck she'd just been so mean to Eljay!
Both Blackthorn parents looked kind of defensive now, and Lagan's ears flattened to his head. He never made his mom and dad angry before, and he didn't like it one bit. Elwood started to speak, explaining that she was ready to have more pups and that she was feeling saltier than usual. Lagan's ears perked back up, as he had a billion questions to ask; how do the babies get in her? Why is it called heat? Am I going to have more siblings to watch over!!? But before he could let any of those questions fountain from him mouth, dad said that he and Eljay ought to go.
The boy closed his mouth and frowned. He wanted to protest, but from what he'd seen from mom, maybe now might not be the best to time do so.
Ok, we'll go. But can I talk to you guys later because I have like a bajillion questions?He asked, backing up towards his older brother as he prepared to leave.
RE: i may be crazy, don't mind me. - Finley - May 13, 2017
OH F%(& I forgot Eljay hadn't posted yet >_>; Iris, if it's a problem, I can remove this and you can go ahead with your turn just let me know. I'm sorry I'm dumb!
Fin felt guilt reaching for her the moment she'd acted against her eldest son, but instinct maintained that she'd acted appropriately and so she didn't speak a word. Later, perhaps, she would approach him to apologize. But not now. Every molecule in her body tingled with intensity as she looked between each member of her family. She was pleased when Phox left them, and even more so when Elwood told the other two boys to go. Lagan was unwilling, and so some sense returned to the alpha, and she whined softly before giving her coat a good shake.
"I'll go," Fin said quietly to her mate, pressing herself affectionately against him, "Find me later. You need to talk to them now." Her gaze slipped across both of her sons then, an apology written somewhere in her expression. She turned then to leave and find somewhere secluded from the rest of the pack where she could wait for her mate to come and get her pregnant.
RE: i may be crazy, don't mind me. - Eljay - May 17, 2017
Eljay didn't want to go. He wanted to stay here, right next to mommy. He didn't understand why daddy wanted him to leave. But then mommy said that she should leave and it was like something was ripped from his chest. "No!" he pleaded quickly, a sad frown on his face as he looked at mommy. There wasn't anything he wanted more in the world right now than for her to stay by his side.
Then something unearthed that he didn't think was within him —
a ghost of the past — little baby Jay-jay. "Please don't go, mommy, please, don't leave me!" It was a strange and terrifying experience to feel like the little boy who'd been left alone when mommy had gotten hurt again. He felt panic creeping up on him and his breath quickening as his eyes shone with a shimmery veil of emotion, and everything in his body screamed and pleaded for mommy to stay by his side.
maybe easiest if @Finley posts again now (with whatever answer or just her ignoring Eljay and leaving anyways, lmao) and we resume order? :)
RE: i may be crazy, don't mind me. - Finley - May 22, 2017
Fin hadn't taken more than a single step before her eldest shouted at her. She froze and turned her head back, her mouth dropping open in startled confusion. What was he freaking out about? Her hackles prickled in spite of herself. This was her son - her baby, her Jaybird. She regularly grew wistful for the days when he was just a cute little puppy in her arms, but now to see him acting like the screaming toddler that had nearly driven her to abandon her family completely was... highly unpleasant.
Much like she felt in those days, Finley was paralyzed with uncertainty. Frustration and anger rose in her chest, compelling her to reprimand him without regard to his feelings. But she was his mother, and what sort of mother could treat their child that way? Truth be told, Fin was exactly that sort of mother. She would never have hesitated with her twins, nor with the kids she'd inherited from Peregrine and Fox. It was only ever Eljay who'd had this awful hold on her. He was her gentle-hearted, sweet little miracle. He could go no wrong, and that belief kept the both of them so suffocatingly trapped.
The alpha took a shaking, steadying breath as she turned back to look at her eldest with calm, quiet, unflinching (mostly) authority. She stared at him, trying to keep the emotion from her eyes or her voice as she uttered two low, commanding words to him, "Stop. Now."
