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+--- Thread: Moonspear good intentions (/showthread.php?tid=22595)
good intentions - Charon - July 17, 2017
Things'd calmed down after Galaxy had been brought back safely. Charon was happy that she was alive, though it was miraculous, it was as it should be. He had three healthy pups again, and nobody had really asked any questions about Ran. That was also why he'd not introduced Ran to the pack that day, because it was easier if they just didn't know too much about her. Then it was easier to tell them that she had just passed away. And in a way, she had — just with a little help to make it sooner rather than later, so that she no longer took the pack's resources.
Charon was out checking over last year's rendezvous site, making sure that it was in good shape and safe enough before moving the pups. At over two moons of age they were old enough to travel there, but he'd held back because he was still afraid of what might happen to them. He walked round the rendezvous site, checking out a small stream presently, but it was shallow and safe enough still, just like last year.
hoping for a @Korei Julia ?
RE: good intentions - Korei Julia - July 17, 2017
Korei had gone, she had decided to go the rendevous site, to reflect on things. This place was somewhere she had spent her early childhood, when not even the most low points of life could affect her. That's where she saw the white fur of her father, and she stopped. His last words to her, they had been hurtful. She wasn't sure how she could approach him, so she remained still, watching him from a distance.
RE: good intentions - Charon - July 18, 2017
After inspecting the stream, Charon lifted his head to look further ahead. When he saw Julia there he stopped in his tracks, staring at her for a while, waiting to see if she would get closer. She didn't, seemed as hesitant as he. He wondered how long she'd been watching him before he noticed. Charon's tail twitched and after a few minutes that felt like hours of staring he came into motion, making his way over.
"Julia," he said, as always the only one to use that name. His voice was neutral, though there was the uncomfortable undertone of something, and they both knew what it was. He still felt she had handled the critique immaturely; she could've just recollected herself and made herself useful for the pack but instead she had allowed herself to drift away from her family and the siblings that were still alive and needed her, swallowed by grief, keeping away from her family on purpose.
RE: good intentions - Korei Julia - July 18, 2017
Korei saw him approaching, and shied her face away, turning it slightly. He addressed her as he only did with her second name, not her first. "Papa" she replied quietly. She had expected to run into him, the father she had always wanted to make proud above all else. Now, she wasn't so sure.
She turned her head to face him, opening her mouth to say something, only to close it. She wanted to apologise, to make things like how they used to be, possibly even better. She could have done better, Korei knew. She just never brought herself to do so.
RE: good intentions - Charon - July 18, 2017
Despite little being said tension was thick in the air between them. He'd hoped that she would start some kind of conversation — any kind of conversation — so that it would be broken, but she didn't. He waited an idle minute or so, clinging onto the hope that she would say something more, before breaking the ice himself. His voice was scratchy at first when he spoke, as though he'd not used it in a while. "Have you been teaching the pups about the stars?" It seemed ridiculous to have this random conversation with Julia when there was so much that they needed to talk about, but outside of the heat of the moment the subjects just seemed so hard to reach.
RE: good intentions - Korei Julia - July 18, 2017
Korei looked down at her paws, as if her Papa had expected her to do so. "No...but I plan to!" she quickly added, as it was what she wanted to do with her life. She had memorized the ones Papa had taught her. "I can teach them the ones you taught me. Big and little dipper."
RE: good intentions - Charon - July 18, 2017
He felt a sting of disappointment when she admitted she had not yet taught the pups anything. Julia wasn't good at a fair many things, but she seemed excited, at least, about the stars. But he wasn't going to sit around and teach her all the things, only to have to tell her five times to teach her siblings about them too. He clenched his jaw as she spoke, and if she would look up again she could see the disappointment on his face.
Well, at least she remembered the constellations he'd taught her; that was something, and he supposed it was better than nothing. "Good." A pause. "I can teach you more later tonight." So she'd have more to teach forward. More pause. "What else have you been up to?" He wasn't sure why he even asked. Maybe it was less cruel to just outright say what he wanted to say, but he just couldn't find the words.
RE: good intentions - Korei Julia - July 18, 2017
Korei glanced up as he spoke, not taking notice of the expression on his face. She instead focused on his words, and her tail started to wag when he offered to teach her more.
Then it faltered after his next words. Well, I got growled at by Hydra. Moped around in someone's den, she thought. She recalled her talk with Terance, and how he had at least lightened her mood up a bit. She liked Terance, he was turning out to be a good friend.
