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+--- Thread: Noctisardor Bypass We're only kids who lost our way (/showthread.php?tid=21760)
We're only kids who lost our way - Gwen - May 10, 2017
AW!
She awoke to the chirping of birds and a few raindrops landing on her head. The Empress stretched her legs out and yawned, remaining where she was, lying under the branches of a tree by the lake. This was a nice place to come and relax, but Gwen seemed to not be able to find peace wherever she went. It was almost as though chaos and death followed her.
It was clear she had not slept long. She was not surprised - she never slept long. The memories, they were too much. The losses were great. And yet, this time Gwen did not cry. Not like before. She was broken - broken to the point where she didn't feel as though she had any tears left. Perhaps she could use the rain instead.
The white wolfess stared blankly out at the horizon, at the mountains that rose above the edges of the Bypass. She wondered what things would be like in a world without pain. But, alas, that was impossible. For love could never exist without pain. It was a part of life, she supposed. The fact was similar, she realised, to birth never being able to exist without death. How very tragic it all seemed.
RE: We're only kids who lost our way - Cry - May 10, 2017
"Either you are bored, mistress, or something is severely on your mind," the dark prince began from the void of shadows that the main array of trees offered as he came up from behind her. He moved delicately over the ground, naturally locating the grasses where more than most of his pawfalls would be silent.
With a gentle chuff of amusement, he added,"Or you could seriously have a soft spot for lakes."
He hadn't been watching her long, but he patrolled where had originally loacted her, taking on more of a precautionary measure when it came to her safety. He had seen she was sleep, which triggered his continuous circuits around the general proximity, but every passing he had seen her open-eyed. He had no idea of her nap, and thus immediately assumed something was wrong. It also didn't help that her scent was near permanent where she lay, indicating she had been there for quite some time. Again, a nap was not considered.
Padding next to her, close but not too close, he gave her space as he relished the silence. A drop of water from the foliage above landed on his back as he sat, and he could feel the drop slide through the dark guard hairs and dancing through the network of scars that patched artfully onto his back in a near criss cross fashion.
His glacial gaze landed on the ripples within the water, looking deeper beneath the crystalline surface and picking out different motions made within. Atleast he found a spot to fill caches with fish.
A calm settled over the two, one only nature could provide. Cry took it in, and appreciated the moment of simply existing. There weren't many in life, so he took what he could.
RE: We're only kids who lost our way - Gwen - May 11, 2017
She did not notice Cry's approach until he spoke. Her head slowly lifted, gaze turning to peer at the wolf. "Oh. Cry, hello..." She had not expected to see anyone for a while. But then, she had been too deep in thought anyway. With a small hum, her head turned again to stare out across the rippling lake. Today was dark and dreary - Spring at its finest. "...I'm just... thinking, I guess." Another drop landed on her head, trickling down her neck, sending a shiver down her spine.
She relished in the silence for a while, hoping Cry found it as somewhat peaceful as she did. It was indeed quiet, and for that she was graceful. Moments of just silence, existing in a cruel world, were rare, so she savoured the moment while it lasted. However, something was bugging her, and she could not keep quiet much longer. After a few more minutes, she spoke up, keeping her gaze fixed on something in the horizon. The wind ruffled her fur slightly, perhaps somewhat elegantly, but she resisted the urge to shiver again.
"Do you... believe in love..?" She asked, more of a slight whisper than a real question. She wanted to know his thoughts on the matter. Personally, she did not. The number of times she had been hurt was too many to count. The Empress had given up on believing love. But what did he think?
RE: We're only kids who lost our way - Cry - May 11, 2017
Cry internally nodded at his confirmation. She was troubled, it seemed.
Silence enveloped them in a soft embrace, and Cry welcomed it openly. It was silence that allowed most of the words of the world to have more meaning, as there was none. Nothing to tarnish the natural beauty the world had to offer. The world did not speak through words...But through silence.
The quiet was gently pushed away, not invasively, but almost meek as the Alphess brought her words to him once again. It was a riddle, and he almost chuckled at it, as many times as he had been offered the age old question. 'What is love, truly?' 'Does love exist?' 'How can you tell if you are in love?' Then the one and only that the ivory queen had chosen for him, today. Delicately, the dark prince analyzed the words in a considerate manner.
Soon, his murmur was returned to her, slightly and only just louder than her whisper, as otherwise his baritones would count as imperceptible.
"I do believe in love. I just choose to not partake in it."
Cry had his reasons, and each other them led back to the same path. Love was something not to be tampered with, as it was a physiological madness that made a wolf lose reason. Lose focus. The goal was to survive and to thrive, not to fall in love and die for them. Not to fall in love, and lose precious moments just being in the den, conversing. You did not need love to mate.
