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+--- Thread: Redhawk Caldera two years past (/showthread.php?tid=22163)
two years past - Eljay - June 13, 2017
Ever since the terrible moment of embarrassment Eljay had stayed to himself mostly, ashamed and tied up inside. He didn't understand any of it and he didn't want anyone to be mad at him or to hate him, but felt they must. Many times he had stood on the breaches of Redhawk Caldera and had considered what he should do — had known that he should leave so he could stop being a bother, but he never could. He was too afraid, too much of a coward, to do such things, he had found.
The only thing that had really changed now, the thing he had realised now, was Lagan — who was better than him in every way. Eljay++. The only thing he'd ever had was looking after the pups, but now that Lagan was pretty much all grown up, he wasn't really needed for that anymore either and he realised with a start that he had been taking distance almost as if he was already preparing to retire, as if he'd given over the reins to Lagan already, subconsciously.
He'd spent the night hunting and eating alone, whispered a soft-spoken "happy birthday, me," to himself while he wondered if his parents were even thinking of him. They were probably too busy with the pack, with the pups, with the newcomers, with everything. They didn't have time to spend on their immature two-year-old son.
He'd watched the sun rise as beautiful colours splashed the lands and finally he decided that he would stop being so selfish. With heavy paws Eljay walked to the borders of the Caldera. His eyes were moist and shiny as he looked back and whispered, "bye mommy and daddy and pups," and choked back a sob. He wasn't sure how he was even going to manage out in the world — he wasn't sure if he was going to manage. But he was growing weary of being bothersome and if the best thing he could do was to get out of everyone's hair, then that's what he should do.
With a sad shudder and panic making his breathing short and painful he lingered only a moment longer, unsure if he should inform anyone. Then, with a sad frown, he decided he didn't know how to tell them and he surely didn't want to worry them further, and that perhaps it was best he disappear so as to not to worry them. He could just fade away, and that would be that. It was like he was never really there.
So now that the decision was made he stepped over the Caldera's border towards Lake Rodney, and towards the outside world he had never known, and he broke into a trot, faster and faster, even though he had no idea where he was going.
RE: two years past - Gannet - June 13, 2017
can be a cameo or not depending on what you are feeling! <3
Gannet was out for a run when, out of the corner of his eye, he spotted Eljay's exit. At first he thought he was mistaken, and that Lagan was going out. Excited that perhaps their first adventure was here, Gannet altered his path to intercept, only to pull back in surprise when he recognized the older Blackthorn. But.... Eljay didn't leave.
Confused, Gannet remained where he was, unwilling to stop Eljay from whatever he was doing but extremely curious all the same to know what exactly "whatever" was.
RE: two years past - Eljay - June 14, 2017
we can thread this out :)
In his emotional blur Eljay didn't even notice that anyone was following him at all. He just kept trotting on and didn't halt until he reached Lake Rodney. He stood at the same place he had when he'd seen Sebastian and the wounded wolf that other day. He wondered if that wolf had ever recovered, where they were now.
Mindlessly Eljay took a few quick sips from the water before he turned northwards, absent-mindedly following the lake. All he could focus on was what was right ahead of him — he didn't want to think too much, couldn't dwindle on Redhawk Caldera's borders that were calling for him, alluring him with the thought of safety and mommy-cuddles and love and safety. All he could look at and think about was the road ahead to stop himself from having a panic attack.
RE: two years past - Gannet - June 15, 2017
Gannet watched silently as his cousin continued on after his drink, seemingly without seeing him. Stop him, or let him go? Talk, or let him disappear like everyone seemed to want to do?
Once again, he was struck with the curiosity of wishing to know why. What made a wolf want to leave their family behind and strike out? The feeling was enough that it spurred him into a run, one fast enough to help close the distance between them.
When he got close enough, he slowed down. There wasn't any of his normal enthusiasm in the approach, just a guarded sort of curiosity. "You're leaving." It was a statement on the assumption he made, but it was the only thing that made sense. Eljay's apparent distress, and his current trajectory, made that fairly obvious.
RE: two years past - Eljay - June 16, 2017
Even when someone else came close Eljay didn't notice; he just kept walking, his feet numb, senses deaf to anything around him. When he heard the voice he suddenly jumped up, heart racing, ears flattened and tail tucked. He didn't think that anyone was near enough, let alone following him, and the statement that was spoken hit like a brit to top it off. You're leaving. He bit his lip and looked away guiltily, a confirmation that it was true.
After a few seconds of silence Eljay murmured, "I — I'm sorry, but I gotta." He didn't want to be a bother anymore and they had Lagan now, who was better in every way imagineable. Eljay felt that he was only in the way now, and he knew young wolves usually left home, like Liffey had, so it was time for him to spread his wings too, wherever that would lead; for them.
RE: two years past - Gannet - June 19, 2017
Ignoring the fact that he had startled him, Gannet was glad Eljay didn't just keep going. Seemed he didn't mind a little talk.
Eljay didn't seem all that happy about his decision, which only increased Gannet's confusion. "Why?" He shifted on his feet, then sat down, facing his cousin squarely, ready to listen. For the first time he could ask, and he intended to try and understand.
RE: two years past - Towhee - June 19, 2017
Cameo!