"Stuff..." she decided to answer. Then she made a long pause, before going on. "Am I a screw up?" she asked, her face demanding the truth.
RE: good intentions - Charon - July 18, 2017
'Stuff'. That wasn't really a good answer. It actually showed him how very little she had done to make up for her mistake. Just... Stuff. He was angry at her, wanted her to get over herself and start contributing like her sisters. Ever since he had first seen she was meek unlike her sisters Charon had realised that he loved Julia less than them. He had felt guilty at first, but now there was no more guilt. Only resentment.
'Am I a screw up?' The question was somehow unexpected. He looked startled, felt a mixture of derision and guilt, like he should've somehow prevented this and that she should've prevented it herself. Like he should hug her now and tell her that papa would always love her, but he knew he wasn't going to. "You could do better," he said frankly and calmly. "But you're the only one who can change that, Julia. Me admitting or denying you're a screw up won't change fuck all." Well, so he thought, anyway. "So stop feeling sorry for yourself and just... fucking do something about it." He wasn't even angry, now — he was just disappointed and just... He was grateful that he had four healthy daughters, but why did one of them have to be such a dweeb?
RE: good intentions - Korei Julia - July 18, 2017
Korei saw the reaction of her question. And she did not like how there was guilt in it, she didn't want her Papa to be feeling guilty for her own mistake. She listened, a single ear perking up. It flicked when he swore, sure he swore quite a bit but not directly to her. It made her flinch.
"I..." She was stuck on what to say. Despite how mean it had sounded to her, he was right. She needed to get over it, snap out of her emotional shield. She looked away. She was capable. She just didn't know it. Perhaps she never would know it. Or perhaps, one day she would grow up. And she wanted to, she really wanted to impress her Papa. And her sisters, and her Mama. "What can I do? I can't fight...I'm not fast like Hydra...I haven't even tried hunting, Papa." She was getting angry, but it was at herself, and it was present in her voice. "All I do is hurt others, or hurt myself, Papa."
RE: good intentions - Charon - July 19, 2017
He'd hoped for some sort of answer that would be pleasing enough, something that'd show him that she wanted to change, but all he got was more questions. How was he supposed to know what the fuck she should do? She knew she could at least teach forward the star things that he'd taught her, that would take some pressure off his shoulders. Maybe she was particularly good at hunting or organising hunts — who knew? — or counting daisies or whatnot. And hadn't Pyx taught her some things about plants, or was that just Lyra?
Anyway — "You just have to find something you're good at, and own up to the mistakes you make instead of running away." Rather than cowering in a corner, he wanted her to at least admit when she made a fuck-up. "Didn't Pyx teach you about plant stuff before she left?" He thought of Pyx with a sad feeling, wishing that she were still here.
The comments that all she did was hurt others and herself was just more feeling sorry for herself, and Charon tried his best to ignore it. "I don't have time to come up with things you're potentially good at, Julia, so you'll have to think on that yourself, and find ways to make yourself useful and admit to your mistakes when you make them." He gave her another hard stare, hoping the message came through this time.
RE: good intentions - Korei Julia - July 19, 2017
Korei pawed at her face as if she had tears, which there were none. But she felt she was sad enough for some to be there.
What was she good at? As far as she knew, all she was good at was messing up. And talking, she did a lot of talking. Charon reminded her of Pyx, and she felt a little more upset. She considered Pyx her first best friend. "Pyx...yeah, she taught me a little." After she had hurt her leg, Pyx had taught her a bit when attempting to help her.
She couldn't hear any anger in her Papa's voice, and it was only just now that she noticed it. She had not before, as if she had just expected to hear it in his voice. "I...I'll try, Papa."
RE: good intentions - Charon - July 20, 2017
Her weakness was appalling but he didn't show how he felt about that. He was surprisingly calm and neutral now, actually, as he'd recollected his thoughts. Hopefully she'd be able to use some of what Pyx taught her to become better at herb-things. With his favourite herb nerd gone, Charon knew they could use the help. Nobody else'd stood up yet. Maybe Julia could, though truthfully Charon had little hopes she'd be that pro-active and claim that place rather than wait for someone to give it to her without earning it.
She demurely said she would try, and he nodded. "Don't try, just do things. Prove yourself, and prove to the world and everyone else that you're worth it. Otherwise you'll always be a pathetic loser." The words were out before he realised and though he hadn't meant to be that harsh, what he said was exactly what he meant. "You know what I mean," he said in low, grumbling voice afterwards, as though to negate the negative impact of his previous statement. He didn't mean poorly, but she just needed to get herself together and do what he had said.