RE: i may be crazy, don't mind me. - Elwood - May 25, 2017
Elwood thought he had taken care of the situation, at least for now. It was a win-win; the boys would go away and he and Finley would be able to work on conceiving the next litter of Blackthorns. Never mind the fact that he would have to have a conversation with Lagan at a later date concerning the birds and the bees. He bobbed his head, ready to tell his youngest son that he would be glad to talk some other time, but Finley was the first to change his plans. He looked at her with surprise when he sidled up to him and murmured that he needed to talk to the boys now. And then all hell broke loose.
In a display of emotion that Eljay hadn't demonstrated in quite some time, he began to beg and plead for Finley not to leave. Elwood stared at his son with alarm, feeling his own instincts compelling him to drive the younger male away, if only because he was impeding nature's call. But he kept his feet anchored to the ground and watched as Finley gathered herself with a steadying breath and quietly commanded Eljay to contain himself. He, too, inhaled deeply and, with a quick glance at Lagan, he said, "It's okay. Mom's fine. Let her go."
RE: i may be crazy, don't mind me. - Lagan - May 26, 2017
Lagan was pretty much ready to go, as much as he wanted to ask his questions, he also didn't like the atmosphere of the conversation. He had never felt such bad vibes from his family before! He was turning to leave, when his mom decided she would be the one to go. He looked anxiously between his mom and dad, unsure of what he should do. Should he leave or stay, would dad protest to Finley leaving? He wasn't sure so he paused in his tracks. But before he could get anymore orders, Eljay had a little outburst.
Lagan's wide apple green eyes grew even more so. What was happening? He was caught in the middle of the weirdest family meeting he'd ever been a part of. Sometimes it wasn't that fun being the youngest, and not knowing what was going on with the adults half the time. Mom's response to Eljay's little freak out wasn't comforting, but it was calm. She spoke with such authority, and Lagan knew it would be best if Eljay didn't protest again. The youngest boy swallowed, glancing to Elwood as his dad encouraged Eljay to let her go.
Sorry mom, that we made you angry. Bye.He said, trotting over to stand by his dad with his head hung low.
RE: i may be crazy, don't mind me. - Eljay - May 27, 2017
But this time it would be different, this time he wasn't going to let her go -- he didn't want her to get hurt again, and he specifically didn't want her to be anywhere but right here by his side. Eljay wasn't even sure what he was doing, beyond a point of rationality and thought and fully emerged into the world of emotion and instinct. He looked at his mother with pleading eyes but all he got in return was a hard wall of rejection.
When she commanded him to stop he took a step back, lead by the other side of instinct, head lowered and tail tucked. There was a lingering moment of silence between them where he looked at her stone cold face with emotion shimmering in his eyes. Little Jay was tucked only a very little bit back when daddy spoke. He spoke in a calm and comforting way, a way that would normally calm him, but there were three words that knocked all of his progress down like a house of cards; let her go.
The thought that he had to let mommy go, combined with all of the accumulated fears that he wasn't need anymore and that they didn't want him anymore, was just too much for Jay to handle. He moved forward, tail still tucked and ears pinned back, towards mommy as he reached out to try and lick her chin. "Why don't you wanna be with me, mommy?" he asked, desperation in his voice, choking back a sob halfway through the sentence. He still understood of little of the why's and how's, but he knew somehow that it was the most important thing in the world to stay with mommy now.
RE: i may be crazy, don't mind me. - Finley - May 27, 2017
Finley always found herself missing her daughter. No matter what the scenario during her day, she was constantly pausing to consider how much improved the situation would have been with Liffey here. Her daughter was funny, clever, sweet and friendly - all things that complimented Fin's day-to-day life perfectly. In this particular scenario, Liffey's natural calm and empathy would have been incredibly helpful. She had a way of diffusing situations simply by being there. She got it from her dad, who was trying his best to calm Eljay, but it seemed he could have used some back up as her eldest son simply would not be calmed.