"I do not believe love is benificial to anyone, unless they can be comforted knowing how in jeopardy their own well being is in. Being in love is a dangerous game, one most can not keep up with. Very few can master it, and walk away, unscathed."
Cry reflected on his view, and realized this was what his uncle had taught him. Slade, the sly bastard. Cry couldn't exactly argue though, could he? He had nothing to prove the wise uncle wrong, and in most cases, Slade had always been right. It made the assassin wonder how Slade had come to such an ideal, but he soon dispelled it He must have just had experience. That was all.
RE: We're only kids who lost our way - Gwen - May 13, 2017
She should have expected an answer similar to the one she had recieved, but it did not stop her from inwardly sighing. She wished love could last. For, truly, it had been the greatest feeling in the world while it had been present, but both times in the end it had hurt her, the second time the worst. "In a way, I envy those who have yet to feel the pains of heartbreak." She flicked her ear, watching the reeds at the edge of the water dance in the breeze. "But then again, I suppose when they finally do it will give them greater grief."
Even so, she wished she could go back. Go back and not allow herself to fall in love. She should have listened to her mother's words. Love was not something to be taken lightly, and certainly not something to be misjudged. Gwen glanced briefly at Cry before returning her gaze to the lake as silence over took them again.
RE: We're only kids who lost our way - Cry - May 13, 2017
Cry had no intention on lying to her, but seeing the artic woman open herself up to him, showing that shard of mortality he kept pushed away, he was almost envious of her. The tables were flipped, but he would not bolster her stress in unrealistic jealousy. He wasn't in any way wanting to feed the depression that holed deep within her soul, lest he fall into the abyssmal pit, himself.
"It is wise what you did, Gwen. In every aspect, pain is what teaches flesh and bone to heal stronger than what it was before. You have learned where your mistakes bed, and now you no longer need to be in its den with it."
Love fed illusions of what could be, making you forget of what was.
His frozen rain orbs had glanced against the oceanic gems of her own before both waters parted ways yet again. "I wish I could feel just a fraction of the pain you feel. Just a sliver. Just so it may be the key to shatter the void that resides within me."
His stare remained on the body of water before them, but his mind drifted to places different from where they lay. If he never would have been picked up by Slade, would his life have had the happy ending of love? Or the tragedy Gwen was burdened by? What would he have been like? Would he have lived, prosperous and abundant with his mate? Or would he have died fighting for that madness called 'Love'?
RE: We're only kids who lost our way - Gwen - May 13, 2017
He spoke of mistakes, and learning from them, which for a moment made the woman open her jaws to say something, but she did not. Instead she simply closed her muzzle and hummed softly, a small sound that trailed off into the quietness of the moment.
Gwen remained silent for a while, listening to Cry speak. His words were clearly those of truth and this alone made the Empress wish to listen more. However, when he mentioned wanting to feel pain, the white wolfess turned her head to look at him, dark blue eyes meeting his own. "Pain is a strange thing to desire," she uttered, with a flick of her snowy tail. Her thoughtful gaze turned back to the water, watching as the sun sparkled between a cloud passing overhead. The golden reflection on the water was beautiful, but it disappeared just as fast as it had come.
Why he wanted to feel pain, even just a little, was beyond her. But then again, perhaps just a small amount of pain was too difficult to imagine. She had recieved a great deal of pain in one go - more than once, however - so maybe she did not know how to imagine a sliver of pain. It was beyond her, and maybe she did not wish to attempt to picture it. She did not wish to feel the fraction of pain that he wanted.
RE: We're only kids who lost our way - Cry - May 13, 2017
"You are right." She was, after all. Who would want pain other than a monster? A monster. He wasn't a monster. He had to stop thinking like this. This was mess that damned uncle put in his head. He wasn't monster. He was better than that.
"Some just don't know what they miss, until it it gone."
He would probably regret feeling the very pain he wanted to taste. His apathy was enough to keep his logic honed, and without it, plenty of foolish decisions could and would have been made in his stead, and he could have not been standing there to this day from his foolish treading in the emotional realm.
He just wish...he wish someone could-
"What has hurt you so, Gwen?"
Cry didn't pry. He barely talked. But for him to be genuinely inquisitive over her problems, even if they hadn't concerned him, was rare. And if she was hurt, he would attempt to ease her pain. His role was to protect her, and if it meant from herself, then he ws doing his job.
'That's what this is to you?', asked something foreign in his mind. 'A job?'
He was just doing his job.
RE: We're only kids who lost our way - Gwen - May 13, 2017
He spoke the truth, yet again. She herself had not known that she was missing love until she first tasted it, but each and every heartbreak caused a brand new hole to sear through her heart. She still missed love, but she had beens stupid to ever partake in it. She should have learned from her mistakes and not allowed herself to fall in love a second time.