RE: good intentions - Korei Julia - July 20, 2017
Korei Julia nodded to her Papa, she would not try. She would do. She imprinted those words into her mind, up until she heard the word 'loser'. She had not realized that Charon had not meant to let it slip, she was a bit shocked that he would call her a loser.
"I-I'm not a loser!" she stammered. And she was surprised she had even let that slip. She paused, feeling that this conversation was going nowhere good...Only negative feelings was being felt. So she started to turn and try to leave. "I'm going to go...I-I'm sorry for what happened with Galaxy...And that I am a loser" she muttered the last part, she had never felt so negative before.
RE: good intentions - Charon - July 20, 2017
Julia seemed shocked by his choice of words. He hadn't meant to, really hadn't, but when he thought about it, it was what it was. And this was what he perceived the truth. To ask if she was a screw up and then not realise that she was a loser seemed rather blind to Charon, but then, he supposed no one liked to think they were a loser... Even if it were true.
She turned away and when she did, saying she needed time, he took a step towards her, his tail raising and hackles pricking as he shouted with anger lacing his voice, "Don't turn away from your father — we are having a conversation!" He was done with her cowardice and would have no more of the running away when something happened that she didn't like. What had happened to Galaxy was unfortunate, but Charon wasn't going to lose Julia over such petty things. She was still his daughter at the end of the day, and he wasn't going to have her run away. That was exactly why he considered her such a loser; he wished she'd face problems head-on instead of always running.
RE: good intentions - Korei Julia - July 20, 2017
Korei strted to walk away, only to suddenly stop. The sudden spur of anger that drove her off was gone, replaced by fear. She slowly turned halfway, her tail falling between her legs. But, she tried to keep her brave face on. She was starting to have enough of all the yelling, the blame. She was feeling just as she had during the talk with Terance that one time.
She took a gulp, not even sure what to say at first. "Putting your d-daughter down isn't a 'conversation'...Papa" she managed to say. "You wanted me to stick up for myself." She couldn't help herself in her snapping. She took everything to heart too literally. "Y-You call me pathetic!" She could feel her eyes getting wet.
RE: good intentions - Charon - July 20, 2017
If there was a thing that Charon hated besides underperforming children it was being disrespected or being told he was wrong. He wasn't wrong, she just couldn't handle some well-meant criticism, is all. When he saw his daughter spin round with her tail tucked and fear in her eyes he hated her. Moreover, he hated himself, somewhere deep down, but as fast as that feeling bubbled up he quickly tucked it away again and snarled at Julia.
"Because you are pathetic!" he shouted back at her. "Standing up for yourself isn't telling off your father or letting your emotions get the upper hand. It's being strong and saying 'yes, I fucked up, but now I'm going to do better' and communicate and oh, I don't know, not walk away from your father and tell him he's doing shit wrong that isn't even true." He narrowed his eyes and then decided, "You can go now, I don't even need to see you right now. Have a long think on all of this. I'll find you later to teach you about those constellations." His tail twitched tensely, though his hackles had smoothed over, and he waited for her to go, watching her all the while.
RE: good intentions - Korei Julia - July 20, 2017
Korei tried to narrow her own eyes. But they kept twitching, growingg teary. For some reason, she was feeling sad. She was angry at her father, but also sad that they were even arguing. She wanted him to hug her, to comfort her. But she knew her father, he wouldn't do that. She believed that, anyway.
She tried to soeak up against him, but when he told her to go away she did as he asked, and she turned away. Storming off, wiping at her face when she was sure that her Papa could not see her anymore. Once out of sight, she fell to the ground and weeped. That was how Korei was, she never could hold back her emotions. She always let them get a hold of her. She wanted to change...She just could never find it in herself to try.
RE: good intentions - Charon - July 21, 2017
When she left Charon felt terrible. He didn't want this meeting to go the way it had, at all. He'd wanted it to just be her apologising, then manning up and deciding that she would try harder. But it hadn't gone that way. Now there was nothing he could do about it. He'd look her up later that night so they could do some stargazing, or perhaps a day later. He'd see. Why couldn't she just be more like his other daughters? He hoped none of her immature behaviour rubbed off on his younger children, but luckily Hydra, Alya and Lyra were often playing with them too. They'd fix whatever she might screw up there.
Anyway, he stood for a while, sighed a long, deep sigh of frustration, and then continued to inspect the rendezvous site until nightfall, when he'd ultimately decide whether or not to visit Julia to teach her constellation-things.