Fin felt him reach for her again and jerked her muzzle away. She fought down the snarl, but knew the little action she'd taken would be enough to set him off the deep end. "I said stop it," she growled instead, hating herself that she couldn't keep control of her emotions, "That's enough. You're an adult, Eljay. You have to stop acting like this." Her eyes shifted to her mate, pleadingly. She didn't know what to do. Lagan was shrinking fearfully, murmuring apologies and watching with anxious eyes. She wasn't handling this well. She needed to handle this better. She needed to be better. But it was all she could do to not have a complete meltdown. What the hell was she supposed to do?
RE: i may be crazy, don't mind me. - Elwood - May 31, 2017
In some ways, Lagan and Eljay were similar. Both boys wore their hearts on their sleeves, to an extent. It was never difficult to figure out how either of them were feeling. But Eljay's emotions were bigger, somehow, and harder to control. So even as Lagan backed down and followed his parents' instructions, positioning himself near Elwood, Eljay couldn't seem to be able to control himself. He continued to plead with Finley, which was only drawing more of the Alpha female's ire.
She reprimanded Eljay again and Elwood looked to her. "Just go," he said, though his words weren't sharp. They were compassionate and filled with longing -- he wanted to go with her -- but the only way to salvage this situation was for her to leave. If Eljay tried to cling to her, Elwood would have to restrain him physically; and while he dreaded this repercussion, he knew that it might be required. He stepped closer to his oldest son. "She's not leaving the caldera. You'll see her later. You have to let her go," he murmured, shifting his gaze to Finley and nodding ever so slightly.
RE: i may be crazy, don't mind me. - Lagan - June 01, 2017
Lagan sure did wish that his mom would just go at this point. Unlike Eljay, Lagan knew that everything would be fine. She wasn't about to leave him forever. Lagan and his older brother had the same sweet heart, but somehow they were still very different. Lagan was very easygoing, relaxed, while Eljay could flip over the smallest thing. When Eljay persisted to cling to Finley, Lagan wished he would leave too. He just wanted it to be him and papa, because Elwood was the only one who wasn't scaring Lagan at the moment.
His mom asserted herself again, telling Eljay to basically grow up. His dad joined in too, but in a much more comforting tone. Knowing that Elwood could keep his cool in such a touchy situation did actually calm Lagan's worry, but he stayed back still. He didn't move from where he stood behind Elwood, afraid that if he moved he might somehow upset mom or Eljay.
RE: i may be crazy, don't mind me. - Eljay - June 01, 2017
Eljay was trying really hard not to freak out completely, but his world had been reduced to only the here and now and these wolves were all he had, and he didn't want to lose them — but especially not his moomy. But the more he thought of the ridiculousness of the situation, the more panicked Eljay became. He just needed to get himself together and act normal, and he knew that, but he just couldn't. He wanted nothing in the world except for to be with mommy, and his ability to stay with her seemed to be slipping through his fingers. There wasn't anything he could do.
His tail tucked as far as possible when she snapped at him and told him that he should behave like a grown wolf. He knew that he should behave like the adult that he was, he knew he was being ridiculous, but all of those things only made Eljay feel worse and more panicked. And the worse he felt, the more he felt that he needed his mommy by his side to comfort him and to tell him that everything would be okay — or, at the very least, to tell him that she still loved him, that he was still her little Jay-Jay.
That was perhaps why he clung so desperately to her now, but everything that she said only made it worse. "M-moomy..." he whispered with broken words while he choked back a sob, shoulders hunched, head low, eyes rolled up to look at mommy's angry face with the same pleading look.
Just go. The words were directed at mommy and Eljay shifted his weight while he processed this. Daddy then turned to him but Eljay didn't know what to do or think anymore. Mommy didn't love him anymore. She thought he should just act like an adult. And daddy was trying, but he couldn't hide the truth either.