"Love has hurt me, Cry." The Empress gave a faint smile, gaze resting on the dark wolf beside her. "I was foolish to push away my mother's warning. She was a wise woman, but I was just a yearling, reckless and longing for adventure." The day she met Storm. Oh how her life turned up on itself. At first she had thought that was a good thing - but she had been wrong. She would never make that mistake again. "My first love left me for my sister, my second.... agreed to start a pack with me and then disappeared. Left me to lead this pack alone. And I have done so with the knowledge that giving up on them will mean giving in to the pain he caused. I will not give in to that pain, Cry. I can't."
Knew. How she missed him. But he was gone, and she had no reason to procrastinate about him. No, she must be strong and live on. Lead the pack like she had promised she would do the day she found out he was gone.
RE: We're only kids who lost our way - Cry - May 13, 2017
He listened. To some, silent Cry staring into something intensly meant he was plotting, beginning another hunt for either something, or someone. He was an omen, a shade that none knew much of until they found themselves beneath the mercilesss fangs he beheld. It was just business.
But this woman had unhinged another sector of the assassin that he could only attempt to mold back to his primary mentality. The pain behind Gwen's words proved how stranded she was, how ever single day-
"You awake knowing you lead a pack which was meant to be shared. You hang on strings, Gwen, dizzy, and spinning endlessly. You will never know how reliable the ground is, if you clutch to those strings. The ground will not let you fall, though he who crafted the strings, will."
Love was the puppeteer, mastered in its chlling trade, a gilded promise of a grand future, only existing to ensare those who dare to test their fate. Gwen was not ready for such a dance.
"Snipping your strings will not mean you have given into the pain. It means you are strong enough to know you have to let go of something that simply wants to hold you back."
His icelandic gaze was usually stoic to those he was face to face with, but under the right lighting, near imperceptible care could be seen. Personally, he would understand if she disbanded the pack. Though it would be selfish, he could understand selfishness. Selfishness preserved one's self. Though he wouldn't feel pleased about being a loner again, he was capable of moving on.
"Disbanding the pack and giving into your pain only go paw in paw if you let them, Alphess. Weave your own emotions how you see fit, and leave attachments where you command them. Otherwise, they will consume you. Only then, will you be a failure."
RE: We're only kids who lost our way - Gwen - May 13, 2017
Gwen fell silent yet again as Cry spoke. Her gaze focused on the ground, where a small beetle scuttled across in front of her paws. She watched as it wandered too close to the water, a small wave sweeping it ungracefully into the the ice cold lake.
"Perhaps you are right. But no matter how hard I tried, I would never be able to leave these wolves behind. They are the only family I have left - I may not wish for love any longer, but those who I live beside are the ones I live for ." Perhaps this, too, was foolish, but she could not stand by and force the others to leave and find somewhere else. For who would take them in? Two pregnant women especially would find it difficult to find a place, and if they could not then their young would surely perish in the cruel world they lived in. Besides, Gwen wished no ill upon any but those who took pleasure in the pain of others. This pack, broken and patched together, was her soul. Letting it die out would be letting her spirit die.
"They are all I have left. If I am to continue living in this world then I will do so by helping them. Defending them as they do for me. That is what makes us a pack, and that is what has kept us together for so long. I would not wish for anything else." Cry was a part of that now, whether he liked it or not. The Bypass group had banded together through harsh blizzards out of necessity, and they were not whole without each other. Gwen had no doubt in her mind that she would give her life to save one of them, for she had naught to live for without the pack. They were her sole reason for existence.
RE: We're only kids who lost our way - Cry - May 13, 2017
The beetle, simply living life, was pulled into the unknown. Carapaces that fuels oxygen between reflectant joints would soon fill with water, and the beetle would perish beneath the facade of peace the lake swore it was.
Analogies for this predicament lay everywhere. but the lesson was clear: Take no chances.
"I do not wish you cut this pack apart, Gwen, but I do not wish for the existence of it to plague you as though you are some forsaken soul in need of redemption."
Cry's words were not meant to be harsh, and if taken with the content it was dealt, it was only factual. Business was business.
"There is such thing as solitude. You can be alone, while not being lonely, Alphess. Detach the ill from your past from your future, and you will live unburdened. If you relinquish your self control and freedom to your heart, you then will only have yourself to blame."
The dark prince had a feeling she was adamant on keeping the heartbreak netled deep within the folds of her chest, but more importantly, her mind was inflicted. The ivory Queen was at war with guilt for herself, and a simmering loathe for passion. Love exsts; she had proven that by falling for the coy thing. But for her to discount it all together was something a fool would do. If a snake lies before you, do you look at at, and proceed to walk before it saying 'You don't exist, anymore', simply after being bitten before?