Towhee was in the middle of a routine and rather boring patrol when she saw two figures break away from the borderline, one after the other, headed southwest toward Lake Rodney. She paused, taking a moment to ascertain her pack mates' identities: Eljay and Gannet. She squinted, wondering why on earth they were on the wrong side of the borders. It probably went without saying that she mildly disapproved of leaving the pack boundaries, even though she occasionally did it herself. It also seemed rather out of character for Eljay to leave. She wasn't close with the eldest Blackthorn offspring and though she was too diplomatic to admit it out loud, it was due in part to the fact that he seemed like an overgrown baby.
Which was why it didn't make sense for him to suddenly leave the caldera. Towhee had half a mind to follow her brothers and demand to know what they were up to. But then she decided she couldn't be bothered. It was more important that she finish this patrol. She did keep her orange eyes focused on the two figures in the distance until the rubbernecking got old. She then faced forward again and trotted onward, the two silhouettes disappearing into the distance behind her.
RE: two years past - Eljay - June 20, 2017
Eljay just wanted to go, now that the decision was made, not linger around here to talk about why this was so painful for him and that he actually rather wished he could stay. He felt guilty as he looked at Gannet's not-understanding face. He should always have been there for his family, but he wasn't there. He hadn't been there in a long time, and he shouldn't be in the way anymore.
"I... I don't want to — I can't be in the way anymore," he muttered while he shuffled his paws and looked away. "Lagan's really good at, well, at everything too, so it's — you've got everything you need, and I'm... I'm just dragging the pack down." He wasn't sure how else to explain, but he felt that he should just go. As he looked away he noticed a wolf at the borders staring at them and startled a moment, but the wolf soon continued their patrol so maybe they hadn't seen them.
RE: two years past - Gannet - June 20, 2017
Towhee's presence went completely unobserved to Gannet, who happened to be facing the opposite direction and wasn't really watching for company. Instead frowned, not sure he comprehended Eljay's reasons. Was that why Whip and Liffey left too?
"Did you do something bad?" He asked, obviously confused as to why his cousin would feel like a burden to the pack. He could hardly help them from away, right? Unless Finley or Elwood was making him leave.
RE: two years past - Eljay - June 21, 2017
Gannet's question was like a brick in the face for so many reasons. Eljay didn't really know if he'd done a specific thing wrong; heck, he'd done a lot of things wrong, but not the a thing that Gannet meant. But he felt confused too, because to Eljay it was very clear why it was better for Redhawk Caldera if he wasn't a part of it.
"I don't know, I mean, I — It's just that... Parents expect young wolves to leave, and I'm not doing anything useful, and Lagan's so much better at, uhm, at everything I do. I don't want to be the weakest link to bring the pack down, I... I have to..." His lip quivered as he contemplated, "... become better, or — or stay away forever." He really hoped that he didn't need to stay away forever, but if he didn't become a better wolf, then he would never be able to return, and he fully understood that out of the two options, that was the likelier one.
RE: two years past - Gannet - June 21, 2017
A realization slowly dawned on Gannet as Eljay attempted to elaborate, and he perked up with interest. "Like a test," he answered, a slight questioning lilt but more of a conformation statement.
If Eljay wanted to get better at things, maybe he felt like he had to get away from those who were here to help. Gannet could understand that. He hadn't particularly enjoyed his foray alone, but he couldn't say he didn't learn some useful things. He supposed he hadn't really thought of it that way.
"You'll come back then." He said with assuredness, stepping forward to give his cousin an affectionate bump with his nose. Eljay might not be confident in his own abilities, but Gannet was. He had little doubts that Eljay would find what he was looking for out there and be back to tell them about it sometime.
RE: two years past - Eljay - June 23, 2017
Eljay nodded when Gannet said 'like a test', even though he wasn't too sure if it was really much like that. He didn't really know what it was, or how to explain it, but anything that made Gannet think he'd gotten a decent answer was good at this point. He just wanted out of the situation.
There was a short silence lingering between them while Eljay considered how to get out of the conversation and just go already. He was glad that Gannet didn't seem mad at him, that he was accepting of the fact that Eljay was going to go away for a while now. If he wished to believe that Eljay was returning, then Eljay didn't mind keeping up appearances, no matter how difficult it was for him to lie about anything.
The words were stinging because Eljay wanted to be back already, wanted to be better, to be good enough to stay in Redhawk Caldera... But he knew he wasn't, not right now. "I hope so," he said in a soft near-whispering voice while he cast his gaze away wryly. He nosed Gannet's cheek briefly at the boy's touch and said, "Take care..." There was a sad look in his eyes as he looked at Gannet and then turned away with a hesitance to his steps, clearly intending to go for real this time.
RE: two years past - Gannet - June 28, 2017
Gannet smiled as Eljay returned the affectionate touch, and then stepped back with a nod. He would miss his cousin, of course, but he wasn't about to stop him from doing what he wanted to do.
Gannet watched him go for a moment, then turned around and began to lope back in the direction he'd come. A small part of him was tempted to follow, to accompany his cousin and test himself as well. But he'd just gotten back, and besides, he sensed that this might be something Eljay wanted to do solo.
RE: two years past - Eljay - June 29, 2017
Eljay glanced over his shoulder one more time at Gannet and let out a sad sigh after he had gone. He felt the urge to cry play up but when he just kept trotting, Eljay knew that he could keep it at bay. Just keep moving, just keep going, just walk, walk, walk, focus on nothing else... He managed to keep the emotions at bay, keep them brimming at the surface but kept them from spilling over so long as he kept in motion.
And so he left the Caldera, for a while, for good perhaps — he didn't know the answers to any of those questions, really.