That he was acting like a foolish child when he should be acting like a grown-up.
That puppies don't stay with their parents forever, afraid of the world outside their pack, clinging to their mommy, jealous of their better and more adjusted siblings.
But where else could he go? Eljay felt tears prick at his eyes as he turned back to mommy. Do you want me to leave? he asked silently, and he wanted to say the words, he really did, but when he tried all that came out was choked sobs and forced breaths that he didn't even realise he'd been holding all this time.
The worst part was that maybe he didn't dare ask the question because he felt that he already knew the answer.
And he didn't like the answer and all that it implied — because he was too cowardly to follow up on any of the implications it held, because he was too afraid to leave the Caldera and leave his parents alone, and he was afraid to be alone even if he also felt that that was what would be best for everyone.
And suddenly he felt regret that he hadn't died when he almost did, when Liff and Lagan had saved him, even if they didn't know that they had. Maybe they'd think back of him fondly now, rather than stare at him like he was a freak — because he was.
And he just stood there and sobbed while he was slowly crumbling apart on the inside, presumably while he watched the most important wolf of his life walk away.
RE: i may be crazy, don't mind me. - Finley - June 04, 2017
Last post! :)
Eljay would not be consoled. He felt so beyond her reach, so overwhelming, so consuming and hopeless. The feeling in her heart tightened as she battled herself. She could end this so easily. All she had to do was go to him and offer him reassurance. A hug from her and this would all be over and her baby would feel safe and happy again. But she couldn't. Not only would it only serve to perpetuate Eljay's self-destructive behavior, but in some terrible, dark place deep inside, the thought was simply repugnant. She loved her son beyond words, but she could not stand this side of him.
Only Elwood could've broke through the torrent of self-deprication and emotion that was consuming Fin at that moment. She gave him a pained look as he told her to go, unwilling to obey while simultaneously grateful to be given the order. She caught a glimpse of Lagan looking miserable. She tried to give him a look that told him it was okay, not to be scared or worried or upset. That she wasn't mad at him or his brother, or anyone. This would be over soon and everything would go back to normal. It would be okay.
Her gaze shifted to Eljay as he moaned her name and another stab of irritation took her. She'd loved being called 'Mommy' once upon a time. Not anymore. Not like this. Her eyes met his as he stared at her, begging, pleading for love that he already had but just couldn't see or understand for some reason. Fin just didn't love him right, even as she did it with her whole being. She'd tried everything until she herself had been on the brink of destruction and she still just could not do it well enough to make him happy.
Finley didn't know what to do, but in moments like these, she knew to trust her mate. It was the only option she had, and he was always right. She sucked in a slow, steadying breath as she settled her gaze as calmly as she could on Eljay's face, trying to ignore how it was contorted with misery and hurt. "It's okay," she said quietly to her son before taking one last, long look, then turning and forcing herself to walk stiffly off towards the heart of the Caldera to wait for her mate.
RE: i may be crazy, don't mind me. - Elwood - June 14, 2017
Sorry for the delay! <3
Elwood shifted his gaze between his son and his mate. Eljay gave one last murmured plea, but did not make any further moves to stop his mother from leaving. When he looked to Finley, Elwood could see the emotions churning in her expression, even as she reassured Eljay once more before departing. He watched her go and found himself wishing he could accompany her. At this point, he doubted that any conversation he had with the boys would be productive.
Lagan had remained stoic throughout the whole ordeal, and for that Elwood was thankful. He nudged the boy's shoulder gently before stepping towards Eljay, searching his eldest child's face. "That was hard, I know," he said quietly. He didn't even have the heart to reprimand Eljay for his behavior; although it was inappropriate for a wolf his age, Elwood knew exactly why Eljay had reacted that way.
"Do you boys want to talk, or...?" he asked. It really depended on Eljay; he was certain that Lagan would do whatever he asked, but the more emotionally fragile of the two was causing Elwood's concern.