RE: We're only kids who lost our way - Gwen - May 13, 2017
In a way, it almost seemed as though the man was attempting to get her to leave the group to disband, but she did not believe this to be the case. "The pack itself does not plague me, Cry, it is the memory of him . But, similar to the way his scent faded from the land, I will get over my love for him. I will never forget him, no, but I will not allow myself to feel bad about his disappearance." Perhaps that, however, was what she had been doing. Or was she just enveloping herself in the memories one last time? "It may be hard, but I can recover. He left a deep wound, but so did my first love. And I feel nothing for my first love anymore. Things change, and I am willing to work through my sadness to become free of my pain once more." There might be a scar left behind, but that was only a reminder that she had fought through and lived. She was strong enough to continue without the burdens of love, which she had lost her belief in. She did not curse others that fell into the trap of love - no, she wished them the best. Perhaps they would have luck. Perhaps their happiness together would last longer than hers had - that is all she wanted for her family.
The Empress allowed a small smile to re-appear on her face, gaze landing on Cry once again. For another moment she said nothing, simply taking in his words. Solitude was something she knew many enjoyed, but what if it so happened that she did not? In the way of relationships, she was already striving for solitude. Moving on from Knew would be hard, but she did not doubt that she could do it. In terms of being a lone wolf, she did not want that. As shy as she had once been, an adventurous life on her own was not something she wished for. Pack life was enjoyable to her. She loved watching the different relationships growing between her comrades, their own love for each other making her heart swell with pride that she had helped bring them together. While she had first been somewhat bitter that the others had found something she had not, the snow queen was no longer. They were happy, so she was happy. She had her moments, but didn't everyone? Nobody was perfect - untouched by pain. Only a youngster could claim that, but they too would eventually be hurt somehow.
RE: We're only kids who lost our way - Cry - May 13, 2017
The guardian was tempted to tell the younger wolf how he was not vouching for disbanding, but he let her speak. He chose to not interrupt her, as she had gotten where he wanted her to go, in the first place. Independant. For him to hear her claim her liberty is it should be.
Her resolve may have still been malleable, but he didn't want to twist it any other way, hoping she would just be capable of understanding how moronic staying in love's crippling mindset truly was. He hadn't meant for her to be misled by his words, but if he would spoken plainly, his words really would have hit a more frigid illusion. He didn't want that for the younger girl.
The dark prince nodded his agreement, saying nothing more to the frost sheathed fae. She knew well what she had to do, and just how badly the the wound would smart solely was reliant on her compliance from her end. Instead of recluding himself back to the wonderous silence, he said something lastly, murmured baritones reaching her in the waft of an icebergs shards.
"I believe in you."
With that, he lay silent, his intent of speech now finished as the conversation seemed to conclude. But had this conversation really concluded? Would it ever? And would the snow beauty ever be able to heal and move on?
RE: We're only kids who lost our way - Gwen - May 14, 2017
I'll end this here if it's alright with you! Thanks for the thread <3
I believe in you.
Those words might not have meant much for some, but for Gwen they meant everything. Those few, simply words provided her with great comfort, for only her mother had ever said those words to her and they had always been the ones to keep her going. The Empress smiled, gaze lighting up ever so slightly as she looked at Cry. She did not need to speak anymore - her face said it all. Thank you.
Her head lowered so that it was on her snow-white paws, and her eyes trailed back toward the lake. She let out a content sigh, watching as the grass in front of her swayed when she did so. The silence, she realised, was relaxing. For now, she was okay. She would be alright, and she was happy. Maybe the feeling would not last, but for this moment she would allow it to consume her existence.
RE: We're only kids who lost our way - Cry - May 14, 2017
I'm perf ok with that. No problem, Belle <4
Cry had watched her face go from growing empowerment to something beautifully serene. It was a break of dawn upon the end of the nocturnitude, the freedom from a blockade that allowed bliss to be. And Cry had caused it.
The dark guardian almost smiled back. Almost. He could feel the corners of his lips wanting to lift, to respond to a smile with a smile. But the smile did not come. The ebony stood up, gently put a muzzle to the delicate corner of her shoulder, turned, and disappeared back into the folds of the forest. He didn't feel pride, accomplishment, of any kind. He couldn't. As he began resuming his circuit around the vicinity of the Alphess, hidden by the thick trunks and shadows of nature, occasionally being seen amongst it all if caught in the patrol at the right angle, a tireless soldier in a nonexistent war.
His wintery gems kept to the surroundings, but his mind drifted back to the conversation, until he cut it down. It was over. Why?
'Because business is just business.' he mentally reaffirmed himself.
Business was-
A flash of memory, the elegance of Gwen's smile shining through the void of his mind until it itt was forcefully held facedown into the tar, until it never again resurfaced without his permission.
Just business.